Beyond the 1st Response

In this episode of Beyond the 1st Response, Christy talks with Nancy Vallee, a retired 911 dispatcher of 21 years. Nancy speaks frankly about transitioning from first responder life to retired, new career, and finding the new you!

Retirement

Nancy started a career as a realtor before retirement, getting her license, selling homes, and preparing for the future. What she didn’t plan on was the barrage of emotional deflation. Newly married, new home, new career, all great things happening, you can’t help but think, this is going to be a fantastic new chapter in life. She prepared, being 55 at retirement, still young with a whole life ahead of her. She never expected the darkness she had seen before to come back.  Nancy was preparing to leave the job; she didn’t know the job wasn’t ready to let go of her.

Family

Nancy was a single mother, taking care of her children and then her mom. Working 60-hour work weeks, her kids were used to her not being around for school events, etc. The village of friends that helped her with the kids when she couldn’t be there was powerful. But what happens to the family when they are unprepared for your retirement? Sometimes, they become the silent partners of your demise without even knowing it. Nancy’s husband recognized first that she wasn’t herself. How do you tell someone you love that they have changed when the person you love doesn’t see it in themselves? You just have to speak up! Be there for them, and let them work to find themselves again. We can only do so much for our loved ones, but if they don’t do the job, then they can’t get out of the dark place. Thankfully, Nancy started realizing that she didn’t like how life was making her feel and that it didn’t have to do with the new chapter but had everything to do with the old branch. Family is there for you and more robust than you think. Give them a try and start having conversations. 

Beyond the 1st Response Show Links:

Baird and Warner 

Wescom  911 Communications Center

Follow Our Guest:

Nancy Vallee

LinkedIn

Facebook

Christy: Facebook LinkedIn

Ciara: Facebook LinkedIn

Follow Beyond The 1st Response for all our episodes on:

First H.E.L.P.

In this Beyond the 1st Response episode, Christy and Ciara speak with Captain Dave Betz of the Chelsea Police Department and coping with the loss of his son to suicide. 

Police Family

Dave has served as a police officer for over 36 years. 35 of them with Chelsea Police Department. Dave speaks about his years of service, and the traumas on the job. How not just him but the department handled them. Like many others with years of service, he would compartmentalize and not deal with the things that happened and what he saw on the job.

All that changed on February 22nd 2017. Dave speaks openly about the day his son, David Betz III, died by suicide after serving as a police officer for 4 years. Dave speaks about finding his son and the traumas that caused him, along with bringing so many up to the forefront of his memory. Along with the department and how eye opening it was for them when David died. As he talks about it is ok to “have a check up from the neck up” and that mental health needs to be checked everyday. Ask the hard questions.

David’s Ribbon

 Dave talks about how his loss has sparked him to make changes. That is how he crossed paths with Karen from 1st HELP (at that time Blue HELP). They were at a state legislature meeting with another family of police suicide to make the change within their state together. 

Since then his voice and reach has grown larger, and he as he stated since David couldn’t continue to be a cop so he will and bring change to the policing world. 

He first created a blue suicide awareness ribbon to recognize that cop suicides do happen and it needs to be talked about. Then with his city, they created stickers and street signs that have the 988 number along with the police badge resting in hands. So it is out there to the public, that everyone is in this together and it is ok to reach out for help.

Lastly, the mental health miranda. Which applies to everyone, not just police officers or first responders. We all need to stop and remember we all have the right to go on living.

Follow Us

Dave Betz LinkedIn Facebook

Christy: Facebook LinkedIn

Ciara: Facebook LinkedIn

Follow Beyond The 1st Response for all our episodes on:

In this Beyond the 1st Response episode, Christy and Ciara discuss Sgt Alonzo Montanya's dedication to the Dutchess County Sheriff’s Office to break the mental health stigma in his department and countrywide.

Mental Health Advocate

 Alonzo has had his struggles. His second change has given him a tool that many don't understand. Alonzo has been at rock bottom like those he helps on the street and in the department.  they have helped him help others and speak about mental health within departments. Alonzo speaks about how he saved Chris Jolicoeur from taking his own life and the repercussions of his heroic act. But really, that one heroic act started years before at Alonzo’s bottom. His life was at its lowest when he checked all those boxes. Alonzo's path is not just about saving Chris’s life but how he speaks, actively and openly, about his story to save others and have that healthy impact.

Youth and Police

Alonzo also dedicates time to Youth & Police Initiative, commenting on how it has opened his eyes to how much our youth and the police “circles” are so much alike and why they both have the highest rates of suicide. The parallel between an officer's struggle and our youths' struggle, recognizing it and learning from it to help our communities on both sides of the badge, is admirable.  How can we all be proactive like Alonzo by changing our first responders' worlds and our children? Challenge yourself by sitting and thinking deeper on this and, even more so, see how you can bring this to your community with your children.

SoPo Pottery

Continuing to raise awareness Alonzo and his wife, Donna,  started…SoPo Pottery. In the light of the darkness of shutdowns, they started making pottery supporting the police. Like how cool!! Check them out!     

Chicago Marathon

Please help Alonzo reach his goal and raise awareness for first responders' mental health! A $26.02 donation for the 26.02 miles he will be running makes a difference! 2023 Chicago Marathon

 Beyond the 1st Response Show Links:

Dutchess County Sheriff's Office 

SoPo Pottery

Wolf Den Of Heroes

The Wolf Hudson Valley’s New Country

Youth & Police Initiative

Alonzo Montanya Facebook

Christy: Facebook LinkedIn

Ciara: Facebook LinkedIn

Follow Beyond The 1st Response for all our episodes on:

First H.E.L.P.

Sara Clow: My Story Is My Voice

In this Beyond the 1st Response episode, Christy and Ciara chat with Sara Clow about how her life changed five years ago and what she’s doing now for change. She is a remarkable human who shows such resilience!

Her Story

We talked with Sara about her story and courage to speak up. She lost her law enforcement husband just over five years ago to suicide, and that has helped drive her to change how mental health is viewed and handled within our departments and community. 

Sara now works for NAMI as the CIT Program Director in Northern Nevada. She talked about how all states have the CIT (Crisis Intervention Training), but some do not have it mandated, like Nevada does. All law enforcement agencies must undergo the 40-hour training to help recognize mental illness during calls and how to de-escalate these calls so that people don’t have to be handcuffed because of mental illness. The other side of that is having the talks and telling her story to our first responders, so hopefully, they can recognize their mental health struggles and that it is okay not to be okay. 

Sara also sits on the board of the American Foundation of Suicide Prevention - Nevada chapter! She chats with us about what that entails and how her two crucial roles with each organization “work” together to help raise awareness for suicide prevention within our community. 

Sara is a fantastic friend and advocate within our community and beyond. She works hard to make the change and get things done. Ciara is fortunate to call her a friend and proudly stand next to her in breaking the stigma!

Beyond the 1st Response Show Links:

NAMI

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention

Follow Our Guest:

Sara Clow Facebook  LinkedIn

Christy: Facebook LinkedIn

Ciara: Facebook LinkedIn

Follow Beyond The 1st Response for all our episodes on:

First H.E.L.P.

In this Beyond the 1st Response episode, Christy and Ciara discuss First Responder Suicide Awareness Week and the First Responder children. Grab the meatball and start rolling. #Honorthem

The Children

We talk about First Responder Awareness often, not only to help break the stigma of mental health in the first responder world but also to teach tools that can help the survivors of suicide. Suicide is uncomfortable; anyway, you put it. Some people will talk about it, and some will react like it is a dirty little secret. What about these kids? This group of first responders, yes, I said first responders, as they serve with you and continue serving after suicide. It may sound uncomfortable when we say they serve with you on the invisible line at the home front, at school, when they walk down the street. They are either always looking over their shoulder or playing with fire, with reckless behavior. This behavior may sound familiar.  You may know a first responder who will take the risk of entering the building without their vest or not caring if they have the oxygen mask secured.  Our first responder kids are doing the same thing; we don’t recognize it as a struggle. We spend so much time not feeling or seeing what is in our four walls that we miss their cry for help. 

Excuses

We understand that it’s time to stop making excuses and start changing the conversation on mental health among our first responders. So when will we stop making excuses that the children are just teenagers acting out, or they will grow out of it? That time is now before they make a decision that will forever change their life. Have that conversation with them, letting them know it’s okay to struggle with feelings because we made feelings uncomfortable for their entire life. Learn to be uncomfortable in your feelings; they learn from the best, their parent. Kids are brilliant at feeling the energy in the room, but we are brilliant at ignoring it. Teach accountability through actions and support, not through it. It’s easier not to pretend like it isn’t happening. Suck up the emotions, feel them, taste them, hear them, and learn from them. Feelings are like meatballs: they get messy, they roll away, they want to run, or when you eat them, they stick to your ribs. Life with children can get saucy, and it rolls away from you quickly, so you can either get up and get the meatball or miss it as it rolls by.

Mental Health Resources for Kids

Start planning for your child's mental health needs before you need the resources. Learn from them and practice with them. Teach them that vulnerability is a strength. Some schools offer a program that helps you find a counselor. Care Solace works with the school systems to help take the stress of what counselor works best off your shoulders. Take your kids for an internet surf and check out mental health tools like Project Semi-Colon. Find your local NAMI organization.

 Beyond the 1st Response Show Links:

Care Solace

Project Semicolon

Nami

Christy: Facebook LinkedIn

Ciara: Facebook LinkedIn

Follow Beyond The 1st Response for all our episodes on:

In this episode of Beyond the 1st Response, Christy and Ciara talk with Leslie Maginn, daughter of J. Daniel Maginn EOW 7/9/93.

We had the hard talks with Leslie about how being a child of a police officer who died by suicide has affected her life and the trickle of effects of not dealing with the trauma. Much like how our first responders deal with trauma, Leslie did so too. We had deep talks of her dark places and how she too avoided dealing with the grief, even as a young child. 

As a young child she refused to grieve and learned many avoidance behaviors so she didn’t have to face her grief. She dove head first into things that satisfied her and when it didn’t anymore she picked up something else. Or moved. Or just plain quit. 

These behaviors followed her into adulthood where then it became things that were not just only unhealthy mentally but physically too. Until she too thought it wasn’t really worth it anymore, and who cares about the future.

The Hardwork 

Just as she had thought she was done with everything, a corner turned and she tried counseling. That partnered with facing her grief, owning it, and getting some closure; Leslie came out of her 20+ year long pain and became part of something amazing. She continues to do the hard work at getting healthy and finding herself again. 

She along with her co-founder started Foundation 1010. They are striving to help first responders and their families. The ideas Leslie shared with us are quite amazing and definitely can have such a positive impact on the families within their community! 

Keep pushing forward Leslie, we are here for you, to listen and watch you and the foundation grow!

Beyond the 1st Response Show Links:

Foundation1010 Fighting For First Responders

Foundation1010 Facebook

Foundation1010 Instagram

Follow Our Guest:

Leslie Maginn Facebook Instagram 

Christy: Facebook LinkedIn

Ciara: Facebook LinkedIn

Follow Beyond The 1st Response for all our episodes on:

First H.E.L.P.

In this episode of Beyond the 1st Response, Christy and Ciara talk about the family weekend in Dallas Texas. 

First H.E.L.P. Family

Every year family members who have lost a first responder to suicide are able to attend a weekend of honoring their loved ones. While seeing the people who have become their family. 

We talk about how this year the sessions were mixed among family members, and how awesome the sessions were. We got to learn how other family members dealt with their grief, which is not how it has been in the past: widows all together, parents all together, etc. 

This year was a first for both of our daughters and it was truly another part of our families healing journeys, and so awesome to see them be with other children who have lost a parent to suicide. 

The family weekend is sometimes the only vacation many of these families get all year, so it is undeniably special in many ways. We are so thankful for First H.E.L.P. and all the amazing sponsors who help put this even together each year. It would never be possible without them!

Already counting down the days to see our family next year! 

Beyond the 1st Response Show Links:

PyschCentral

Child Welfare Gateway 

The National Child Traumatic Stress Network

Christy: Facebook LinkedIn

Ciara: Facebook LinkedIn

Follow Beyond The 1st Response for all our episodes on:

First H.E.L.P.

In this episode of Beyond the 1st Response, Christy and Ciara talk with Firefighter Pat Shea about his rock bottom and how he has dedicated himself to getting healthy, and how to help others.

Pat, a former Firefighter for Little Rock Arkansas fire department, was injured on the job; from there his life tumbled out of control, to the point of no longer being a fireman and losing everything to addiction. Pat met the demons of addiction, and fought his way back to sobriety, and is now a Firefighter with the Las Vegas Fire Department. While actively speaking about his addiction and struggle in hopes to help others. Not just with his fellow firefighters but on active calls in his community, in his hometown, and proudly on the podcast.    

Like many others Pat has seen how crucial it is to be speaking out so our first responders see that it is ok to not be ok. It is ok to ask for help. His life changed the day that one person picked up the phone and he asked for help. It is hard work, but he won’t ever give up; and wants people to know that regardless of being a cop, a firefighter, an EMT, or a dispatcher that you should be supported when asking for help. No matter what your struggle is, there should always be support and someone to help and listen.  

Beyond the 1st Response Show Links:

IAFF Center of Excellence - It’s Okay to Ask For Help 

1-844-525-3473 Firefighter Suicide Hotline

Follow Our Guest:

Pat Shea Facebook Instagram

Christy: Facebook LinkedIn

Ciara: Facebook LinkedIn

Follow Beyond The 1st Response for all our episodes on:

First H.E.L.P.

In this episode of Beyond the 1st Response, Christy and Ciara talk about how actively listening doesn’t just mean listen to others, but also to yourself. 

Christy and Ciara chatted this week about active listening, and how actively listening can help not just you but your relationships. How it is healthy to listen to yourself, what you need and what you chose to do for yourself.

Having active conversations is so important for the mental health aspect in all areas of life, including your own self. It is ok to listen to yourself and say “I need to decompress”. Listening to yourself and what you need, will help you actively listen to the people around you, whether it be in the office, at the dinner table or with friends.

Christy talked about her annoyance with hearing people eat, and how it is linked to the fight or flight. We now learned that it has a scientific term as Misophonia. Christy now has a broader perspective on how she can sit down at the dinner table with her family and have an active listening conversation. Ciara will be having a deeper conversation with herself about getting into a better routine and going to bed earlier.

What can you do to listen to yourself better? And how can that active listening to yourself improve your overall life?

Beyond the 1st Response Show Links:

Misophonia

Actively Listening to yourself

Christy: Facebook LinkedIn

Ciara: Facebook LinkedIn

Follow Beyond The 1st Response for all our episodes on:

In this Beyond the 1st Response episode, Christy and Ciara chat about recognizing the good, in literally just about everything!

You can see the good!

It is so incredibly healthy and healing in recognizing the good, even in the bad situations. But also recognizing that you can’t look past the bad because of the good.

As Christy finds the good in her ghosts…what can you find the good in? It may have been a “bad day with a bad call”. But if you are learning with your tools in your toolbelt…you’ll find that the good in your life will help you overcome those traumatic events. Finding the good in traumatic events helps your mind and body start the process of recognizing and healing.

The series “Nightwatch” is based in New Orleans, Louisiana, and how they have a party after a funeral, it is known as “the second line”. They find the good in their loss and celebrate their life with a “Jazz Funeral”, they party and dance. You can find a few clips of their Jazz Funerals here and here. 

For all you who are curious about a turkey vulture spiritual meaning…so while Christy sees the good, I’m going to keep a healthy safe distance. 

Christy: Facebook LinkedIn

Ciara: Facebook LinkedIn

Follow Beyond The 1st Response for all our episodes on:

Facebook

LinkedIN