Beyond the 1st Response

In this episode of Beyond the 1st Response, Christy and Ciara talk with a Retired Fire Investigator and Stronger Families Director, Tim Sears.

PTSI

Tim talked about his struggles with PTSI and how he now helps families and first responders build healthy relationships through Stronger Families. 

Sears Speaks about how their “wheelhouse” is relationships and helping strengthen those relationships, which goes hand in hand within the communities while creating a space for spouses to connect with other spouses. 

Stronger Families

Stronger Families helps guide first responders and their families on how “to end the shift well” and some great tips to help them and their families at home.

Take a cold shower; it is healthy for you. Mentally and physically.

C.A.N.I. 

Remember Constant and Never Ending Improvement…we are all constantly evolving, growing, and improving. C.A.N.I., also known as Kaizen, a combination of Japanese traditions, can help us throughout living in a first responder home to process what life throughs at us. C.A.N.I.

Beyond the 1st Response Show Links:

Stronger Families

 C.A.N.I./Kaizen

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*** There is conversation that may be to Triggering ***

In this episode of Beyond the 1st Response, Christy and Ciara talk with a family member about the fight to save her family, while trying to get help for her former spouse.

Jody

 We are using the name Jody, to protect the family as they are still going through this situation. The strength it takes to speak up and fight to be heard is admirable.

Family

Jody has been trying to get her husband helped for years after PTSD had gotten so bad, that he is now living on the lamb. The unfortunate situation has caused not only the family to break apart, but for her to live looking over her shoulder, wondering where he is. 

PTSD

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, can happen to anyone and anytime. However, as compounded trauma continues to pile up, there comes a breaking point. Often when left untreated, causes a person to change and hallucinate, and lose all sight of reality. For a first responder, this becomes job ended when the departments turn a blind eye. 

Treatment

Treatment can help heal PTSD. There are many facilities and Doctors that will help first responders heal. Ask your EAP, or your doctor, or talk with your peer support. 

Beyond the 1st Response Show Links:

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

988

Copline

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In this episode of Beyond the 1st Response, Christy and Ciara talk with retired Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Captain Harry Fagel

They spoke with Harry about his trauma’s and how he has handled them through the years. How he has written poetry as his release and to help him through his hard times. That it is his healthy outlet and how important it is to him, even years later still writing and performing his poetry. They spoke on the poem he wrote and performed after the October 1 mass shooting at the Route 91 Festival in Las Vegas. 

How Harry is too, speaking out for the mental health of officers, and how he has had to bury too many friends to suicide. Harry speaks in depth about how therapy and acknowledging “it’s ok to not be ok” has helped him, that it is hard work but well worth all that you put in to do the work. Thank you Harry for sharing your journey and helping to fight the mental health fight within our departments!

Every night out in the Vegas bake

Cop for 25 years out here

Sucking it up

Blowing it out

Keeping it cool

Risking it all

Front seat witness to death in all its inglorious;

Suicide, homicide, abuse, neglect

• Piece from Harry’s poem “Attention Reinvention”

Beyond the 1st Response Show Links:

The Route- October 1 Tribute by Captain Harry Fagel

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In this episode of Beyond the 1st Response, Christy and Ciara talk about the effects of miscommunication and your mental wellness.

They broke down the basis of miscommunication and how it can not just affect your mental health but your life overall. How much your anxiety, depression, PST (D) (I), can be affected by miscommunication, and cause even more anxiety and turmoil. It is an emotional spiral that can be avoided. Have active listening and open conversations. 

Miscommunication can come in all forms, not just verbal. How one may act during a conversation can be conceived as miscommunication. It takes work to learn how to have a healthy conversation, and it is even ok to start those healthy conversations with a text or a note, it is a healthy step in the direction to improve the home and relationships. 

We all need to be better with communication because “81% of children aged five to thirteen formally diagnosed with emotional and behavior disorders demonstrated below-average language performance” we have taught our children to not communicate. This should be everyone’s challenge for the week!

“To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.” Tony Robbins

Beyond the 1st Response Show Links:

https://www.growingself.com/how-to-avoid-miscommunication-in-relationships/#:~:text=Miscommunication%20in%20relationships%20is%20more,miscommunication%20is%20bound%20to%20happen.

https://i2linc.com/2022/07/27/poor-communication-skills-mental-health/#:~:text=In%20fact%2C%20mental%20health%20issues,in%20people%20with%20anxiety%20disorders.

https://rarroo.medium.com/four-reasons-poor-communication-makes-anxious-people-more-anxious-7da1ba6bce4d

https://medium.com/@coachpadraig/14-strategies-to-avoid-miscommunication-with-your-team-354d1c761d26

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This week Christy and Ciara talk about compassion fatigue in a first responder home. We will take a look at the reasons and ways to overcome burnout.

Compassion Fatigue/ Caregiver Burn-out

At home point in our lifetime, everyone will struggle with Compassion Fatigue/Caregiver Burnout. What causes Caregiver Fatigue? Well, honestly, life is how we take care of ourselves and our families in the process of life. According to the article from BetterUp, lack of control, lack of perceived choice, intensity of hours, perfectionism, financial stress, and low self-confidence are the main reasons. 

Christy and Ciara also talked about “closing the tabs” and how that can help not just mentally and physically but improve the household dynamic and overall happiness of everyone. They challenged everyone to move all the apps from their Home Screen on phones and tablets, like the book Make Time: How to Focus on What Matters Every Day, to the next page. These little steps can stop you from mindlessly scrolling through social media and help you better connect to yourself and the people around you. 

Here is an excellent article about Compassion Fatigue and ways to help combat it. I love how the first tip is “Ask for help,” what we preach every day! Ask for help because it is ok not to be ok!

Show Links:

BetterUp

Help Guide

Make Time

Compassion Fatigue

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This week Christy talks with Joette Doyle, a family member of a first responder that served for 36 years in the Fire Department. While serving, he lost his sister, mother, and brother to illness and his daughter to suicide. 

Silence Speaks

Joette had known her boyfriend for over 20 years. Although being together for 13 years, she has watched the change in communication and inability to process and ask for help for himself. How do you get through to someone who doesn’t talk about anything? The Guilt of feeling like you are not being able to help those you love while your job is to go and help the community can weigh you down.

Taking the Cape Off

Joette had the opportunity to read a book by Patrick Kenny, a former fireman, called Taking the Cape Off. In the book, Patrick has an open dialogue about what struggles he went through with his family while on the job. Doyle comments everyone looks at first responders as if they are superheroes; even superheroes need to cape off at the end of the day. We are all only human, and your family remains the constant in your life. Don’t they deserve to understand how to help you? 

Family Tools

Family, like the first responder, cannot read minds; they can, however, feel the silence and distance that occurs over time. Having the tools/words to help the first responder to open up and for both sides of the family connection to know that what is occurring is not because of the family and silence is what was taught as not to appear weak or struggling. This, however, is a learned behavior that can change. 

• Have a friend or person you can talk to; to help you process
• Be prepared to say, hey, I had a bad day, and then reconvene the conversation or sit together in silence as you process.
• Your family understands more than you want to believe. 
• Have a hobby 

Show Links:

Taking off the Cape

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This week Christy and Ciara talked about the mental wellness of the family, including children and
friends of 1st  Responders. Ending Mental Health Awareness month they touched on all the stressors of
every day life, and how even children can be affected by this.
How everyone can suffer differently through depression, anxiety, grief, trauma, and various other
mental health hurdles we can all go through. Learning how to go through life with healthy coping skills
and how to help your children.

According to studies “1 in 5 adults live with a mental illness, and over 1 in 5 youth (ages 13-18) either
currently or at some point have had a seriously debilitating mental illness.”
The book Ciara talked about “Supercharging the Female Brain” by Daniel G Amen. We found a lot of
men’s mental health books, but nothing specific like the female one. I will do some more research and
give recommendations next week.
Some tips for First Responders to take care of yourself , actually anyone can use these tips when they
feel they are in challenging situations.
As parents we all think we can fix all help all, but sometimes it’s ok to step back and say we need help,
here is what we chatted about a bit.

988 is ALWAYS available for anyone to talk and get help.
COPLINE 1-800-COPLINE
IAFF Hotline 855-900-8437

In this Beyond the 1st Response episode, Christy and Ciara the meaning of Memorial Day.

Never Forget

We should never forget why we celebrate this holiday, thank you to all our brave men and

women who have given the ultimate sacrifice for our country!

Decoration Day

Christy and Ciara chatted about how Memorial Day was originally celebrated and held by the

slaves after the civil war, it was then called “Decoration Day”. A particular quote about the

article I truly love “This was a story that had really been suppressed both in the local memory

and certainly the national memory,” says Blight. “But nobody who had witnessed it could ever

have forgotten it.” That is a quote that is s true on many levels when it comes to the remembrance

of our soldiers that have given their all, then and now. To read about this history, click here! Even

more history here!

Memorial Day Quotes

Our nation owes a debt to its fallen heroes that we can never fully repay. - Barak

Obama

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to

utter words but to live by them. - John F Kennedy

No duty is more urgent than that of returning thanks. - James Allen

It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died. Rather, we should thank God that

such men lived. - George S Patton

Beyond the 1st Response Show Links:

1st HELP The Number

The Forgotten Black History

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In this Beyond the 1st Response episode, Christy and Ciara discuss communication after suicide and the elephant it causes in relationships.

Welcome aboard

Ciara Madrid, one of our many volunteers, has now taken the role of co-host on Beyond the 1st Response. I am excited to have her knowledge, and determination, to break the stigma of mental wellness in first responders and their families.

The Misunderstanding of tip-toeing around Suicide

It will also feel uncomfortable to talk about someone dying by suicide because truth be known, we don’t have the words to after someone losses a loved one by suicide. Statistics are 1 in 4 young people considered suicide. That means, that our first responder children that have a parent die by suicide, are in fact 3 times more likely to take their lives.

Communication

Starting a relationship is tough, to begin with, add losing a partner to suicide. Communication tends to be difficult. The trauma that someone deals with is like no other. Learning a new set of communication skills can remove the elephant in the room.
 
 “It is much easier to talk about suicide than it is to bury someone you love to suicide.” Ciara Madrid

Beyond the 1st Response Show Links:

John Hopkins Medicine

People Magazine

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In this Beyond the 1st Response episode, Christy and Ciara talk with Doug Lowe founder of EMMP about his new venture to fuel Firefighters while they fight forest fires in the Pacific Northeast.

For The Love of Cooking

Doug has taken his passion for restaurants and cooking to an all-new level; fueling those that are fighting wildfires. For the past 20-plus years, he has done everything from busboy, to chef and back again. The desire to keep the conversations going that we often have while at the dinner table or in the kitchen, Doug’s passion is to bring it to those that can’t get home to their own tables. 

EMMP

EMMP was born in 2020, when Doug watched through his life those firefighters and the victims of the fires, struggle in the moments of disaster. Giving back to them was in his heart, and fueling them with food was the one way he knew how. Spending countless dollars of his own to buy the equipment needed, followed up with making sure the health department would provide him the property permits, so it is done right; it is finally here. 

Wildland Firefighting Season

The season of wildland firefighting is among us, and it is just a matter of the temperature heating up and the ground drying out, and they will be back at it. Wildfire suppression becomes more dangerous every year as mother nature continues to fight back against climate change. The fire season is lasting longer, and first responders are in the throat of it for a longer rate of time. Not only draining themselves physically but mentally as well. Bringing a hot meal, and fresh coffee is just the start of what EMMP has planned. They may not be able to make it home, but they will have a table and meal for one of the days they are there. One Kind Act will nourish the souls that put their lives on the line each and every day. 

Beyond the 1st Response Show Links:

EMMP

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