Beyond the basement

We've all got behaviours, habits, characteristics about ourselves we'd like to change. How do you react when they show up? With regret, shame, anger? What if that's like abandoning yourself...

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Ever avoid or distract yourself from complicated, seemingly huge jobs because there's too many unknowns? Here's what could be going on.

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This morning I woke up with a start. To a memory of one of the scariest scenes I've ever played. And it wasn't even improv. Here are some reflections from the front line of terror.

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Do you wave longingly as guests depart, or shut the door and get on with life? Do you race from one thing without finishing the other?After a long weekend's improv retreat, I chew over our tricky emotional relationship with transitions, thresholds and change. All while feeling a little tender myself.

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In all of us, there's a part forever scanning for evidence to confirm all our worst fears. And when it finds evidence, a story begins to play. What's yours? Here's mine and how I'm trying a different, kinder response...

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A late night improv experience of being in a slug cult reminds me - that the big themes we wrestle with as humans; like confidence, creativity, resilience, honesty isn't stuff we can learn or be taught. Fundamental stuff like this is often innate, so perhaps it just needs to be remembered, unconditioned back to the surface, or whatever block it unlearned.

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Why revealing a little of what's really going on for you might be a smart move in tricky situations. Fresh from day one of the Maria Peters Improv retreat.

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It's quite natural for folk like us to drift through life accumulating responsibility, commitments and obligations. They fall into what I'm calling your sphere of influence (bit of nostalgia for GCSE Geography fans). Once they lad, each one of these 'things to do' becomes one more burden, for us doers, prone to feeling overburdened.

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Usually you're so up and on it, productive, because you love getting things done. But for some reason, today you just can't get going. You're forcing yourself to get through the day. Here's what might be going on.

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Here’s a guided technique to get to the core of what’s really bothering you, and then soothe yourself. Practiced frequently, it gets you clear on who you are and what you need.

It’s a technique for personifying or imagining your emotions as parts within you - inner characters, influences, voices of authority that we accumulate throughout our life. Through this process we become aware of them, so they no longer secretly run the show behind the scenes. The idea is we become more mindful of who they are, what they want, and who YOU are in relationship with them.

The process I walk you through is:

1. Find somewhere quiet where you won’t be disturbed


2. Bring to mind the issue, question, challenge or topic that’s bothering you


3. Close your eyes and breathe


4. Notice what’s going on in your body


5. Give those feelings and sensations qualities, characteristics, persona


6. Name it, age it, endow it with identity (becomes clearer with practice)


7. Ask it questions, back and forth in a comparative dialogue


8. Let it know you’re in this together, say good bye and end

Questions you might ask are:

• How do you feel towards this part? What is your relationship to it? How might you befriend it?


• What does this part feel? Where is it directing its feelings?


• What does it want to say or do?


• What does it want for you? What does it need you to know?


• How can you let it know you’re here, with it?


• How can you make sure it’s seen, heard, and welcome?


• What job could it do?

If this is your first time, take it slow, wait and be gentle with yourself. Chances are these parts haven’t been spoken to in a LONG time. It’s a process of to-ing and fro-ing between thinking and feeling and noticing what happens in your body as you go through the steps. Parts become clearer over time - you begin to recognise which parts get triggered by which kinds of situation.

It’s a simplified version of internal family systems, a novel and effective branch of modern psychology. Here’s a detailed primer:

https://lucasforstmeyer.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Introduction-to-the-Steps-Questions-of-IFS-Therapy-by-Lucas-Forstmeyer.pdf

Or another, as a video: https://youtu.be/Ym8o762U7uc

If you’re on Instagram, there’s a lady here doing lots of interesting work with IFS: https://instagram.com/the_ordinary_sacred?igshid=ZWQyN2ExYTkwZQ==

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