Beyond the Beaded Curtain

1983's Aerobisex Girls may be in the XRCO Hall of Fame, but we're not sure why. Oh well! Tina Blair is good as Eleyna, the pushy aerobics instructor. And Eleyna's girlfriend, Tina, played by Bridgette Royalle, looks great on roller skates. And, as there are no fellas in this movie, we are pleased to report zero taint shots and zero shots of men donald-ducking. (Donald-ducking is when dudes are nude only from the waist-down. It's a major issue, and this show has been calling it out from day one!) 

But overall? Not much here, folks!

Cast and crew:

http://www.iafd.com/title.rme/title=aerobisex+girls+1/year=1983/aerobisex-girls-1.htm

The movie:

https://xhamster.com/videos/aerobisex-girls-1983-lesbian-movie-part-1-823530

In the distant future, some cheap-looking robots are doing their best to teach the last human being about earth by showing her porn movies. It's pretty good! Or maybe it's bad and each one of these movies we watch brings down our standards just a little bit? 

Cast and crew:

http://www.iafd.com/title.rme/title=star+virgin/year=1979/star-virgin.htm

Full movie:

https://xhamster.com/videos/star-virgin-1979-restored-7583362

If you enjoyed other 70s brain-melters like Her Name Was Lisa or The Devil in Miss Jones you may just like 3 A.M.! It's a slow burn, with a dark and moody atmosphere that conveys more dread than horniness. Nice turns from Georgina Spelvin, Judith Hamilton, and Sharon Thorpe. Lots of sweaters and stereos. And incest. Truly an abundance of incest. Sorry!

Also: when we lost our sound guy, we kinda had to start over. So sorry for that, too! We're working on it. Give us another year or so and we'll be great at this.

Hey folks does anyone subscribe to this show anymore? And if anyone does, will I even be able to find out? 

Anyway, this is a solo episode featuring--and I cannot stress this enough--your least-favorite third of our menage a trois. Sorry! He's the only one available! Our show is like one of those weird legacy rock acts that tour county fairs and the only original member is just the drummer. 

Anyway--Christmas movie! Living Doll. There is a Christmas tree and magic happens and it's set at a toy shop. They never mention Christmas--maybe that's like advertisers who refer to "the big game" because they'd have to pay extra money to say "The Super Bowl"? Damn now we have to pay a bunch of money because I said Super Bowl. 

Full Movie:

https://tubepornclassic.com/videos/150243/romance-near-the-christmas-tree/?utm_source=search

Cast and Crew:

http://www.iafd.com/title.rme/title=living+doll/year=1987/living-doll.htm

Yes, yes, we know it’s been forever. We’re sorry. We were doing an experiment to see if we could get someone to @ us on twitter with expressions of concern. Also we know the episodes are out of order. You’ll get Episode 22 some other time. And you would’ve gotten 23 earlier but Randy is bad at editing. He hasn’t even give this episode a final safety listen so, uh, fingers crossed! Also, Randy is going to admit here that Monday’s theory about the melon rind is probably correct, even though it’s completely wild and really should have been a pickle. This will make sense once you’ve heard the episode.

As for the movie? Babylon Pink? Should’ve called it Babylon Stink. Randy is writing these notes quickly before he rides goes to work. Does anyone read these? No? Maybe Monday? Sorry Monday. (Monday thought this movie was good. Randy still disagrees with this Monday theory.)

Cast and crew:

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0078821/

Full movie:

https://xhamster.com/videos/babylon-pink-1979-restored-7798340?pb=

Dixie Ray Hollywood Star is close to enough to a “regular” detective movie that it was recut and released in an R-rated version. Kinda neat! If you trimmed down most of our movies to secure an R-rating, you’d barely have enough left for a short, let alone a full film!

And, like plenty of other examples of detective noir, Dixie Ray only kind of makes sense. This movie is hoping you’re too distracted by all the sex to try to make much sense of the plot. That trick doesn’t work on us, though! More than twenty episodes in, so we barely even notice the sex anymore. It scarcely even registers for us. And that’s really what you want in a critical examination of adult cinema: critics who barely talk about the sex but will spend half an hour talking about a detective’s anachronistic water cooler when we run out of story. You’re welcome!

Cast and crew:

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0085446/

Full movie:

https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph5870ed372d22c

Hurray! We did it! Twenty episodes, and only a little bit, slightly late on our standard, semi-weekly schedule that we’ve been doing since the very beginning and don’t ask any follow-up questions, thank you.

Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet is a movie about visitors from a planet populated exclusively  by women, and somehow it still can’t pass the Bechdel test. It’s not good! It’s a little bit Men In Black, a little bit Starship Eros, and a lot uninspired. Spoiler alert: this is not one we recommend rushing out to see. But then, we enjoy watching the occasional bad softcore porn movie to break up the monotony of bad hardcore porn movies. For variety!

Cast and crew:

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0867259/

Full movie:

https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph59b716e194fca

Jerry Martin (Jamie Gillis) has a pretty rough life. Yes, pretty ladies hurl themselves at him, and yes, his main gig as an actor seems to be accompanying actresses to parties. But on the other hand, he doesn’t have that much money. Sad! So his agent, JC, makes him an offer: $100,000 if Jerry can film JC’s sister and JC’s four nieces having sex. JC expects to split his dying brother’s inheritance with his sister and nieces, but his brother is an arch-conservative. JC believes that Jerry’s film will get the rest of his family cut out of the will.

Ecstasy Girls is our second movie in a row with a completely meaningless title. We do get to see a cool bondage cage, so that’s fun. And Monday and Randy watched slightly different versions of the movie. Conflict! Intrigue! Plus, hear all about our dildo contest. We have already forgotten what we said about it, so give this ep a listen and remind us, please!

Cast and crew:

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0125727/

Full movie:

https://tubepornclassic.com/videos/146932/the-ecstasy-girls/?utm_source=search

We sure you get a Big Thrill out of hearing Monday and Randy talk about this week’s movie! That’s right--just two of your favorite porn scholars are here this for this episode, but don’t worry! We’ve got you covered. We’re talking about eighties hair, eighties clothes, eighties mustaches, and we even have time for Monday to pitch a porn parody of Sharknado. Please follow @dirtyvhs for updates on our kickstarter for Sharkporndo. (Title still in progress.)

Big Thrill is the story of what happens at a hair salon when one of the staff--Peter North’s Manuel is a clear nod to Fawlty Towers--accidentally swaps the sugar in everyone’s coffee for some type of horniness powder. Turns out that the horniness powder makes everyone super horny! And then what happens, do you think? Bet you can’t guess!

We hope you like us as a duo, because it’s like a whole different show, kinda! And hey if you do like us, tell us on twitter or itunes or something, yeah?

Cast and crew:

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0132837/

Full movie:

https://xhamster.com/videos/the-big-thrill-1989-requested-7375270

Here it is, folks! A movie so powerful that it may have ended our program! This is not an exaggeration. Trying to make sense of this moody French philosophical treatise on the erotic seems to have broken our spirits. Please let us know if you think we were done in by the cumulative effects of our work, or if something about Spermula simply drove us over the edge. We’re not sure ourselves!

Our future is unclear. At present, Randy, Monday, and Doc are meditating in their indoor fern-gardens and undergoing an intensive regime of immodesty training as they contemplate their next move. Spermula is the rare BtBC movie that you cannot find on a respectable website like Pornhub; you have to watch it on (ugh) youtube. We’re sorry. For all of it, really. For everything. Tell your ferns you love them.

Cast and crew:

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0075251/

Full movie:

Original with English subtitles, divided into 10 clips:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P0FF7sfJFqU

Highly modified English dub:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iC0Ypy-OYwg