Break Free from Stagnancy: Activate Purpose and Overcome Fear

Coping with Functional Freeze as an Alienated Parent

In episode 89 of Beyond the High Road Podcast, Shelby Milford addresses the emotional turmoil faced by parents experiencing alienation from their children. Shelby discusses common feelings of exhaustion, rejection, and the desire to 'cut ties,' urging listeners to reframe these emotions and view their situation with a more objective and compassionate lens. She stresses the importance of recognizing that any rejection is a result of the pathology and not a direct personal attack. Shelby shares insights from family systems therapy, advocating for healing and recovery involving all family members. She encourages parents to build a strong sense of self, manage their thoughts, and avoid demonizing the alienating parent. Throughout the episode, Shelby provides practical advice for navigating holidays and special occasions while maintaining emotional resilience. Lastly, she champions the idea that challenges such as these are opportunities for personal growth and strength development.

00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview

00:16 Dealing with Exhaustion and Emotional Strain

01:35 Simplifying the Situation and Re-centering

02:28 Managing Expectations Around Holidays

04:44 Understanding the Root Causes of Alienation

07:00 The Role of Parental Responsibility

09:48 The Power of Self-Regulation

18:28 Reevaluating the Term 'Parental Alienation'

31:19 The Path Forward: Holistic Healing & Family Systems Therapy 

36:20 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

In episode 87 of Beyond the High Road Podcast, host Shelby Milford discusses overcoming mental barriers and focusing on solutions rather than problems, inspired by a recent challenge she faced while shopping for her daughter's birthday card. Shelby emphasizes the importance of personal perspective in addressing adversity, particularly in the context of parental alienation. Through quotes from Dan Sullivan, she explores the concept that problems are often self-created in our minds and advocates for taking control of one's own mindset to better serve ourselves and our children.

00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview

00:55 Finding Inspiration and Overcoming Brain Fog

02:31 The Struggle of Choosing the Perfect Card

03:59 Realizations and Reflections in the Car

05:40 Dan Sullivan's Quotes and Their Relevance

06:44 The Concept of Self-Created Problems

08:47 Focusing on Solutions Instead of Problems

19:24 The Importance of Boundaries

23:20 Redefining Your Relationship with Your Child

27:54 Final Thoughts and Encouragement

This is a recording from the Facebook Live on Friday when we had a little story time! I thought y'all would benefit from it too. In the episode, I share a memory from a dark period of time for me (Mother's Day 2017), and then tie it together with this week's theme.

I hope you love it. ♥️

In episode 84 of the Beyond the High Road podcast, host Shelby Milford discusses the challenges and emotions surrounding family-oriented holidays like Mother's Day and Father's Day, especially for target parents of alienation. Shelby shares personal anecdotes about the significance of these holidays and the memories associated with them, reflecting on how such times can be particularly difficult. She emphasizes the importance of acknowledging and validating these difficult emotions but encourages listeners to also focus on self-healing and empowerment. Shelby advises on auditing one's life for negative influences, whether it be people or social media, and suggests making intentional choices about whom and what we allow to influence our mindset and actions. She highlights the distinction between fighting against something versus fighting for something, advocating for a proactive and positive approach in life, including the path toward reconnection with our children. Shelby's message underlines the significance of self-care, adjusting one's mindset, and the power of influence in overcoming the challenges of parental alienation and enhancing one's overall well-being.

01:00 Welcome to Beyond the High Road: Navigating Emotional Seasons

01:22 Reflecting on Mother's Day and Seasonal Memories

03:52 Embracing the Emotional Journey of Motherhood

04:45 Navigating Parental Alienation: Insights and Support

05:58 The Power of Influence: Shaping Your Beliefs and Actions

06:32 Redefining Challenges: Fighting For vs. Fighting Against

08:44 The Impact of Social Media and External Influences

19:52 Auditing Your Life: Identifying and Managing Influences

26:52 The Impact of Social Media on Perception and Action

27:49 Embracing the Role Beyond Alienation

28:26 The Power of Self-Advocacy and Community Support

30:23 Choosing to Fight for Reconnection

31:56 The Long Game: Patience, Persistence, and Unconditional Love

33:22 Self-Care and Inner Work: The Foundation of Empowerment

34:53 Redefining Success: From Immediate Wins to Long-Term Goals

39:31 Influence and Environment: Curating Your Circle for Growth

42:01 Mother's Day Reflections: Beyond Traditional Expectations

44:08 Closing Thoughts and Encouragement

The dreaded deed of forgiveness: the original ”F” word, to an alienated parent.  

In this episode, Shelby shares insights on the pivotal role of forgiveness in healing from  the pain parental alienation.  She discusses the efficacy of family systems therapy over reunification therapy, drawing from advice received from a former attorney. The episode delves into the complexities of forgiveness, including Shelby's personal journey and struggles with forgiving those involved in alienating her from her child. She emphasizes that forgiveness is not about condoning others' actions but about freeing oneself from anger and resentment. Shelby talks about the importance of recognizing the humanity in those who have hurt us and understanding their actions to move towards forgiveness. She also touches upon the concept of resentment being closely linked to envy, rather than anger. The episode guides listeners on a path to healing, advocating for acknowledging and releasing resentment to reclaim one's life and break the cycle of intergenerational trauma.

The two articles referenced:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/5-types-of-people-who-can-ruin-your-life/202305/resistrefuse-dynamics-in-divorce-how-can-they

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/5-types-of-people-who-can-ruin-your-life/202308/treating-child-anxiety-in-cases-of-parental

Mending Fences Book

https://www.amazon.com/Mending-Fences-Collaborative-Cognitive-Behavioral-Reunification/dp/1950057186

00:00 Welcome to Beyond the High Road Podcast

00:14 A Message from a Trusted Attorney

01:47 Insights on Family Systems Therapy

03:25 The Power of Forgiveness in Healing

10:11 Understanding Resentment and Its Roots

13:20 The Journey Towards Forgiveness

23:50 Embracing Forgiveness for Freedom

35:59 Final Thoughts on Forgiveness and Moving Forward