Beyond Your Default

"We should do an episode about rest, but it would be three minutes long. It would be more of a cry for help, actually. 'Please help us. We don't know how to do it.'" — Liz Moorehead (That's me!)

This week is a different kind of episode. George was hospitalized for almost a week last week unexpectedly due to an inflammation issue with his heart. He's home, healthy, happy, and on the road to recovery with a renewed outlook how he wants to approach life.

But we knew that, this week, we needed to throw out our planned outline for a candid conversation about what he went through, and how many of the topics we've been discussing on Beyond Your Default fortuitously came barreling to the forefront of his experience while he was in the hospital.

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Our conversation, of course, immediately drilled into the topic of rest and how important it is. George went on to share the lessons he learned around self-care — a topic he was previously resistant to — and relinquishing control.

He also discussed the importance of creating space in his life for the things he enjoys and taking control of his own healthcare. George also explored the previously held beliefs he had that were challenged during his hospital stay, such as feeling like he had no space and relying too heavily on medication.

⚡ Go Deeper: How to embrace an owner's mentality in your own life

But he focused on more than just his health and personal aspects of this journey. We also talked about the impact his hospitalization had on his role as a business owner of Sidekick Strategies, and the trust he had in his team to handle things in his absence. 

We also discussed the lessons he hopes our listeners can learn proactively from his experience without having to go through it themselves. While these types of life events can be crystallizing in terms of helping us pivot our mindsets and beliefs in healthy ways, think about how much more you could achieve if you didn't wait for life to stop you in your tracks to see how you need to alter your path.

Topics We Cover

rest, self-care, hospitalization, relinquishing control, trust, business, self-care, health, hospital, inflammation, space, medication, active participant, non-negotiables, reflection

Takeaways + Highlights

• Taking time for rest and self-care is essential for avoiding burnout
• It's important to listen to your body and seek medical help when needed
• Relinquishing control and trusting your team can lead to a sense of peace and allow for personal and professional growth Create space in your life for the things you enjoy and prioritize your own well-being.
• Be an active participant in your own healthcare and make self-care and healthcare non-negotiables.
• Reflect on previously held beliefs and be open to challenging and changing them.
• Ask yourself important questions about your health and well-being before a crisis occurs.

“Time flies over us, but leaves its shadow behind.”
― Nathaniel Hawthorne

This week, we’re talking about one of the most precious resources we have at our disposal (if not the most precious resource) in our Beyond Your Default journeys, and that is time.

If we were forced to define our relationship with time on Facebook, it would 100% be “it’s complicated.” Too often, we feel at a deficit with time, desperately wanting more of it, and never seeming to have enough of it. In fact, six in 10 Americans say they already don’t have enough time in a day to get everything done.

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On the other extreme, then there are those seasons of waiting for what we want to happen most, and then all we seem to have is time. Excruciating stretches of time where we wait for life to begin. Time also comes under greater scrutiny when you start looking at your life purposefully and saying, “I need to make changes to grow the way I need to.”

Think about the previous topics we’ve discussed where this couldn’t be more apparent:

• Rethinking the time we have at our disposal for a powerful and purposeful morning routine that will help us start our days in the best way possible.
• Why seasons of waiting can kill you, where you curse how much time you have at your disposal if you don’t learn how to re-prioritize the small things in life.
• Being present in this moment in time.
• Or heck, going back to the very beginning of this podcast, understanding the power of timing and how it can impact your life.

⚡ Go Deeper: How to embrace an owner's mentality in your own life

All of these conversations force us to put time back under a microscope. And yes, the conversation around time is a complex one. So in this first episode about time, we’re going to lay the foundation for completely rethinking how we define, think about, and talk about it. Because when you make changes internally around those three areas, you’ll be surprised by what becomes possible.

As William Penn once said, “Time is what we want most, but what we use worst.”

I think it’s time we change that.

In this conversation, George and I discuss the complexities of our respective relationships with time, the feeling of not having enough time, and the excruciating stretches of waiting. We emphasize the need to redefine how we think about and use time, and the impact it has on our past, present, and future. 

⚡ Go Deeper: Victim vs. Victor Mentality: Knowing + Living the Difference

George and I also talk about the importance of mindfulness and energy management in maximizing our time, as well as the idea of living our lives as a story that we write along the way. We also examine the different ways we can define and think about time, and how our relationship with time can shape our well-being.

We end our conversation by delving into the power of language and how the words we use to talk about time can influence our perception and behavior. Finally, George provides practical ways to rethink our relationship with time and make positive changes in our lives.

Topics We Cover

time, relationship with time, gratitude journal, Fast and Furious, waiting, mindfulness, energy management, time, narrative, control, mindset, language, perception, well-being, priorities, reflection, goals, time wasters

Takeaways + Highlights

• Time is a precious resource that impacts all aspects of our lives.
• Our relationship with time can be complicated, with feelings of not having enough time and long stretches of waiting.
• Redefining how we think about and use time can lead to a more fulfilling life.
• Mindfulness and energy management are key to making the most of our time.
• Being aware of the seasons of life and architecting our own story can give purpose to our time. We are the authors of our own lives and have the power to shape our narrative.
• The way we define and think about time can impact our relationship with it.
• The language we use to talk about time can shape our perception and behavior.
• Prioritizing and focusing on essential tasks can help us make the most of our time.
• Reflecting on how we use our time and setting clear goals can lead to personal and professional growth.
• Identifying and minimizing time wasters can free up time for more meaningful activities.

“There is a difference between vulnerability and telling people everything about yourself. Vulnerability is a feeling. Telling everyone about yourself is just facts and details.” — Simon Sinek

I'll be honest, I was not ready for this episode. So, let's skip the preamble and dig right into our conversation, which is all about the critical importance of learning how to be vulnerable. But what the heck is vulnerability?
We define vulnerability as the courage to face potential emotional exposure, risks, and uncertainty, while still moving forward. 

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In this episode, George and I discuss the importance of vulnerability in your Beyond Your Default journey, and how it can lead to personal and professional growth. We share their own experiences with vulnerability and how it has impacted our lives, for better and for worse. 

Although being vulnerable can be scary—or even rejected as an option due to external pressures—vulnerability is not a sign of weakness, but rather a superpower that allows for genuine connections and authentic living. That's why a large part of this episode is dedicated to debunking hey common misconceptions about vulnerability and highlight its strength and power.

⚡ Go Deeper: How to embrace an owner's mentality in your own life

We examine why people struggle with being vulnerable, particularly men and women, and the societal expectations and conditioning that contribute to this struggle. We also provide practical tips for shifting mindset around vulnerability, such as self-reflection, normalizing conversations about complex feelings, practicing small acts of honesty, reframing vulnerability as a strength, and practicing empathy. 

Finally, we talk about the benefits of vulnerability, including enhanced self-awareness, increased resilience, personal healing, and growth in self-esteem.  We also emphasize the importance of starting small and choosing the right people to share with, and the transformative impact vulnerability can have on personal growth and relationships.

Topics We Cover

vulnerability, personal growth, professional growth, courage, emotional exposure, risks, uncertainty, genuine connections, authentic living, vulnerability, misconceptions, strength, struggle, societal expectations, conditioning, mindset shift, self-reflection, emotional conversations, small acts of honesty, reframing, self-esteem, empathy, benefits

Takeaways + Highlights

• Vulnerability is a superpower that allows for personal and professional growth.
• Embracing vulnerability means being open to both the good and the bad that can come from genuine connections and facing new challenges.
• Vulnerability is about showing up and being seen, no matter the stakes.
• Failure is not a reflection of worth, but a stepping stone to greater knowledge and growth.
• Vulnerability requires the courage to face potential emotional exposure, risks, and uncertainty.
• Vulnerability is not a sign of weakness, but a powerful tool for creating trust, authenticity, and personal success. Vulnerability is often misunderstood and seen as a weakness, but it is actually a strength that requires courage and authenticity.
• Common misconceptions about vulnerability include that it is weakness, oversharing, seeking sympathy, or playing the victim.
• Vulnerability is important for personal and professional growth, deepening connections, and fostering authenticity.
• People struggle with vulnerability due to fear of rejection or judgment, fear of losing control, past trauma or negative experiences, and societal expectations and conditioning.
• Shifting mindset around vulnerability involves self-reflection, normalizing conversations about feelings, practicing small acts of honesty, reframing vulnerability as a strength, and practicing empathy.
• The benefits of vulnerability include enhanced self-awareness, increased resilience, personal healing, growth in self-esteem, deepened emotional bonds, trust-building, improved communication, and mutual support.

Quotes About Vulnerability

“The intention and outcome of vulnerability is trust, intimacy and connection. The outcome of oversharing is distrust, disconnection - and usually a little judgment.” ― Brené Brown

“What happens when people open their hearts?"
"They get better.”

― Haruki Murakami

“We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection. Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves. Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed and rare.” ― Brené Brown

“When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability... To be alive is to be vulnerable.” ― Madeleine L'Engle

“We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions. Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren't always comfortable, but they're never weakness.” ― Brené Brown

"You can be a human who gets on a mic and lies and says, 'I have done all the things and my life is absolutely amazing.' Or you can be the honest human and share the mistakes you've learned from, and hopefully people learn from your mistakes as well." — George B. Thomas

If you’ve listened to this show for any length of time, you’ve likely heard us reinforce that George and I are not having these conversations with you from a place of feeling as if we’ve seen it all, learned it all, and conquered it all. Quite the contrary! 

Do we consider ourselves your guides, here to help you along, as you make your way through your own Beyond Your Default journey? Certainly, but we are guides who are making the same journey, as well – faults, failures, lessons learned, and all.

(And if this is your first episode with us, now you know!)

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That’s why, periodically, we take an episode to check in with each other. We ask each other questions about the specific topics we’ve covered on this podcast with you all, and speak honestly about our wins, our struggles, and the surprises we’ve encountered.

The last time we checked in with each other was right before Thanksgiving — that's almost six months ago, if you can believe it. Where were we at mentally and emotionally back then? Let's take a look ... 

For George, his big focus was continuing to cultivate the close and purposeful circles of friends, family members, and others as a means to stay grounded. He also talked about that while you were excited about the future and what it could hold, you were also looking at it with a little dose of fear.

To quote George:

“I want to be careful not to lose myself in this process. And so I'm always kind of like, am I doing too much? Am I doing too little? And again, that anxiety and the need for deep breaths and meditation shows up and I'm like, all right, dude, man, just quit freaking overthinking it and just like, let it be organic, but is organic enough? Then the cycle starts all over again.”

⚡ Go Deeper: What does it really mean to possess a healthy growth mindset?

Personally, I discussed how I was struggling to be more open and trusting with people, but I was getting better at it. I also talked about how self-forgiveness was my primary focus after a challenging year where I made a lot of changes in my life (moving, a divorce, and so on), I made a lot of mistakes, and I was also learning to get to know this new version of me who wanted more and better, in the right ways.

To give you a snapshot of where my head was at, at the time, here’s what I shared:

“I think one of the things that has been the most illuminating is realizing that sometimes I was holding myself accountable for things that I did not need to hold myself accountable for. That I was making myself responsible for the feelings of other people and not understanding that I am not responsible for everything. Because that’s how I was trained to think growing up. I’ve learned that self-forgiveness is hard, but you also have to make sure that you are looking at your life clearly.”

⚡ Go Deeper: How to embrace an owner's mentality in your own life

Since then, we’ve done a lot of life stuff and grown quite a bit. 

We’ve also talked about a ton of new topics since then, including imposter syndrome, being present, finding happiness when all feels lost, seasons of life, our relationship with failure, setting healthy boundaries, toxic morning routine myths, making the choice to embody a victor mentality, anger, growth mindsets, and more. 

So, before we move into our next batch of conversations, we're taking this week to pull back the curtain on our own personal Beyond Your Default journeys. During this episode, I ask George questions about how things have been going since our check-in last November, and he does the same for me. Our hope is that by sharing what this type of committed self-work looks like behind the scenes — the good, the bad, and the downright ugly — that we can make it easier for you to remain motivated and inspired in your journey.

Topics We Cover

Personal growth, vulnerability, self-awareness, mistakes, self-forgiveness, trust, focus, patience, unrealistic expectations, seasons of life, self-care, supportive relationships, change, seasons of life, decision-making, self-perception, self-care, morning routine, boundaries, rest, stability, surprise, anniversary celebration, personal growth, self-care, disconnecting, victim mentality, victor mentality, self-awareness, selfishness, growth mindset, morning routine, and health.

Takeaways + Highlights

• Vulnerability and learning from mistakes are essential for personal growth.
• Self-forgiveness and trusting others can be challenging but necessary for progress.
• Focusing on the right things and consistently doing good leads to positive outcomes.
• Practicing patience and letting go of unrealistic expectations improves well-being.
• Embracing the seasons of life and surrounding oneself with supportive people is important for personal development.
• Self-care and being open to change are crucial for a fulfilling journey. Seasons of life require us to act and make decisions accordingly.
• Being hard on ourselves can hinder our growth and progress.
• Making decisions as the future version of ourselves can lead to greater success.
• Rest and stability are important elements of a healthy morning routine.
• Setting boundaries and prioritizing self-care are ongoing challenges. Disconnecting from technology and taking time for oneself is important for personal well-being.
• Shifting from a victim mentality to a victor mentali...

Sigh. We're back with yet another episode that makes me feel wildly uncomfortable ... which, of course, means it's the exact topic we need to be talking about. Last time, that topic was embracing the seasons of our lives and learning how to celebrate them. This time, the topic that has me squirming in the hot seat is one that I think many of us feel looming in the shadows of our lives ... imposter syndrome. 

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Imposter syndrome is a phenomenon that was identified by two female clinical psychologists, Suzanne Imes and Pauline Rose Clance, back in 1978, and it's defined as:

"... the condition of feeling anxious or not experiencing success internally, despite being high-performing in external, objective ways. This condition often results in people feeling like 'a fraud' or 'a phony' and doubting their abilities."

Yikes. By a show of hands, how many of you have ever felt that way in your lives? I know I have ... on many, many occasions. But guess what? Apparently, so did Neil Armstrong! Here's an incredible story from critically acclaimed author Neil Gaiman about his meeting with the first man on the moon:

Wild, right? Clearly, if imposter syndrome is something even the first man on the moon has struggled with, this is something we need to be talking about. Which is exactly what George and I do this week. 

In this episode, George and I discuss imposter syndrome and its impact — and that includes sharing our own personal experiences falling into the imposter syndrome trap. In addition to exploring the root causes and aggravating factors of imposter syndrome, we also talk about the fact that "imposter syndrome" can sometimes mask systemic issues regarding gender inequality and racism. Because sometimes "working on your feelings" isn't really the answer. 

⚡ Go Deeper: What does it really mean to possess a healthy growth mindset?

Later on in our conversation, we emphasize the importance of understanding and overcoming imposter syndrome to unlock authenticity and live a fulfilling life beyond your default. But it's not easy, as we're easily influenced by cultural factors. On top of that, success and recognition can exacerbate feelings of being an imposter. Social media can also both help people feel less alone in their experiences and amplify feelings of imposter syndrome.

Finally, we talk through practical tips and habits for dealing with imposter syndrome include listing your wins, talking about your feelings, changing negative thoughts, and celebrating small victories. Cultivating confidence and kindness for oneself involves treating yourself with kindness, setting achievable goals, practicing mindfulness, and giving back to others. Now, let's get into it.

Topics We Cover

Imposter syndrome, self-doubt, authenticity, growth mindset, overcoming challenges, cultural factors, family pressures, systemic racism, gender inequality, success, recognition, social media, self-reporting, mental health, confidence, kindness, emotional honesty, and toxic positivity.

Takeaways + Highlights

• Imposter syndrome is a condition where individuals feel anxious and doubt their abilities despite external successes or objective assessments of their skills.
• Imposter syndrome is a shared experience and can be pervasive in various aspects of life.
• Understanding and overcoming imposter syndrome is crucial for personal growth and living a fulfilling life.
• High-pressure work environments, social comparison, and the pursuit of perfection can aggravate imposter syndrome.
• Root causes of imposter syndrome include family expectations, academic and professional environments, and personal traits like perfectionism.
• We need to be careful that conversations around this topic can slap an imposter syndrome label on circumstances, systems, and environments that promote inequalities for groups based on their race, gender, sexuality, or other identifiers. Sometimes the answer isn't "work on your feelings of confidence," but rather something needs to change within those spaces to foster genuine equality, diversity, and more.
• Success and recognition can paradoxically increase feelings of being an imposter.
• Social media can both alleviate and amplify feelings of imposter syndrome.
• There is an increase in self-reporting of imposter syndrome, possibly due to a more open conversation about mental health.
• Practical tips for dealing with imposter syndrome include listing your wins, talking about your feelings, changing negative thoughts, and celebrating small victories.
• Cultivating confidence and kindness for oneself involves treating yourself with kindness, setting achievable goals, practicing mindfulness, and giving back to others.

Questions We Discuss

• Why is George specifically so passionate about this topic?
• Why does this conversation matter to our beyond your default journey?
• How have we struggled with imposter syndrome in our lives?
• What do we see as some of the aggravating factors of imposter syndrome or its root causes?
• There’s research showing year over year increases in people reporting they struggle with imposter syndrome. Why is that?
• The two clinical psychologists who coined this phenomenon forcefully state that success does not really “cure” imposter syndrome. What are ways in which we've PERSONALLY experienced or created the alleviation of imposter syndrome for yourself?
• What advice do we have for someone suffering from imposter syndrome, whether we're talking about practical "in the moment" exercises or ways to cultivate confidence and self-compassion in the long run?
• If you could leave our listeners with one challenge as they go into this week to see the brighter, bolder, better side of themselves that you know others see within them with ease?

“Western civilization places so much emphasis on the idea of hope that we sacrifice the present moment. Hope cannot help us discover joy, peace, or enlightenment in the present moment.” — Thích Nhất Hạnh

Man, has there been a topic recently on this podcast where the idea of “being present” hasn’t come up?

We talked about it during our episode about the importance of recognizing and embracing the small things in life. We talked about it last week during our episode on happiness, what it really is and how to find it during times of hopelessness. It also featured prominently in our conversations about fear, acknowledging our seasons of life, weathering the storms in life through stillness, and countless others. 

There is no doubt that being present matters. 

Yet so many struggle with this. To be honest, that includes me.

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Like “just be happy,” “just be present” feels like a deceptively simple concept that so many find to be lingering just out of reach. Like when you tell someone you’re depressed and they’re like, “Oh, well, you can just choose positivity.” Thanks, Gina. That's not a toxic way of thinking at all.

So, that’s what we’re tackling today … what it means to truly be present, how to integrate such a mindset into your life in a way that’s practical, accessible, and sustainable, and so much more.

⚡ Go Deeper: What does it really mean to possess a healthy growth mindset?

During our conversation, we share their personal struggles with being present, including the culture of busyness, technology distractions, stress and worry, and a lack of mindfulness practice. We also discuss the impact of trauma on being present.

We share their strategies for staying grounded in the present, such as going for walks, practicing morning devotions and meditation, and setting boundaries with technology and other people. This part of our talk explores the unavoidable challenges of being present in a fast-paced, technology-driven world.

Finally, we emphasize the importance of being present and offer practical tips and techniques for cultivating mindfulness in daily life. The benefits of being present include deeper connections with others, better focus, personal growth, and a greater appreciation for life's small moments.

Topics We Cover

Being present, mindfulness, living in the moment, culture of busyness, technology distractions, stress and worry, trauma, grounding, setting boundaries, being present, mindfulness, challenges, distractions, pressure, expectations, connections, focus, personal growth, and appreciation.

Takeaways + Highlights

• Being present means living in the moment and engaging fully with the now, both physically and mentally.
• Mindfulness is a broader practice that includes being present and involves a conscious awareness and acceptance of your inner state and thought process.
• The culture of busyness, technology distractions, stress and worry, and a lack of mindfulness practice can all hinder our ability to be present.
• Setting boundaries with technology and other people can help us stay grounded in the present.
• Being present can lead to a greater sense of stability and mental, physical, and emotional well-being. Being present is a hot topic because staying in the moment is tough for most people in our fast-paced, technology-driven world.
• Our minds are natural storytellers and problem solvers, constantly thinking about the past, future, or creating scenarios that may never happen.
• Modern lifestyle and technology make it easy to get distracted and lose focus on the present moment.
• Being present requires facing our feelings and thoughts head-on without distractions, which can be uncomfortable but leads to personal growth.
• Practicing mindfulness and being present can improve relationships, enhance focus, and bring more joy and appreciation to life's small moments.

Questions We Discuss

• When we say “being present,” what specifically are we talking about here? How are we defining it? And what's the difference between being present and mindfulness?
• Do we struggle with being present in the moment currently? If so, how? And how does not being present negatively affect or impact us?
• Do we engage in any practices of mindfulness or present moment grounding? If so, what are they? And how do they positively impact us?
• The conversation around being present is a popular one for a reason – so many people struggle with it. Why do you think that is?
• We've touched upon the importance of being in the present moment in previous episodes to your Beyond Your Default journey, but what do we see as the key benefits to prioritizing a mindful, present moment mindset, no matter how busy you are?
• What are ways in which folks can easily start to embrace a present moment mindset in their daily lives? Whether they are daily or weekly practices, or "break glass in case of emergency" options we love?
• What becomes possible in life and in our personal Beyond Your Default journeys when you prioritize a present moment mindset?

Quotes About Being Present

“If you want to conquer the anxiety of life, live in the moment, live in the breath.” ― Amit Ray

“Do not ruin today with mourning tomorrow.” ― Catherynne M. Valente

“If it’s over, then don’t let the past screw up the rest of your life.” ― Nicholas Sparks

“The power for creating a better future is contained in the present moment. You create a good future by creating a good present.” — Eckhart Tolle

“Life gives you plenty of time to do whatever you want to do if you stay in the present moment.”
— Deepak Chopra

“There is surely nothing other than the single purpose of the present moment. A man’s whole life is a succession of moment after moment. If one fully understands the present moment, there will be nothing else to do, and nothing else to pursue. Live being true to the single purpose of the moment.”
— Yamamoto Tsunetomo

“Your entire life only happens in this moment. The present moment is life itself. Yet, people live as if the opposite were true and treat the present moment as a stepping stone to the next moment – a means to an end.” — Eckhard Tolle

“The present moment is the only time over which we have dominion.” — Thích Nhất Hạnh

“You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.” ― Albert Camus

I’m a big fan of data, and I’ll be honest. When I looked up the Google search trends for the term “how to just be happy,” I wasn’t terribly surprised by what I found – a marked increase over the past five to six years. 

Why did I choose this term specifically? Because it's one I've caught myself searching for on multiple occasions over the past few years. I decided to dig a little deeper to see how we're all doing. As it turns out, we're not doing so great. In 2022, a Gallup poll found that happiness among Americans had hit record lows. 

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At first I was surprised, but as I thought about it, the numbers made a lot of sense. We were still wrestling with the long-tail effects of the COVID-19 pandemic. I know back in 2022, I wasn't feeling so hot. I decided to keep digging, because I couldn't help but wonder if those numbers were heavily influenced by the coronavirus "hangover" efforts. 

Well, not really. Just last week, new research came out that showed the United States did not crack the top 20 happiest countries in the world for the first time ever.

Why? There are a lot of reasons, in addition to what we experience as individuals in our own lives. Global events, the pandemic (still), a lack of optimism about the future, increased polarization in politics, and a marked rise in loneliness – particularly among younger generations who have grown up in remote education and work environments. I could go on. 

⚡ Go Deeper: What does it really mean to possess a healthy growth mindset?

Which is why today's conversation is probably the first of many episodes tackling the idea of happiness. What is it really? Why does it feel so out of reach more than ever? What can we learn from each other? Where do we honor our emotions while also working toward brighter tomorrows?

About this this episode

One of the things I love about this show is our willingness to explore the gray and acknowledge the realities of how challenging all aspects of living a life beyond your default really means. For example, as we’ve talked about in the past, it is a choice to embrace a victor mentality in your own life rather than giving into the easy and insidious comfort of feeling like life is happening to you.

On the other hand, the growth mindset community also has a massive problem – toxic positivity, wherein folks are encouraged to dismiss or simply “rise above” complex, negative emotions, when they are entitled to experience and process those emotions in a way that makes sense for them.  

⚡ Go Deeper: What is toxic positivity, and why is it so toxic?

So, in today’s conversation about happiness, you won’t find any false platitudes or dismissive sentiments. Instead, we’re going to dive into the deep end of the beyond your default pool to discuss in a meaningful way what it takes to find and create happiness in an age where hopelessness is becoming more and more common.

Please note, this conversation features sensitive topics regarding mass violence that may be difficult for certain members of our audience.

Takeaways + Highlights

• Happiness is a personal and individual journey that requires self-reflection and understanding. Sometimes it may require moments where you have to acknowledge you're building a life to someone else's standards rather than your own.
• As Americans, we need to be aware of our tendency to lead toward a tunnel-visioned mindset regarding our identity, as well as the sometimes corrosive idea of American exceptionalism. Geographically, it makes sense why we struggle to embrace more global perspectives — about happiness or anything else, for that matter — but it is our responsibility to look at these challenges as a global narrative. And that we should be looking to learn from those who are different from us. We're better together.
• The consumption of news can have a significant impact on one's perception and happiness. However, there are necessary conversations around privilege to be had, related to our ability to disconnect from what the news is. So the idea here is to find the blend that works for you, while maintaining a mindful news of the sources of news you consume and how often.
• Defining happiness and setting personal goals can lead to a more fulfilling and joyful life. But it requires us to be clear on what we consider happiness, without looking to others or pop culture to define what happiness is for us. 
• The journey to happiness involves letting go of baggage, embracing personal growth, and redefining one's relationship with the world. Happiness is a subjective concept that cannot be universally defined.
• Creating something that helps humans be better humans is a fundamental goal.
• Happiness is not dependent on perfection or success.
• Practicing gratitude can cultivate a more joyful and fulfilling life.

Questions We Discuss

• How surprised were we by the data about American levels of happiness?
• Have we struggled with happiness in our own lives? Either due to personal reasons, community issues, or world events?
• What does happiness mean to us? How do we define happiness now, and how has our definition changed over time?
• Is there a universal definition for happiness?
• What do most people get wrong about happiness and what it takes to be happy?
• What are ways in which folks can honor their feelings about the world, or what’s happening in their lives, and also explore ways to find or create happiness in their own lives?
• How do you work through your own moments of hopelessness toward a happier mindset now?
• If you could leave our listeners with one way to challenge themselves about their own relationship with happiness in the coming week, what would it be?

Happiness Quotes

“Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be.” ― Abraham Lincoln

“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” ― Dalai Lama XIV

“They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for.” ― Tom Bodett

“Take responsibility of your own happiness, never put it in other people’s hands.” ― Roy T. Bennett

“If you feel stuck, move. You're not a tree.” ― Germany Kent

George has always been radically honest in these episodes when we talk about topics that evoke feelings of confusion, aversion, or frustration. For example, when I first handed over the outline for our episode on self-care, he admitted that he was unsure about the topic and where it was going — even though he trusted my vision for the conversation.

Now, it’s time for me to pony up and do the same. When George Slacked me early last week (on Tuesday at 3:31 p.m., to be exact) that he wanted to have a conversation about the seasons of life.

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Specifically, he said he wanted to talk about:

“Being comfortable with the understanding that seasons change. Life changes."

As I read those words, I could feel a physical response in my body, and not a particularly pleasant one. Of course, whenever that happens, I've come to realize that my discomfort is a sign that I should lean into whatever is making me feel emotionally chaffed. 

The term “seasons of life” sounds so romantic, gentle, and downright poetic. But the passage of time, the changing of seasons in our own life – when we notice them – can feel jarring, confusing, or even upsetting. That's why this week's conversation was so powerful, even if it did make me squirm in my chair.

⚡ Go Deeper: What does it really mean to possess a healthy growth mindset?

Yes, accepting, navigating, and celebrating our different seasons of life can lead to personal growth and happiness, but doing so is not without its hurdles. So, in this episode, George and I explore the challenges people face in accepting and celebrating the different seasons of life and provide insights on how to shift thinking around this concept.

As we also openly discuss the challenges we've faced in accepting the seasonality of our own lives, we also talk about the benefits of leaning into this discomfort, and what makes this type of thinking so worth it. Remember, so much of this comes down to trusting yourself, so you can make room for new experiences and growth in each season of life.

Takeaways + Highlights

• Life is made up of different seasons, each with its own purpose and lessons.
• Change is constant, and it is important to embrace and learn from each season.
• Struggles and discomfort are often part of the process of growth and transformation.
• Understanding and embracing the seasons of life can lead to personal growth and happiness.
• Challenges in accepting and celebrating seasons of life can arise from a fear of change and a desire for things to stay the same.
• Shifting thinking around seasons of life involves recognizing that change is a normal part of life's rhythm and finding comfort in the knowledge that tough times are temporary.
• Embracing the seasonality of life can bring benefits such as finding joy in the present moment, learning from experiences, staying hopeful, and discovering one's purpose.
• Reflecting on past seasons and the lessons learned can provide insights into personal growth and shape one's identity and direction in life.

Questions We Discuss

• What the heck prompted George to bring up this conversation?
• When we say "seasons of life," what does that really mean? Are there different types of seasons we should be thinking about?
• In what ways have we struggled to either acknowledge or accept this idea of seasons in your life?
• When did your attitude shift about the seasons of life?
• Why do you think others may struggle to accept or celebrate the seasons of life?
• What are ways in which others can shift their thinking around them?
• What are the benefits of embracing this mindset of seasons?
• What is one question you should encourage our listeners to challenge themselves with as they go through this upcoming week?

Letting Go Quotes

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: 2a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; 3a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; 4a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; 5a time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; 6a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to throw away; 7a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; 8a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace" (Ecclesiastes 3:1-8)

“Even seasonal situations can bring with them lessons that last a lifetime. If the love doesn’t last, it prepares you for the one that will.” – Mandy Hale

“There is a season for everything under the sun—even when we can’t see the sun.” – Jared Brock

“If you feel stuck, move. You're not a tree.” ― Germany Kent

“Times of suffering will come, use them. To grow into a better version of yourself. Use the dirt to grow flowers. Let the storm water them. Watch them grow in the sunshine." ― Eric Overby

“Spring and summer are the ones that want winter to come the most because spring and summer owe their beauty to winter! Don't be sad when winter comes to your life, those winters will make your spring and summer more beautiful!” ― Mehmet Murat ildan

“In life, we need to go through a naked tree season in order to turn nothingness into meaning.”
― Luis Enrique Cavazos

“Abundance is a process of letting go; that which is empty can receive.” – Bryant H. McGill

One of the most liberating, progressive things we can do for ourselves is to let go. Let go of what? Well, it depends on the situation — anger, expectations, the need to be right, the desire for absolute control, the hunger to know every and all outcomes, disappointment, shame, guilt, sadness ... the list goes on.

But even though I think many of us intellectually understand how much benefit there is to letting go, we still struggle to do it. When we're challenged in those emotionally charged moments to let go, sometimes we'll end up clinging tighter to the very thing that is holding us prisoner.

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Sometimes it's because we're afraid.

Of the unknown. Of what will be left (if anything) in the place of whatever we're releasing. There are a thousand little reasons why. In my case, personally, it's a spectrum of reasons. On one end, it's trauma that traps me. On the other end ... well, it's because a guy was super hot. And hotness can go a long way toward corrupting my ability to make smart decisions about my future.

That's why George was so passionate about us addressing this topic. Whether it's the hotness of others, fears, or traumas from our past that keep us holding onto the people, places, and things that no longer serve us, we all deserve a chance to move forward.

⚡ Go Deeper: What Self-Forgiveness Looks Like in Practice + Why It Matters So Much

In this conversation, George and I discuss the challenges of letting go and the reasons why it can be difficult for people to put into practice. We explore the skills needed to let go, as well as the emotional attachments and fear of the unknown that hold people back. We also share personal experiences and examples of letting go in personal and professional life.

Our conversation highlights the importance of self-reflection, acceptance, and future focus in the process of letting go. We examine the benefits of letting go, such as reduced stress, improved relationships, and personal growth. We also look at the consequences of failing to let go, including chronic stress and missed opportunities. Ultimately, our goal in this week's episode is simple — to empower you to remove the roadblocks standing between you and a joyful, fulfilling life.

Takeaways + Highlights

• Letting go is a crucial step in personal development and allows for growth and learning from past experiences.
• By releasing negative emotions and accepting the past, one can find peace, emotional well-being, and focus on the present.
• Letting go frees up mental space, leading to improved mental clarity, focus, and productivity.
• It is important to let go of control and embrace the unknown, as clinging to expectations and trying to predict the future can hinder personal growth and limit potential.
• Letting go creates space for abundance and allows for the things that are meant for us to come into our lives. Letting go can be challenging due to a lack of awareness and skills, emotional attachments, and fear of the unknown.
• Self-reflection, acceptance, and future focus are key in the practice of letting go.

Questions We Discuss

• Why is this conversation important to our collective beyond your default journey?
• When we say "letting go," what does that really mean?
• Why is it important for us to learn to let go?
• Why is it so hard for people to put this into practice, even though we know how valuable it is?
• How have we struggled in the past with letting go?
• When we say "letting go," what don't we mean?
• What does letting go look like in practice?
• What are the benefits of learning how to let go? And what are the consequences?

Letting Go Quotes

“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” ― Steve Maraboli

“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.” ― Ann Landers

“Abundance is a process of letting go; that which is empty can receive.” – Bryant H. McGill

“All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.” – Havelock Ellis

“People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

“Great things are done by a series of small things brought together.” – Vincent Van Gogh

One of George's favorite sayings that has really stuck with me is this: “How you do the small things in life is how you do all things.”

Not only is that a powerful maxim we should all think about in the context of our own lives, his statement also got me thinking about the role “small things” should play in our lives.

For example, have you ever found yourself stuck in a "waiting" mindset? What I mean by that is, rather than focusing on and experiencing gratitude for where you are in the present, you find yourself perpetually longing and waiting big, shiny, new things to come along.

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"I'll be happy when I finally have a relationship."

"When I get that new job, everything will be perfect."

"All I need is a new place to live, and then I'll be locked in."

"One day I'll have the life I've always dreamed of, but until then ..."

Looking ahead and planning for the future is key to possessing a growth mindset, but taken to the extreme, we run into problems. Specifically, we fail to recognize that we're living our lives fully and completely right now, while also overlooking the small things that are happening in our lives.

Now, while George's statement and my example of "missing the small things in life" may seem different on the surface, they share a distinct and important commonality. They're both related symptoms of the same larger root problem that many of us suffer from without even realizing it.

While BIG moments and BIG milestones certainly matter, the beauty of life (and often the true measure of our character) are found most often (and in greater abundance) in the "small things."

⚡ Go Deeper: How to Set Healthy Expectations to Cultivate Confidence, + Self-Trust

When I say small things, I want to be clear on what I’m talking about — small things can be small, seemingly insignificant choices, small events that pale in comparison to the milestones or achievements we seek, small actions or activities we engage in every day without thinking. 

Join George and I this week as we devote a big amount of attention to the small things. Together, we explore the concept of how you do small things is how you do all things, and how focusing on the small things can lead to a more fulfilling life. We also discuss the consequences of overlooking small things and the benefits of cultivating a reverence for them, as well as share practical tips for maintaining focus on the small things and appreciating their value.

Small Things Takeaways + Highlights

• Knowing the difference between milestones vs. destinations helps us appreciate the journey, not just where we're trying to go.
• Incorporating mindfulness into daily life can profoundly change how one perceives and experiences the world. By being fully present and engaged, individuals can appreciate the nuances of their experiences, leading to a deeper appreciation of life's small joys and a reduction in stress and anxiety.
• Cultivating a reverence for the small things teaches the value of simplicity, showing that happiness does not always stem from grand achievements or possessions but often from simple, everyday experiences.
• Think about getting a smile from someone you don't know, feeling the sun warm on your face, someone doing something nice for you, taking a quiet minute to yourself, or that happy feeling you get when your favorite song comes on. These small things happen daily, and even though they might seem tiny, they help shape how we feel and go through life.
• Small things matter so much because they accumulate to define the quality of our daily lives. Each small choice or experience, though seemingly inconsequential on its own, contributes to a larger tapestry that shapes our overall well-being and perception of life.
• The little things we do every day without thinking, like brushing our teeth or saying thank you, turn into habits. These habits shape our lives more than we might realize. When we make good small choices, they add up to good habits, which make our lives better.
• Giving our full attention is like a special present we can offer ourselves and the people around us. It means really diving into whatever we're doing or whoever we're talking to, which makes our work better and our connections with others stronger.
• This conversation is really important because it helps us see that life isn't just about the end results but also about how we get there and the experiences we share along the way.

Questions We Discuss

• Why is this conversation important to our collective beyond your default journey?
• “How you do the small things in life is how you do all things.” Where did that come from, and did you always believe that?
• Whether we’re talking about small choices we make or small experiences that seem inconsequential at the time, why do these small things matter so dang much?
• What are the consequences of overlooking or missing the small things?
• Why do we think folks so often overlook the small things?
• Have we ever lost focus on the present day choices and happenings because we were too focused on the future or didn’t realize the power of a present moment?
• How do we maintain presence and focus in the current moment?
• How can people better focus on the small choices and happenings in their lives?