Beyond Your Default

I'll be honest. One of my favorite parts of hopping on the mic once a week to talk about these topics with George is that I often need this advice myself. Of course, we make no secret of the fact that we both consider ourselves works in progress. But in this moving episode, I found myself learning so much from the conversation I had with George. 

⚡ Related: Mastering Fear to Understand and Harness Your Emotional GPS

I don't know about you, but loving myself hasn't come easy to me, due in part to a challenging childhood, as well as many of the trials and tribulations we all experience as we attempt to navigate life as best we can.

But in this transformative episode, George takes us on a journey to the center of your own universe — yourself. It's not just a podcast episode; it's a masterclass in self-love, self-worth, and the art of being your own life coach. Think of George as the Yoda of self-improvement, guiding you through the labyrinth of your own mind.

As he likes to say, I strongly recommend you "grabbing a snack and a backpack" for this adventure. Oh, and a pen and notepad — the tactics and principles he shares will change your life. They've already changed mine.

Questions We Explore

• Why is it so hard for so many of us to love ourselves? What stands in our way of seeing our own worth and loving ourselves wholly?
• When has George struggled throughout his life to love himself? And how did he finally move through that?
• How are the relationships in your life helping or hurting your ability to love yourself?
• What are the critical mindsets you must embrace to help repair and nurture the relationship you have with yourself?
• What role do boundaries play in helping you develop a healthy, loving relationship with yourself?
• How can daily affirmations actually help you cultivate a relationship with yourself, and what should that practice look like?

The Value

1. Gift Yourself: George kicks off the episode with a powerful principle—be your own Santa Claus. Why wait for a special occasion to treat yourself? Whether it's a new watch or even new wipers for your car, gifting yourself is a tangible way to acknowledge your own worth.
2. Core Circle: Ever wondered about the dynamics of your inner circle? George introduces a groundbreaking mindset—Are you the Uber driver or the GPS in your relationships? This metaphor compels you to reevaluate your relationships and the energy you invest in them.
3. Spirituality: Navigating the often sensitive topic of spirituality, George shares his personal insights without preaching. He even brings in scriptural references to underline the importance of knowing and loving oneself.

Mindsets

• Self-Awareness: The episode emphasizes the need to turn the spotlight inward. It's about understanding that you are the main character in your life story.
• Internal Affirmation: George challenges the listener to flip the script from seeking external validation to internal affirmation. Be your own cheerleader, mentor, and spiritual guide.

Your Next Steps

1. Self-Evaluation: Take a moment to ask yourself the questions George has laid out. They're not just questions; they're a mirror reflecting your inner world.
2. Daily Affirmations: Start each day with positive affirmations. Remind yourself that you're worthy, loved, and capable.
3. Set Boundaries: Know your worth and set boundaries accordingly. This is a best practice that will serve you well in all aspects of life.

Have you ever heard the saying that you're the average of the five people you spend the most time with?

It doesn't matter whether or not you agree, to this degree of specificity, on the math of how our relationships impact  us, no one can deny how important the relationships we cultivate are to how we act and perceive the quality of our lives.

The relationships we choose (yes, choose) dramatically influence both our personal and professional lives — from family connections to career-based networks, the people who surround us often shape our destiny ... and our ability to move beyond our default.

Sometimes the most profound connections begin with a spark, as George points out in this thoughtful conversation.

⚡ Related: Cultivating a Relationship with Ourselves to Unlock Our Inner Power

A subtle feeling, a shared moment, or an unexpected encounter. These sparks can potentially ignite fires of opportunity, growth, and connection that we might not have foreseen. On the other hand, sometimes we can cultivate the wrong types of relationships, hang on to connections long past their expiration dates, or lapse into periods of self-imposed isolation.

How do we cultivate the right types of relationships in our lives, and when do we know when it's time to walk away? These are just two of the life-shifting questions we explore in this week's episode.

Questions We Explore

• Why are the relationships in our lives so important to this idea of living beyond your default? Aren't we in control of our own destiny?
• How do we effectively evaluate the quality of relationships we have today?
• What do we know when we know it's time to walk away from a connection? (George shares his own powerful experiences with this challenge.)
• What are the time-tested methods for nurturing meaningful connections that foster personal and professional growth?
• What are the mindset shifts we need to make to navigate relationships with clarity and purpose?
• What are core communities and why do they matter?

Research + Resources

Creating Good Relationships: Responsiveness, Relationship Quality, and Interpersonal Goals (NIH)

"Perceived partner responsiveness is a core feature of close, satisfying relationships. But how does responsiveness originate? Can people create relationships characterized by high responsiveness, and consequently, higher quality relationships? We suggest that goals contribute to cycles of responsiveness between people, improving both people’s relationship quality. The present studies examine 1) how interpersonal goals initiate responsiveness processes in close relationships, 2) the self-perpetuating nature of these processes, and 3) how responsiveness evolves dynamically over time through both intrapersonal projection and reciprocal interpersonal relationship processes.

In a semester-long study of 115 roommate dyads, actors’ compassionate and self-image goals predicted a cycle of responsiveness between roommates, occurring within weeks and across the semester. In a 3-week study of 65 roommate dyads, actors’ goals again predicted cycles of responsiveness between roommates, which then contributed to both actors’ and partners’ relationship quality. Results suggest that both projection and reciprocation of responsiveness associated with compassionate goals create upward spirals of responsiveness that ultimately enhance relationship quality for both people."

The Science of Why Friendships Keep Us Healthy (APA)

"American culture places a high premium on romantic love. In fact, relationship woes—or the lack thereof—are among the top reasons people seek therapy. And while romance can be a meaningful part of life, the benefits of friendships should not be overlooked.

Psychological research suggests that stable, healthy friendships are crucial for our well-being and longevity."

9 Signs It's Time to End a Friendship (Psychology Today)

"It’s no secret that the quality of your friendships has an impact on your well-being. Research has shown that the quality of your friendships can influence your level of stress, physical health, and the way in which you cope. A good friendship can have positive effects on your well-being and your health, whereas a friendship with a lot of ups and downs can negatively impact your stress level and health.

If you have been friends with someone for a long time, you may feel obligated to continue to maintain the friendship despite a growing discomfort or knowledge that you no longer feel aligned with this friend. What can make ending a friendship even more complicated is that there is no protocol for ending a friendship. Unlike a romantic relationship, a friendship breakup is something you never think will happen to you until it does." 

In today's fast-paced world, the hustle concept has become synonymous with success. The relentless pursuit of goals, burning the midnight oil, and unyielding dedication to work have been celebrated as the path to achievement. But have we taken hustle culture to an extreme? Are we sacrificing our health, relationships, and overall well-being for productivity?

⚡ Related: The Importance of Relationships to Your Journey in Life

As business owners, both George and I have struggled with our personal relationships to this concept of "hustling," particularly considering how it's glorified in entrepreneurial circles.

However, the idea of "hustle" is not something specific to those of us who own businesses. The "demand" of always needing to be on, available, working, and showcasing productivity is something that so many of us are challenged with, in our own unique ways. 

Do we need to do away with the idea of hustling entirely, or is there a nugget of goodness in there worth preserving? Do we need to trade hustling in for a new way of life, or is a better approach to this debate one that involves redefinition rather than replacement?

Questions We Explore

• When have we found ourselves dealing with the catastrophic consequences of over-hustling in our personal or professional lives? How did it affect us? How did it affect those we love?
• How did one trip to the hospital change George's entire perspective on what it means to succeed through hustle?
• Why should we reframe how we think about "hustle" rather than disposing of the idea entirely as some suggest? Is a healthy idea of hustle even possible?
• What does it mean to understand one's own limits, and why is that so important?
• How do you evaluate and define what your own version of hustle looks like? And how do you use healthy boundaries to reinforce it?

Discussion Highlights

• From Hustle to Hard Work: George invites us to reconsider the term "hustle" as synonymous with hard work. It's about giving your best effort in all you do without neglecting essential aspects of life.
• The Perils of Excessive Hustle: George shares a deeply personal story that shook him awake to the potential dangers of overworking and ignoring other facets of life.
• Setting Boundaries and Self-Care: Discover the significance of establishing boundaries and placing self-care at the forefront of your priorities to achieve a healthier work-life balance.
• Upgrading Your Mental Software: Explore the idea of deprogramming and reprogramming your mindset to align with your life's true purpose and goals.
• Challenging the Status Quo: George encourages us to question ourselves continually, both professionally and personally, to create a life that's not only productive but also well-rounded and fulfilling.
• The Middle Ground: Rather than adopting extreme positions like being pro or anti-hustle, George advocates finding a middle ground where you can work hard while preserving your physical and mental health.

Key Takeaways

• Redefine hustle as a commitment to hard work, where you give your best without sacrificing your overall well-being.
• Recognize the potential perils of extreme hustle and prioritize self-care and boundaries.
• Upgrade your mental software by shedding old beliefs and embracing a mindset that aligns with your goals and aspirations.
• Challenge yourself to craft a balanced and satisfying life that encompasses both your professional and personal pursuits.

Your Next Steps

1. Reflect on your current relationship with work. Are you giving your best without compromising your well-being?
2. Identify areas in your life where setting boundaries and prioritizing self-care can lead to a healthier work-life balance.
3. Dedicate time to deprogram and reprogram your mindset to better align with your life's true purpose and objectives.
4. Challenge yourself to find the middle ground, where hard work and personal well-being coexist harmoniously.
5. Share this transformative episode with others who might benefit from redefining their approach to hustle and adopting a more balanced and fulfilling life.

Remember, it's not about being against hard work; it's about striking the right balance that leads to a life filled with significance, joy, and well-being.

No matter how talented, motivated, or visionary you are, your ability to do whatever it is you want to do consistently is the secret sauce of life. But what does consistency really mean? And what do most people get wrong about the connection between consistency and success? 

⚡ Go Deeper: What It Means to Forgive Others (+ Why It Matters)

Many people equate consistency with success. They think it's about conquering one big challenge, one large mountain.

But life isn't a single mountain; it's a series of molehills. There are also natural peaks and valleys that we all experience as humans. The real key to success lies in taking slow, small, steady steps over these molehills. It's not a sprint; it's a marathon of mindful actions.

Key Points

• The Mindset Shift
• Consistency isn't just about discipline; it's about creating an environment where discipline becomes the default. Simplify the process, remove the complexities, and make it as easy as flipping a switch to get started.
• The Power of Little Things
• Remember, how you do little things is how you do all things. It's about laying one brick at a time to build that wall. It's about the accumulation of small, consistent actions that lead to significant results.
• Small Steps > Grand Gestures
• Consistency is not about grand gestures or monumental tasks. It's about the daily grind, the small steps you take every day that lead you to your ultimate goal. So, the next time you find yourself struggling with consistency, remember: it's not about the mountain; it's about the molehills.

If You're Struggling with Consistency

It's crucial to ask yourself some hard-hitting questions, in two different categories:

Your Priorities

• What Matters Most?: Identify the key areas in your life that require consistent effort.
• Why Does It Matter?: Understand the deeper reasons behind your goals.
• What's the Endgame?: Visualize what success looks like for you.

Your Actions

• What's Holding You Back?: Is it fear, lack of knowledge, or perhaps a lack of enjoyment?
• How Can You Simplify?: Identify the smallest, simplest actions that can move you toward your goals.
• Who or What Can Hold You Accountable?: Find a mentor, tracking system, or community that can help you stay on track.

How to Get Started

• Visualize: Create a vision board or write down your goals and why they matter. Keep it somewhere you'll see it every day.
• Plan: Break down your big goals into smaller, manageable tasks. Schedule them.
• Execute and Adjust: Start executing your plan. If something isn't working, adjust but don't quit.

In today's episode, we take a profound journey into the intricate tapestry of human connections and the deep-seated desire for recognition and support. As we navigate the paths of life, we often encounter challenges.

That's not a surprise to any of us, though, right? The human experience is defined as a spectrum of experiences, emotions, highs, and lows. There are also those moments in life in which we feel we are not getting what we deserve. 

"I'm doing all the right things, where are my blessings?"

However, it's the people around us – the ones placed serendipitously in our lives – that shape our experiences and stories. This discourse emphasizes the universal longing we all feel: to be seen, to be understood, and to be helped.

Not out of pity, but genuine understanding.

🎧 Related Episodes:

• The Importance of Relationships for Your Journey Through Life
• Unlocking Your Inner Power: Self-love, Core Circles, and Spiritual Wisdom

Through these reflections, we're reminded of the power of empathy, the significance of a helping hand, and the transformative effect of genuine human connection. Join us as we explore these themes, encouraging each listener to not just hear, but to act with compassion and purpose.

Even though this podcast is all about pushing yourself beyond your usual limitations, challenging yourself to dream of and reach for more, and reimagine what your life can (and should) look like, that doesn't change one fundamental truth that applies to all of us:

We are only human.

We are only human by design.

Our limitations are not a bug, they are a feature.

Our humanity is what makes us special. 

And that's what this episode is all about. Yes, living a life beyond your default requires a lot of work, stretching, expanding, consistency, and challenging ourselves each and every day. But it will also require you to celebrate what makes you human, your limitations, and the importance of preserving your humanity.

You are only human. And that's a beautiful thing.

Dive into the third episode of "Beyond Your Default," where the mysteries of time and its impact on our lives are explored.

This episode delves deep into understanding the significance of timing in our daily lives and how it can be a game-changer. Whether you're a Jedi trying to find the right moment to strike or a superhero waiting for the perfect time to save the world, this episode is for you.

In this conversation, George and I talk about:

• Understanding the significance of timing.
• Exploring the impact of time on our daily decisions and actions.
• The importance of seizing the right moment, just like our favorite superheroes!

So, my friend, remember, as Yoda would say, "Patience you must have."

Timing is everything, whether you're trying to defeat the Dark Side or simply navigating the challenges of life.

How do you tell the difference between being in a default state and living beyond the default, but you're just getting in your head about things?

In this episode of Beyond Your Default, George and I delve into living beyond one's default state — what the heck it is, how we end up there, and what it means to start crawling your ay out. We discuss how people often carry historical baggage and fail to embrace the concept of forgiveness, leading to a life stuck in a rut.

George shares his personal experience of being stuck in a default state, working a low-paying job, and living a life he wasn't satisfied with. He emphasizes that living beyond the default doesn't mean a life of ease, but rather a life where one is constantly pushing their boundaries and seeking purpose.

Key Talking Points

• The default state is a rut or a state of being stuck, often due to confusion or lack of direction.
• Being stuck in a rut is different from taking valuable downtime.
• Escaping life through distractions like TV and bars is a sign of being in a default state.
• Living beyond the default may be more difficult because it involves more mental effort, but it's easier to maintain energy and motivation.
• People often end up in the default due to burnout, lack of purpose, or feeling stuck.
• It's important to ask oneself about their passions, purpose, and people, and how they can best serve them.
• Understanding the difference between feeling stuck and understanding stepping stones is crucial to moving beyond the default state.

When it comes to life, it's easy to think that we only have one starting line in life — the moment we take our first breath on the day we're born. 

While it's true our birth is likely the ultimate starting line we experience in life, it's certainly not the only one. In fact, there are many "starting lines." Starting lines are significant moments or periods that have shaped our personal narratives and influenced our future paths.

⚡ Related: Cultivating a Relationship with Ourselves to Unlock Our Inner Power

In this episode, George shares two significant starting lines in his own life, as well as the importance of recognizing when and how you can begin again. 

Key Discussion Topics

• Understanding Starting Lines: George explains that starting lines are often seen as significant moments at the beginning of our lives that we remember forever. These can be positive or negative experiences that we believe directly correlate to where we'll end up in life.
• George's Personal Starting Lines: George shares two of his own starting lines. The first is his humble beginnings in a one-room log cabin in Lincoln, Montana. The second is a negative experience in high school when a teacher told him he would never amount to anything, leading him to drop out and join the Navy.
• Reframing Negative Starting Lines: George emphasizes reframing negative starting lines. He explains that these experiences can be seen from a positive perspective and serve as tools for survival and success.
• Recognizing Starting Lines: George believes that while most people recognize starting lines retrospectively, we can train ourselves to identify them as they happen. This can help us to drive harder and faster into new opportunities.
• The Importance of Starting Lines: George argues that recognizing and understanding our starting lines is crucial for personal growth. They allow us to reflect on how far we've come and can provide fuel for our future journeys.
• Asking the Right Questions: George suggests asking ourselves questions about our feelings and those of others involved in our starting lines. This can help us gain a 360-degree perspective and unlock deeper insights.
• Learning from Discomfort: George shares that one of the most uncomfortable but powerful learnings he had was realizing that he could learn anything. This came from a period of introspection and challenging his own beliefs about his intelligence and capabilities.

Recently, I came to a realization. Everything up to this point I had experienced in life — the blessings, the accomplishments, the challenges, the pain — has led me to this moment. This moment in which I serve you all as a catalyst for these conversations of what it means (and what it takes) to live a life Beyond Your Default.

To live a life beyond what we're told to accept, beyond the day-to-day monotony, to reach for something bigger and greater. 

Because you know there's more to life than "this."

When I say "Beyond Your Default," however, what does that really mean?

• “Everyone keeps telling me I should be happy, but I’m not.”
• “I feel stuck.”
• “I know I’m meant for more.”
• “I have a calling, I can feel it. But where do I start?” 
• "This is not how life was supposed to turn out. Now what?"

We all have these moments in life where we look at our lives and the world around us, and we know something must give. Something must change.

Maybe you're at the start of our journey, with a whole life in front of you, ready to take on the world in a way that colors outside the lines. Maybe you've just woken up to the realization that the life you've been living hasn't been living at all. Or maybe you've always been a high-achiever, but you still know you have more to accomplish ... and you can't do it alone. 

No matter where you fall in that spectrum, right now, you have a choice. You can continue living within your default norms, playing it safe, clocking in and clocking out every day, scraping by to hopefully achieve what’s supposed to make you happy.

Or you can choose to commit to yourself by accepting the challenge of living beyond your default. That’s how you go from wishing to live your “best life” to actually living your best life. Success leaves clues. And they’re waiting for you to discover them.

Welcome to Beyond Your Default

In this inaugural episode, I take you on the journey that has led us here ... a journey of transformation, self-belief, and growth:

Self-belief

• I reflect on the challenges in believing in myself, particularly in embracing all aspects of my personality. 
• I highlight the importance of integrating different parts of oneself, including both the "good" and "not-so-good" aspects.
• I emphasize that embracing the entirety of one's identity can have a more significant impact than solely focusing on the positive aspects.

Introduction to the Podcast

• I introduce the podcast and talk more deeply about its purpose, and how Liz Moorehead (my cohost) and I will serve you in future episodes.
• I invite you to join the community, and we examine the criteria by which you should integrate the Beyond Your Default podcast and resources into your life.
• I also couldn't contain my excitement for the future of the podcast, as well as upcoming opportunities for us to engage with you, the audience.

Living Beyond Your Default

• I explain the concept of living beyond the default as I have observed many people accepting life as it is without seeking personal growth or pursuing their aspirations.
• I share my own desire to challenge the default and live a life driven by education, personal development, and reaching for something greater.
• I encourage listeners to explore a life beyond the default and unlock your potential for personal and professional growth.

Obstacles and Inner Struggles

• I discuss the steep challenges I faced while breaking free from the default life.
• I highlight self-belief as his most challenging aspect, including believing in my ability to impact and share my knowledge and experiences.
• I acknowledge the importance of overcoming self-doubt and embracing one's potential to become a mentor and positively influence others.

Unhealthy Relationships and Fear

• I address many people's unhealthy relationships with their inner selves, allowing self-doubt and negative thoughts to hold them back.
• I explore the concept of fear and how reframing it as excitement can lead to transformative experiences.
• I suggest that taming the inner voice and learning to overcome fear are essential steps toward living beyond the default.

The Power of Community and Tribe

• I discuss the influence of the opinions and beliefs of others on personal growth and success.
• I highlight the importance of choosing the right community or tribe that supports and encourages individual growth.
• I express his desire to create a tribe through the podcast, providing a supportive environment for listeners to achieve their goals and realize their potential.

What to Expect from "Beyond Your Default"

• I share my vision for future episodes, focusing on open and raw conversations.
• I make a promise to you, the listeners, to provide guidance, simplify complex issues, and offer practical life advice.
• I am to help listeners develop a roadmap for their lives, unlock their potential, and navigate their journey of personal transformation.

The Timing and Purpose

• I talk about why now is the right time to launch "Beyond the Default."
• I emphasize my comfort with myself and my desire to leave a positive legacy and make a difference in the lives of others.
• I express my passion for catalyzing personal growth and helping individuals realize their dreams and aspirations.

For each episode, we'll also be sharing resources, third-party research, and tools you can use to take what you hear in these conversations and apply it to your own life ... in a way that makes the most sense for you.