Today we continue our Enneagram subtype series and unpack the Self-Preservation instinct for Types 4, 5, and 6. Kelly explains how SP Fours pursue uniqueness through carefully curated “special” things, why SP Fives conserve time, energy, and resources, and how SP Sixes seek safety through alliances and preparation, including the phobic vs counterphobic expressions. Damon pushes for plain-language summaries, mistype clues, and real-life tells. If you’ve ever wondered, “Am I a One or a Three… or an SP Four?” this one will help you sort it out.

What you’ll learn:

• SP Four: authenticity, endurance, and why they can look like Ones or Threes
• SP Five: minimalism, boundaries, and guarding energy
• SP Six: security strategies, alliances, and phobic vs counterphobic
• Quick motivation checks to avoid common mistypes

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Kelly and Damon wade into the deep end of subtypes starting with the self-preservation (SP) instinct for Types 1, 2, and 3. You’ll learn how SP shapes motivation (not just behavior):

• SP One: striving for goodness, future-proofing with order and control, and why it can look like a Six.
• SP Two: playful, guarded, seeking love and protection and how that can mistype as a Seven.
• SP Three: “be the best, look modest,” working tirelessly for security while hiding the need for admiration.

They revisit the “three-layer cake” (dominant, secondary, repressed instincts), clear up common mistyping with Sixes, and preview next week’s episode covering SP Types 4–6. If you’ve ever wondered why you plan, protect, or perform the way you do, this 401-level walkthrough will click.

— Rate, follow, and share if this helped you spot your subtype!

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Kelly and Damon kick off a brand-new series on Enneagram subtypes, the instinctual variants that turn 9 core types into 27 flavors. This is the deep end: self-preservation (sp), social (so), and one-to-one/sexual (sx), plus the “three-layer cake” of dominant, secondary, and repressed instincts.

In this episode:

• What sp/so/sx really mean, and how they shape each number’s style
• The “cake” model: why your dominant instinct runs on autopilot (and what to do about the blind spot)
• How subtypes explain look-alikes (e.g., a social Eight that resembles a Two)
• What’s next in the series: Week 1, Self-Pres (Types 1-9), Week 2—Social, Week 3, One-to-One
• A quick reflection homework to help you spot your stack

If this helped, tap ★★★★★ on Apple/Spotify and share it with your Enneagram group.

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Kelly and Damon unpack how a Type 9 processes “Be assertive” and why it can feel like a threat to calm rather than an invitation to contribute. Together they map common misreads, offer gentler phrases that work, and give Nines a simple reframe to keep their voice in the room.

What’s inside:

• How “be assertive” can land as “start conflict” (and what to say instead)
• Gentle prompts that invite a Nine’s perspective without pressure
• A self-check for Nines: “Are they attacking my calm or making space for my voice?”
• Workplace & family scripts you can use today

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When you tell an Eight “calm down,” they often hear “you’re too much,” “you’re out of control,” or “I’m censoring you.” 

In this episode Kelly and Damon unpack why protectors (8s) lead with intensity, why that phrase lands as a threat to autonomy, and how to keep connection without dousing their fire. 

Try better scripts like: “I can tell this matters, can you help me understand what’s driving it?”, “Can we slow the pace so I can track with you?”, and “I’m listening; I just need a second to catch up.” 

We close with a reframe for 8s: “Is this about calming me down, or slowing things down to create understanding?”

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This week we unpack Enneagram Sevens, the joy-bringers who can feel shut down when they hear, “Can you just be serious?” Kelly explains how that lands as “You’re too much,” “Your joy isn’t welcome,” or “We can’t take you seriously,”.

We’ll give you better language that invites focus without killing the vibe:

• “I love your energy, can we shift gears for a minute? There’s something important I want to share.”
• “This might feel heavy, but I’d really value your perspective.”
• “This conversation may not be fun, but it matters to me.”

Plus: a simple reframe for Sevens, Is this taking away my freedom, or deepening connection?, so seriousness doesn’t equal punishment. Practical, kind communication that keeps both delight and depth in the room.

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Damon & Kelly break down how well-meant reassurances land for Enneagram Sixes (The Loyalists). When you say “Don’t worry” or “It’s fine,” a 6 often hears “You’re on your own.” We cover why that triggers alarm (not trust), what it communicates beneath the surface, and the exact, better phrases that build safety, collaboration, and momentum. 

What not to say to a 6:

• “Don’t worry about it.” / “It’s fine.” / “No big deal.”
• “You’re overreacting.” / “That’ll never happen.”
• “Trust me.” (with no details)
• Silence or moving on when they raise a concern

What to say to a 6:

• “Walk me through what you’re seeing -  I want to understand.”
• “Thanks for flagging this; your questions help us both.”
• “Here’s what we know so far and the options (A/B). What risks do you see?”
• “Let’s map the risks and next steps together.”
• “You can trust me with this - you’re not on your own. When’s a good time to talk it through?”
• “We’re okay right now because [facts]. What did I miss?”

It works! : Sixes build security through transparency and partnership. Clear facts + shared problem-solving lowers threat and raises trust.

Reframe for Sixes: Is this lack of detail a real threat - or just a different communication style? Do I need more info, or absolute certainty no one can provide?

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Type Fives value space, clarity, and time to think, so “We need to talk” can sound like “prepare to be emotionally mugged.” In this Lost in Translation episode, Damon and Kelly break down what Fives often hear versus what we mean, and offer practical language that preserves autonomy, protects energy, and gets you the thoughtful input you want.

You’ll hear:

• Why drop-ins and vague invites drain a Five’s “battery”
• The core misreads: I’m about to be overwhelmed, put on the spot, and trapped
• Exact phrases to use instead, giving topic, timing, and expectations up front
• A reframe Fives can use to tell discomfort from avoidance

Clarity is kindness, especially with Fives.

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In this episode of Beyond Your Number, Damon and Kelly unpack how silence, quick responses, or even well-intentioned pauses can land painfully with a Type 4. For Fours, depth, authenticity, and connection are everything and when we don’t respond, they can misinterpret it as rejection, abandonment, or being “too much.”

We’ll explore why this happens, share personal stories, and offer practical ways to communicate so Fours feel seen, valued, and understood. If you have a Type 4 in your life (or if you are one) you’ll walk away with simple but powerful tools to strengthen connection and reduce miscommunication.

What Not to Say (or Do) to a Type 4

Silence with no explanation: heard as “You’re not worth responding to.”

Ignoring their message (text or in person): feels like abandonment or rejection.

Moving on too quickly after they share communicates “Your feelings don’t matter.”

No acknowledgment of their depth or creativity feels like invisibility.

Silent treatment experienced as punishment.

What to Say Instead

“I heard what you shared, and I just need a moment to think about it. I’m here with you.”

“This really matters to me. I want to slow down so I can respond thoughtfully.”

“Even though I’m quiet, I want you to know I care.”

“I value your authenticity and creativity, thank you for sharing this with me.”

“Let’s circle back tomorrow so I can give this the attention it deserves.”

Reframe for the 4: Ask yourself, “Is this silence rejection, or is it reflection?”

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Threes often hear praise like “you’ve got it all together” as “you’re a fraud.” In this episode, Damon and Kelly unpack how seemingly harmless comments can trigger imposter syndrome for Enneagram 3s, and what to say instead. Learn phrases that affirm a Three’s worth beyond performance, how to set/receive boundaries with care, and simple ways to show appreciation that actually lands. Plus, a few real-life stories (porch mums included) and a reminder that rest, not more doing, is the path to health for 3s.

Things to say to a type 3:

“I love the heart and integrity you bring to this.”
“I value you for who you are, not just what you get done.”
“You don’t have to impress me, you’re already enough.”
“Thank you for all you did today, and even if nothing got checked off, you still matter to me.”

Several more in this episode...

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