Beyond Your Number

Same Enneagram number, completely different behavior? Your subtype explains why. Learn the 3 instincts and which one gets your attention and energy.

A listener asked us to go deeper on Enneagram subtypes (also called instincts), so we are circling back. Your number tells you what motivates you. Your subtype shows where you naturally focus.

Social (the teamers): Asks “Do I belong here?” Reads the room, notices who is included or left out, and cares about group dynamics. The blind spot is overfocusing on fitting in and reputation.

One-to-One (the hunters): Looks for chemistry, intensity, and deep connection. Passionate and energized, but can chase intensity or mistake it for intimacy. This is not about sex or romance. It applies to friendships, work, hobbies, and creativity.

Self-Preservation (the farmers): Asks “Am I okay?” Focused on resources, comfort, stability, and being prepared. The blind spot is overpreparing and putting comfort ahead of growth.

You will also hear:
 How the 3 instincts stack in each of us
 Why your dominant instinct feels automatic while your third one feels like avoidance
 Self-check questions for each instinct to help you find your own
 Why the same number can look so different from person to person

Damon and Kelly share their own subtype experiences, including how a social 8 can look nothing like the stereotype.

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Grief isn’t only about death. Every big change can be a loss, and each Enneagram type needs something different to grieve in a healthy way.

In part 2 of our grief series, Damon and Kelly walk through all 9 Enneagram types. You’ll hear what each type needs, the invitation each one can accept, and how to use your arrows (growth directions) when grief gets messy.

Why change, even happy change, can bring grief: a new house, a different car, an empty nest, a milestone birthday.

What each type needs when grieving:

 Type 1: Permission to grieve imperfectly, with help from the 4 and the 7
 Type 2: Someone who asks how you’re doing, plus boundaries from the 8
 Type 3: Rest instead of performing, and a move toward the 9
 Type 4: Feeling deeply without becoming the grief
 Type 5: Support and connection without isolating
 Type 6: Reliable people, honest information, and one small daily action
 Type 7: Staying with the hard feeling before reaching for the silver lining
 Type 8: Safe people who can see your tender side
 Type 9: Taking up emotional space and answering “how are you” honestly

If you’re walking through loss right now, or want to support someone who is, this episode gives you practical, type-specific ways to move forward without carrying grief into your next chapter.

New episodes of Beyond Your Number every Wednesday.

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Grief looks different for every Enneagram type. Damon and Kelly walk through how all 9 types cope with loss and what each one needs to heal.

Damon's father-in-law recently passed away after a short illness, so this conversation is honest and still raw. Kelly, a former counselor, explains the stages of grief and why they rarely move in a straight line.

Grief is not only about death. Moves, lost pets, and changes we can't control all count, so this episode applies even if you haven't had a recent loss.

Here is what each type tends to do:

Type 1 tries to handle grief "correctly" and can skip the heart. T
ype 2 takes care of everyone else and forgets themselves. 
Type 3 keeps working through the to-do list and needs rest built in.
Type 4 feels the loss deeply but can end up isolated. 
Type 5 pulls inward and needs a safe person or group. 
Type 6 plans for the worst case and can bypass their feelings.
Type 7 keeps things light for everyone and avoids the quiet. 
Type 8 stays strong for others and needs space to cry. 
Type 9 tries not to make it harder on anyone and can quietly disconnect.

You will also hear why grief can show up as anxiety, numbness, brain fog, or physical symptoms, why the second year can be as tender as the first, and why you don't have to walk through it alone.

Kelly also shares two short resources, the book Good Grief and the daily meditation guide Praying Through Your Losses.

This is Part 1 of a short series on the Enneagram and grief.

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Enneagram Types 5 through 9 each need a different way to journal. Damon and Kelly break down what actually works for each type.

The 5 learns to journal like a researcher, connecting what they notice to how they actually feel. The 6 names fears, separates facts from anxiety, and builds evidence they can trust themselves. The 7 needs journaling to feel like an adventure instead of a chore, with quick prompts instead of a blank page. The 8 just needs permission to write the honest truth, no prompts required. The 9 uses journaling to finally hear their own voice above everyone else's opinion.

Kelly shares her own daily journaling practice after almost 20 years, and Damon asks the questions you are probably thinking. Whether you journal every day or have not started yet, this episode gives you a starting point built for your number.

This is Part 2 of a two part series. Catch up on Part 1 covering Types 1 through 4 in the previous episode.

New episodes of Beyond Your Number drop every Wednesday.

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Journaling isn't one-size-fits-all. Damon and Kelly break down how each Enneagram type can journal in a way that actually fits how they process life, not a blank page that feels intimidating.

Type 1, the editor, often turns journaling into another place to self-critique. Kelly introduces The Appreciation Journal, built around gratitude and release instead of another list of self-improvement goals.

Type 2, the relational journaler, tends to fill the page with everyone else. This episode introduces The Me Journal, a space built entirely around a 2's own feelings, needs, and wants.

Type 3, the time traveler, is a natural list maker, even in a journal. Kelly shares why The Experience Journal, like a 5-year journal, helps 3s track feelings instead of accomplishments.

Type 4, the poet, needs room to create, not a lined page and a prompt. This episode covers The Creative Journal, and why a 4's page might look more like art than words.

Damon also shares a story about his wife's six years of daily journaling about their son, and why she stopped exactly when she did.

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Type 7s avoid pain with positivity. Type 8s avoid vulnerability with anger. Type 9s avoid conflict by disappearing. 

Damon and Kelly wrap up the Feelings series by covering three types in one episode. Type 7s outrun grief and sadness by staying focused on the positive, but the difficult emotions catch up eventually. Type 8s use anger as a bodyguard for fear, hurt, and betrayal underneath. Type 9s go quiet on their own preferences and avoid conflict to keep the peace, even internally.

For each type, they walk through what the avoidance sounds like day to day, questions to ask yourself, and healthy practices to start processing instead of pushing feelings aside. Kelly's line from this episode says it best: feelings are fast, they catch up.

This closes out the four part Feelings series. Catch up on Types 1 and 2, 3 and 4, and 5 and 6 if you missed them.

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Enneagram 5s and 6s share the same core fear, but it shows up in almost opposite ways. Damon and Kelly dig into what each type quietly avoids feeling and why.

For 5s, the struggle is vulnerability and the fear of not knowing. Instead of processing emotions, 5s often retreat into their heads, gather more information, or withdraw and isolate. Damon and Kelly talk through what it actually looks like to notice emotion in the body instead of just thinking about it, and why sharing something before you have it all figured out is a growth step for this type.

For 6s, the fear is less obvious. It is not trusting safety or calm when it shows up. Healthy 6s can feel unsettled by good news because their brain is scanning for what could go wrong next. Damon and Kelly unpack the difference between evidence based fear and imagined fear, and how celebrating past resilience helps 6s build real trust in themselves.

Whether you are a 5, a 6, or you live or work with one, this episode gives practical language and questions to help both types move toward more emotional health.

This episode is part of an ongoing series looking at the feelings each Enneagram type tends to avoid.

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Threes and Fours process feelings in opposite directions: one moves fast to outrun them, the other gets pulled under by them. This episode breaks down both.

For Type 3, failure is the feeling that's hardest to sit with, along with sadness, shame, and a quiet sense of emptiness. Kelly explains why "I'm fine" is rarely the whole story for a Three, and Damon and Kelly dig into questions like who am I without accomplishing something and what emotion did I push aside this week.

Type 4 struggles in the opposite direction. Contentment and ordinary happiness are the hard feelings to access. Fours also tend to become their emotions ("I am sad") instead of experiencing them ("I feel sad"), which makes it harder to move through what they're feeling. Kelly offers a reframe that helps separate the emotion from identity.

Both types get practical tools: journaling that tracks feelings instead of to-do lists, letting trusted people see the real version of you, and building in rest that doesn't have to be earned.

If you're a Three or a Four, or you love one, this episode gives language for what's happening under the surface and a few questions worth asking yourself this week.

Next week: Types 5 and 6.

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Every person has feelings they would rather not feel. This new series starts with Ones and Twos and the emotions running quietly under the surface.

For Type 1, anger usually shows up first, but it is a secondary emotion. Underneath it you will often find hurt, exhaustion, and disappointment. Kelly walks through the questions that help a One name what is really going on, like what am I actually angry about and where am I holding myself to an impossible standard.

Type 2 tends to track everyone else's feelings while staying disconnected from their own. The tell is a quiet "I'm okay" after a night of pouring into everyone else. The key question for a Two is simple but hard: what do I actually need right now?

Damon (a Nine who claims to have no feelings) and Kelly keep it honest and a little funny as they break down what processing an emotion actually looks like: pausing, naming it, noticing it in your body, and taking a next step.

If you have a One or a Two in your life, or you are one, this is a practical look at the feelings that drive behavior and how to work with them instead of around them.

Next week: Types 3 and 4.

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Wrapping up the summer series with the final three types: 7, 8, and 9. Learn how Enneagram Sevens, Eights, and Nines each define an ideal summer, and where their growth edge shows up along the way.

Sevens want freedom, variety, and adventure. Damon and Kelly talk through last-minute trips, festivals, boat days, and why FOMO hits hard for a Seven stuck in a routine. The growth edge: slow down, stay present, and finish what you start.

Eights bring big energy and intensity to everything they do. Lake weekends, competitive games, and international travel are Eight favorites, along with a real need to let others take the lead sometimes. The growth edge: rest without guilt and make space for emotions.

Nines crave comfort, ease, and simple pleasures. Think porches, easy road trips, and backyard barbecues. Damon shares a personal story about nearly opting out of a family vacation decision altogether. The growth edge: initiate plans, speak up for what you want, and stay engaged instead of drifting.

Whether you're a 7, 8, 9, or just trying to understand the people around you this summer, this episode closes out the series with practical, relatable takeaways for every number.

New episodes every Wednesday.

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