Bible Beaters – Canada Comedy

Ep37 (Leviticus 15 - 16) The Bible Beaters get philosophical about gods ethics vs the Apostle Paul’s ethics after Caleb gets trolled on Facebook. Does morality evolve? the Bible says yes despite the fact god is timeless. Next we learn about how to make things unclean: 1. have a discharge 2. touch anything. Menstruation is very unclean and women who do it are not allowed to touch anybody for a week. Kyle bets a six pack that only 25% of people have periods. He loses. The biblical priests also gamble with the lives of the goats and kill one on god's orders.

EP36 (Leviticus 12 - 14) Caleb recounts his disastrous trip to Vancouver. Then we jump into the medical section on the the bible with both unclean feet. Periods are gross and women who have them shouldn’t touch anything. Skin diseases are unclean. So are discharges. If you have them you get kicked out of the camp. Turns out the best way to get rid of uncleanness is to crack a bird open and dip a live bird in the blood and splash it on whatever it is that’s unclean.

EP35 (Leviticus 8 - 11) A-A-Ron and his sons get their special outfits and oil dumped on their heads and become “holy.” This holiness prevents god from killing them as long as they follow the rules. Of course the first thing god wants the priests to do after their ordination is kill something. They oblige. Apparently Nadab and Abihu didn’t get the memo and use unauthorized fire to burn some goats. This angers god, whom ,may I remind you is slow to anger and abounding in loving forgiveness, to burn them alive with spontaneous holy god fire. Next we learn about why Jews can't eat bacon, or monitor lizards for that matter.

EP34 (Leviticus 4 - 7) Caleb tells us about his weekend in PG which naturally devolves into a heated argument about animal abuse. Biblically, we get into the concepts of thought crime and how one can be guilty for the sins of others, more regulations about what animals to burn, abstract ideas about what it means to be holy (nothing), topped off with nepotism sanctioned by the lord god. At the end we read an email about the parallels of the bible to the moron bible, I mean mormon.

Ep33 (Leviticus 1 - 4) Kyle gives us a summary of the bible up to this point which highlights how little he pays attention. Then we dive into the book of Leviticus. Which is primarily about what animals god wants you to kill and how to kill them. Not humanely is the answer. We learn about the 5 types of offerings and when one is supposed to offer them (hint: all the time). Kyle postulates that the economics of sinning make it virtually impossible for any person to practice god’s laws.

EP32 (Exodus 35-40) This episode sucks. No way around it. The bible literally repeats the last 8 chapters about the ark, table, lamp stand, tent of meeting, priestly garments, etc. It's terrible. We wont do this again.

EP31 (Exodus 31-34) Caleb is nearly dead of hangover from AMF. More measurements and specifications. BUT THEN, Moses goes away for a bit and the Israelites figure he's gone forever and come to the logical conclusion that they should make themselves a new god. They melt down their earrings and make a golden calf and start worshiping it. This angers god and so he tells the Jews to kill each other. Over 3000 people are murdered by the sword. Next is a long section praising god about how nice of a guy he is. Slow to anger and abounding in forgiveness. What a guy.

EP30 (Exodus 29-30) More of god's demand about how to worship him. It's weird. First you put on your fancy garments. Then slaughter and disembowel a bull. Next you smear blood on your ear lobes and on your big toes and sprinkle blood on the altar and pour the rest of the blood on the ground. You do this everyday for seven days. I wonder why they don't still do this in church? God then demands your money so he won't kill you. You know what you did.

EP29 (Exodus 25-28) Caleb tells us of his trip to Los Angeles. Next we learn about the exact specifications of the things that likes. He likes Ark's, tents, tables, basins, lamp stands, priestly garments, murder, oil, and incense. Kyle accuses god of being a sixteen year old girl. Honestly its pretty boring. Even pastor Wesley asked if we were gonna read this shit.

EP28 (Exodus 23-24) Kyle and Caleb discuss failed business ventures. Kyle tells everyone who listens to this podcast to "GO FUCK YOURSELVES" Caleb calmly tells him to lower his eyebrows. The podcasts divulges into a general discussion about Christianity and what Jesus talked about. Then we get to talking about more of gods laws.