Presented by Julie Busteed

Are there people in your life you find difficult to get along with or really understand? I am examining biblical strategies to help grow and build healthy relationships, and communication is a key tool.

A verse you might be familiar with is everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry (James 1:19b). Honestly if we all practiced that, I think there would be much less miscommunication.

Let’s break this down. What does it mean to be quick to listen? Studies show good communication is essential for organizations. Marjorie North—a communications expert—says we only hear half of what is being said in any given conversation. It’s true, isn’t it? I can be distracted by something outside the conversation, or I can begin to form a response to something the person said. No matter what distracts me, I struggle to listen.

You and I need to practice active listening. And I mean practice; it will take a lot of practice. Put the distractions away—and by this, I mean your phone! Give the person your full attention. I know someone who is so good at this. I can tell when I am speaking to him I have his full attention. It’s a great thing to be heard—really heard.

Some other ways to be quick to listen is to repeat back what you believe you heard the person saying. And if you don’t understand something, ask clarifying questions. Try not to interrupt them.

What does it mean to be slow to speak? I think we need to be careful and thoughtful. Examine your words before you say them. Depending on what the conversation is, you might even need some time to think before responding.

Do you see someone who speaks in haste? There is more hope for a fool than for them (Proverbs 29:20).

Those who guard their lips preserve their lives, but those who speak rashly will come to ruin (Proverbs 13:3).

James also goes on to talk about our tongues—what we say and how our words can bless or curse others. He compares our tongue to the bit that steers a horse or the rudder that guides a ship. What comes out of your mouth can not only corrupt your whole body but others as well. The Psalmist prays to set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips (Psalm 141:3). And the Apostle Paul encourages the Ephesians to not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen (Ephesians 4:29).

Good communication in relationships is necessary. It’s a skill you and I can practice and improve, but we need to be mindful and intentional.