Hiiiiiiiii. This week the big fact boys are joined by behavioral ecologist, jewelry crafter, and tequila connoisseur Emily. We discuss her onslaught of beefs with the podcast, the best type of urine for repelling coyotes, and dog beer. We then put her dog knowledge to the test with one of BFNC’s famous quote quizzes.

Aperitifs:

Yosemite National Park:

https://www.facebook.com/YosemiteNPS/posts/ask-a-rangeran-advice-column-for-yosemite-residentsdear-park-rangera-park-visito/2684141661634099/

Ask Clay:

https://www.azcentral.com/story/opinion/op-ed/claythompson/2016/11/20/ask-clay-wily-coyotes-may-not-care-if-you-mark-your-territory/93971608/

Article 1: R/RelationshipAdvice

Article 2: Basic Bitch

https://melmagazine.com/en-us/story/does-my-pet-know-im-drunk

3rd segment: Dogg, Dog*, Dog, or D.O.G

*Apologies to Duane Chapman, whose name is not Duane Griffin

Viva la resolution, my dudes! The boys talk lemon pepper weather, Sir Mix-a-Lot questions, and the best places to get free legal advice. We bring in two articles that both have updates/resolutions to their stories. We end on a topical tip about that dude who used to live in the White House.

Article 1: Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2016/07/a-coworker-stole-my-spicy-food-got-sick-and-is-blaming-me.html

Update Article:

https://www.askamanager.org/2016/10/update-a-coworker-stole-my-spicy-food-got-sick-and-is-blaming-me.html

Article 2: Ask High IQ Lady

3rd segment: Topical Tip on 45’s blog

The boys talk 2.5 men, Paul’s inability to unicycle, and Phil’s scrabble strategy. All that before diving into two columns focused on sore losers and cheats. We end on a Eurovision segment we should have spent more time researching. Forza Milan!

Article 1: Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2019/06/my-boss-got-weirdly-aggressive-about-winning-a-game-and-now-wont-stop-claiming-im-angry-about-it.html

Article 2: Digital Life

https://www.usatoday.com/story/tech/personal/2015/06/06/words-with-friends-cheating/28532489/

3rd segment: Eurovision musings

Let’s get dipped, tossed, and nutted, boys. Paul and Adrian talk spicy mango gummies, folksy etymology, and the relative popularity of Jon Favreaus on twitter. We then address the hippo in the room: our unending and blatant hypocrisy. We talk through religious hypocrisy and humor hypocrisy in our two columns before going through some jokes on reddit and Facebook that make us groan.

Article 1: Aunt Dara’s Christian Advice Column

http://askauntdara.blogspot.com/2013/07/she-thinks-her-husband-is-hypocrite.html?m=1

Article 2: New York Times Social Qs

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/08/30/style/wedding-parents-advice.html

3rd segment: Joke Critiques

As always, Paul and Adrian would like to welcome our listeners back into our podcast home. This week the boys discuss the dinner-show experience of Medieval Times, Paul’s inability to determine if something is a blanket, and how to interpret posters on a bedroom wall. The duo then tackle two columns about houseguests before diving back into the bottomless pit that is MajorGate.

Article 1: Buzzfeed’s Stephen LaConte

https://www.buzzfeed.com/stephenlaconte/advice-boyfriend-shares-bed-with-guy-friend

Article 2: Carolyn Hax

https://www.seattlepi.com/lifestyle/advice/article/Carolyn-Hax-When-your-houseguest-decides-it-s-12829019.php#photo-11611120

3rd segment: Majorgate part 3: Feline groovy

This one goes out to all our moms out there. In this loving tribute to everything maternal the boys discuss the number of moms Adrian has, Paul’s mom’s taste in cinema, and whether or not Paul’s mom makes better half priced appetizers at Applebee’s than Adrian’s mom. Paul and Adrian then discuss two articles that aren’t supper flattering towards the mothers before going through a winner-take-all motherhood bracket.

Article 1: Slate Care and Feeding

https://slate.com/human-interest/2020/08/troubling-daycare-photos-care-and-feeding.html

Article 2: Ask Amy Advice for the Real World

http://web.archive.org/web/20181229061419/https://tribunecontentagency.com/article/mothers-affair-with-exchange-student-shocks-child/

3rd segment: Most iconic mom bracket

What’s crackin’ y’all? Despite some technical difficulties caused exclusively by Paul, we made it to this Friday’s deadline just in the nick of time. In this ep, we talk about the mothman’s dump-truck ass, representation in Pixar movies, and how to prove young earth creationism. We then bring in two art piece advice columns on spooky cryptids before Paul poses some intriguing hypotheticals for Adrian to mull over on mic.

Article 1: H.P. Lovecraft Answers your Relationship Questions

Article 2: Ask Dr. Eldritch

https://www.lulu.com/en/ie/shop/evan-nichols/ask-dr-eldritch-volume-1-are-aliens-eating-my-crackers-ebook/ebook/product-17krewdp.html?page=1&pageSize=4

3rd segment: Cryptid Competitions

The warm weather… the 8pm sunsets… the goddam pollen. Yup, I reckon it’s Spring my friends. Time for some Spring cleaning. Paul and Adrian discuss the conclusion of the squirrel saga, the aftermath of the Chris D’Elia saga, and Adrian’s feng shui techniques. The boys then tackle a question about landlords leaving their shit on your rental property before getting into some more interpersonal drama with friends and coworkers who don’t know how to keep it clean. Lastly, Paul gets dirty with Mr. Clean in a fan fiction quiz.

Article 1: Urban Diplomat

https://torontolife.com/city/dear-urban-diplomat-is-my-landlord-allowed-to-store-junk-in-my-backyard/

Article 2: Sierra’s Spicy Takes

https://statehornet.com/2018/11/sierras-spicy-takes-bad-hygiene-and-age-gaps/

3rd segment: Mr. Clean fan fiction game

It’s BFNC like you’ve never seen it before. Faster. Stronger. Harder. Darker. Grittier. Paul and Adrian discuss militarized Pokémon police, GTA soundtracks, and the fragile fallibility of human memory. The boys then take on some tough questions concerning people’s varying vice choices and a slew of questions answered by everyone’s favorite person to dress as for Halloween in 2016. They then wrap with a lively discussion of perhaps the greatest gritty reboot of all time featuring everyone’s favorite teenage terrapins.

Article 1: Ask AlphaBitch

https://lindsayglazer.com/wine-hating-on-weed/

Article 2: Ask Dr. Harley Quinn

https://community.dcuniverseinfinite.com/t/closed-ask-harley-quinn-weekly-advice-column-submission-thread/651624

3rd segment: The boys review the gritty reboot of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)

White boy summer isn't about reading descriptions. It's about doing, getting things done. Rough housing with your boys, pause... or dont ;) 

Care and Feeding: 

https://slate.com/human-interest/2018/10/parenting-advice-racism-n-word.html

Racked: ask Frank 

https://www.racked.com/2014/2/28/7615437/put-some-real-clothes-on-activewear-is-for-the-gym

Third Segment: 

Paul for you