It’s almost over. We have to keep telling ourselves that. Where are the cops? Where is the military? Why did middle age Setrakian ride a horse around the corner? Why didn’t anybody on the show clap when “you know who” got mouth-dicked? These are the questions we’re left with after this, the latest installment of crap from the creators of The Strain. It’s almost over.

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Well hey there Boardwalk Empire.  Nice for you to show up.  In easily the best episode of the season, Boardwalk has set up some conflicting parties going to war nicely.  In this commentary, Jack and I discuss our favorite moments of the episode, then realize we’re just talking about every goddamn Capone is on screen.

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Ammon, Moreno, and Law are in good spirits this week as they step up their game, not only with new technology, but with a brand new game. We call it Pixar or Porn and it’s as bad as it sounds. We play a clip from a movie and Ammon has to determine whether it’s from a Pixar film or a porno. Ammon may own this round but things will only get tougher and stupider as we figure out what we’re doing each week.

As  for other stuff, TV Round-Up has talk of Ray Donovan, The Strain, Sons of Anarchy, and Boardwalk Empire while What Did You Watch lays down some sick beats for THE EQUALIZER, SIN CITY: A DAME TO KILL FOR, FILTH, BAD ASSES, I AIN’T SCARED OF YOU, OCULUS, FRANK, and AIRPLANE. All that and Kupka calls in with a review for A WALK AMONG THE TOMBSTONES.

Then it’s a walk down sounder memory lane as Moreno empties his old folder to end the show. I cried.

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You kn0w what?  Fuck it.  I LOVE Sons of Anarchy.  I’ve tried to balance my love and hatred for the show and I just have to let love rule, like the great poet Lenny Kravitz says.  It’s insane and illogical and that’s why I love it so much.   Plus, how can you not love Jax, the smartest, most clever gangster who ever gangstered.  It’s amazing to me that for years, every gang known to mankind still trusts Jax.  Listen to Jim Law and myself carefully and expertly dissect this amazing episode with precision and wit.   I don’t even think Law burps once.

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Ever wonder why constantly reference “lethal mouth penises” on this show so much? The evidence is in the picture below. Just to be clear to any and all television shows looking to make a name for themselves in the future, if you have two of the most annoying, awful, ridiculously horrible characters in your story, whatever you do, don’t put them in the same scene together and try to force some sort of corny sub-plot down our throats for any amount of time in any episode ever. The Strain does exactly that here. Twice. We’re too far gone to care about this show anymore and even the decent stuff is pissing us off. And seriously, is there any worse looking bad guy in modern television. We try to break down why we hate The Master so much but can’t get past his lips. And his ears. And his chin. And his ball-sack cheeks. There’s only two more episodes.

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Boardwalk is trudging along like a wounded calf through molasses.  Goddamn I’m poetic.  You’d think with only 8 episodes, they’d speed things up.  But in true Boardwalk fashion, the producers are like “fuuuuuck you”.  While trying not to be too negative, Jack and I get into what we like about the season and the episode so far.  This includes Michael Shannon’s face on some lady, the difference between strippers then and now (hint: ping pong balls) and more Godfather references.  Because why not?

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Moreno, Ammon, and Law have united once again to waste your time in epic fashion. Google Voice is played, movies are reviewed, and television is watched.

Firstly, Moreno chimes in with his own King of Hollywood idea and some way or another it ends up starring Geena Davis. We also get some voicemails concerning the subject that center around the ultimate James Bond movie and A-list porn.

TV Round-Up gets serious with Boardwalk Empire, Sons of Anarchy, Ray Donovan, and The Strain while Ammon checks out the premiere episodes for Forever, Red Band Society, and Z Nation.

What Did We Watch is packed full of hate for TRANSFORMERS: AGE OF EXTINCTION before we branch off into other, better, films such as SPACE STATION 76, MAPS TO THE STARS, MANSOME, and Moreno’s thoughts on EDGE OF TOMORROW.

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Peaches Christ, what a fantastically awful episode.  And I’m not even sure if it’s a good or bad thing.   The good things that came out of this episode (and commentary) is that we’ve begun to keep a tally of the number of wrongful deaths in this entire season.  I believe with this episode we’re at 13.  Other things to come out of this commentary:  Unser is a lizard, Wendy fucks everybody, Gemma has a dry vagina, Jax is so cool.  We’ve always known Juice has cried a lot but fucking hell.  Anyway, listen and enjoy.  Shakedown!

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Jack and I are getting a little, but not overly concerned with how Boardwalk Empire will play out.   With 2 episodes down, 6 more to go, and 231 storylines to wrap up, it seems there are too many spinning plates to satisfy a full course meal.  Seriously, I don’t know what the fuck that even means, and I could easily delete it but I’m too far in now.  We’re happy to see Al Capone show up in this episode, as well as are new favorite character, Elliott Nessbylewski.  Also, despite IMDB’s slacking, Paul Calderon is indeed Nucky’s bodyguard, we confirm it by checking Twitter.  So there.

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Lots to talk about this week as Law and Ammon sit down with a few dozen beverages and their microphones. TV Round Up covers everything Sons of Anarchy and The Strain while Law finishes off the Gary Busey experience on Celebrity Big Brother UK.

Then we play a game called The King of Hollywood in which we both answer what would be the first movie we set into production the day we were declared The King of Hollywood. Who would direct? Who would star? There are no limits, budgets, or anything that can hold us back.

This week’s Google Voice game involves a special caller delivering the inception version of voice translation, putting Ammon the the test. Meanwhile, Law sets a ridiculous task for himself in October.

What Did You Watch is filled with films new and old. Making appearances are THE KARATE KID II, BEVERLY HILLS COP II, HONEYMOON, RAGE, ZULU, KITE, I KNOW THAT VOICE, PIRAVATE PARTS, and EDGE OF TOMORROW.

Stay tuned this week for our commentaries of all the new episodes of Boardwalk Empire, Sons of Anarchy, and The Strain.

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