I had a strange thought that kind of tripped me out actually and sometimes when I have these insights or something that I see not for real but sort of see as inner seeing it freaks me out and I've had that happen a couple times lately and then when that happens I sort of say to myself not now which just means that's not happening now so I don't need to have like the next scary thought related to that thought I don't know if that works but it seems it seems to because it's difficult to to embody having these sorts of inner visions and impressions the mayor not may not be true they're almost like future predictions or possibilities and then some of them are bit freaky and then if I get freaked out it could produce more freaky thoughts and then I could be just scared and terrorized by these possibilities so that's why I've been saying not now and I haven't had to do that very often but for example I had this sort of thought about how one day we'll probably be able to like upload ourselves into the cloud because we're uploading data and documents and everything so one day you know will probably be uploaded into the cloud and I was sort of related to simulation theory which says chances are one day will be in a simulation version of reality and if if that's true then chances are were already in a simulation which is kind of weird it's a good simulation so I just related to that I'm like well we've probably up in the cloud which if we're all up in the cloud we would be able to almost project infinite simulations as our cloud selves and basically if we all went up into the cloud as our cloud selves and then the earth got destroyed because it inevitably will be at this rate yet if a few human survived eventually those few humans would probably go back to just living like the indigenous people did you know because everything else was destroyed or everything that was created by the mind of man didn't work out so it'd almost be like okay let's not do that let's go back to being indigenous people and then eventually they would just be like the indigenous people again and the earth would restore itself to some extent and then all of a sudden maybe like the people from the cloud come back and that's like you know the appearance of the alien you know the alien species which basically came back and then you know maybe decided well let's put the jeans back in the people that were indigenous in order for them to actually create again this world of man in the biology because you know it was kind of boring up here in the cloud in infinite simulations and an instant gratification you know we we want to go back to the world where we don't know what's going to happen where they're surprises where you know everything feels real and material and everything and then you know then they get to the point where is it oh we're uploading yourselves into the cloud again this sucks well let's wait for the earth to be restored and then we'll go back down and do it again so I had that thought that you know people would go back to the indigenous nature and then it was just sort of start all over again maybe that's already happened numerous times if not that would make a cool movie script right another thing about connecting to this inner energy this inner voice this inner information that's producing different voices or different information or different thoughts creativity it's to me it's almost like the voice of nature and it's the voice of Gaia and it's very distressing to see all the things that are happening to the earth and that's one of the things that causes these aberrant weird behaviors is that somebody's like in distress over all of this and instead of being able to communicate like oh my gosh look look like we're due into the world and each other it's taken as this person is unwell but really we need a listening ear we need somebody to listen to us and and I'll just talk us back into reality but also listen to some of the concerns because a lot of them aren't actually personal concerns if somebody was so concerned about themselves as a person they would probably be doing actions and behaviors to further themselves as a person as like a ego in society which that's what a lot of people are doing and most people are doing you know and that's what success is measured by but other people are connected to a different source of information that is telling them things that goes against society's ideas of success so even if someone did hear it wouldn't be valued it would just be like well that's whatever but it's a different voice it's like a voice of Gaia in my mind and there's talk about the coherence of the heart I've read a little bit on the heart coherence and it's probably related to like the heart math Institute I haven't read anything by them but I did come across a website complete coherence calm and it talks about if the heart is beating in coherence then you have like positive emotions and if it's incoherent then it's negative and when I think about being in altered states of consciousness where I'm extremely fearful and and terrorized my heart is beating terrified ins it's probably very incoherent and I'm very scared and you know if I'm in a state where I'm really happy and content and feeling balanced and centered then my heartbeat is probably very coherent but if I had this contented feeling it'd be very difficult at the same time experience emotional distress so what I've realized what I saw what I sent was that it's possible that this emotional distress this mania and psychosis is actually an electromagnetic imbalance its heart incoherence the heart is beating in terror and that's producing terrifying thoughts or even the other way around but thoughts are just sound which are vibration which are frequency which are energy and the heartbeat is also it's moving it's beating and it's producing electromagnetism and the electric field would be surrounding and going through the entire body and that's also related to breathing so a person will be like maybe breathing shallow or fast and erratically so I feel like a person has to like perceive something that's scary if it's a thought or an image inside it then produces the terrifying electromagnetic field of the heartbeat and it's difficult to change that so if a person has the terrified heartbeat extreme terror there's electromagnetism that's surrounding and going through the entire body and now you have the release of chemicals of biochemicals like cortisol and adrenaline what I'm saying is the electromagnetism creates the bio chemicals and then what's treated is the bio chemicals so maybe there's medications given to do whatever to change the biochemistry of the body you know they say it changes the biochemistry of the brain because it's a biochemical imbalance in the brain well maybe there's an electromagnetic balance which is causing the release of the biochemicals and so by just blocking the biochemicals one's not getting to the root what I'm saying is a person could maybe and we already know this like certain breathing calms a person down well the breathing changes the heartbeat the oxygen and getting oxygen into the body relaxes the body and then the biochemicals change so a lot of it to me is just reacting to say a fearful thought which is a vibration which produces the biochemicals so again why is somebody having these thoughts out of nowhere that aren't related to the present moment well it could be that there's an accumulation of thoughts over time which moves somebody away from the present moment so far to the extent that it's almost like all of that added together now creates that next level of terrifying pneus that imagine having say a hundred bad thoughts and all of a sudden 100 bad thoughts over time creates one really terrifying image well instead of having to think the hundred bad thoughts now you just have to see that terrifying image so it as almost like created this conglomerate in the body psychosomatic organism that a person could potentially be triggered into reacting to and then having a very strong beautiful reaction um and that could go with trauma to that it's stored in a different way like it's one thing if something happens and say somebody you know sticks up middle finger and traffic you think well that was a jerk what a jerk now that's a thought but if something terrible happens and it's like one hour long ordeal thats toward more is like an image movie in the body then just that one little incident so in that way something more more big can be stored and can come up and create a lot of trouble so there's you know there's some apps there's an app called stress doctor and it's about breathing to create more coherence and there's also complete coherence but then you need a chest strap to do the coherence breathing stuff um but how many of us don't even know how to breathe properly I remember once when I was in the psych ward I kept having these waking nightmares where I'd fall asleep but then I would immediately wake up and be having like a waking nightmare of some terrible kind and then this one night I was doing this breathing exercise that somebody had told me years ago and was doing it and doing it and it's annoying definitely focus so much on breathing but I fell asleep and I didn't have a waking nightmare and I didn't have any nightmares that night and that was only time that I managed to do it the other days I didn't manage to do the same amount of breathing or hadn't figured it out yet and then after that I still I did it but not to the same extent but the one time that I did it got my breathing in order I didn't have that happen and it was pretty amazing that just the breathing stop that and there's even that holotropic breathwork thats related to breathing and getting some of this stuff stored in us out of us so there's a lot there's a lot to that the breathing and the the heartbeat no it's the physiology and that that incoherent physiology is creating some of these images and thoughts that were being terrified out in there of the reinforcing its reinforcing itself so I'm wondering like if I have some of that fear I could almost interrupt it with some of these physiological things that I can do and holotropic breathwork also talks about how the psyche is always moving us towards healing so these experiences there a healing process it's not pleasant but it's a healing process and you know in a way it's like giving the universe the benefit of the doubt that it knows what we're doing and to me it seems like emotions are like stored gestures words experiences looks sounds physical injury if we had any and we use these experiences as memories to try and protect ourselves so if we're looking around in reality we can recognize something that we experienced and labeled as bad um these are these are stored patterns so we use all these so-called like bad experiences to protect us from bad experiences but by doing that we just keep accumulating more and more bad experiences instead of just letting things pass through us and and just you know giving the universe the benefit of the doubt and we just become so wound up and so tense with all these protections we think they're protection but really they're imprisoning us and we keep those memories to protect us and then accumulate more to protect us and then by keeping them in our memory we're seeing them when they happen again and then this puts us into fight or flight which then gives us the sort of poison chemicals of like fight or flight so by judging things as bad we're actually poisoning ourselves and I thought of a different term instead of fight or flight how about it-- or light aight as an all right means it's neutral and it's just like well it's alright just let it pass through and light is energizing or uplifting or causing wonder or aw so instead of using our eyes as a fight or flight why not look for beauty and and love and lightness and things that energize us and those things that energizes are actually like the oxytocin experiences in the bonding the other day I was walking on the street and under a tree sort of behind a hedge on some kind of public property there's a woman and a man and she was sleeping she was in a sleeping bag and it was kind of in a city like in a town that you don't see a lot of homeless people they don't really all hang around but so she SAT up a bit she looked at me and she had good morning like I said good morning and it was just wonderful because it was like I noticed her there and I wasn't thinking anything about um she shouldn't be there or anything like that I just happened to notice cuz I heard her speaking to her her friend her guy friend and so when she said good morning it was just like two human beings acknowledging each other not as me walking along the sidewalk and and her sleeping in a sleeping bag on a on a grassy hill somewhere where she probably shouldn't be and she didn't even say it like this person's going to tell on me or and he sort of concern about anything it was just it was just so nice and you know in a way she's free or I don't know it doesn't matter it was just good morning it doesn't have to be anything more than that I was just I was just surprised I was pleasantly surprised that I just received such a beautiful good morning from beautiful person on a beautiful day in beautiful circumstances it was such a gift and and another thing I saw was I was going to the grocery store and there was two teenage girls sitting on the sidewalk and and one of them was upset she was crying not out loud but I could see she was crying but I didn't really notice she was crying at first I I what I saw was an older lady with white hair giving the young girl a package of portable tissues of Kleenex and you know she wasn't it was just very sweet you know older older generation woman you know giving her little pack of tissues to a young girl who was upset and I didn't really I don't really see the girl or anything but when I walked out of the grocery store i just i smiled just when i walked by her i smiled and she smiled she was still visibly upset and what it was just to me another beautiful moment and I feel like looking for those or[Music]being open to those is amazing and there was actually a post on on facebook a while ago and I don't really use Facebook I don't really know how properly but I came across this post that there was a man really upset and probably homeless maybe on something I don't know and he was on public transit on the train and a woman just reached up an older woman and just put out her hand and grabbed his hand and he basically went from being quite aggressive and angry and probably scaring people on the train to sitting down on the ground beside the woman holding her hand crying and somebody said like why did you do that and she said he just needed his he just needs a mother or he just needs basically some love you know and that was just to me an example of the power of love it's more powerful like if if she can do that I don't understand why more people can be helped when they're in these extreme states without undue force you know it's all about a professional distance and all this stuff like we're human beings no I need of human beings is love there's no there's no innate programmed need in human beings for violence even though that's what's glorified in the world now I wondered a while ago why someone going through an upswing of energy at some point becomes drained and I've talked about how it's almost like have anyones battery charged and then trained within each interaction one has over time but I also thought about how those energetic states and that heart electromagnetic field produces helps to produce the bio chemicals which are some of the happy chemicals so there's the tryptamines and dmt which i think is a tryptamine which i think is made in the pineal gland I'm wondering if this extra energy this electromagnetism is what creates the epigenetic changes to create the molecules of these other states such as Ananda what it was it called an and amide which is an inner cannabinoid so all these exogenous things we like to take in order to change our state's a LSD marijuana we produce all of these exogenously we take into our system within our system to me in the state of mania the inner pharmacy gets going and creates these molecules that put us into these other states naturally I didn't take anything extra to go into the state of mania it just happened and I'm wondering if this electromagnetic field is what ignites this other state and maybe causes the epigenetic changes to create these molecules and I'm wondering if the state doesn't stay if we burn out if we get drained because we don't have the right molecules the right diet for example or the right vitamins or we run out of certain minerals because we don't have the storage of them or we don't progressively store up them by being in those states slightly so what I'm saying is that state could have drained a lot of nutrition that we don't normally need because we're not usually in the heightened state so for example say in that state I was producing DMT and on a normal day to day basis I don't produce that much of it maybe that utilized a certain mineral or certain amino acids and caused an imbalance in those amino acids so then that would cost maybe imbalances in other amino acids and I'm just using this hypothetically but what I'm saying is it could have just been lack of the nutrient to make that thing to stay in that altered state or it could have been using up the ones it could have even taken away from the ones we need for our sort of like quote unquote normal waking consciousness so then when we come down off of it all of a sudden we have this sort of chemical imbalance and I'm not saying that's true or proven or anything because it's not but and I'm not saying biochemical imbalance in the brain per se but it could have short-circuited our brain I think it's more like an electromagnetic biochemical change and and I think too that that's where some of the healing of love from another person or care comes from because that changes the electromagnetism of our electric field because their field interacts with our field and then that coherence in our electromagnetism can actually bring back some of the bio chemicals that we need in order to heal then that could be part of the healing power of relationship and laughter and connection you know maybe some of these if we create more oxytocin maybe that heals different things in the body that were unbalanced and i don't mean unbalanced as in like it's a permanent disease but it definitely creates shifts so I because I just wonder like why does a person get drained and mania like why does one not stay there forever like yes it gets dangerous but it also does sort of run its course and and a person sometimes ends up say in depression and it could just be that one's drained of minerals and essential nutrients that that state burned up it's like a hyper octane state and you know that could be some of it is like oxygen by getting the oxygen back in one body and the oxygen is actually electrons and you know electromagnetism is electrons and so maybe when the electromagnetism goes down then a person as all of a sudden depressed from like lack of electrons or like lack of electromagnetism which it could be partly connection connection to other people connection to the earth because a lot of times in extreme states a person becomes more and more isolated by virtue of having their own personal little ideas and thoughts and wonder and sharing less and less of their experience with other people because you know if the one can isolate because they're in a bad state but one can also isolate because they're in a good state thinking I don't need anybody this is wonderful I just have my own wonder pneus and wonderment but so yeah I'm very curious about that and I also feel like it could use a lot of a person's minerals so like the minerals are the active sites of enzymes and it could use up a lot of enzymes in the process of these states because there's so many more so many more synaptic reactions I'm guessing in the brain because so much is happening like firing up and all the sudden at all those reactions would utilize so many more amino acids and minerals to create those enzymes of and all of all of these signaling molecules as well so it's almost like they just get kind of used up and one has to like regenerate but then what if one was able to not have to have them all used up and have this regeneration period and that could be part of the importance of sleep and if one is in a manic state oftentimes they're not getting sleep so they're not allowing any time for the brain to regenerate if the brain can regenerate eight to ten hours a night oh it's fine but if all the sudden person sleeping two hours a night and the brains not regenerating that could really really use resources and then if they all get used up it's no wonder a person feels depressed it's because they don't have any reserves left of those molecules that they need in order to have a daily functioning and I can also see that all those reactions in the brain are creating new neural networks I remember having so many thoughts and ideas I didn't know what to do with them all and if i was to act on each one i would need a million lifetimes in order to carry them all out and i feel like that could almost be like this next level of the brain like growing and making all these new connections and making all these new connections and then there has to be again a process of pruning which is what am I going to do with all this so that could be part of like the crisis is that all the structure has been built but there needs to be some pruning so there's like a depression and a period of time where a person just really needs to rest so the brain can kind of like prune a person needs to be incapacitated to just sit there and not take it any new information by participating in society and going out on a daily basis in doing all these things because that'll just create neural networks and new associations and things so one just really needs to rest and let the brain prune and you know it's one thing to be able to have all those thoughts and insights and creativity create such a brain structure that once rested a person going out about a daily reality will now have the connections to see more connections doesn't mean a person has to act on every single one but they can make new associations based on like this hyper brain growth and it could be a structure in the brain that is almost like invisible to the human eye we can't even see it so dr. dan siegel talks about how the mid prefrontal cortex relational fibers go missing and somebody with bipolar maybe they were always missing or maybe they disconnect and in my mind you know why do we have why are we missing these relational fibers which we need to relate to society to me it's almost like the society we've all created is not sustainable it's society based on power growth materialism you know fame fortune and all these things that are actually quite antisocial and you know yet we call that the relational mind what I'm trying to say is these relational fibers that are missing actually Michael missing by design because we're not meant to relate to that structure society that is actually quite superficial we're not supposed to reintegrate in that we're not supposed to keep participating in that that's one of the reasons why it cuts us off from that but I feel like this hyper associative learning phase might actually grow different areas of the brain that maybe aren't discovered or different pathways of the brain that aren't discovered yet or maybe can't be seen or maybe it's actually about getting rid of some of those areas of the brain and that's better than actually growing brain cells is getting rid of some of the brain cells that are actually the ones responsible for how we relate together that's actually destroying each other so I feel like to that after this potential brain growth or new new connections when I was talking earlier about how some people if we store our memories of our hurts and sadnesses and now what that's doing is it's allowing us to perceive more and more of that and then I talked about how when I go out oftentimes I see something very beautiful like someone being kind and saying hello or you know a big fat spider in his web that he just finished creating and that's lovely and then the next level is all this brain growth from say a manic state which created all these hyper associations that I can't necessarily act on all within this lifetime what I'm saying is it creates all of that for me to possibly see out in reality now it creates that for me to relate to as opposed to my own past hurts and actually when I do go into seeing reality mirrored with my own past hurts that's when I go into psychosis so it's like my my hurts and my traumas and whatever that are still there somewhere but I don't think about on a daily basis if I gets resonated with well then I'm going to see more of that but usually I just see beauty and and good stuff so I'm wondering if these states of mania actually create and change the brain neural plastically to disassociate from consensus reality to some extent which some of us need to do with the species is going to survive and actually associate with different thoughts or thoughts that came from a different order of reality which was not one's own authorship it didn't the thoughts I had I didn't they were new they were something new there were new insights and seeing new things and new associations they weren't something that I thought of like by just Oh thinking didn't work that way so I feel like it actually is like a brain changing process so it grows our brain in a certain way and then it makes us crash so we can integrate it and it's it's very it's difficult but at the same time you know it's almost like the universe is desperate to grow brains like this because it'll grow it make us crash and then we usually get pathologized because of that and then God get put on medication which is trying to prevent it from happening again when I feel like harvesting some of the point of all of it is some of the protection in terms of the altruistic feelings and in getting with that in daily reality so there's that idea that designing altruism into services as a good thing for helping people because when the fastest ways to feel better is actually to do something for somebody else so say I put in a hundred pounds of effort whatever that means into my own personal recovery by changing this and doing that and doing this I might only get this far whereas if I put 10 pounds of effort into helping someone else I might get this far so I don't know where I got that measurement but basically I'm just trying to say that the altruism we're helping other people might be what it might be what this state is trying to get us to move towards so by moving towards that in daily reality after that means we've gotten the message and we're being congruent and coherent with what the entire point of the entire process was and I'm not saying that's the only point but it's some of the point and that to me is self-evident with the fact that so many of us in the state give stuff away do nice things try to be kind and then at some point we get like pissed off because the world's not like that not everyone's like that and then we see people doing stupid and we get mad and then or we started thinking why I'm the greatest and well that's not the point of it it's not I'm the greatest it's you got to be great to help everybody not I'm great for my own personal feeling and gratification so um so yeah that's just some thoughts I had about it these things I kind of see bye-bye just asking questions or really looking into something and I've done some studying about things and I just like to share them and talk about them because I find it interesting and I'm not going to go out there and do a scientific study on it because that would be like okay every single idea or thought I have if I was to do a scientific study on it I would need like a million lifetimes and I don't have that so I would just like to share it to share the thought to share the idea it's interesting you know connecting the breath to the heartbeat to the electromagnetism to the electrons to the minerals which are a positive charge and oh I even had this thought that I even had this thought that lithium taking so much lithium which is a mineral which is a positive charge might actually inhibit some of the active sites of the enzymes that participate in putting a person into a manic state or like a more depressed state so it might keep somebody stable by say there wasn't so much lithium but there was the spectrum of minerals necessary the body biochemistry might start having the proper amounts of minerals for the active sites for the enzymes to create certain biomolecules that might put a person into the hyper perceptive manic state and so it's almost like the heaviness it's like a heavy metal like keeping a person down and grounded or it could be we don't have enough minerals and the lithium is being a mineral to keep us balanced or something but it also a mineral just having so much lithium in the system it's like one frequency minerals or frequencies of light and it's like one frequency of light instead of and it's a big one that's like blocking all the other little frequencies of light and a person in and mania is kind of like more fluid on the spectrum of behavior and it's like me it's like it's like lithium keeps behavior like in that narrow band of who you are this is who you're supposed to be as a person in this society I've also heard that I don't want to use the word but say mental illness exists between people so it doesn't exist in a person but in the relationship or sort of the space between and I was thinking about how we have our own selves and as we're walking around in daily reality there's like this space between us and whatever it is we're seeing and usually when we're seeing something or judging it and so we're seeing the thing it's another person and then the judgment is actually in the space it's sort of like it's filling its flavoring the entire space around us this judgment that we might be having of another person and that goes with what I was talking about before about how our thoughts our words our vibrations are actually affecting the fabric of reality which is space and so this judgment feeling of somebody is actually also infecting the space and the the judgment is words it's also a feeling so it's just infecting this space and if you think well judgments in the space happiness is in the space but if we're choosing to walk around judging its judgment and so if we have this collective space full of judgment full of anger full of hateful the whole spectrum from good to bad you know at some point a person might manifest say mental illness well judgment and all that negativity is kind of a mental illness it's like it's not good but since it's invisible we think it's okay and then a person with a quote-unquote mental illness might be like judging themselves or hating themselves to the point where they're self harming but if we're all doing that and then some people get to the point where it's they're doing it too much they could be picking up on other people's judgments because it's in the space the judgment of people like their family members against them it's in this base and all of that a person ends up manifesting a so-called mental illness but it's in the space so it's not just the percentage it's all those vibrations in the space and the relationship between two people what I'm saying with this is not so much about how a person can manifest it as a mental illness supposedly but we're each responsible for this space that we have each relationship in each moment of each day that we have we're responsible for creating that space and what kind of space are we creating and if we're creating judgmental space we're adding to stigma judgment discrimination on every level of society so we're actually causing this in other people and in ourselves it's not someone else is just diseased in the head no it's like all in the space in the vibration and that's why just the love connection and relationship and understanding and dialogue can actually heal people of these ailments because it's the opposite of what the opposite of what caused them to sort of funnel down into those lower spaces of existence I had another thing that I thought was kind of interesting and that was basically that I've I've talked a bit before about how I never took on the diagnosis of having a mental illness so I took on the diagnosis but I didn't take on the mental illness so yes I'm a person living with a diagnosis yes the doctor did give me a diagnosis and expert professional said this is what you have here's your diagnosis and it's a mental illness and I'm okay with having a diagnosis but I don't necessarily ascribe to having a mental illness and that's why i like to think about it in a lot of different ways because i think there's actually you know thousands of more ways of looking at it that are really infinite and complex and beautiful than just mental illness so when I was talking before about how words are vibration so if I kept saying in my own mind mental illness that's like a vibration that's going to change my brain cells it's going to change the neuropeptides my brain makes and my body makes and it's almost going to it's almost going to really solidify that in my body so I never I never did accept that and I still don't it could be that the doctors think that I am but I don't and probably most people I mean wouldn't think that that's true in talking to me they wouldn't be able to tell anything's wrong so the system thinks that because they're the ones that see me when I'm unwell and some of my friends but um but I don't think that and I'm not trying to say that as denial but I just I don't even think it's healthy for me to think that way because i feel like the paradigm will change and one day they won't see it that way so in my mind I'm just sort of like ahead of the game with that and doesn't mean I don't accept help if I need if I'm in distress yes i have distress big time and i need help and maybe the help is in the paradigm of mental illness and that's fine but they don't need to know that I don't feel like that's a good description of it it's not even a description it's a term it's not like an umbrella term but basically what I'm trying to say here is that if i was to say that to myself all the time it would affect my heart electromagnetic field right so i made my put up a wall against that and I didn't let my heart beat beat with the thought that that's what I have and in that I didn't change my physiology to reflect the fact that that's what I think and I'm just saying I didn't let the diagnosis affect my heart because a lot of what I connected with in those other states of consciousness were all heart things heart-centered things altruism or even the terror of being traumatized which you know a trauma is like it hurts your heart if you physically survive it hurts your heart that's what trauma is and so I didn't let the diagnosis of fact those heart things I didn't let it explain away the heart stuff that I experienced and I really feel if I do have a disease I have a disease of my heart and at times my heart does get dis eased and that goes back to what I was saying about the incoherent beat and the electro the electromagnetic field in my heart it it changes when I'm terrified and a lot of what I experienced when I'm terrified is some of the the terrified things of the collective you know it's not it's like we share one heart and we have all these different brains but we really share one Harley you can't do a brain transplant but you can do a heart transplant and even some they say a lot of memories are actually stored in the heart so maybe there are certain memories that are stored in our hearts it's almost like it's almost like quantum growing pains like the quantum field is a different it's a different source I when I talked about the brain growth in mania that we maybe don't see our brains could actually maybe get smaller but maybe we get new different types of brain cells or something that are smaller because quantum computation and quantum processors are smaller so there could be quantum effects going on in the brain that we can't pick up on you and it may appear that we're losing brain cells and things but really really we're not I talked in another video about how only together are we immune against psychiatry and it's kind of funny to think that we could have herd immunity against psychiatry and I think of the word heard as it's meant in heart immunity but then I also think of it as heard as in h.e.r d as in hearing so if we're listening to each other if we're hearing each other if we're sharing our memes and our thoughts and our ideas if we're sharing our hearts not just the memes of the we've been through through all this but the means that we had when we were connected with our hearts at some point which might be a long time ago for some people because of being far removed from that experience but basically you know a lot of us are sad that our hearts were taken away in a way and so I feel like we need herd immunity it's not just us standing together but it's us standing together and talking and understanding each other and and sharing with each other and just holding space for each other that non-judgmental space that we can hold for each other because we've been there you know there is no judgment we've been there I also thought of mania sort of disorganized kindness and it's almost like a kindness disorder and mania gives us different reasons to be happy we're sort of happy from within for no reason just perceiving beauty and the wonder of the world and lastly I just want to talk about something I mentioned at the beginning of this video which was that words are kind of the problem and our words are destroying us and I talked about several ways this is so or possible and biology wants us to survive and so I've talked about to how children who develop autism are somewhat immune to words and words are using us so it seems important for certain people to be immune to words so words can't use children with autism and there's a lot of different theories about what causes it to develop and one of them for example is say antibiotic use so it's like we've gotten to this point where we're using so much antibiotics and pretend that is a factor I don't know for sure now if the antibiotics destroy the microorganisms and then basically a child can't learn words antibiotics are destroying words so by destroying the germs the terms are destroying the words and the words destroy us so it's kind of interesting that we've gone to this point that whatever it is toxic stuff toxic you know food toxic air you know going against nature with antibiotics and all these things that go against nature we're now producing children who can't pick up language in the same way and its language that has created all this mess by all the rational theories and all the logic but the logic is destroying the nature but our own logic is now destroying our own logic because we're having kids that won't be able to be so logical and thus maybe prevent logic from completely destroying the world or at least they won't care as much with a lot of what we value gets destroyed because they won't really value it they might actually be the ones to destroy it seeing that it's completely valueless so it could be interesting

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so the first random bit I want to talk about today is about experiential learning and how altered states of consciousness such as mania are sort of like experiential learning experiences so usually we try to learn by maybe reading or watching YouTube but it's another thing to have an energy take us over that causes us to behave in different ways that actually gets learning happening in our psychosomatic organism in our physiology in our neural plasticity so if I wanted to learn tennis and I practiced a lot of hours that would be embedded in my muscle memory as well as in my brain and neuroplastic changes in my brain certain areas my brain would be more connected or larger or light up when I'm in that action of tennis so in that way I feel like the universe is trying to get us to be some kind of player it's trying to get us to act and be in a different way and I talked before about how Buckminster fuller had a quote relating to the spontaneous social behaviors needed in order to save humanity and save the planet and I feel this energy is an energy that is creating some of those spontaneous social behaviors to save the planet and after a person has an experience like this at least in my experience it changed me a lot and I also had the thought that mania is sort of like disorganized kindness or or disorganized altruism a person to just popping around trying to be kind everywhere and being kind beyond one's bounds so for example I might in that state think that I should give all my money away because I feel like I have everything I need so i should give all my money to charity and while that's really wonderful and kind of me it is not going to help me function in a daily basis because i'll have no money to function so society is not structured the way that a person in mania feels it is it feels like Society runs on kindness and giving and sharing and love and that actually might be the underlying fabric of reality and how reality works naturally that's how we're naturally programmed from birth is to connect and to be kind to each other into care just like the mothers programmed to care for infant and the infant is programmed to respond so I feel like in that state that altered state called mania or maybe magic or mystery a person feels like they understand those underlying fundamental laws of reality and they are the laws of reality but they're written / by our clever human programs and so I also thought of this idea of how mania is kind of like its kindness and wonderful and lovely but a certain point it becomes altruistic anxiety it feels like one has so much to give and doesn't know how to give it and so it's almost like we implode because we have we just don't know how to be in that state all the time and perhaps because that state isn't the way society is designed it's a state we feel like we get to that state and it's like an infinite state and it's a timeless state so it feels like that's how it always is and that's how it always has been and that's just the way the world works but once reconnected to consensus reality we realized well as not the way it works but that state exists in a place beyond time it's always everywhere ever-present omnipotent it's something to do with the quantum hologram and it's like the underlying fabric but since that knot isn't how it is all the time we feel it just when we're in that state which feels like a timeless state but I still feel that that state wants to unfold and inform the material linear everyday reality so there's something to be harvested from that state and usually a person in that state it's too much energy there's way too much energy in that state and and I've talked in another video how it's like a person goes around dissipating all the energy until they crash and they usually crash lower than the baseline but it's because it's almost like it it is that painful to come back to daily reality from that timeless state and I'm not saying that's true this is just these are just some ideas and thoughts I had that I wanted to share nothing is absolutely true these are just words to point to that experience that I had and maybe other people have had to but it's it's not fact there's no facts in that state and[Music]and I've heard the term positive social contagion and I feel like a person in that state is a bit of a positive social contagion in that they're being positive and having it mirrored back to them and I also feel like a person that has fallen flat on their face after a state like that might be able to create themselves as a positive social contagion in daily life it's able to be the physical time-space version of that timeless version of oneself or of the ultimate a person experienced and bring that into consensus reality and its really an another idea that I've talked about before is oxytocin experiences so oxytocin is more about bonding and social relationships and giving and sharing and those things that you can't really measure like you can't really measure friendship you can't really measure what a hug does you can't measure the feeling of a bond between a mother and the child yeah these are things that are just so innately programmed into us it's like the immeasurable is programmed right into us and we're so focused on measuring things and we've lose sight of the fact that the immeasurable is already programmed into our neurology and it's those things that that you can't actually measure that matter so I really see mania as a state of play as an invitation to relearn how to play or not even relearn because we already know it's forget those things that are put on top of our being that prevents us from playing as adults we forget how to play we know how to play it as children we didn't need to be shown how and then all the society structures came on us and we forgot how to play I think another thing this energy is inviting that we need to just play without motive without this is the reason you should play just being playful it's very important and being playful with each other being playful implies responding to social cues that are not necessarily written rules anywhere yet we have these other written rules that override our natural ways of being as human beings and then we have to remember the code of conduct and we think we need that code of conduct in order to conduct ourselves well we didn't really need that it was imposed upon us and I think this is especially important to practice with strangers in those other states of consciousness in mania strangers are very exciting and there's a lot of healing power and strangers because it's two people meet and there's no preconceived notions besides maybe some like prejudgments but there's no knowledge of the person from previous interaction so you can show up how you want to show up and you can really choose and you could really show that person that you're meeting with that this really is a friendly universe that was Einstein's big question or one of his questions was is this a friendly universe and I also wonder is this a playful universe so the universe not just friendly but also playful so I feel like mania is a positive social contagion it's trying to show us how to be in some ways trying to get us to unlearn certain ways you know a person that has that experience feels wonderful and then when a person is given a diagnosis and Medicaid medicated there's basically told that's not an acceptable way to be and I still feel that there's a lot of good behaviors and traits that come through a person in that state there's also some maybe not so great ones but it's almost like a person is restored to childlike innocence but they're an adult so they could do some harm but a person really does forget the rules of society and and does have to learn some of them again but it can be done in a gentle way I still feel a person can be invited to embody some of those traits they experience themselves to be instead of just going back to the person they were to make other people feel comfortable that oh this person is in recovery because now they're just how they were before or how I remember them well some of those traits are for you and some of those traits are for the world the world needs some of these traits the world needs some of this altruistic anxiety one of the things I dislike the most about having a crisis is that I need to go back to egocentricity I have to worry about my own health have to worry about making sure I get through it but other than that like once I get back to myself to a certain extent I go back to I feel is more of a worldcentric outlook when I think about stuff it's more about the world and that's how it was in mania to it sort of sparked my worldcentric nature and I think that's really important and that's something that I wouldn't want to give up so it really feels like some of these extreme states of consciousness such as mania ignite a sort of inner alchemy so there's different biochemistry going in on in the body and different behavior happening which creates different neuroplastic changes that change a person to some extent and I think there's a lot of changes that are are towards something meaningful so it's like an inner alchemy it's it's an inner process the transformation it's a renewal as some people have called it and to me it's almost like i think i remember reading about in neurobiology there's like a pruning of the brain at some points in development so some of the unnecessary connections get pruned off well to me some of this could be a pruning and it could be a pruning off of buying so much into society structures like a person that goes through this kind of crisis a lot of times has a hard time integrating back into society and to me maybe some of those bits of the brain were pruned off and maybe they need to be maybe we need less people buying into this materialism and this petition and this progress and this economic growth without thinking about gross national happiness or happiness of people and just waiting progress with with happiness but if we don't question the progress and progress at what cost we're not weighing the costs of the progress so if it's progress and all the forests are gone that's not progress at all we won't have any air to breathe so sort of this mindless progress and so to me the fact that there's more and more people being disabled from society I don't think these people are disabled like I don't think I'm disabled I think I'm enabled in certain ways and I'm disabled from really buying into society as it's structured and perhaps that's why I don't fit in but maybe I'm not supposed to want to desire to fit back in because maybe me not fitting into society is actually part of what's going to change society sort of an unrelated thought I was thinking about words and how in a different state of consciousness once I was playing with words and seeing different meanings and words and creating new words and deriving words and making words that already exist in two equations of physics and then being amused at how it relates and it's almost like in that state thoughts and words get out of control and are scrambled and maybe they get scrambled so when a person comes out on the other side they have a new language I feel like some of that state is trying to create a new language a language of oneness or it's trying to give us the language of the interior of the human being which is shared by everyone so it's everyone's interior language sort of the innate language that has been programmed over by all these words that exist in society and words really program us actually feel like words themselves are the root of the problem and I'll talk a little bit more about that later well more related to that I feel like it might be true that the prefrontal cortex contains a lot of our language and higher so-called higher functions of thoughts words and language and the prefrontal cortex is the thing that gets disabled to some extent or scrambled and I think it could be because it's evolved to a point where our words are really beginning to use us so we don't really use words now as much as they use us and[Music]the language is useful for communication but when we when we start to put more importance to the words then to the actual things that the words are pointing to them we have a problem because if there is a conflict it's just a conflict over words and then we're willing to do away your harm and actual something over a word which is just meant to point to some things and we're using words and rationality which is words to justify destroying life which is something beyond words it's something more than words our life created words but now we're using words to destroy life and that's a big problem and I've talked about before how I actually feel like the children being born and then developing or being born with or however it works autism it's because we've reached a certain critical mass on the earth where we can no longer have this many human beings using words to destroy life so these children are being born will be a whole generation of a very large population of people that have a different outlook on life because they just don't have the same language so they you know if you try to explain to somebody why they should go to war I don't know if they would do it like or maybe they would be more programmable I don't know it's gonna be hard to say but I actually I had this sense about something related to that but I can't remember right now even the stories and even the stories and ideas of psychiatry are our words it's a word to describe a whole entire living process and then with that word which is like a meme we're infected with a stigma and the meaning that that entails and I don't know if that's helpful I actually came across a website which is point of return org and they help people get off medications it seems like a very good organization i just thought i would mention that so i've talked before about embodying one's mania and i realized that it's sort of a process afterwards of harvesting it harvesting the traits and then seeing the possibilities and then practicing and then embodying so harvesting practicing embodying and by practicing it doesn't mean just going through the motions but maybe finding activities where a person is naturally utilizing that trait or perhaps taking some some kind of course to create that trait or seeing the way one was if one's not able to be that now what can one do to move towards being that way say for example I wanted to take Toastmasters to improve my self-confidence am i speaking because I realized that when I was in that state it came naturally but when I'm not in that state it's not there but I can still work towards practicing it and embodying it and I've talked about how to if I've sort of become that version of me that I was in mania in my daily life then perhaps I no longer need the mania to inform me because I thought the message about the type of messenger I'm supposed to be so it's not just about getting the message to say the message it's also how do i need to be in order to convey that message specifically what kind of messenger do i need to be what kind of communicator what am I here to say what am I here to do we're all wondering those sorts of things I really feel that that state gives a person a glimpse of who they can be in who they are underneath that programming it's almost like the adult child version of oneself so if I was to imagine that I was a kid and then I grew up and I never got all this societal programming from school from parents from whatever it's almost like the innocent unscathed trajectory of one's childhood to adulthood and that's what the manic state in a way is so it's I feel it's like a natural state but it's not natural in this society to be that full of life vitality and energy and it's very foreign so it feels really energetic whereas if it wasn't so foreign maybe it would just feel like normal so in daily life if I'm experiencing mild depression no energy lethargic is that the normal state of how a human is supposed to be get so many of us that's how we operate so what I'm saying is a person in mania might not seem really that abnormal and overly happy and energetic that might be the normal state of humanity but since everyone else is kind of dull doubt a person in mania seems abnormal because everyone else is actually abnormal in that they're not experiencing the vitality and the joy of being a human being and if everyone was in that joy nobody would have to be an extreme joy so yes harvest your manic traits practice them and embody them and hopefully that happens naturally in daily life anyway but it's probably not going to happen sitting at home watching TV which so many of us have been told to do and we haven't been told that as in ghosts home and watch TV but by saying you're abnormal you're ill you're not going to do very much or even to say you know you will recover somewhat that's basically what their sentencing us to a life of I remember once in an altered state of consciousness which was scary I saw on my computer screen it said language is a virus and now if you think about how so many of us have language going on all the time in our heads which sort of like infected by viruses and some of those thoughts and words and different things are good and some are bad and then if we have a good thought we like oh I like that so I want another good thought if we have a bad thought we say oh I don't like that so it's just all we are is this judge going on all day of judging our thoughts which aren't even ours they're just happening we just pick them up from somewhere and so when this whole scramble thing happens in different states of consciousness it's almost like antivirus software this energy comes in and takes over a person and if you could think for a second that language is kind of like a virus that's infected us we can't turn it off it's using us then this antivirus comes in and the language and our brains are scrambled and we don't know what thoughts are from where and when and how some are from past future me somebody else and we just don't even know who we are anymore well it's almost like the antivirus software and it's chaotic but at the same time if we didn't have that we could easily be turned into programmed robots at some point it almost feels like it ensures that we can't get to programmed by words and even if it risks doing major harm to some of us it also in a way saves us because it's a source of other thoughts of thoughts and ideas from somewhere other than our own circular programmed groove that we pick up as a program and it keeps us behaving according to some kind of societal norm which is just a very narrow band of experience and behavior and then that's okay but so many of us in that state that's called normal are so close and ready to just snap because we can barely keep it together so and that's just a person that doesn't even have this energy come in and take over so when somebody has this energy come in and take over all that circular thought that keeps us going in our daily circular habit of routine is broken up and maybe that's actually what is kind of needed because we're all living this routine and habit in society that we think is freedom but it's kind of just like a decorated prison cell and we just keep doing it we don't really think that we can do any differently you know we think oh add a few positive thoughts and life will be better and we can just keep doing the same old shitty thing well when something like an altered state comes in that energy we don't have a choice but to change and do things differently and experiment and play and be chaotic and be disorganized and I'm not saying that's wonderful it's not I'm just talking about it that it could be from a different level it instead of looking at as like a personal crisis or illness I think there is an over arching significance to it that has probably been talked about in lots of different places I just hadn't really seen it myself but I'm just having conversation as if I would to a friend and talking about it because it's very it's very interesting I see the evolutionary significance of it not just from the whole spiritual emergency or emergence paradigm where where that sounds kind of wonderful like we're becoming spiritual beings but I also feel like it's evolutionary in protecting us from our own self-destruction even though these states seem like self-destruction as in someone's destroying themselves bad but it's destroying the ego it's just drawing the ego structure which has become largely unhealthy I feel like psychosis mania I haven't used that word much in this but it's it ensures complexity it ensures complexity of humans of humanity and we're moving towards being more and more complex perhaps because now there are certain societies that are affluent enough to be able to consider these things like for example like changing one's gender I think that's an example of complexity were not all meant to be the same you know man woman grow up have children maybe that was like the original story that we still all buy into and maybe that was actually true when that was written that was absolutely true but evolution or creation moves towards complexity and if you think about more and more people whether there's more percentage of people who are of different sexualities or if more people are just being being more comfortable to come out with theirs I feel like right now the world could use ninety percent of men being gay first of all they're not going to rape women which is a huge travesty and not as many of them are going to want to procreate and have children and there's way too many people on the planet so I think gay men are actually a godsend personally and even women that get together maybe not as many of them will have children the world needs last children and so more and more people that are of that orientation to not have children are actually good in that way so what I'm saying is to me it's somewhat evolutionary it could be else to protect women because there's just so many horrific things um and also to have less population on the planet now that's just who knows if that's true right like how are you ever going to prove that you can't prove that and I'm not saying it's true I'm just saying that instead of hating complexity see that it's necessary and it's it only makes sense like if we were all the same every single part like every man was the same and every woman was the same it's like what would that be and then you know if you have people that are a little bit different and a little bit different where do you draw the line that okay now it's two different and that's not okay that doesn't exist it's just dumb so I actually feel like those altered states of consciousness are the power of creation because a lot of creative ideas come through those states and a person will have thoughts that they feel they did not author and I'm not talking about the scary ones I'm talking about people having insight and innovation and creativity and different inspiration and I feel like that's actually a source of some of the new ideas and things that we need in order to help the world because the circular thoughts that every single person on this planet practically thinks on a daily basis are not going to do the trick most people are thinking about their next meal or when they're going to do their laundry those aren't world-changing ideas so somebody goes into an altered state where always when they're connected to inspiration that really should be valued and if a person is in that powerful state and they're so inspired that they can barely function and they're acting weird that's just all the more sign that they're authentically in that state keep them safe protect them allow them to harvest their stuff that it's not even for them it's for the world and then and then help them to to to heal after basically being struck by lightning in a way maybe not one big bolt but it's just such a flow of energy that it's important to value that and and it makes sense that a person in that state needs the help of others needs care needs love needs attention needs understanding for that state to actually be utilized properly because if you think about it if a person could go into that state have all that wonderful insight and then just come out of it like nothing happened they could use that for wrong purposes or personal profit personal gain now if a person goes into that state and then basically it almost destroys them they have to have some pretty amazing help and support from other people and be connected to others and have others help them in order to bring whatever it was they discovered into reality because that would be the protective mechanism against it being used wrongly by just one individual for personal gain or it just shows the power of that state that it's almost like whatever it was that person was connected to in that other state they're trying to bring it into reality and if they don't get love and care and acceptance and understanding it's not going to be brought into reality and it's almost like the consciousness of humanity needs to be at a certain level for a certain number of people to gather around a person in that state and really fully support them to bring that gift through and when that happens maybe that thing will be created for the benefit and the good of all or I've talked about before how may be numerous of us have had certain visions and thoughts and experiences and you know we might have schematics and diagrams on our wall and this is utopia well if we don't talk to each other and collaborate we're not going to be able to create it because it's just going to be a picture on the wall and we could look at it and have warm and fuzzy feelings and thoughts and remember that pleasurable state we were in or think about how wonderful weird ingenious we are that we were able to to draw this schematic and we understand it and we see how it works but the schematic and utopia imply everyone else so there's got to be a certain number of people that oh you saw that too I saw that you saw the oh wait so many of us saw that so now we can co-create and collaborate because it's for the world it's not just for me like I went to utopia I came back now i'm here with everyone else I don't want to go back to utopia by myself that's why I came back here right but we forget that after being medicalized and you know told what's wrong and unmedicated we forget we went somewhere in a way was I can enter outer thing it's a mystery it's hard to explain you can't explain it you you can try but some of us don't come back some of us don't make it back to this reality where they go we don't know they might actually be in Utopia and they went there by themselves and maybe there are some people up there but or wherever it is but if we're still here it can be brought to fruition in this reality potentially what else is there to do ok sit here and watch movies or talk about creating a better world for everybody and I don't know how to do that I kind of went to that better world and I saw it but it's very difficult to stay there other people don't see it too so I was thinking about how the power of creation is also the power of destruction so the energy of those altered states comes in and almost it scrambles the words it scrambles the thoughts it scrambles one's ego it sort of destroys it and in destroying that it's actually creating something else so usually our ego is destroyed when our body dies but it can also be destroyed by this energy at certain times uninvited by the universe and it's a universal force that's the thing the universe could do this to anyone anytime nobody's immune and it just goes to show the power of that energy and right now it happens to a certain percentage of people who's to say that it won't increase in the number and percentage so these other ways of being that are really important in order to you know make the world better are actually of interest everybody and by destroying the ego it tries to bring about world centricity because usually we have egocentricity happening it's a world centricity I was also thinking about how words are sounds sounds are vibrations and everything is made of energy vibration so if we even have a word in our head that's a vibration and it's changing the fabric of reality so this is how our words actually really do affect reality and any thought goes out there and it creates some kind of effect whether it's a thought or word or I mean look or a gesture it does something and and we think we're able to hurt others but we only really hurt ourselves and even the sounds that are vibrations the words and our heads they're vibrating our brain cells and that vibration changes how we see so if you think well if we're thinking bad words in her head or bad thoughts whatever it's actually changing our brain so that is painting over the reality we see so we're seeing things negatively if we're being negative in our head we already kind of know that when you really think about it in terms of vibration you can really sense like that's how it's it's interfering those negative vibrations of the words in one's brain are interfering with the actual vibrations out there in reality and they're actually interacting with the actual vibrations in reality you think that you know that's not going to really change very much well yeah throwing a pebble in the ocean we'll just have a tiny ripple effect and that's kind of maybe like one thought but if every single person is thinking 50,000 thoughts a day x billions of people and they're mostly negative that is affecting reality that's words that sound in our minds that's vibration then we wonder why some people here terrible negative thoughts of other people's voices in their heads it's just it's just the collective manifestation like some people are going to pick up on that and some people are going to have that pattern happen where they're having sounds and words of other people supposedly in their own head and along with that is I feel like we have an inner voice like an inner fighting voice or that's nothing new but if we're always thinking thoughts and our brains repeatedly we can't hear or sense that inner voice and I feel like that is sort of the voice or the energy that comes through when people go into altered states of consciousness insane mania and they're having all these insights and new thoughts and new ideas and are super creative because that's the energy of creation and we are creators and we turn into habitual creatures because we have these repetitive thoughts going on in our on our heads but if that was to subside or a different energy comes in then there's a different sound there's a different source for those sounds it's an energy which turns into sound in our heads so we can hear the message or whatever that creativity that creation is trying to say so there's like the words of the energy of creation or there's the words of the habit of the ego and we're so programmed by the ego words that we're not connected to that inner source of inspiration and ideas it's like Eureka it's like serendipity and maybe we have that every once in a blue moon but we can have that all the time in terms of learning and seeing things anew we can actually learn by just walking around in the reality and being very attentive but we're not attentive because we're paying attention to our own ego thoughts so we're not learning so then we need to go to books to learn and then we read and then we try to like remember stuff but really if we're just intensely in the moment and present our perception will show us what we need each moment so I may have given the examples if I'm about to leave the house and I realize I don't have I realized that I need my keys well that doesn't that just comes out of the blue it's almost like something else calculates that oh you don't have your keys and so it pops in my head but i'm not actually I wasn't thinking about my keys and that's just a small example so these sounds these inner words these vibrations these negative thoughts the vibrating our brain cells they're changing our whole biochemistry these words these sounds in our brain are literally killing us and each other because they have an effect on body mind organism they have an effect on the quantum field of reality on the morphogenetic field so it feels like quite a jolt when this energy comes in and all of a sudden we have this creativity and we have this Wonder and we have this we have this aw yet we were born with that and then it gets painted over and then when it comes back it feels like such a jolt and it feels so foreign when that's probably actually our natural state I don't think it's our natural state to be so dull to be so monotonous to be so habitual to just do the same old thing every day and then watch so much TV so if you think of these altered states of consciousness of some kind of antivirus software coming in to sort of scramble up the ego and scramble up society to some extent and then almost a test to see how people will respond if they'll respond compassionately to this to see that it's a transformation or if they'll respond how they respond but basically giving a person that has this antivirus thing happen within them medication is like turning off a computer in order to solve a virus really we need to do something about the words the words are the virus and we know that to some extent and that's why there's a lot of cognitive behavioral therapy for thoughts oh you change the thoughts of it you change the behavior well what about questioning the words themselves how many of them do we really need do we need thoughts happening in our head all the time we're only limited by our thoughts which are words so much of what we do to self-medicate is to calm the words whether it's eating or doing something like bungee jumping or trying to get in the flow state we're limited by words and by our thoughts

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some people that aren't these extreme adventure sport athletes well the same can go for mania if mania is sort of a flow state can one bring some of those elements into one's daily life to be more flowy in daily life instead of just following into the cycle of depression and then not taking anything of value from the mania I feel like if something's taken and practiced then maybe the depression won't happen so much I also had a thought that it seems that there is an evolutionary force that's trying to shut down the prefrontal cortex so mania addictions schizophrenia you know probably various mental until illnesses shut down the prefrontal cortex which is the me the linear thinking the sense of separation and then there's a lot of movement consciously to shut it down through mindfulness through meditation through yoga through so many things that people are doing on a daily basis to shut it down and in terms of the flow state that shot sit down so flow is so great like why do we need this prefrontal cortex at all where do we get it from one of my questions is why do we condition kids out of their flow because I feel they're in flow when they're born to a certain point when they go to school and I learn the rules and they learn this and they learn the judgments and they learn how to measure themselves again and compare and then here goes the yammering voice yadi yadi yadi why do we give people why do we get children that voice at all and then we cradles hoopla and self-help and even this if this research about flow be like wow it's so amazingly flow right flow we got to be in flow well we were in flow when we were kids so why do we keep giving our kids this why are we allowing them to inherit this why do we keep going on with this and then interestingly enough I don't know much about the neuroanatomy or neurophysiology or neuro electricity or neurobiology of autism but I'm guessing that there's something ask you with the prefrontal cortex which is the me which is the thinking which is the reasoning which is the rationality which is the judgment which is the words which is the language why are such a large percentage of children acquiring or whatever happens of course there's lots of debate about why there's so many children that are autistic or on the spectrum they're not picking up language I feel that language is actually the problem we're talking about old genetics of this and genetics of that I mentioned in another video is really the memes it's the memetics it's the words we're poisoning each other with our words and now there's a generation of children being born or it's been going on for a while and I think it'll only get worse that are not able to pick up the language in the same way something that you know 20 years ago was taken for granted that a child would just pick up language now all of a sudden there's a whole profession and so many people trained on how to intervene to shove language down these children's throats who can't acquire it and we never questioned the words themselves we never questioned what it is we're trying to force them to acquire and I feel like the prefrontal cortex is on its way out through people going through these spontaneous crises and transformations and not being steady state and so many people meditating there's so many people trying to get rid of the very thing that we're trying to impress upon these autistic children and I'm not trying to say don't teach them language I'm just it's just very sad and interesting to me that I feel autism is evolutionary as well just like mental health and mania and this energy coming up through people in mania and in another video I talked about the spontaneous social behaviors that will stave off extinction and I feel a lot of those are expressed or someone in mania with their hyper altruism and sort of dissipate it out to the multitude and then the person crashes and instead of seeing them as sort of a hero temporary hero in a way they're seen as ill one day that will change and it is different in different cultures like the shamanic tradition a person is actually seen and supported to to cultivate their visionary abilities and to be a healer because they're recognized as this person is a healer look what they're already doing now let's support them to work towards integrating that so they can be that way on a daily basis embodied mania hello which is just another word and i actually created a word i called it show mania cuz i actually feel shamanism is shame anism i don't really know tomato tomahto I don't know the right way to say it I actually like shamanism better but I've heard a lot of people that are shaman's I jamin so I created a little word it's called Romania just sort of uniting the two views of shamanism and mania not that they're completely congruent but just to show parallels that if I was to create something around embodying ones mania I might call it shoe mania even though I know nothing about shamanism but anyways back to the autism my niece has autism and she is a genius like what I also feel is that it proves in a way that intelligence has nothing whatsoever to do with language and thought she's very intelligent she doesn't have that much language she's getting there she is enough to communicate with us but she can use an iphone and an ipad and play Nintendo and we like nobody's business and she's like three years old when she was able to do that I don't know what she is now in for and she's so athletic she's so energetic she's just brilliant and all that whatever she she didn't do almost anything without language that we do with our language so another part of the autism thing to me and I empathize with it because I have a nice but I don't empathize at the same time because there's nothing wrong with her she's a freakin genius and again it just shows you don't need thought so many there is action without thought and this relates to J Krishnamurti who I may have mentioned but I've read a lot of his stuff and he talks about action without thought and to me autistic children are showing you don't need thought in terms of words for action so many times we think we need to be thinking okay I gotta type on my computer in order for us to go and type on our computer that is not true but the trouble is that we're always yammering on that we think that the yammering actually relates to what we're doing and then it's different if it's something like driving where we can drive Yammer on in our heads and then not actually know how we got home and we think that's cool for some reason but there is also state where one can be driving paying attention to what's going on because it's actually quite beautiful and interesting out there and not be thinking anything and there's no thought required to drive whether you're thinking about something else and driving through habit or actually driving being embodied and driving your car which is equivalent to practicing the power of now which Eckart Tolle talks about he talks about when you're washing your hands pay attention to the sensation be aware and present and not thinking about something else when you're washing your hands and that's again just shutting down the me the prefrontal cortex that's practicing shutting that down and in that way I feel like we could be in more flow in daily life just by using the brain less in terms of this linear yammering thinking and the benefit is shutting that off they say well it uses less of the brain and that's the thing he talked about oh it's so interesting that we use yet less of our brain yet where we have more capacity we're more creative when we're in that state of flow we're not really thinking or just in the moment and where if we're thinking it's regarding to our creativity well that's the thing when we shut off this inner critic and everything it allows I feel more energy to be channeled through so I don't think of the brain necessarily as you know the more patterns going on the more it's doing this is just noise this is just actually interference so the brain is a big channel and is trying to channel energy which is the equivalent of flow and the brain is going strong while it's all getting scattered and all this creative energy is just getting you know you might have a creative energetic thing come through a little bit but then it's like well yesterday this and tomorrow that and blah blah blah and it's just going on and on and on and it's actually blocking the Clear Channel so I don't necessarily think what I don't really agree with what they're saying and maybe they're saying the same thing when they're saying that the brain is doing less and you can do more this yammering on is just habit it's just words it's just actually interfering with the clear flow of the channel that we are that would come through if we weren't thinking again how they say we think 60,000 thoughts a day mostly the same as yesterday if we weren't doing that then something new would be coming through we just assume we have to be doing that but it's just a habit and then like Jamie wheeler said her wheel said if he said I don't always said I lost my thought there so there's something there's something definitely to do with the autism thing and again the evolutionary movement to shut down the prefrontal cortex and it seems that if we don't stop giving it to our children and forcing it then children will be born where we just can't even program them to the same extent and one day they'll be a lot of them that are adults and they're going to have something to say they might not have the same vocabulary but they have a very rich experience and subjectivity and they perceive the world in a different way they see it with different eyes because they don't see it through all these words that we see it through and they're going to be telling us something different they might even revolt against us because they've already revolted against words and what are we were just a bunch of words we think we're a bunch of words because we think so part of the embodied mania thing is transforming mental health challenges into human potential so the human potential movement is also interesting and I feel that it can mental health crisis can be used as a transformative force it is a transformative force and it's not being it's not being supported to be a transformative force it's it's ending up in places it's not supposed to go you know it could be a different world if people are seen as visionaries with with potential who see possibilities who can be invited to share some of those in a way where they're sharing and then perhaps compensated in some way for the value that they're delivering so I really feel like it can move towards human potential and another term i came across recently well i think i already mentioned it is morphogenetic and i don't think that's the word that Steven and Jamie talked about but I wanted to in the spirit of real anguishing because a lot of this revision is actually real anguishing especially since most people see the world through the language they use and in a way the visions need to be translated into language and I'm not talking visions like oh whatever just what we see what we feel what we experience right now the language is one of pathology and it would be interesting to create more context and more language used to describe these things so then people can see and experience them differently and maybe choose a different paradigm and it doesn't have to be an exclusion to mental illness or diagnosis but there's big importance in making meaning out of the experience whether it's an illness or not especially because it's an illness may be so the term morphogenetic I think it could be more fo mimetic I'm genetic sounds like jeans I don't know if that's supposed to be genetic as in like generate i'm not sure where that term comes from well I know Rupert Sheldrake was the one to coin it and I do like the idea of the morphogenetic field but I feel it could also be somewhat a morpho-memetic field if there's all these memes and the memes are competing for brains base in all these different brains and human beings there is a more from mimetic field and it seems that there's a certain number of memes that are infecting our brains that I think are very detrimental so I'd like to invite conversation to change and contribute to the morpho-memetic field and I think that mania is an attempt to change the morph-o-matic filled with the spontaneous social behaviors and it's interesting because in mania when I experience spontaneous social behaviors a lot of people respond in kind consciously or subconsciously so it does create that little mark on their brains and their experience in their own holographic structure it re patterns that I feel like mania is the energy of a pattern that reap a turns reality through these spontaneous social behaviors and you know it keeps popping up in different places and people often act very similar in those energetic state so that says something that there's got to be some kind of reason our force or purpose around it and also maybe one day with all these people popping up and then people responding in kind to a certain level not the same energy eventually one day people will respond more and more and that will get passed on and passed on and it will change the fabric of reality until one day people have pop-up into mania are probably just normal that's just how most people are most the time happy playful going back to being childlike you think of being childlike and then you think of the biblical references be as a child or something I don't know I don't know much about the Bible though when I'm in those altered states I feel I know a lot about that stuff you so again with mania and the energy coming up through the person it's like a person gets charged like a capacitor and then they're going around and discharging little bits as they interact with different people and that energy gets spread out and dissipated over time so it's like being a capacitor actually now that I think about it if a person practices some of those manic traits that they experience in those high energy states and then they practice them in daily life when that energy comes again the capacitor will stay charged longer because it'll actually be embedded in the neurobiology of the person and maybe they'll get dissipated less and then a person will be less affected by this dissipating charge and go down slower or go down less it won't be such an extreme and such a fast dissipation of the energy so I feel that that could build up capacitance and so that's another important thing and not only that that makes sense too if a person is embodying their mania and daily life and the energy comes it won't really be such a big difference because they'll already be working towards being like that state that brain state as brain traits so it won't be that different so it won't be such like an up and down and also the energy might be able to stay or if the energy doesn't come again like that to an extreme as the person practices and practices and practices it gives the chance for the energy to come in and sort of fill that practice space so a person is able to go to a higher energy level in daily life by practicing even though maybe that energy never comes back to a certain extreme though it may but then again it just won't feel like such an extreme because it was practice so it could even be that mania or those states of consciousness are inviting us to pull up because hey this energy is coming so we better be able to embody it or it's going to make us nuts because if it is too much of a change it is like whoa I was this and now I'm in the depths of despair and that's really difficult to go from one extreme to the other because then the other extreme feels that much worse because we were just at the high extreme so not only does it feel like this is the worst thing ever it feels like what just happened to how great it was just a few days ago so it's uh there's a lot to that it's really interesting and that's why I feel like embodying mania or you could think finding your flow if you want to take those other terms maybe it's as simple as finding how one flows instead of thinking well I got to practice these traits just instead of thinking in terms of traits think in terms of the flow or the activities so say I get into flow when I'm reading and writing and thinking or watching YouTube videos do that more and then I'm in that I'm probably going to be practicing those traits and part of me making these videos for myself is like practicing the traits because part of me wants to be able to have a conversation about this stuff instead of waiting till I find somebody to have a conversation but just having a conversation with myself and what I'm finding and I guess it's true when I write sometimes too so if I have a thought or an idea and I put it down and writing then something else comes to me and I write it down and then build on that it's not like I had the entire thing before i started and i'm finding the same thing with making these videos for myself some of the stuff i started talking about it I think of another thought idea it comes to me and I'm not saying that these are they like true or anything but there are ways to think of it differently or see it differently in a way it's not really ways to think about it differently because I don't know it's not really something you think about the things i'm talking about that you kind of see it or you don't see it if you don't see it doesn't matter and if you've never been in these extreme states if you're a steady state person you're mine you probably won't see it but maybe well i shouldn't necessarily i shouldn't say shouldn't either hella Fords are getting the best of me right now so so I feel like perhaps maybe I feel like one day maybe when a person is able to practice embodying mania to a certain extent and kind of be in that zone that it'll be a self-fulfilling state where one is just in sort of a flow state that's not as Extreme as the high ecstasy of mania for the most part but it's like very much grounded and and in the state of love and joy and all those grounded balanced states of being you know I guess maybe some of it is just creating a balanced state between being active and having those spontaneous social behaviors and maybe part of it is just to pass along some of those spontaneous social behaviors and doesn't require that everybody go into mania and that's one of my things too is by practicing the traits maybe they'll be mirrored by other people so manic traits could be passed on to other people through gestures so we think of so much of sharing information of like thinking and idea thinking and words and thoughts but information is also action and gesture and I was doing some research on on that and how something like a kind act if somebody sees it they'll be way more likely to be kind to someone else in the next like two hours I don't know two to four hours or something so that's what i mean by gesture so manic traits say it was super generous and kind and friendly well maybe I can't be like that to the same extreme every moment of every day but I could be that two percent more and then from that two percent more build on to two percent more and two percent more until maybe I'm like fifty percent like that and being fifty percent more like that in daily reality passes on in gestures and in things people see throughout the day that changed their behavior that isn't about hey you need to change this and I guess that's part of that's part of the self-help is like you should do this and you should do that and you should change this which is a bunch of words dalian what to do well you got to put in your prefrontal cortex and practice and blah de blah so I think that's a great thing about the mania is that a person it's not words it's like I was this embodied for a short period of time in mania now how can I practice that in movement in action and gesture in the things that I say on a daily basis to again operate at that eleven that Jamie wheel said operate 11 and see what's present versus using the level of thought the self-help so the daily action again goes with embodying ones mania so harvesting the mania and the traits to embody and daily life and say being fifty percent manic but not in the state not unbalanced but manic in terms of the traits and the way one was and that's usually what feels the best anyway is how nice it was to be the way that we were in that state it feels great in the state but if we can be that way that we were we're probably going to feel pretty darn good on a daily basis so moving towards that and then yeah I'm seeing that changing through just daily action and I did research like random acts of kindness and things and people in mania are very randomly kind and these are the spontaneous social behaviors that Buckminster fuller I feel was talking about and the things that need to be solved beyond the level of thought and thought is the level that created problems seeing beyond problems and seeing that life's not all about problems when we're in mania life's not about problems it's about being playful being loving being caring and I'm generalizing here yes some people in those states get rather angry and in my feeling it's often times due to injustice and not necessarily personal injustice but things that are just not okay and I think I've talked about that a bit before so that's also why I'm making videos I just wanted to translate some of what I would have thought and explored or pondered into video and like I said we're sort of visionaries we can sort of see things we can see feelings we can see patterns and you can see like images or we can see how certain things extrapolate back into the past and maybe where it came from and was created and we can see extrapolations into the future so in that way we can kind of foresee the future doesn't mean that's the way it's going to happen but we can kind of see the pattern beyond the actual thing that's happening now and and extrapolate it and associate it and you can see ah like it can be scary sometimes so it's not really it's not really it's not really like anything to unbelievable that people can consents these things it's it's pattern recognition and I feel well they talked about in the flow state how we can recognize patterns more and that's part of being in flow it again goes with mania and altered states of consciousness we can recognize patterns and in that way we see patterns we see visions we see images and then we sense what that means and then that whole meaning gets translated from that image and from that feeling and from the impression into sound into words and the words that come from that that come from the pattern recognition they have a different intensity they have a different weight then the recombined associations from one's personal memory banks which are just mainly conditioning they don't have a very large value so there's a difference between thought that's going on the prefrontal cortex and repetitive and the thought that comes from insight which is the seeing of the pattern of the whole of whatever it is that one is seeing and that's part of the flow state too and that's how a person can have sort of like real intuition and felt senses of things it's just sort of the brain calculating beyond the linear thought pattern which is just very linear logical reason we think that that is where it's at but it's really where it was it's old it's not seeing anything new and and that's why people can really read body language and really read into things when they have altered states of consciousness is because they can read the patterns of the body and the facial expression and everything and ones energy and that's why a lot of people that are in these mental health crises don't respond well to so many of the people that are employed to help because those helpers many of them aren't there for the right reasons many of them are and then there's lots that are there with good intentions in their heart but their energy is not in the right place or the way they're approaching people or receiving people that need help people really need to be listened to but there's not really time for that so that's why diagnosis is a convenient way to not listen to people it's like writing them off so yeah meaning it could be some kind of high performance and it's like stepping into the high-performance vehicle version of yourself like yesterday I was the Toyota Corolla and now i am a I don't know trying to think of a high-performance car

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I thought of an insight related to buckminster fuller's idea of synergy indirectly at least and if it's about the quote that I mentioned about how something about how we need some spontaneous social behaviors in order to save the planet and I think mania is one of those spontaneous social behaviors or it's an energy that produces spontaneous social behavior and it does it in a way that's not contrived it's sort of a moment to moment thing and a person is walking around attempting to basically get people to play with them in a way and this play could be a spontaneous social behavior that we need but what happens is after a certain period of time that energy fizzles out either because it's too powerful or because a person runs into too many buzz kills and at first we're able to ignore the buzz kills and sort of just keep going or insert our positive projections of their experience of the other person's interpretation of it to sort of uplift it to the next level meaning if I'm in mania I might do something and somebody responds in a way that could be good and could be bad but since I'm in such a positive state I interpret their response in the positive way and that keeps me going even though inside their head they might have been kind of wondering what the heck that was all about and even that can be seen as a positive thing creating some cognitive dissonance or a pattern interrupt in people's daily monotonous life and I was thinking too that in mania a person is generally at least at some point very social and even if the person's not typically programmed to be very social they end up very social in mania and the socialness is trying to create more socialness or connections or bonding oxytocin experiences and then what happens is after that certain period of time where it fizzles out because it's not participated with a person really has to be participated with and uplifted I don't think they have to but it's trying to maybe create little sparks in all the people interacting with the manic person and then eventually those sparks are the dissipation of the energy it gets diffused out to the populace maybe that's what happens it's like all the energy is contained in that one person and they go around spreading and spreading and spreading it until they've drained their battery and then what happens is a person that's been relating in mania in all those mostly positive ways released for a good period of time ends up draining months battery and then going into mania or psycho I mean sorry psychosis or depression and then a person might have a team of say one between one and twenty people supporting them through the depression it's like well when I was in mania why didn't have 20 people around me uplifting me in and playing with me and having fun with me all the time like a solid good constant team and then it happens instead in the bad states the crisis the fallout the depression the the psychosis and then we have this big team of professionals and family and friends if they stay around to help us out why are there people helping us out when we're up here maybe they are and maybe people that we meet randomly as strangers are helping us out and it's almost like that energy is better dissipated in the strangers but then as soon as we go back to our family they have disbelief about how wonderful the world is it's not even disbelief it can be seen as disbelief about how wonderful the individual person is and the family doesn't see it that way because the family knows the person as a certain person and they're projecting their own crap on to this empty space of energy and sharing and that is a buzzkill for sure if a person was able to just go off and never come back maybe they would stay in that high energy state but it's almost like the the habit which is the family the habitat and the habits of the person are like a funnel that is eventually going to swallow the person up in terms of the family being well why aren't you doing what you normally do why aren't you have you usually are so in order to be that way or in order to sort of return to the normal state a person has to go through psychosis and depression and all these sort of disease states that make it so the family can capture the person in a way and keep them how they were or worse off and it's almost because people don't know how to uplift people in general they don't if somebody's doing well a lot of times we feel jealous just a daily normal life without all this extra extraordinary and extreme state stuff going on so I feel in talking about this that the manic energy isn't necessarily wasted it's just dissipated and imagine if a person in mania was able to collect miraculously a team of several people that would really saw what the person saw and was uplifting what the person was saying they might be able to stay in that state because they'd have a mirror to bounce these insights off of and stay there and I can just think for example maybe in the case of celebrities somebody's this isn't mania but they're thinking wow I'm so great i'm so talented I'm so amazing and look at me play my music or do my acting or something and somebody comes along and they're like yeah you are I want to help you by doing your bookkeeping or yeah you are I want to help you by doing your marketing and this isn't necessarily people saying it could be a company saying yeah you are talented we want to you know work with you or take most of the money that you earn so then we'll do all the other stuff and you just be the musician it there's like there's stuff in place for that there's record labels for musicians which is somewhat going changing obviously with the technology and stuff but it's almost like a person needs a record label for mania because they can't do a lot of different things but what they can do is pretty amazing

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I want to talk a little bit more about what I was talking about yesterday which had to do with talking openly about experiences that we've had in our different altered states of consciousness and in my case my altered states of consciousness resulted in a mental health diagnosis of bipolar one with psychotic features and the conversations that I'm talking about are not necessarily about disputing a diagnosis or trying to get rid of it or explain it away but rather to expand the conversation and expand the language and the vocabulary that we use to describe some of our inner subjective experiences relating to the diagnosis or you know the whole process before diagnosis in my case I was in an altered state for two months before I was hospitalized and then given a diagnosis and during those two months I would have never guessed that at the end of it all it was going to be explained in terms of a mental health diagnosis it felt like some sort of spiritual journey and spiritual experience a lot of it was really scary and a lot of it was really blissful but I never thought that I was mentally ill I was told that so if i could imagine that if I could imagine going back to how I felt about the situation on a daily basis as I was experiencing it before I was given a mental health diagnosis I could probably share a lot of different things if I if I could pretend that I was never given the diagnosis and then you know I just got through that crisis without and got back to some sort of normal functioning without being given a diagnosis and without being given medication I know that didn't happen what I'm saying is I would have a very large amount of things to share and talk about and different wonderings and curiosities and and I would be sort of in awe of the experience and I would think it was kind of mysterious and wonderful and magical even though there was a lot of really scary stuff to I'm not trying to glorify these states as something that I would want to exist in all the time I'm just saying that in retrospect if I was to talk about it without having a diagnosis I would share something a lot different than after I was diagnosed and after I was diagnosed I was told how to interpret everything that went on and just explain it away in terms of a mental illness and and basically that gave me the impression and it wasn't an impression was pretty obvious which was don't talk about what happened there's no point in talking about what happened and what you experience because it was just a mental illness and I think that is a mistake I feel that there's a lot of really interesting conversation that can come out of the experiences and that maybe it's conversation that we need to start having and again that doesn't mean that i say i completely disagree with my diagnosis I'm just saying that's a very small amount of the overall story that's part of the story but it's not the entire story and I think that you know it's troublesome to assume that just because I have that diagnosis that that's the end of the story in terms of everything that I experienced you know that would be like saying to someone who has cancer to just say I have cancer and not share any of the story your struggles or or anything about it just say I've cancer so if I'm supposed to just say well I have bipolar disorder and not say anything that I went through and I have shared stuff before but a lot of its in terms of like my recovery journey so it's like well these are the symptoms i had and this is how I've gone about my recovery journey and that um you know that's usually for like a hopeful story for people to get better but you know that's like the diagnosis assumes there's going to be some kind of recovery story and so a recovery story implies a diagnosis and a diagnosis implies they'll be some kind of recovery story well what about all the other stories yes there is a story of recovery but there's also stories from the experiences and what that meant and what it means you know so much of life has become quite meaningless and for me the states of mania and psychosis are very meaningful and i'm not meaning meaningful in terms of the meaning that i would like to just put onto it you know so often when we have an experience we think it means a certain thing to us which is usually projected from her past so in my experiences in altered states in mania and psychosis there's a lot of different meanings that I see that I wouldn't necessarily choose so for example if I have a delusion of some sort and what's called a delusion I might conclude that that means i have to die now that's the meaning it's not meaning that i want or would i choose but there's a lot of that type of meaning from you know i'm the worst in the world to I'm you know right up there with God so the feelings and the meanings are very diverse and very rich and I don't feel like talking about those meanings is the purpose would be to be like I want to cling to the good meanings and get rid of the bad because that would just be choosing based on our own personal preferences which are conditioned and you know that's like using the ego to sort of choose but I feel like the overall flavor can be extracted and I've talked about before how sometimes there are messages and there are special messages and there's a lot of thinking that special messages are bad and I talked about before how yes if I was to get a special message every second of every day that would be not good it would be a little overwhelming we we aren't really designed to handle that amount of a meaning that is seem special and meaningful personally and I feel like reality in the world actually needs these special messages it needs some people to feel like they're getting special messages from somewhere that are particularly designed for them it's almost like saying here's your meaning in life we're all looking for it and we assume that we have to work hard to look for it and then sometimes people go into a manic state and it's sort of given to them on a silver platter and the trouble is that it's a very high energy state and if a person is in a high energy state for a long period of time and then they come out of it it makes sense that it's going to take a little bit of time to re equilibrate to consensus reality so psychosis and depression are kind of like a hangover from being in a different dimension of this reality that it takes some time to to recover and so yeah the conversation isn't about negating the mental illness paradigm it's just about expanding on it and having more options of the language that we can choose to use at least with each other to expand our vocabulary on how we talk about the experience and and just doing that could be a bit validating and again it's not to be thinking that we want to go back into those states I actually feel like by talking about it more by talking about it more we're less likely to go back into those states because it's made into conversation of the whole so it's not like something other that would be felt as oh I'm going into something other than reality and if nothing less it would be slightly entertaining to share some of our stories of what we experienced and felt and thought when we were in those states I think together we'd probably create some really good movie scripts and you know there's how much of that is actually still hidden within people who have never spoken about their experiences and there's a lot of good stuff in there so I feel like I can have both a brain disease and lots of good stories lots of good stories that came out of that brain disease if that's what it is you know and it feels like it's a brain disease it's a disease of meaning there's so much meaning in there and a lot of it is not coherent it's not congruent it's ascribing meaning to things where there is no real meaning but it's like everything that we see when we're in that state of consciousness feels like there's some kind of meaning so the brain is making up the meaning and maybe some of that meaning can be brought into daily life that's what I'm interested in the most there is a quote in a book and the book is called I can't remember but the quote says something about I don't care about your spiritual experience I care about what you do with it afterwards and that really resonates with me because spiritual experiences are transient they don't happen all the time but what can be taken out of that experience if that spiritual experience didn't transform how a person is going to be in their daily life moving forward then it didn't really have any value and if it's just going to be held on to and wished for again you know there's there's drugs for that you know it's not really any different than just taking a drug which you know has maybe some value and like ceremony but not really something to be repeated it's like a learning it's like a journey thing and romanian psychosis to me feel like a journey inward so i think i think a person can both have a brain disease diagnosis and be a visionary and a visionary just a person who has visions and sees things differently you know and there's a lot of in congruence in the state of mania and psychosis between the inner and the outer and that's one of the reasons why behavior doesn't really match up if i'm experiencing something inwardly that isn't happening outwardly and I'm behaving based on the inward part and somebody sees me and it doesn't match up they will wonder and what I'm thinking is that you know there's a certain level of having a vision or seeing things in reality in daily reality that aren't congruent with how things may be should be in the world like say people killing each other and stuff and normally we can walk by that and not walk by but sort of get by knowing that that's happening and then in those other states a person becomes so sensitive that it's like why I can't stand that so it's almost like not being okay with that stuff happening so that's part of to me I feel like that's one of the things that start some of the in congruence is that our inner becomes incongruent with the outer in what is really happening in the world for real that we don't necessarily witness on a daily basis would get discontented by really and you know maybe a person retreats inside to some kind of utopia or this idea that we can actually do something about it you know in mania we feel like hey there's something I can do about the world I can help the world I can change the world well maybe we need people that actually think that way and even though it gets out of hand in mania perhaps it only gets out of hand because there's only a few people in mania doing that whereas if people consciously decided to be like that collectively there wouldn't be any manic weirdos out there there there would be if people were in mania they would probably be providing a lot of insight and ideas and visions for the people that actually wanted to take action so to me a person in mania is almost like a leader in a way but one gets lost in one's own inner vision an inner manifestation and and we don't know how to make it manifest outwardly and that's why we need to start talking to each other because you know all these visions are sort of within us and among us but we're not sharing them and then if we're not we're not able to take some sort of collective action towards that because our visions are pretty big and it's hard to do that by oneself and we get super passionate about certain issues and it makes reality difficult because people don't match our passion they can't see what we see and they can't feel what we feel and and so we get really disheartened and then we end up needing to take medications to suppress the passion that we feel and I feel like maybe one day we won't need to because that passion and energy will be valued in a way that it's actually utilized in a moment to moment basis and it's not sort of wasted and it may be if we're able to refine some of our vision will have a sense of where to channel our energy in her efforts so it's not met with opposition and what I mean by that is if I was in a super high mania and I'm just wandering around the streets I would just go from one thing to the next using all my energy and passion that I had in the moment and you know what I would probably meet up with quite a bit of opposition because I'd be trying to help and maybe somebody doesn't want help for example but if the vision was there and there was some sort of there was it was more refined it wasn't just me out in and in society with infinite possibilities of things that I could bump into and I could bump into trouble if there was a vision I would be more activated in the vision versus just being out randomly that is sort of how it happens at first if a person goes into mania they're pretty much doing random stuff so if we each had our sort of piece of the vision we if we went into that state we would be able to channel it and keep ourselves out of trouble more I don't know if that's true but could be could be helpful not only do we need more options for recovering from a mental health crisis and mental health diagnosis I feel we also need more options in the language we choose to talk about it about and perhaps if we talk about it with each other enough even when we go into the hospital we will be able to relate what's going on for us in a more coherent way that a person who is working in the system what almost understand what we're saying instead of just looking for mental health symptoms if we had sort of a collective conversation we would be speaking in a way that they would it would almost be like huh that actually kind of makes sense you know the way you just explain it kind of makes sense and you know I feel like one day we'll be able to not convince but we'll be able to go in there and be like this is what's happening for me i know this is what's happening and you know keep me safe for some days and i'll be okay not tell me what's wrong with me and give me a label and a diagnosis and then treat me I feel like one day we'll have the language well we'll have had enough conversation about it that we will feel strongly within ourselves we'll have more of a conviction about what's happening for us and I don't even know what all that language is and there's a lot of different language out there and it would be great to include all of it because whatever is helpful for each person you know if you could think of the best way you can explain it or the moat if you think of a most coherent way to explain it you could think about the most magical way to explain it you could think about the most mysterious way to explain it and you could think about the most logical way to explain it there are a lot of different ways you know you could explain it in terms of the social context you could explain it in terms of biochemistry in terms of ortho molecular psychiatry there are a lot of different aspects to it and you know the more that we can talk about it in so many different ways in different dimensions will start to see other solutions for the distress that accompanies it because even though I'm talking here about having conversation about it and also a little bit about well let's get our visions and our ideas together we still have to keep ourselves safe we still have to go to the hospital if we need to we still have to take a medication if things are getting too scary or daily medication if you take daily medication I do and I hope one day I don't have to but I'm not in a rush to to prove anything um I don't think you know I whether it's something besides a brain disease that's probably a long way off in terms of people actually seeing it a different way and I feel like first by talking about in many ways and seeing it in many ways that will produce a huge conversational context through which a person can sort of choose how they want to frame it the most helpful way and but at the same time even if I choose one-day to say I'm not mentally ill and just a visionary you know 10 years down the road say that happens and then all of a sudden I start losing it and feel like I could I'm gonna die or something I might take some drugs you know like I might take some kind of medication and because it's important to stay alive because even if it is a visionary thing being in that state can be dangerous because the visions don't always line up with reality and thoughts and the insights because the thing is it's it's a non temporal state it's there's no time in that state there's no and what I mean by that is an insight could come thats related to something two thousand years ago and I could have the sense of that or it might come in it is from you know 2,000 years in the future and maybe things two thousand years in the future are different and if I act based on that insight whatever it is thinking that it's now then I could get myself hurt whereas if i take that insight and just make note of it write it down talk about it without acting on it then when i'm in an ordinary state i can kind of the pieces of the puzzle together and see if there was anything there you know you can think of it as mining you know it's like an interstate of you never know what's going to come up and what's going to come through a person that was one of my mistakes when I was in mania and psychosis the first time and I don't think it's a mistake I could have avoided but it feels like you know everything each moment is so powerful it feels like it needs to happen now so if I felt like I'm going to help the world I'm gonna save the world it has to happen right now and you know if I could take that thought or that feeling and just put it aside and be like yeah I want to connect with some kind of purpose or mission in my life obviously that's something that I want but it doesn't mean I have to do it all now that's impossible that's why I feel like that state you know overall with all the meaning and feeling and passion and energy and compassion and love and scary stuff in that state not two month period the first time was like it's like a seed it's like all this energy and it like infuses my entire being and all of that energy and all of that experience and all of that feeling and meaning inform the being that I am for the rest of my life in subtle ways or in in bigger ways and is true because all of that cumulatively glad to being diagnosed with a mental illness and going to the psych ward and now here I am wanting to make different kind of meaning out of it so there was all that experience that had a different kind of meaning and then I was diagnosed with a mental illness and they told me what meaning it had and I'm here five years later saying I think it had other meaning and I don't know exactly all the meaning but I it would be cool to talk about it because I didn't really talk about it when I was in the state i was just in it and you know it's like it's like being infected with all that meaning and all that whatever it was you know it did in fact me it did change my brain you know it did cause a disease it cost a dis ease and you know I'm I don't know what to I don't know what to do about it except for I just want to talk about it and I just want to invite whatever language you have to explain it or talk about it not even explain it because you can't it's not something to be explained like there are explanations and they're all they're all really useful it's actually useful to have a bunch of different explanations whether it's you know pi role disorder you know it which is a certain biotype bipolar it's like a physiology thing and you know whether it's you need the gaps diet to help with your stomach digestion which changes the response of the brain you know there's a lot of different things even the book interpersonal neurobiology has a lot of insights into the brain and how that could happen so there's a lot of different things and i'm i'm also interested in the language is creating more language for it and just having more conversation and creating a bigger context of stories and and people's own personal explanations of what is happening and i really like what's his name Sean Blackwell's videos on bipolar or waking up he's like a 20 video series or something and it's really good and that's a great it's a great wave of looking at it and you know I could say I'm bipolar and waking up instead of or I don't need I don't think it needs to be an either/or thing and I don't think it's healthy to necessarily talk about in that way because if I was just to resist the the diagnosis that I have that I don't know how helpful that would be and I'm interested in actually having enough conversation that brings together the mental health system and and other ways of talking about it you know all that would really look like be four people that went to some kind of crisis center for help when they're in a mental health crisis you know for them to be asked so what do you feel is for you what's happening inside what meaning is happening what's happening internally and not in a way like I don't actually care what you have to say but imagine if it was to the point where a person was asked that and it was genuine in that the person asking the question actually did want to know what the person experiencing the crisis want had to say and would actually value it and would actually be interested in it and would actually take it into account and it would actually inform the next steps that the person experiencing the crisis would go through it wouldn't be just some kind of patronizing thing and and the person asking the question would also have all this lift different language and vocabulary like a huge vocabulary to really understand what the person was saying and you know even if the person that was saying it didn't really know what they were saying exactly they would still be understood because this other person would just really know what kind of language would come out of these experiences and that doesn't mean they would never use any medication ever it just means that you know maybe for some people they would not have to but so I feel like it's important to include the system because you know the system is full of people who do want help and do care other people too so it's just a matter of meeting people with people and so to me it's a matter of we're all in this together I just realized this whole video I looked naked but I'm not and when I think about meaning and what it means you know if we were to think about like what's the meaning of life and everybody's wondering it's probably the same for everybody not in terms of what people think the meaning of life is and sense it but what it actually is whatever that is it's probably very much the same for every single person so what I'm saying is that you know people go into this state of mania and psychosis and they're trying to figure out some kind of meaning and every moment has different meaning and super meaningful and maybe none of it's really right per se but it's still like an attempt for the psyche to find some kind of meaning somewhere and you know it's trying to find it and it finds way too much of it so if we do imagine that there is just sort of one meaning to life whatever that may be it's a shared thing then like it's shared for all of us whatever that true meaning is so it's shared by the world that's shared by the entire world and in my feeling a person in mania experiences a good portion or some portion of it feeling very altruistic very much concerned with the world and in that way to me those states usually have the ego subside and then as ego subsides there's more of this sort of shared concern about the world and it's like felt so strongly that it feels like i am the world like i am all this meaning i am you know i am every meaning that i see i'm not separate from it and then as the ego subsides I really feel that the states are actually a movement towards world centricity and I came across that term in Ken Wilbur's book the spectrum of consciousness and he talks about just that world centricity where a person their orientation is more towards concerns for the world than just their own individual self and I think that's part of the thing is that there's not really that much meaning in you know one's own personal little life for one's own personal little gain you know we try we do that and some people get to the peak of that and then oftentimes they're unfulfilled and and I feel like mania is like an attempt of evolution in a way to bring about more worldcentric beings you know like if some people might be taking the psych ward and they're thinking oh my gosh the trees I can't sleep they're being cut down and and then we think that that's illness but imagine if everybody took something that seriously and really acted and took it upon themselves to have one's life but then really take an active role in something that is very obviously in need of change and I'm not saying that's the way to go I just feel that a person that goes into those states and they're feeling like I gotta save the world well it's pretty hard to do that by oneself so it would be good if we could get together and talk about world-changing ideas that we've probably already had we probably already had a million of them and they're just sitting there on the shelf or in your computer and I have a lot of ideas but it would be cool to talk about them with other people because I can't really do anything by myself and I don't know if I want to there's a lot out there about people becoming their own individual entrepreneurs and then having their business and their clients well if there's a person with a business and they need clients somebody who's got to be the client and somebody's got to be the expert that's sort of innately what's wrong with the world is that there's experts and then there's clients and we're not just getting together and actually trying to just solve some issues I think maybe it might be up to us to do that because everyone else is sort of you know normal people they have their normal life and they're not really gonna change that much where is a lot of us we don't have much to lose and you know we've already lost our minds so and we might have some good ideas and maybe we're kind of attached to them like my ideas and I don't want to share and but you know I think they came to us in those states as a gift that we're supposed to give the world and if we can't do it individually because it's you know not each one of us can become some little expert entrepreneur maybe we could form some kind of coalition or group that there's like a thousand of us with all these great ideas and we just since there's so many of us working on whatever it is you know you don't really have to do to too much but you can give the gift that you have to give you know maybe when you give that gift maybe if you have a specific thing that you're like this is what it was I wanted to give and give it to the group maybe you can move on to the next thing instead of being like well how am I ever gonna make this work and bring this about just you know give it away just give it to the group probably so many people have the same kind of idea because it's an idea that doesn't come from our individual brains it comes out of sort of our meaning and our perception of meaning and a lot of us probably saw a lot of the same meanings and a lot of the same ideas or we saw a lot of the same issues that need to be resolved and perhaps always that might help result them maybe they won't maybe it's all just crazy delusional stuff and it could be but I want to know if it is and maybe just by talking about with each other will it'll give us something to do it'll give us you know some project to work on and and it could be good

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I believe I read in the book interpersonal neurobiology that we have an inner sense of interoception and I think in the book it was talking about how we can sort of feel our internal organs and stuff if we if we really tune into sensing that but there's I believe he also talked about just an inner sense in terms of sensing our thoughts and our feelings and our emotions and if you think about the sense organs like the ears or the eyes those structures can actually be diseased like you can get an eye disease or an ear disease of some sort and it'll affect your sense of hearing and so with the interoception or the inner sense perhaps that can get a dis ease as well and it changes the way we sense our inner experiences actually feel that we have a certain aperture of the amount of information that we're aware of inwardly and I think that's controlled by the reticular activating system so perhaps it's the reticular activating system that gets messed up and allows way too much information to come through at the same time or for us to be aware of at the same time the subconscious mind processes you know millions of bits of information each second and I believe the reticular activating system allows us to process like 12 bits per second so it's very minute so if you can imagine that something causes that to allow way too much information through and I actually did read somewhere that if we're stressed that more bits of information are coming through so there's something to do with stress and having this happen as well so it could be that with too much stress for too long then we're having too much information and eventually you know we try to make meaning out of that information and we start to make errors in the meaning that we're trying to make and just as I say that I'm wondering because we go about our daily life and we have a certain meaning that we have in daily life and everybody is around a very similar level of meaning of just feeling I'm trying to be happy looking for happiness striving and so if mania and psychosis is almost an error in the meaning making system or the amount of information that processing and making meaning out of or noticing and all of a sudden we notice more things synchronistically because we're noticing more information to make those associations and then we start thinking wow life's magical I'm wondering if that's like a necessary evil of the brain and of the world because otherwise would we ever really adjust our level of meaning making that we make were you know even how a lot of people become really altruistic or concerned about certain causes if that person say for example was able to make a huge change in the way everybody saw a certain issue it could be an issue that we already know about but basically that would change the meaning a person seeing that maybe can change the meaning and if they're able to change the meaning and people see that whole issue differently then that changes the collective conscious and a change is sort of the level of consciousness of society because more people are consciously aware of that issue so because a person just pretend had an error in their meaning-making system and they all sudden solve all this meaning somewhere and decided to act and change the meaning for the whole or at least for part that changes the collective consciousness and if that never happened to the person they never saw that and they never saw that as meaningful then they wouldn't have gone about working to change that issue and if that never happened they never did that that never changed it just goes along in the same monotonous way for that person and it continues the stream of monotony as a whole so in a way mania and psychosis are actually very important to make different ripples to make different waves to cause a ripple effect and the ripple effect it often causes is those person mentally ill and now we have to take care of them but imagine we actually were able to help people harvest their visions that they're having and harvest their passions and you know harvest some of the energy that they are having and instead of it just arising through an individual and then feeling all passionate and wanting to change certain things and help certain things and then it it's like a dying seedling it doesn't point make it and if there's one little seedling nobody's really going to water it and pay attention to it but often if there's a thousand seedlings somebody's going to come along and say hey I'm better cultivate this little garden that's happening here and and nourish it and I feel like if the person was able to harvest some of that even if they did die back into their regular self or even you know worse in a way because there is a certain grief and hangover after experiencing that magnificence to go back to normal feels even worse than normal because of the contrast I feel though that a person at least personally maybe needs to harvest the things and try to remember and recall what they were passionate about because even though that energy is gone it doesn't mean that those ideas and visions and concerns aren't still kind of there and that might be the way actually to to recover in a way and it's almost like our little seeds are popping up in different places but there's not enough of us to really bring momentum I imagine if you were in mania and you were with somebody else in mania you would probably get into a lot more trouble than if you're just by yourself because you would really seed each other's passions and ideas and I feel like if we can have conversations with each other even if we're not in those hyper-energetic States and it's probably better to not if we're in a hyper energetic state unless it's you know one person's actually you know keeping the other person safe while having these conversations and they're not in that high energy or even if two people are they probably need a babysitter because so it's better to talk about it after the fact and actually take those energetic seeds that have lost their energy and and and create something with them in in daily existence because maybe that's the fun part it's wonderful to have that lovely energy but it's possible that some of us with visions can create a vision and it could be quite inspiring possibly and then people that aren't necessarily people that have gone into manic states and psychotic states they are on board to like wow I want to participate in that and even though as a vision that came out of say ten people's manias it actually is not exclusive to everyone because perhaps the vision is a gift for the whole world not just the people that go into those states individually or collectively and if we were able to do that it's possible that people that typically might be a little bit afraid of people that have mental health challenges might start to see people with mental mental health challenges as visionaries so perhaps they won't see them as mentally ill and perhaps some of this working towards it would heal some of the stuff that is seen as mental illness or you know if a person for example is thinking I'm not mentally oh I'm a visionary but yet is seemingly quite mentally ill in that heart of function on meds having side effects you know typical mental illness case working towards the vision together might help heal some of that in that the purpose another purpose but you know one of the reasons why the state happened maybe is to get some kind of seed of meaning or vision yet if it's not utilized the person who is the seed is just going to be like dormant in you know in a drawer of somebody's seed collection I really feel like having conversations and seeing what we can harvest out of it could go a long way to to change the whole issue of stigma I feel that stigma is there's a lot of self stigma and stigma goes with the story that were given about mental illness about mental health diagnosis and we spend a lot of time or there's a lot of time being spent fighting stigma and I feel like while that's very it's a good thing to do if we have conversation about you know a thousand different ways a thousand different words to describe this from mental illness to visionary to genius to profit to whatever and it doesn't mean that I think I'm a prophet maybe I had a prophetic thought doesn't necessarily make me a prophet but maybe there was something that seemed like prophecy in a way or vision or dream or there's so many different you know as there's so many different things along the spectrum of it and I feel like sometimes I could be just a person with a mental illness and other times I'm quite a visionary and other times I'm really quite idiotic sometimes I can't think and or really process I'm very slow sometimes I'm quicker now which one is the real me I don't really know what I'm saying is I'm all those things and but I'm not all those things at the same time some of them are mutually exclusive whereas other times I can be mentally ill and be a visionary it's actually quite disorienting to be a visionary or to have extreme states of consciousness come out of nowhere and it makes me at times quite non-functional makes me quite terrified when there's no real reason in reality in my general vicinity to be that terrified and that can be called illness and that can be called brain disease I've been to the psych ward five times and I often while I always learn a lot on there so even though I'm experiencing really terrible things I'm quite engaged and I'm always learning and I write a lot and there could be a lot of you know there could be a lot of illness within me or part of me feels like I process a lot of the collective unconscious for everybody so if a lot of people are able to ignore these inner elements and inner realities that we all share our collective past that the collective past has seeded this present moment and each one of us were seeded or born on this earth at a certain point and that implies the collective past so that sort of implicit within all of us and sometimes we can slip into knowledge of things that have happened in the past that we couldn't otherwise know and it seems to be to me holographically imprinted we can access almost anything and again it's like too much information it's disorienting imagine if you didn't just have your own personal thoughts but you had thoughts of a war 200 years ago etc etc it becomes draining it's it and it's almost it's it almost feels like I'm processing my own inner stuff there's a lot of it and it gets mixed in with some collective stuff as well and perhaps that's what makes me ill is that a lot of people most people can deal with a lot of their own stuff unless a person is like traumatized extra but if it's somehow if that aperture of awareness opens up too much beyond one's own personal consciousness it is difficult to it's difficult to deal with it's difficult to process in it it makes one need to rest and need to be protected from the outside because there's way too much inner information going on that it's difficult to just relate normally it's difficult to do anything um I don't know why I brought that up the trouble with that too is that when all that extra stuff is coming from beyond one's personal self it feels like it is one's personal self still so then it feels like oh that's my fault it was something bad that happened 100 years ago a physical my gosh that's my fault it could even be like elements from one's past life I've had senses of that too whether or not past lives are true I don't know if that can ever really be proven but we can have that experience subjectively and it's it's a common experience like a lot of people have that and a person wouldn't necessarily believe it if somebody else said they had that experience but that's the thing if you have never experienced mania or psychosis a lot of what I'm saying you would say wow that's not true I don't believe that but you know if you have a brain you're not immune to this and one day you might know you might know what I'm talking about and I really hope you don't because most of it is not fun I think what I was talking about was related to again not alienating the system but just expanding our own vocabulary first and then from there seeing how it goes and I did talk about in another video how making some of these monologue stories of our own inner visions or experiences or subjectivity and making them dialogues could keep us from going off into that visionary land and there's definitely something about possibilities in mania it feels like infinite possibilities and with that infinite possibilities comes infinite energy or what feels like infinite energy so infinite possibilities

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I've made a few videos today and I was thinking a little bit about the modality of video and kind of liking it because it's a way to have conversation and I'm having conversation at this point just with myself and it could be several months before I put this on anything where another person can listen to what I'm saying or I might never do it i'm not sure but even in playing back some of the videos to myself and listening to what i was saying and I don't plan on exactly what I'm going to say I have a general idea of something that I want to elaborate on but by listening to myself speak I realized that it's almost a way to have a conversation with myself so I had that conversation with the video camera and it was sort of it came out of nowhere in a way and then I listened to it after and it's almost like hearing the conversation for the first time and so I'm actually in a way benefiting from listening to my own video because I'm listening to how I decided to speak what it was that I wanted to elaborate on and some of the things that I say are our new in my mind where some of them I already thought of before so I like that aspect it's almost like having having that as priming for myself because sometimes I feel rather blanked about everything and in this way I can almost reinforce my views I guess it's kind of strange to have my self reinforcing my own views and over the years I've done some research on the topic and I've done quite a bit of writing and I find writing difficult because it's very linear it's it's got to be polished and I just said it's got to be and I don't even think that's a real sentence yet I can get away of saying it because it's a conversation and I like that conversational aspect and and really I just want to I just want to talk about looking at mental health differently and I have a diagnosis of bipolar one and I really feel that I can still utilize my diagnosis and at the same time talk about increased and ever-expanding ways to talk about experiences that I've had based on having this diagnosis and as a result of it so I feel like what I want to talk about is just expanding and elaborating on my diagnosis and my a subjective experience and there's usually not much of an opportunity to do that by so by making videos I have that opportunity and another thing I want to do perhaps is translate some of the things that I've written into video because again a lot of my writing isn't polished and then sort of separate ideas and I don't know if I really have anything to write that's polished that's like a perfect message of some kind my main messages you know who wants to think and feel and see mental health differently and talk about it differently and share about it differently it's not oh this is how you should think about it well this is how you should share its where's the sharing beyond just this is my recovery story this is how I recovered and these were my symptoms and this is what I'm doing now to feel better what about the inner subjective experience of it and really inviting conversation about it and making it as normal as talking about the dream you had last night and you know maybe it's a long dream maybe it went on for 30 days but it's still an experience and a lot of it is very harrowing tales and so just inviting conversation and talking about it and and again I feel I can say yes I have a brain disease if that's what you want to say I have you can't prove it by any test and I can't prove it by my experience that it's actually true but some authority figure is telling me that it's true so I'll say okay sure but I still have some great stories to tell and I still have more to share about it than just that one little snippet of explanation sure that's a great explanation but that doesn't mean that I don't have anything else to share about it and um I feel like talking about it more we'll invite a different way of looking at it and that doesn't mean that it's to the exclusion of that brain disease model there's a lot of there's a lot of people out there that want to have nothing to do with the brain disease model and maybe one day I'll be one of them I have been mostly helped by the system I have had some bad experiences with it too and I'm still within the system and I feel like perhaps one day I will be able to transcend the system but not by doing as much as i can to invite conversation about the transcendence of the system so if i make the leap out of the system it will happen hopefully organically and I'll still say thank you for all the help that you've given me system and it's unfortunate that so many people have so many bad experiences with the system and that's something that I hope will really change and maybe by really talking about our experiences and sharing what it's really like and sharing what it really means for us who go through it the system will be able to make changes to better provide care and if they don't well you know maybe we can work towards something together to help each other for those who can and and maybe helping each other is just having conversation about some of these ways of looking at it because perhaps we've never been invited to have a conversation there's a lot of campaigns about don't hide and speak up about your mental illness but it's all don't hide the story that we've given you don't or speak up about the story we've given you which is your mental illness what about speak up about the stories you have that you've never been invited to share that you're always too afraid to share that you basically were um silenced from ever assuming they had any relevance or meaning to your life you know a lot of people talk about how it's a spiritual experience and and then they just are never invited to talk about that but the system isn't equipped to talk about that but maybe we can talk about that with each other because a lot of also to a lot of people that do get themselves out of the system end up turning around and putting a lot of energy into being mad at the system and fighting the system and and you know bashing the system and that's not in my view that's not going to invite collaboration I feel the system is a bunch of human beings that are mostly caring people that given the right given something I don't know what will start to listen but they're less likely to listen to angry bashing and they're more likely to listen to heartfelt stories of experience and and people just opening up with what it's really like and sharing what helps and sharing what doesn't help you know they're people just like us and we can help them understand at least I feel that way and and we can help change it for people that will experience it in the future even if we weren't so lucky to escape it and not have to go through it you know people 20 years ago went through it way worse than I have in the last five years and hopefully people 20 years from now we'll go through it way easier than I did in last five years and and it's possible anything's possible such as conversation the system is not perfect it has some great things not and it has some not-so-great things and I think the biggest detriment the biggest detrimental thing is the story that we're given that it is a brain disease and here's your treatment and here's your diagnosis and that invites self stigma that invites so many things and then they say recover from what we just told you when they never took the time to listen to what where a person was at when they were when they first were experiencing the mental health system so they talk more so nowadays about person-centeredness and and I feel like one day the person centeredness will extend not just 20 the person's directs some of their recovery and treatment plan and things it will also be person centered in that the person decides what's going on for them the person decides the story there's no paternalism even in terms of the story that's given as to what is going on and I don't know how that will happen but even if it's even if it can happen for a person personally subjectively there's still value even if the system never changes that way but there is an understanding that a person can decide their own experience inside of what happened because maybe there's someone to talk to about it so they're able to make meaning about it you know maybe the diagnosis would be one thing but the meaning of the experience would be something altogether different all the people with the diagnosis of bipolar disorder do not or did not have the same experiences internally subjectively and make meaning out of all the things that happen in a different way but there's a lot of similarities what I'm saying is there's meaning beyond just the diagnosis just as a person with cancer might completely change their life because they realize there's different meanings in life I from my experience I felt different meanings in life because of my experience so same thing both are diseases but there's still meaning that people make out of things and that's the part to me that is missing and um and it's one thing for the meaning but it's also how does that affect and impact one's life going forward so to dismiss everything as a brain disease I think there's so much missed in terms of the meaning of the experience of what can be incorporated into somebody's life from the information from the experience and that's something that is not taken into account and another reason to make videos is I want to be able to embody the conversation I want to have so I don't want to spend so much time writing and then it just sort of gets lost in a file in my computer and then when the time comes to utilize it in some way it's just a piece of writing and then it goes into whatever or doesn't and then it's not something I've ever really talked about in a really long time so by talking about things and by translating some of the writing of done and research into video it's a way to actually have that conversation with myself and embody having those conversations that i want to invite other people to have to so if I was thinking oh and body this conversation and then I spent the next 10 years writing a book for example I wouldn't be embodying the conversation I'd be writing a book about embodying the conversation and then it would be 10 years wasted not embodying the conversation and I don't see the point of that and a good thing about video to is then I can have a conversation if I do put it out there with a lot of different people at the same time and I don't actually have to be there and another thing too is for people like me with a diagnosis there was a period of time over medicated or just not able to concentrate because of medications so videos are a bit easier to follow I have read some great books on some of the themes that I want to talk about but they're like big long thick books and it was a period of time when I was able to concentrate and focus and read them but you know first of all somebody has to find that book they have to be interested in it and then they have to be able to read it and um that could be difficult so I feel like just having conversations about ideas and inviting more conversation as people like me can just have conversation we don't need to write books and things back and forth and and really convince each other of our ideas because at least in my experience there's not really any convincing necessary and that's the thing too about writing verses video is that I'm not trying to like carefully craft some kind of convincing message I'm just trying to invite conversation and I just i'm interested in conversation and and sharing and and wondering about what other people think about actually ascribing meaning to some of the experiences not in order to get stuck in those experiences and be like well i need to have that again or you know oh that defines the rest of my life or oh such a great feeling i need that back no just to make meaning about it and and to be able to move on even from it by making meaning so just inviting conversation and again i'm not trying to like carefully craft some convincing message because from what I've experienced even in reading those great books that I read it all really resonated with me and that's the thing I've and I'm not sure if this is true for you but a lot of it just resonates it's just conversation and if you if you see it if you see eye to eye or you have some level of understanding of that experience and that stage it kind of makes sense it's not can it's not to convince anybody so if a person watches this and they've gone through some kind of altered state a lot of what I say might just really resonate and you might just understand not in that you had the exact same experience but it's like you know describing describing somewhere where you've been and somebody else has been there and like they can understand what how what you're describing just because you've both been there and then if somebody watches this and I haven't been there maybe it'll seem like oh I'm trying to convince you of something but I'm not really i'm just talking about my experience of somewhere that maybe you've never been so you know you you might be able to kind of picture what I'm saying or understand but maybe it's not going to resonate in the same way but maybe you know somebody that or you're caring for somebody that has been through these states of experience and perhaps it'll help with understanding some of what it's like or invite you to think about in different ways which if you're able to think about it and see it in different ways but actually change the person you're helpings response to you because you're at least attempting to see what they're saying or you're at least interested in hearing about what they might want to share about it which is something that maybe they've never been invited to do before and just to approach it with curiosity as I'm curious about it myself like I've been there I've been in you know psychosis as they call it four times and I don't think it's anything that I'm ever going to figure out I don't think it's something that I'm gonna be able to say this is what it is um you know whether it's a disease of the brain sure okay that doesn't explain everything sure if you want to say it's a disease of brain fine but there's still a lot more to it just like you can say to someone well it's cancer well there's a lot more to it than its cancer there's physiological processes there's environmental factors there's genetics there's so many things so just like the biological brain disease of psychosis you know if you want to say it's that that's fine I can say it's that but that still doesn't explain everything obviously there's psychosocial factors in a while would they have psychosocial rehab it you know there's psycho biosocial spiritual ethno eco you know factors there's so many different factors so it's not something that I'm trying to figure out it's more something that I'm very curious about and I'm also curious about the meaning of it and I feel like there's a lot more to be said about the meaning of it then the cause of it or the explanation of it and there can be a lot of value harvested from it I feel if it was looked at that way and it is difficult to look at it that way because there's a lot of terrible elements of it but there's a lot of terrible elements to most things like diseases or processes it's you know even something as simple not simple but even something like going through University is hard it's a struggle it's a learning experience it's you know it's draining it's tiring but it's a learning process and then it's the same with something like psychosis it's like going to inner university like the University of one's interior yourself and it's not just one's own personal interior self it's the collective unconscious and the collective interior yourself that we all share that we have in common that we need to have in common and that's how we can empathize with each others because we all share that that's what empathy is it's that shared experience otherwise if we all had completely different experiences we'd have nothing shared and nothing that we would be able to see eye to eye about and I feel that people that have gone through these experiences can resonate with conversation about it and I feel like the conversation would be rather easy and effortless in that it's just like talking about any other common human experience and maybe not every human experiences this particular thing but a good percentage of people do and you know just like two people that went through cancer treatment might talk about that to people that went through psychosis and the system can talk about their inner experiences in order to share and make meaning and and validate and say you're not alone say hey I felt that too whoa I'm not an alien that's something similar happened to me and a lot of that can help with the stigma because so many of us except the stigmatizing story of biological brain disease and then isolate and by isolating we're self stigmatizing and by self stigmatizing we we isolate so we're not talking to each other we're not telling each other it's okay that that it happened it's okay that you felt like you were gonna kill your mother you didn't you know people kill their mother in their dreams they didn't do it um you know it's just thought it's just material saying people think about killing somebody and you know they don't have the same terror associated with it because it's just a thought but um I shouldn't use that example of the killing people one because whatever so again it's just conversation I'm not trying to convince anybody of anything I'm not convinced myself I have no idea it's some one of those things that's a mystery and it's just like talking about something mysterious it's a mysterious phenomena and again I'll never figure it out I'm not trying to figure it out I feel like by having conversation it'll create sort of a network of[Music]almost protection in a way because people will start to understand it or reinforce their understanding and which the understanding might just be I can't understand but this is what I feel it meant and I don't I don't get it why does this happen or this is what happened to me or this is what I experienced and I feel like by creating these conversations will be able to create a sort of relational mind so dr. dan siegel talks about the embodied mind and the relational mind and how so much of our minds not our brains but our minds which is different than the brain there we're all enmeshed in each other and if we have our own little understanding of what happened with us and we don't share we're not creating it in an interpersonal neurobiological network and that's just by having conversation and that would actually be reflected in the structure of our brains in that we're having a conversation about this and somebody else is having a conversation back and we're all talking about it so it's in our brains and in that way it would start to spread amongst common society and maybe people that haven't even experienced it will start to understand some of the experiences that happen and that would almost maybe protect them from if it did happen from being so afraid of it because there can be a lot of scary scary parts of it but I think it's really time to have these asians not just conversations about how much the system sucks not just conversations about how much we hate the pharmaceutical companies and how much damage they've done and they've done damage but if we're just talking about that we're not doing our part to say how it is to say what it feels like to say what it's like for us subjectively to say how we want it interpreted to say how we interpret it and to say that with each other how else are is anyone going to see anything differently if we just say don't we don't want the drugs but we don't say what we want or how it is or start talking about things so other ideas about what might work and what might be better start to actually spring from the conversation of what it's like not just saying what we don't like and what we don't want that there isn't there's alternatives but by having more and more conversation the modalities or the things that might help will come into play that suit and fit the conversation so if it's just let's fight the system then we're just going to be fighting the system and I personally don't want to fight the system the system still might get the best of me I don't know I'm not through it and and it's still you know they're scaring me in the background but I think fighting the system isn't going to help us transcend the system we have to create the new paradigm and let the system die off when it's time you know some people really like the system and the system is there the system is necessary if it wasn't it wouldn't exist it's completely necessary and it exists and that's why it exists we have to make it not necessary we have to make it so we don't need that we have to make it so we can say no thank you i have somewhere else I choose this other option the system is not going to do that for us but we need to start talking to each other and we need to have different conversations and not just about the system but just about ourselves and and what it is to be human now they talk a lot nowadays about our genetics you know even now the genetics of mental illness they have psychiatric genetic counseling yeah you think about the system and how wasteful it is and of all the things they could create as the next thing to help people they create psychiatric genetic counseling like what is that I tried how ridiculous I'm curious about what they actually say like they don't test your genetics they just I don't know do a family tree and say oh you're susceptible because you're your aunt's cousin twice removed cat had psychosis I'm not sure what they say I shouldn't totally make fun of it my point is that that's the next field of study of all the things that are even already out there they just always need to create more medical pseudo medical stuff like if it wasn't already pseudo medical enough in so many people's minds they gotta go create you know I don't know a family tree analyst but and like actually make that a position but anyways I might remove that rant because just after I said don't complain about the system invite about the system I started yapping about something in the system but basically we are worried about genetics as in general but what we need to really be worried about is the medics means which are thoughts or bits of information or words and in my experience of psychosis it's memes out of control thoughts out of control thinking and then that thought leads to that thought and the next thought and then 10 thoughts from there at the same time and it's overload and it's words all those things are like recorded in my brain as words and thoughts and they're all memes so what's it's more important to protect ourselves from the memes and one of the memes is the stigma story of mental illness and it's okay to say yes I have a mental illness or to keep that as a piece of information but don't actually let it get encode it in your brain it's a nice tool to have a diagnosis but it's not actually you it's not something that should actually infect your brain cells and in fact you're being so be careful of those memes

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something I did want to talk about I don't know if I touched on and I wanted to talk about when I was mentioning that that visionary aspect comes in and sort of displaces or kicks out some of the ego elements at least temporarily is that the ego being displaced kicks out some of a person's functioning and ability perhaps and scrambles it but what happens is that a person in the visionary state they can actually acquire new abilities so a person doesn't necessarily have a disability they perhaps have different abilities and so it will be interesting to find out what it is that these abilities are that people can all of a sudden manifest just like sometimes a person that has a stroke or some kind of brain thing happen all of a sudden when they recover they are a great poet or they can write music when they've never learned music and these things are pretty rare but i feel that a person after they've gone through a mental health crisis perhaps sometimes now has a new pool of abilities to tap into and people that when they're in the extreme part of their visionary state they might feel like they're psychic they might feel like they're a profit they might feel like they're magical and maybe they are for that little time being maybe it's just a delusion whatever but how can some of those extreme traits actually get tamed down into something that is tangible on a daily basis so maybe a person that was felt like they were a prophet and they were writing a new spiritual doctrine while they were in that state maybe that person actually did connect with kind of spirituality that they want to explore when perhaps before the crisis they were an atheist or maybe a person starts like writing incessantly and then after the fact they can still write pretty well and maybe they are not channeling the type of information they were before but maybe all of a sudden they do have access to being able to write or I feel there's a lot of heart centered qualities that come into play so for example when I was in mania I felt very connected to the issue and occurrence of homelessness and before that I didn't have any real interest or thoughts about that but when I was in that state I could feel it like I know where I can sense or have a felt sense or it's like it's in within me that I can feel the empathy that empathetic resonance with the person that's homeless and I could really feel it and it was extremely painful so even though the manic state is very beautiful and wonderful and happy I also experienced a lot of pain in that I was so open and I was so vulnerable and I was so as if there was no ego of my own self to block me from resonating with whoever it was that I was perceiving at the moment so if I was looking at a little child I would be in just like Glee and happiness and how wonderfully happy they are or if I saw a parent yelling at their child I would just kind of be mad like you know you don't need to do that and um and then if I saw like homeless person I would feel incredible pain and sadness and and freezing cold and just it's almost like since I was nothing as an ego I was just whatever I wherever I was I was what that situation was and I could feel it and now imagine if we were like that all the time if all of us could really sense what we were seeing so if I if somebody looked at a homeless person they felt what it was like to be homeless they didn't feel yadda yadda ya goin on about what's for dinner thinking about what happened at work and looking at it and walking by which means not actually seeing anything at all not seen so this ego and monologue and yet yammering on actually is a protection mechanism because it blocks whatever it is that's really there because whatever is going on in the Yammer is not what's really there it's just you hammering and it actually prevents action so going back to when I manic and there's no real yammering and I'm really there with what's happening in the moment I have to go help that homeless person I have to go take him for coffee I have to go give them ten dollars not just one dollar you know it's it's instant action because I can actually feel it it's not just because I'm like oh it's like ouch like I feel your pain like you can't be in this much pain because I now I feel it's like I'm in this much pain to I'm right there with you it's a very sensitive state its hypersensitivity it's too much information in that most people don't receive that amount of information if everybody received that amount of information with everything they looked at you know that would be a lot of information but our thinking that we are separate egos and our identification with our own inner personal monologue actually is what blocks the sensitivity and a certain amount of it I'm sure is necessary it's really necessary because we have to protect ourselves well we don't have to but what what I'm saying is that by this calculation if if everybody entered that state of consciousness which is called mania where you really experience for a lot of it you really feel what you're seeing you're not separate from it you know if you if you see a tree you're feeling that tree and you're like wow this and especially looking at nature it's the most beautiful thing ever nothing could be more beautiful and human beings too but then to see some of the unfortunate circumstances of human beings and feeling that if everyone would all of a sudden feel bad there would be a lot of action but there'd also be a lot of confusion because because you don't know what is you anymore because once a person you know once I was in that state for a long time and I'd felt so many different situations I didn't know what was me there was no me it was just whatever was in the moment and and I feel like if all of a sudden all of us could feel that at the same time there'd be a lot of confusion people would be like what's me would am I doing this who's doing this who's making me feel this way and we're all doing it and we've all done it by allowing it to come to be we have all played our part in creating that and creating a person being homeless and everyone walking by you know that would be like somebody walking by well somebody walking by somebody that's bleeding to death which actually can happen in a crowd too because everybody thinks well if something was wrong everybody somebody would do something but you know I guess that's what happens with the people laying on the street too is that you know oh it's can't be that bad everybody else is walking by and you know when I go into manic consciousness and I feel that and then then I can't walk by and maybe there does need to be a certain amount of that slowly happening where people start feeling like I can't walk by I can't not do anything you know maybe not all at once but because everybody so identified with their mind they're not really looking at what's going on like maybe people stop walking by trees being cut down and you know realize if we don't have trees we don't have roots and then the soil blows away and then we don't have soil and then if we don't have trees we don't birds we don't have birds they're not going to eat the insects and then why do we have insect-like it's so interconnected and we don't we don't see it you know I even had this sense that when there's a lot of traffic on my street I live on a busy street the birds don't chirp to each other and it's not that I can't hear them they don't and then when it's quieter there are other out in their trip and do each other so even that all the noise the birds can't communicate so even if they're what we're a few trees if there's more roads and noise they still can't do what they need to do and it's really important to have Birds you know really important so yeah a certain amount of people not being able to walk by and it's not even walking by is it it's realizing that that person laying there is actually me too not me is in the ego but as in that pain that that person's in is my pain too and I feel like that's a lot of what is causing mental illness is that you know maybe society as a whole seems normal and the baseline of people is normal but all that pain and and that inequality that we ignore is happening in consciousness so it might not be happening to you or me or somebody else that you know or we know but it's happening to somebody and it's happening in consciousness and we all share that consciousness because it's all the same like pain is pain human suffering is human suffering and we all suffer and so if I'm not suffering and somebody else's you know you can think of it as an additive effect in consciousness and their suffering ignored is going to come out as some kind of something in somebody else not because not because of punishment but because it's just it's all human consciousness it's got to go somewhere if somebody's crying out and suffering and laying on the street and they're being ignored just because they're not able to articulate themselves doesn't mean that it's not there doesn't there's a human being there it's a whole universe that's being ignored you know so if if that energy of some sort and consciousness creates mania which is sort of people often not always you know I'm generalizing here I'm not and I'm speaking from my own experience and things that I've heard but I'm not saying this is all true um I'm just you know I'm just talking really um you know that energy of that person suffering and crying out laying there you know you can almost think of it as like a negative disturbance in a way that creates like this positive disturbance and consciousness that creates almost a person being manifested to have that energy where their ego sort of disappears a bit and they're not able to walk by so the one being walked by and suffering and calling for help inside that energy could create that a consciousness responds a person responds maybe not exactly to that person laying there directly you know that would b

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so I was thinking about dreams and how dreams at night are the brains way of trying to bring order to the day's experience or past day's experiences and so at night a person may or may not dream and they might dream about something that happened during the day or they could dream about something from the past in this way the brain is sort of continuing to think while it's asleep it's not quiet and sometimes people don't dream at all or at least they don't remember their dreams and to me a person that dreams may be trying to work stuff out in their life and in the same way a person that has psychosis or mania which is like having dream elements projected into daily life maybe needing to work out some internal stuff unfinished business and things to a higher degree than the people that manage to do it through dreams and interestingly enough many times when somebody goes into a state of psychosis or mania they haven't been sleeping so perhaps they haven't been sleeping that haven't been dreaming or maybe it's that they are dreaming but they're awake dreaming so their sleep time that's usually sleep dreaming is now still dreaming time but it's while the person is awake so they're not getting sleep plus the dream elements are being projected and causing trouble in daily life like say what's called hallucinations or delusions which could just be like sleepwalking while actually awake and that's just something I'm thinking about I'm not saying this is true or it's just it's just a conversation and I feel it's important to talk about the stuff and think about it differently because it's it's so fascinating and I'm speaking about it from my own experience not from oh I read this in a textbook it could be in a textbook somewhere or in a book somewhere but from my own experience it does feel like I'm sort of awake in a dreamland and maybe we're all awake in a dreamland but the dream element shuts off for the most part in most people but perhaps if we're not sleeping the dream element comes in and messes up the daily reality but why do we dream at all it seems like it's the subconscious way of reorganizing stuff so basically this dreaming while awake could be a way to reorganize a person's reality because there's elements that need to be reorganized and this could in my case I experienced trauma and it was hard for my brain to deal with that trauma so a way for it to be dealt with was perhaps to create a a mental health crisis or challenge which definitely made my internal subjective reality not really congruent with the outer reality and this is just perhaps a way of the psyches healing process I believe in holotropic breathwork they they talk about how the psyche is always attempting to heal itself it's a self-healing mechanism so psychosis and mania could be some kind of self-healing process but it's met with opposition it's not with the interpretation of being a disease like a permanent thing when it's not a permanent state most times people don't stay in that kind of state forever and coming out of it is usually attributed to medication but how many people are allowed to possibly go through the process without medication and perhaps maybe it would resolve eventually on its own if it's a healing mechanism a healing process perhaps it eventually corrects itself just like if we're sleeping and we have a dream eventually the dream stops eventually we wake up if we were to thank everybody that was sleeping was like dead that and bury them before they woke up well then we would be really silly so just because that happens we never there's not much there's not many opportunities to go through it in a safe way and have it finish almost like a longer sleep dream period imagine it takes for example say it takes 30 days on average now a person needs a nice sanctuary for those 30 days to go through the process but instead it's stopped the process is stopped through chemical means and then it's assumed because a person had that happen that they have some sort of disease when it was never allowed to go through its process and it's also assumed that if you allow it to continue it's only gonna get worse and I'm not sure where the proof lies in this but there's a lot of fear that is put into it and you know it may be true but I'm not sure I would like to see that there'd be options especially because there are some people that choose not to take the medications but it still is a process that is it needs the person needs to be kept safe and they need to be guided because it's um it's a very delicate place to be so what I'm talking about is revision until health and revisionist that providing different ways to see it to look at it to think about it and that will create new avenues and new possibilities and that's really important they talk they do talk about reframing so reframing things to look at it differently and reframing could be for example sometimes I reframe my experience by saying I take medication to keep me grounded in this reality that we all share I take medication to keep me seeing consensus reality is this the only reality in my mind no is this the best reality that's out there no it's not but it's the one we all share and that's the one where I can be most congruent and not bump into incra incongruencies in my inner subjective experience and the outer they're still incongruencies or they're still I still have a sense for example like I can see this injustice or that injustice which we can all do that which just means we see the world as it is and we don't think that it should be that way and with some of my different states of consciousness where I've experience what's called mania and psychosis I I see the world and then I also see more possibilities so in mania I like to think of it as seeing so many possibilities and everything I see possibilities to make things better see it differently or experience it differently or afford to have different meaning than it usually does it's a very new state it's not I see something I look at something and it it feels it feels like nothing new there's almost no perception of it so after a while if we're experiencing the same thing all the time in the same routine we get adapted and we don't even see things that are inner our daily life so we might not even see that there's a picture on the wall even though it's been there for the whole time or we might we just don't notice things so mania is like noticing everything and and then some and noticing what's implicit in what we notice and like reading between the lines and and in that way it's a very energetic state and it's very exciting and psychosis is similar but it's also there's a lot of scary associations so instead of associating a certain item with something beautiful and possible with lots of potential and wonderful it resonates with some kind of trauma from the past or relating it to some kind of biblical horrific event or you know the mind changes it into all negative feelings of things and since it's a negative feeling State and one feels very negative and terrified everything is flavored with that terrified nature so any tariff Association that is possible can potentially come into one's conscious awareness but again it's not congruent with reality so I might just see a scary picture on the wall and what it is is a scary picture on the wall that doesn't mean that something horrible is gonna happen to my neighbor which you know you know my mind might make that up as a story because it's in that state of feeling completely terrified even though there is really no good reason so the feeling of the terrified creates reasons so the mind starts to make up reasons everywhere why I should and could be terrified and just like the opposite of mania being extremely elated and joyful and happy it sees the brain can see the mind can see every reason possible to be happy and joyful so this is different than the normal consensus state of kind of not noticing anything so just in the normal states just noticing what we usually notice and there's not much that's new whereas in mania everything seems new and one is noticing everything and perhaps it is important for some people to notice more things sometimes because if we all got habituated to our routines like if tomorrow we were all habituated to our routines forever we would just be robots so to me I actually feel like these experiences of organic changes in states of consciousness are actually in a way evolutionary because if we were able to be so easily conditioned and programmed into habet with no way of really getting out of it as they say now it takes 30 days to change one little habit just to change say eating an apple a day takes 30 days perhaps to actually form that as a habit that's a pretty slow process for one little habit because we can't even change very many habits in one go but if a person all of a sudden enters a state of mania everything changes in an instant and everything's new and everything's different and everything is possible and everything is magical and if some of us didn't experience some of this sometimes we would probably be a monotonous ubiquitous species of drones by now I actually feel like these states of consciousness are these you know so-called pathological mental illnesses are actually completely necessary because the people that go through them lose their ability to be programmed and they lose their ability to remain in the habits that actually define them as the people they are and then we say well what happened to this person they're no longer who they were so they're ill and I think that is a very limited way of looking at it it really means Wow good that we can't be programmed into something if you could imagine that some supreme dictator came from an alien race just one dictator and was like okay you guys you all have to listen to me because I came from this alien race and and I appeared out of nowhere and you know and so everyone's like bowin

g down and then all of a sudden they spell out the gospel of what we're supposed to be like and and we say okay because your magical and you came out of the sky and and this person or this entity was so easily able to program us we're not going to be able to be programmed by that thing because of mental illness or psychosis or extreme states of consciousness a certain number of us are going to rebel not because we want to but just because that is actually innately programmed into us not programmed but it's an it's an innate part of us by the intelligence of however we were designed or created however you choose to believe that came about so there's always been people that go mad as is called but really it's just a way for the psyche or the being or the consciousness to rebel and and clear itself of its own programming and to say that oh the human or the person is ill I feel that's limited because basically new programming can be installed and unfortunately the one that's installed is you're mentally ill you're defective you don't have the same functioning so obviously there's something wrong with you when it could be by like a divine act of grace that this person's ego was erased and something else can flower something else can take root maybe we're not meant to be the same ego that we are where our whole entire life how many people would love to start over how many people would love to have everything erased and and create something new but we're not given this opportunity because we're assumed that we should try to get as much of ourselves back that we lost like oh that was so valuable that programming that you were that you got through your childhood through your upbringing through your schooling through the media like oh that's so valuable that's we got to get that back you got to recover no maybe you have to rediscover and recreate yourself anew and if there it was received in a caring way as if it's almost like the birth of a newborn baby even though the person is a young adult or an adult it's almost like a person is returned to innocence and sometimes yes there's been a bad behavior in a person because it's almost like the person realizes that they're being deprogrammed and they're not being cared for they're being treated as if they're the same person and I feel like there's a certain element of deprogramming yes the person does retain some elements of the personal self most of the time a person's voice isn't going to change most of the time you know a person's looks aren't gonna change that much but the ego were assuming the ego structure is the person so we're saying this person gets mentally ill but it really the ego is torn apart and the ego isn't that real to begin with so to say like there is a crisis happening within the person but it could be more to stir up the ego and sort of you know mix it up and and tear it apart and mix it up and put the pieces back together and see what happens and certain elements of the pieces of the puzzle don't fit anymore and some still do and a person in after that experience does lose often loses the ability to function in society but the ego is actually a product of society so person as their ego self in their particular situation in society they're going along and then for some reason that falls apart the ego falls apart the person's not going to function the same way in the same situation that ego is implicit in the situation that the crisis happened in so to put a person back in that situation and expect that that's gonna be good that's the situation that led to the crisis in the first place so what I'm saying is a lot of it has to do with a person needing to change their life and appear and sometimes if a person doesn't change their life and doesn't manage to change their life the ego structure falls apart and then they have to change their life but it's not get the ego back and go back to the same life it's still I feel a call to really change one's life because society as it is and the egos that we are they're they're conditioned they're programmed like how many of us pretend like how many of us are really thinking about the laws of society as we're going about our day and how we should be acting well all those are false structures and and while it seems that Society has a relative relatively stable order not everybody is stabilized by that order so those structures of society and those programs and those conditionings they work for a lot of people but a lot of people actually fall apart under these structures and then because of that a person is said to be mentally ill when perhaps we actually need to work towards designing society for some people that don't actually fit into the society that we've designed not in that they don't fit in as people but that they don't fit in like for example maybe we're not designed to work 40 hours a week every week for almost every week of the year or say for example a person that goes through one of these crisis's and comes out the other side perhaps can get just as much done in 40 hours a month as one can in 40 hours a week if the person working in the 40 hours a month that's gone through the crisis has free reign to do the hours when they can so it's not based on time on assuming that everybody can just pull themselves together for 9:00 to 5:00 every day the fact that anyone can do that is a miracle and you know more and more people are having these these crises and things and we're crises I guess I should say so that's just a small example that perhaps it's also in the design of society it's also in the design of how we're like how long are kids gonna be able to continue to sit at a desk for six hours a day for the entire year for so many years of their life that's pretty outdated and it's all about control it's all about learning and I don't even know if they're changing the way learning happens because to have to memorize all this stuff is just ridiculous in the day of having an external memory and an external brain processor like a smartphone and it's more important to know how to think then be programmed to remember what to think and what to say and what knowledge is so it's more about inquiring and questioning being able to ask those questions instead of answer a question when asked being able to recall something which so basically what I'm trying to say is a crisis could be an invitation for evolving oneself to a different version of oneself and there's so much pressure after a crisis I know to get back to oneself to get back to who everyone else knows one knows me to be but maybe I'm not that person maybe I don't want to be that person anymore and maybe that's okay and maybe if people were told you've lost elements of your ego you've lost elements of your thought structure you've lost elements of maybe your beliefs but you're not your beliefs you're not your your thoughts you're not what you were told to remember you're not your memories what is possible and and maybe a lot of the things that are possible are some of the things that happened in the more positive elements of the crisis but in the positive one goes equal opposite to say the negative side and then as one comes out of the negative maybe one person can incorporate elements of the positive after coming out of the negative but so often coming out of the negative implies you should get back to yourself how you were you should go back to being who you were so your people that know you are comfortable and you should get back to the exact jobs you were doing and recover recover recover and to me it's also about rediscover we discover and rediscover recreate recreate recreate if I lost 50 percent of my ego structure which equates to oh you're not functioning like you're not functional we have to train you how to think and function again maybe it's not just about functioning maybe it's about that so many elements of who I was the word if dysfunctional in that they're not who I truly am and who I truly am I don't know who that is and I don't think I will ever know so if certain parts of me were lost certain parts of me who I thought I was were lost during a crisis there probably meant to go and that frees up space for something else and perhaps you know I've had more than one crisis I've had four so things keep happening that way and I'm not sure why perhaps I keep trying to reincorporate things that are just that aren't meant to work for me but but to go with the whole losing part of my own function or losing part of my ego functions some social functions and then freeing up space what was this space freed up for and some of that I feel like it's freed up for to be I don't know if it's freed up to be a visionary per se but a lot of the experience I had in the crisis State and I don't like the word crisis I don't like the word psychosis I don't like the word mania hopefully one day I don't have to say those anymore and you know I'd like to say things more like unusual states of consciousness or extreme states of consciousness or non-ordinary states of consciousness or visionary states and States implies that they change so in a visionary state we're in an extreme state of consciousness consciousness a lot of the experience is visionary or internally subjective the information is coming from inside the meaning is coming from inside and all of a sudden so much of my life feels meaningful but it's almost like as the ego dissolves or is displaced at least so much more of as visionary and meaningful and much less of it is my own personal personal ego stuff so perhaps after the crisis this visionary experience that comes in displaces a lot of the ego stuff and maybe that's what makes some of it go away so all of a sudden this ego I Know Who I am I believe this I think that I this all the repetitive thoughts is replaced by a lot of times visions and thoughts of things that are more meaningful or also terrifying and scary it's not all good if it was all good I'm su

re everyone would want this thing to happen so if it's displaced some of the ego stuff there still is that visionary element and perhaps whatever that visionary element is that comes in is there to inform the new creation of the ego structure because it is important to have an ego in today's reality in order to relate it is important to have a sense of who a person is maybe one day the the ego will be more obsolete but all this visual visionary stuff and meaning can reinforce ins life and what they choose to do next and so often because the story is well this is a mental illness and here are your medications for life and the medications are very dulling then that visionary experience or that non ordinary state just terms turns into okay well now you have a mental illness and deal with it and recover when it could be if it was handled or received in a different way you know what's going on for you visionary stuff is is you can harvest it you can help it to utilize it to inform your life you know your ego structure is breaking down like what do you want to what do you choose to incorporate into it as opposed to all the stuff that was just there through the process of one's life by default you know I feel like it's really important it's an important time for somebody to really get in alignment with what they want to do with their life so a lot of people end up unfortunately on disability and not doing much about watching TV well a person can be on disability and from their visionary experience be creating something based on what they harvested from one of their extreme states of consciousness of something they're really passionate about you know a person doesn't need to be manic to be passionate about something if I get a message or a feeling or sense in mania that there's a certain cause that I want to be involved in I don't think I have to be manic in order to participate in that so what I'm saying is certain elements can be harvested from those extreme states of consciousness and those extreme experiences that are still congruent and probably more congruent with daily life that perhaps if a person incorporates into their lifestyle design will prevent further relapse because a person has moved towards living in alignment with what was coming up for them in that extreme state of meaningfulness and so many of us are suffering from a lack of meaning so to have that state of extreme meaningfulness just because it ends with you know it's usually it's not sustainable because life and the world isn't designed as a visionary place like we don't all walk around assuming everyone's having visions and meaningful stuff and looking for synchronicity and magic maybe one day we will but we just go about our business and allow people to do the same so what I'm saying is in those extreme states things can be harvested to use in one's consensus reality life because they did have meaning and maybe they're not felt as this meaningful now but it doesn't mean they're not meaningful maybe they're the things that will actually move a person towards that sense of meaningfulness and do that in an embodied way so when it happens as the meaningful state in the extreme state it's usually quite disembodied it's not something that I'm actively participating in so if I feel all sudden really drawn to the cause of homelessness I might be feeling it and seeing homeless people and feeling like oh my gosh and giving them some money but I'm not necessarily engaged in that in my daily embodied life which once I come back to the embodied consensus reality state even though I might have like a hangover from psychosis just from being in that state and it feels like a hangover because if you can imagine being in a state of absolute meaning for two months like so much meaning everything's so meaningful possible there's so many associations and possibilities and then even the scary part of it which is meaningfully terrified in what's called psychosis after coming back to consensus reality usually through being medicated or something it feels terrible it feels no wonder there's often a depression which is what I experienced because it goes from feeling so meaningful to the normal state of being feels super meaningless even though it's just the sort of consensus felt sense of what we all assume normal reality is but it feels terrible because of the contrast so again that's why it's not good to to get too high beyond beyond the consensus reality because once snapped back to the level of consensus reality it feels worse than consensus reality because it feels because it's like the equal and opposite thing and I think there's a certain amount that can be done to to help society level up a little bit but it's difficult it's difficult to remain higher than feeling higher than consensus reality and some people they do it by say taking some kind of illicit drug everyday but then a person is off in their own personal pleasure and bliss and feeling like one with God maybe or however it feels but that's not how everyone else feels so then a person even though they feel one with everything they're kind of there by their self and then it also takes a toll on the body on the physical structure to always be taking some kind of chemical or substance whether natural or not to elevate oneself beyond sort of the daily existence and I feel like there are certain things that can be done to level up the consensus feeling of daily existence so slowly over time consensus reality supposedly gets a little better and better for example with different human rights issues so a population that was marginalized 50 years ago was now more or less part of the mainstream give or take and that levels up say the consensus level of happiness because more and more people are able to be happy because they're not seen as something less than a human being and there's still a long long way to go in this respect why are there still Wars why are there homeless people why do men some men think they can just rape a woman why why is there why are those things happening and so until the world is a completely safe place for every single human being it's not going to be a magical wonderful playful place for every single human being and maybe some people experience that and but over time slowly certain things become less acceptable and more there's more consensus happiness and what I'm in an extreme state of consciousness I can feel and perceive injustice more so than normal so when I'm in regular consciousness I can walk by a homeless person on the street and feel bad you know and or feel happy and be like wow you're free from society's stuff it doesn't look very fun but you don't have to there's a lot of things you don't have to do a lot of stresses you don't have to have more so when you have the stress of survival but not all of these other games that people have invented a survival wasn't an issue anymore that really have no basis in reality except that we've created in our own minds but anyways if I was in an extreme state of consciousness I would think this is just this is not right you know I would maybe give more money or I would have a conversation with the person and I've heard of some people that when they're manic they go out and they get homeless people off the street and they bring them home so they can shower and I remember hearing this story and hearing it in terms of this is what happens when the person is ill and I'm thinking to myself that's beautiful like that's amazing obviously it's it's not you know it's not safe or whatever they would say but it's still beautiful that somebody would go out and get somebody and say hey come here and have a shower imagine if just like a handful of people were doing that why I guess there's charities and things doing that but if we just as human beings were reaching out like that to different people as opposed to everything that's going on the world would be a different place I think that is a beautiful action and but it's not something I would recommend like something I could see myself doing in an extreme state of consciousness but it's you know logically illogical consensus reality rational consciousness it's not something that a female should do but in the heart centered consciousness where a person isn't thinking about their own personal safety as in me and my ego and if you kill me me and all my memories are gone you know there's so much so many people getting killed this instant in war which is like oh don't kill me but go and kill everybody overseas like I'm precious but what about the people that are out there dying so for a person to just put their ego aside and help somebody like that one thing I did one time was when I was super manic was I sort of had this sense inside that said look for yellow so I was looking for yellow and so I saw this man with a yellow visi vast and she was a homeless man and I I took him for a coffee at Tim Hortons and we had a beautiful talk and he had such a beautiful heart and he he told me about how he'd helped start this dream Center in a city in Canada and then he was giving me instructions on how to help start the dream center here where I live and when he was telling me about it it's like I was writing but the pen was like moving by itself and my handwriting was completely different it was like that moment conspired to give me those instructions and and then I gave him a big hug and then I got really cold and I took a taxi cab home but it felt like I was in like this time warp like this I don't know and sometimes I've actually dissociated and I feel I feel like a homeless person and sometimes I think this homeless man is me like he's like a different version of me like if I wasn't a complete consciousness he would be like another piece of my consciousness not as in mine but but it just made me feel like he was this man with this vision and he was homeless so perhaps not accepting mainstream help for supposed you know mental illness or something and actually I think he had a home but I think it was like it was like some crappy crappy crappy place suit like super bad and so there's definitely in extreme poverty and he was just a beautiful man and I don't even know how I started on that topic but basically you know some of these I guess one thing is some of the experiences in mania like in my normal consciousness I wouldn't take a homeless person a coffee like maybe I would if I was like I'm gonna go out do it and do an intentional act of kindness and I'm gonna go find a homeless person and take them for coffee and you know there's a lot of outreach workers who are employed about to do outreach and and take a homeless person into coffee or to try to reach out and get people off the streets and things but you know in normal consensus consciousness we're quite able to walk by a lot of in Justices whereas in mania it's very difficult to walk by anything so in that way a person can easily be like a ping-pong ball going from one thing to the next that they see that they're trying to help with or resolve and you know that could be a good job like if somebody wasn't like always going into mania give this person a salary and say hey go out and do as much good as you can as much as you see like why do we need to categorize things and you know have all these job descriptions it's like do people actually know what to do maybe people actually do know what to do if we just really got together and did it but so yeah I don't even know where I was going with that if I don't get back on track with it I'll have to watch this and find out what I was saying because I think part of it was to do with finding ones cause and that's I guess partly why I feel like my cause is to do with homelessness even though you know maybe my class was that because of that that thing that happened where I I met that homeless man and and he sort of told me what to do and I've never really acted on it and the thing is that I've had this sense that and we are the homeless people if we are one we are the homeless people as well and oh yeah I think I was saying something about how it's not great for daily existence to be in that state of consciousness and that's one of the reasons if I was always manic I would just be seeing something acting seeing something acting all the time and I don't think there's anything wrong with that but it's not it's not really how society is designed and so if I was to take my own thoughts here that I'm saying and go back and look at my manic experience I would say okay perhaps I should in some way start working in homelessness because that's really what I was responding to a lot when I was in that state sometimes I wonder if people if they want to be homeless you know the homeless people there are unborn children no they're there

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Mania is a type of monologue and so is psychosis

Relating to an internal reality less than the external

The Open Dialogue Approach developed in Finland

Nothing about us without us

Wondering if sometimes mania and psychosis have some good ideas

The best self is for the betterment of the world

A small conversation in the world that probably needs to get bigger

The spiritual gift of madness

Talking to each other as visionaries

The biggest resource on the planet is the human brain

We need a new source of ideas

Ideas from the manic mind are not from the same level of thinking as the worlds problems

Mad gifts to change the world

Buckminster Fuller said specialization is the enemy of synergy

Buckminster Fuller proposes a reframing of culture that could get all of humanity to educate itself swiftly enough to generate spontaneous social behaviors that will avoid extinction

We need to create synergetic conversations between people who have had ideas visions and gifts in extreme states of consciousness

Perhaps that's one of the reasons why it's often so hard for people that have gone through these crises to you know reintegrate into society is that you know society is so meaningless

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