Happy 5th Birthday Fallacious Trump!

As a birthday treat (and because we're taking a week off while Mark repatriates from his palatial villa in rural France), we thought you might like the first part of our breakdown of a terrible film.

We watched Blackbird - a vanity project written, directed and funded by 'Lord of the Dance' Michael Flatley, and also starring him as a retired secret agent who runs a hotel in Barbados.

It's kind of amazingly bad, and as usual, we're both too thorough and too easily distracted to get through the whole thing in just one episode, so here's part one of our breakdown, which covers a rain soaked funeral, a change of career for almost the entire cast, and some confusing spycraft involving a lost Libyan death formula.

So, book into the Infinity Suite, have Tony pour you a drink (with a wink), and come along for the ride.

We're sorry/you're welcome.

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