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Matt updates his p(doom), Tucker Carlson does his best impression of Wormtongue, and the political horseshoe unites over Flydubai JAQs. Sometimes our future AI overlords do not look so bad.
The full episode is available to Patreon subscribers (2 hrs 51 mins).
Join us at: https://www.patreon.com/DecodingTheGurus
00:00:00 Introduction
00:01:07 Dog Updates and Cultural Appropriation
00:07:20 Annual Health Check Approval
00:14:47 Matt’s p(doom) Update
00:17:26 Matt’s Dragon
00:21:34 Becoming Obsolete?
00:26:27 P-Zombie Thoughts on AI
00:33:03 Productivity Gains?
00:36:22 Jacob Rees-Mogg Meets Tucker Carlson
00:39:00 Tucker Carlson: Russian Apologist Extraordinaire
00:48:14 Cognitive Empathy for Russia
00:55:04 Who Cares About Treaties?
00:58:45 Studied Ignorance and Russian Sycophancy
01:05:50 The Isolationist Strain
01:11:33 Wormtongue Carlson
01:17:03 WHAT?!?
01:23:02 Hitler Apologetics
01:29:02 Bespoke Definitions of Sovereignty
01:37:17 Mr Hitler and His Promises
01:40:59 Great Fun with a Nazi Apologist Imbecile
01:42:17 The Joyful League of Big Characters: George Galloway Enters
01:46:20 Piers Morgan Is a Bad Guy
01:49:17 Flydubai False-Flag Conspiracies
01:56:35 The Young Turks Are Conspiracy Theorists
02:02:54 Jimmy Dore Claims Bondi Beach Was a False Flag
02:08:15 Cenk Explains False-Flag Psychology
02:13:53 Ana Notices Some Anomalies
02:18:25 Sneako Also Has Questions
02:20:16 Hasan Has Noticed Some Red Flags
02:35:00 Strategic Disclaimers Are Standard Practice
02:40:06 The Hannibal Directive
02:48:53 Dysphoric Bonding
Source material
Relevant articles
Chris and Matt grapple with Face Huggers, ponder the mysteries of algebra, and have a heated exchange over the term "bespoke".
*Sorry about some of Chris' audio: the microphone settings will be fixed next episode!
The full episode is available to Patreon subscribers (2 hrs 12 mins).
Join us at: https://www.patreon.com/DecodingTheGurus
Supplementary Material 56
00:00 Introduction
01:58 The Hugging Face incident
08:46 AI risks and AI discourse
22:29 OpenAI’s presentation and the incentives around AI safety
29:51 How worried should we be?
40:13 Disagreeing about AI
46:15 Peter Boghossian’s AI-generated utopia and dystopia
52:00 Matt’s favourite DJ meme
53:32 Tucker Carlson meets algebra
1:00:18 Andrew Callaghan and Channel 5
1:02:07 Hunter Biden’s $LAPTOP meme coin
1:06:08 A brief intervention on “paleocon”
1:13:41 Andrew Callaghan explains the email-list mistake
1:23:46 Andrew Callaghan on tech oligarchs
1:36:28 Taylor Lorenz’s political independence
1:42:35 The Great Bespoke Debate of 2026
1:56:35 Hasan, Mearsheimer, and Russia
2:07:16 Peace is restored
Links
Part Two of our Candace Owens decoding offers a generous case study in conspiratorial thinking. The necklace in the footage of Charlie Kirk’s murder may have moved before his jacket, a photograph of Tyler Robinson in front of a Man of Steel poster also raises questions about why Erika Kirk used the phrase about Charlie’s neck, not to mention that one of the early suspects also lived in New York during 9/11... all of it just makes you think... who is actually running things?
One possibility could be Erika Kirk. Not that she is the mastermind (that, as always, is occult Jewish satanists), but rather that she might be a sociopath that dark energy is being temporarily channelled into. Candace asks why Erika returned to work so quickly, muses over how Candace's connection to Charlie was deeper and more spiritually potent, and ponders if she was the only person who really truly cared about Charlie. But don’t worry, Shawn Ryan is there with his trademark scepticism to offer pushback, like “wow” and “holy shit, that’s incredible”. Trump, meanwhile, has apparently sold his soul to Israel, though JD Vance may still be redeemable. Then Freud turns up, accused of inventing modern gaslighting and covering for satanic murders.
Candace, as you might imagine, has her own place in the story. Charlie apparently knew she would inherit the fight after his death (which he had psychically foreseen), and Candace has indeed felt a spiritual awakening since. It’s a good thing then that she is so sensitive to others engaged in religious/spiritual grifting.
As per Part One, this is ultimately a tour de force in conspiracy theorising and guru dynamics. And yet, remarkably, Candace still manages to come across as interpersonally likeable and even endearing. Which perhaps explains part of her popularity. Even still, with this episode we are (hopefully) done with four-hour Candace interviews.
Also be forewarned that this episode contains an extended shoutout section; the Candace decoding ends at 1:41:02. We work through a backlog of listener shoutouts that we have neglected for long enough to turn them into a second podcast. If you would rather skip that entirely, jump to 2:25:56 for the brief sign-off. Complaints about the length/shoutouts will be referred to this paragraph. Thank you for your attention to this matter.
Source materialCandace Owens is just a Catholic, a mother, and a wife. She loves her husband, works hard, and tries not to let internet drama disturb her spiritual peace. She also has just a few questions about the international satanic conspiracy behind Charlie Kirk’s ritual murder.
We join Candace during her appearance on the Shawn Ryan Show, where an impressive amount of time is devoted to establishing how lovely they both find each other. There are the usual fond memories of dinner, a husband who is a James Bond lookalike, and a series of fascinating career adventures, including how Candace rose to be vice president of administration in just 4 years! She even got to experience the damaging effects of toxic mould before it was fashionable (and don't worry, it was cured with a restrictive diet!).
Candace is like a one-woman crash course in conspiratorial ideation and how conspiracy theorists interact with other conspiracy theorists and conflicting evidence. But, to be fair, she is also very good at what she does! Coming across as a charismatic and composed speaker who makes very ugly claims sound like an entirely reasonable conversation.
But then there are the questions... Why do witnesses remember different things? Why was ten inches of soil removed rather than eight? Did Charlie Kirk's necklace move before his jacket? But that's just the start; as is often the case we end up talking about Rothschilds, Freemasons, Denmons, and a public demonic ritual intended to channel spiritual energy into a surprising target. Shawn Ryan, who assures us repeatedly that he is an extremely sceptical person, is astonished at what he hears!
And there's more to come too... in Part 2.
Source materialThe rumours of the Gurometer's demise have been greatly exaggerated. We were simply collecting enough gurus to feed three into the sacred instrument at once. In this special Triple Threat edition, Professor Jiang brings angel-informed psychohistory, Jimmy Carr brings a head full of dubious historical factoids, and Mel Robbins just desperately wants to help you (for a price). Three potential gurus, eleven characteristics, and a brief disagreement over the nature of data. Let the highly rigorous scoring commence!
Also... think you can do better? Rate Jiang, Mel, Jimmy, or any of the other gurus on our online Gurometer and compare your scores with ours. Ideally, do it before listening, lest Matt declare your numbers inadmissible.
https://decoding-the-gurus-gurometer.netlify.app/
Two academic windbags attempt brief discussions of the controversy at Nature, Bret’s newest conspiracy theory, and the latest vibe sessions in Podcastistan. It goes about as well as expected.
The full episode is available to Patreon subscribers (1hr 18mins).
Join us at: https://www.patreon.com/DecodingTheGurus
Supplementary Material 55
00:00 Introduction: Science by Podcast
04:04 Nature Joins the Arday Discourse Wave
09:28 Activism and Science
14:40 Academic Prestige Bias
19:08 The Business of Academic Publishing
23:43 Sasha Gusev Being Sensible and Culture War Brainrot
29:04 Bret Weinstein and Jimmy Dore Investigate Charlie Kirk’s Death
36:13 Anomaly Hunting
42:27 Science Washing
45:00 Conspiracy Discrimination and Reasoning Ability
53:46 Academic Debate Norms
59:16 Chris Williamson Promotes Professor Jiang
01:01:01 Vibing Out in Podcast Panels: Hunter Biden x Nick Fuentes
01:05:49 Dave Rubin and Andrew Gold Discuss Political Tribalism
01:08:25 Heterodoxy in 2026: Zaid Jilani on Michael Tracey
01:12:52 Hitler Was a Human and Had Motivations
01:16:33 Outro
Links
In Part Two of our decoding of Mel Robbins, things take a practical turn. But before we get to preoccupied with all that, why don't you pause, take a breath, and, in the context of your body, write down ten ways to make a bad situation worse. Your focus should then be on doing the exact opposite! For example, if one of your answers is to not listen to the podcast, then start listening, right now!
Next, before hitting play, let's work on building a daily manifestation practice. Write down five things you want, then sit in your body, picture yourself doing all the annoying steps, and flood yourself with the feelings of future success. This needs to happen every day.
One more thing: now imagine someone who is one million per cent behind you and ask them what is the best way for you to consume the podcast. They can be alive, dead, or fictional. Greek messenger Gods are permitted. You can even imagine your mother, if you like, but better. Alternatively, why not meet your future self at the front door and ask how listening to the podcast helped them to become so wise, slim, and successful?
There are other options too. You can manifest a legion of ancestors, reconfigure a difficult afternoon by getting sushi, and even transcend the limits of possibility with an elephant murder themed visualization!
You might think this sounds a bit like (too much) planning, mental rehearsal, and just trying to be a bit more positive. But it's much more than that. These mental activities are actually powered by very hard science. Ignore the tiny samples, one-tailed tests, and suspicious p-values... that all sounds like negative thinking.
And now you are finally prepared so choose your technique, release the brake, and visualise the download button. Your future self is waiting. They have a cool scar and some bad news about your future children.
LinksWe return from our holidays with an indulgent episode that starts light and ends up very dark as we turn to the unavoidable Jason Arday discourse.
The full episode is available to Patreon subscribers (Full Episode: 1hr 40 mins)
Join us at: https://www.patreon.com/DecodingTheGurus
Supplementary Material 54
00:00 Pecan Pie Introduction
04:10 Solar Punk Matt
08:17 Ireland Trip Report
15:24 Australian Burger Culture
17:32 Manga Cafe Experiments
24:10 Joe Rogan on AI Remote Viewing
29:14 Parapsychology as a Research Field
34:07 A One Man University Level Course in Bad Thinking
36:58 The Young Info Turks
40:53 More Credulity with Ryan Grim over Fauci
42:14 Richard Ebright, Warning Signs, and Radicalisation Spirals
48:28 Vinay Prasad jumping on the Anti-Fauci wagon for the Free Press
52:31 The Jason Arday Affair
54:28 The Surrounding Context
58:18 Polemical Discourse Waves
01:05:22 The Guru Factor
01:08:25 A Realistic View of Universities as Imperfect Institutions
01:12:17 Elite Prestige Bias
01:21:33 Culture War Distortions
01:25:04 The Ethics of Critical Journalism
01:29:50 Inconsistent Standards
01:38:36 Outro
Links
Are you tired, stuck, or inconveniently constrained by reality? Good news: you may simply be imagining the wrong one.
In Part One of our decoding of Mel Robbins, we explore the world of a self-help mogul who is also just a simple mother of three in Vermont hosting a little ol' podcast with a HUGE global impact. Together with Cassandra Vieten, a psychologist who is (apparently) one of the world's leading researchers on imagination and consciousness, Mel explains how to begin to stop reacting and start imagining, visualising, and manifesting the life you truly deserve. This will lead to self-actualised transcendence through a variety of simple-to-implement techniques. But don't worry, the universe has also put in safeguards: manifestation only works if you use it for good, such as empowering your authentic self. So please manifest enthusiastically without any concern.
In the episode, you will learn about the delicate art of rebranding common sense into complex (proprietary) theories and be shocked to discover that mystical intuitions are a core component of any fully holistic scientific research. Mel's HUGE media business, meanwhile, manifests itself as an intimate personal friendship with each of her millions of listeners.
Expect the usual decorative scholarship, a new Five Second Rule and insights into how to Let Them and Let You, reality tunnels, obstacle courses, a thousand supportive women, lighthouses, tapestries, and the therapeutic potential of fire-breathing dragons. All of it is very hard science, as they repeatedly remind us.
Chris and Matt attempt throughout to give the self-help genre a fair-minded assessment. They even concede that wearing colourful socks and being a bit less miserable are probably harmless, but ultimately their dark reductionist souls are beyond salvation.
Part Two is coming next week. In the meantime, try to visualise it clearly, align your energy, and not to put one foot on the brake as you hit the download button.
Links
Joe Rogan, the Great Khan of podcasting, is once again receiving a travelling jester at court. This time it is Jimmy Carr who arrives bearing gifts: pop evolutionary psychology, dubious history factoids, conservative "common sense", and an apparently bottomless appetite for telling Joe just how important he is.
After listening to their three-hour conversation(!), we conclude there is nothing much of note beyond serving as a nice demonstration of popular "alternative" podcasting in 2026. What you get is a medley of sycophantic praise; regurgitated pop science and historical factoids; right-wing political positions presented as basic common sense; and shocked reactions to pseudo profundity and mundane observations.
Along the way, you will also thrill as you learn Rogan and Carr's takes on motherhood, feminism, work ethic, astrology, religion, taxation, vaccines, human evolution, the Black Death, and stand-up comedy.
As for Jimmy Carr himself, well, according to us: he's a very much your standard middle-aged conservative British person who happens to be a comedian. Rogan's level of crankery makes Jimmy look moderate by comparison, but as we know that's a very low bar.
Links
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