In five hundred years we will still be listening to the music of John Williams. He is arguably the most influential composer of our time and the quite possibly the reason why modern Hollywood exists as it does. Would Indiana Jones or Jurassic Park be the same with out John Williams? Would you fear Vader and dark side with out John Williams? Would you be afraid to swim in the ocean forever without John Williams? Heck no. The spooky underscores, the wild crescendos, the little dance fills, that last blast wave at the end of ET that makes you cry like an asshole. Long into the future no one will actually remember these movies but the John Williams scores will live on. It’s time for BBFS with ALEX AND NICK.

Every few generations a human being appears. One not made for this world. One too blinding to look upon. One so chiseled that Lou Ferigno could never have prettier muscles then him. One who’s name is so insane it’s transcendent. He is beyond mere mortals. He is the reason James Cameron has a career. He took out a predator. He got that goddamn Turbo Man doll for Anakin Skywalker. If he were born two thousand years ago, he would have been an emperor. Instead he was the biggest movie star in the world. The man. The myth. The weird. Blockbuster film school presents: A Nick Souder joint, in association with Alex Bonner Is a Clown Boi Productions, and Brian Tepps Is Not a Robot Productions: Arnold Schwarzenegger!

Forrest Whitaker is very sorry about making that Scientology movie. He IS sorry. It’s not his fault, ok? He was drinking a lot back then, and maybe huffing a little bit of paint? Travolta said it was like Star Wars. How was Forrest supposed to know!? HE IS SORRY. But yes, he has made tons of cool movies, won an Oscar for best actor, and been nominated less times than he deserves. Ghost Dog Way of the Samurai is awesome. The Crying Game is cool. The Last King of Scotland is absolutely nuts. But all anybody ever brings up is that goddamn Scientology movie. HE’S SORRY! This message is brought to you by Alex and Nick your overlords at Blockbuster Film School.

Let the cocaine flow!!!! Is what was shouted at the first meeting for Orion pictures (I assume). Well, whatever was shouted, it allowed the movies gods to shine down upon American audiences throughout the 80s and 90s. In one beautiful fever dream some producers decided to let some of the best and craziest filmmakers run around with like 90 million bucks to make Robocop, Bill and Ted, Silence of the Lambs, Throw Momma from the Train, and tons of other weird classics that they would never make now. Nick and Alex take the whole studio apart: so you know what to watch and if you’re into 90s pleated jeans. Welcome to the Blockbuster Film School.

When your kid won’t stop pestering you about buying them a stupid haunted doll you need to just calm down and listen to Blockbuster Film School. If you find a strange puzzle box that opens the portal to the BDSM dimension you should stop fucking with it and listen to Blockbuster Film School. If a gang of handsome, fun-boy vampires tries to make you join their leather jacket, one-earring gang you should totally do it but also listen to Blockbuster Film School.

The slashening. Knives. Boobs. Your house is built on a graveyard. Mogwai. Willford Brimley is an alien. Don’t run upstairs. Ski masks. Don’t go outside. Scottish werewolves. All work and no play make Alex and Nick dull boys.

Don’t fall asleep, Freddy will get you. Don’t mess with books with human eyes in them. Pull the gun out of your gut orifice, it’s time for an epic Blockbuster film school.

Do you like heady, poetic action films? Do you like sad yet funny war movies? Creepy, cool cop movies? Sexy surfer, heist movie bromances with Gary Bussey? It’s time to worship at the alter of the only best director Oscar winner with a xx chromosome. Your head priests, are as always, Nick and Alex. You’re wild man. A wild man. And you just won a theology scholarship to Blockbuster Film School. Amen.

Hope you have your sawed-off shotgun and your futuristic phone because the big brother drone cops are coming to get you and your secret-weapon alien-girlfriend that you’ve been hiding outside the mega city in the wastelands. It’s time to hack into the mainframe with your resident clone hunters and psychic professors, Alex and Nick. Start the reactor, this is Blockbuster Film School.

Every so often in a civilization a miracle person comes along to save them from destruction: The Buddha, Augustus Caesar, Wonder Woman, and in the movie universe it is the most underrated actor of all time: Steve Buscemi! We’ll take you from when he got shot in the face in one movie to the time he got shot in the face in another movie and if you behave and are good students we’ll put lipstick on and cross you off our “to kill list”. Welcome class, to Blockbuster Filmschool.

We search for answers, we chase dreams and nightmares to the border of what we accept and where we are. Humanity is a relative term. Denis Villeneuve has made beautiful, chaotic and existential crisis films which cause you to question what it means to be alive. They are gorgeous, frightening, and life affirming. He is the director whose films are always more than what they appear and demand your attention for years after. Get familiar. You can thank Blockbuster Film School later.