Blue Balls NYCFC

The preseason is in full swing as Jake & Trey follow up their mournful departures ep with a cracking roundup of acquisitions, rumored or not. Your boys in blue go back to front, discussing the perks and pitfalls of all the names you’ve seen bandied about on social media, scouring the side for something to get psyched about. Will Mitja upgrade our wings? Could Tony Alfaro shore up a shaky defense? Who is this vowel-saturated Braian Cufre everyone’s talking about? Trey drops a staggering Senseless Starting XI and the future looks at least a little more interesting! So grab your coffee and wipe the sleepies off your face — you’ve got Blue Balls.

Welcome back Blue Ballers old and new -- for your patience, in this half season, we're giving you an extra half to our episode this week! Trey and Jake spend ninety big ass minutes running down NYCFC's remarkable 8th season -- and how better to do it than settling the score on Season Eight's Over/Under totals?!THEN: As Sondheim said (i think), there's a time to come to NYCFC and a time to leave -- and that time has come for a SLEW of New York's best and brightest players. Yer bois are going to talk each and every one of them to death as we bid goodbye to the lion's share of the championship-winning starting XI of 2021 and a massive portion of the 2022 roster. Don't call it a rebuild? How can you not! Wipe your eyes, baby, dry those tears -- you've got Blue Balls.RIP Anton Walkes

Y'all know what we're here to talk about. Jake & Trey dig into a meal nine years in the slow cooker. NYCFC has announced a stadium and we're gettin' into it, baybee. Plus: roster talk and a little World Cup wink before next episode's season-in-review. Don't freak out: Queens has Blue Balls.

or: Return of the Haak // Three more goals and ninety more tooth-and-nail minutes are sending NYCFC once again to the conference finals and your boys are FEELIN IT. Jake and Trey convene LIVE to break down the messy frenetic first half and cool, collected chipping away of the second in our 3-1 victory over Montreal. Wilfried Nancy’s boys gave us a beating but in the end, stellar performances from Santi, Talles, Sean John, Maxi, and even a surprise support from Justin Haak led NYCFC to a well-earned victory. We talk all that, plus free agency, injuries, and of course a preview against true regional rivals, one of the best teams in league history, this year’s Philly Union.  Don’t get the one ply just because it’s cheaper — you’ve got Blue Balls.

NYCFC is here, baby, and the playoff teams are quaking. A decisive 3-0 victory from your Boys and Blue has our hearts all aflutter and Jake and Trey are here to nervously talk just how far NYCFC can go. We discuss the hotly anticipated and hotly deployed adjustments to a Magno-less starting XI, how GOOD it feels to see Santi back in the mixer where he can do real damage, the miniature magnate Maximiliano, and the tragicomedy of Heber. PLUS: winners and losers from the weekend and a precap of battling the bruisers in Montreal. Don't tie your laces too tight -- you've got Blue Balls.

The stage is set, the stadium is in the boroughs, and the boys are ready for glory -- the NYCFC postseason is upon us and Jake & Trey are ready to talk turkey. We break down the 2-1 declarative victory against Atlanta, its glories as well as its costs, dig into the arc of the final third of the season, start painting pictures of the Cushing era's newest biggest injury problems and what adaptations could come, and of course, clap back at the haters anticipating our upcoming clash. Plus: Trey refuses to engage in more stadium chatter, and we celebrate the homecoming of our hard-earned home game. All before 10:00am. Make sure you've got all the tissues you need, folks -- you've got Blue Balls.

Jake & Trey are back in the hot seat after a week away, and the Boys in Blue are back in the pocket after a long hard try month. Will it be enough to keep them competitive in postseason? Perhaps! Will Nick Cushing join the ranks of Dome Torrent and Ronny Deila as a much maligned but ultimately beloved NYCFC gaffer? Perhaps that too! Will Alex Callens continue to wrecking ball his way through MLS sides? That one's a guarantee. We talk top-notch Talles moments, the return of Big Bird, the saving grace Cushing's found in a defensive approach, and so much more.THEN: Ugliness abounds in the world of national soccer. We run down the Justice Department's bombshell report on top-down culture in NWSL and its most recent ramifications. AND: are the boys in the Stars and Stripes prepared for Qatar? ... It doesn't look like it! Just do a set of ten pushups or something -- you've got Blue Balls.

Jake & Trey are back on the mic, and for the first time in a month and a half, EAGER TO TALK ABOUT NYCFC as we review the stunning and potentially season-saving victory over Red Bulls New Jersey. Good feelings abound as we talk about banner matches from Santi Rodriguez and Alexander Callens, not to mention episode two of O'Toole Time, a brilliant engine from Cacha Acevedo, and the sneaky deployment of one Maxime Chanot. Then: we break down the 22 under 22 list in Talking Points, plus some nervewracking Free Agency discussions and a little USMNT check-in. We highly advise you to stop texting Adam Levine -- you've got Blue Balls.

Bright and early, Jake and Trey are riding the surge of adrenaline pouring out of Yankee Stadium this morning to bring you the first happy Blue Balls in many moons. The boys get right down to it, talking atmosphere, accolades, tactical successes and tactical misfires, defensive conquests and offensive misadventures, and what it means that Nick Cushing fielded starters in a mid-week demo match before a derby day. PLUS: a little Outfield mailbag action (subscribe today! we love to cross promote!), some gaffer gab, some MVP chat, and of course a precap of the biggest Big Bad we've got: our final regular season Red Bulls matchup this Saturday at 1pm. What will our fate be? Don't forget to breathe - you've got Blue Balls.

Well we dragged this one up from the deep just before the clock tolled midnight after a grueling 0-3 loss to our old rivals, the New England Revs and their paunchy pop-pop coach Bruce Arena. Jake and Trey have been on vay-cay and jump back in to truly unpack what the fuck is going on, beginning and ending with the man with more Cushing for the pushing, but taking a tour around our frustratingly underperforming roster of raucous rookies as well. Should we be seeing more than we are? Is positive reinforcement the way to go, or is it time to break out the rod and stop spoiling the child? Can Heber ever score again? Can Talles? Can Anyone!?!?! What is happening in the midfield? Are the wings a lost cause? The questions are endless and the answers are unsatisfying, but we go in on 'em anyway. Plus: a little dour Cincinnati preview, as a treat. Do the stretches the doctor gave you -- you've got Blue Balls.