Blue Balls NYCFC

Back in the hot seat and with a RIOTOUS amount of NYCFC soccer to cover, Trey and Jake begin with a disappointing, if not altogether shocking, 4-2 aggregate fall to a surgical Seattle and their iron curtain keeper. But Seattle can’t take our CONCACAF memories, no matter how they try, and we’ve got a bevy of them - experiments left right and center, visions of the future in Santiagos, Magnos, and Cachas, and more than a few true scorchers.THEN: you ate your vegetables, it’s time for dessert. Jake and Trey recap the domestic (league) violence of a 6-0 victory over visitors Seattle, breaking records and hearts in a victory that eclipsed even our 5-0 previous outing. Utah hasn’t seen tragedy like this in New York since The Book Of Mormon won the Tony.AND FINALLY: an over-under game on Cameo, some league and legacy chat, and a quick preview of Bob Bradley’s Big Maddies. Careful when adjusting your antenna - you’ve got Blue Balls.

Blue Ballers, your boys are back at it. An in-person episode has us all hopped up on March Madness and PRO officiating badness, as we recap what we did and didn't see in the Toronto-NYCFC match this weekend, and what it means for the Deilaverse to come as NYCFC attempts a seamless transition into its next era. We chat cakes, rakes, and mistakes; Heber-demption; lynchpins & out-to-lunchers, and of course, the officiating blunder that -- perhaps?! -- cost NYCFC a point or three it deserved.THEN: What is a penalty anyways? Would a penalty by any other name smell as sweet? AND: the USMNT's Qatar World Cup berth has been secured. What does this group mean for the men under the stars and bars? AND FINALLY: a little pre-CCL chat about easily the toughest opponent NYCFC's faced yet -- the sordid Seattle Sounders. Make sure to sleep on your back, not on your stomach -- you've got Blue Balls.

Did you miss us, podland? Your boys are back and breaking down a banner week of soccer goodness -- from the 0-2 loss in Philly to the debut of NYCFC's very own IIs, to an all-but-clinched World Cup slot for the US Men's National Team (or, as we like to think of them, NYCFC III. We break down our RB bros' woes, the Cake Boss' first AND second team minutes, the continued struggles of Heber Araujo dos Santos, and of course the boys' biggest, meanest, roughest enemy -- the fatigue of international play. Plus the up-to-the-minute pop-culture soccer analysis you didn't know you needed, and a Toronto preview that'll make you say "...ok?". Make sure your long johns didn't shrink in the wash -- you've got Blue Balls.

The whiplash is real, folks, and so is the travel fatigue. A ferocious NYCFC has its depth tested with yet another double-match week as your Boys in Blue putter home from Connecticut to reopen Yankee Stadium in a friggin blizzard, then fly to the titan-killer Estadio Mateo Flores to wrap up their series against Las Cremas of Guatemala. Do they survive? But barely, and Jake and Trey have the full rundown ready for you!We talk Talles Magno's ever-increasing minutes and importance, the Jasson Right-Back experiment, second-half struggles, the glorious home goals against Montreal, and of course a Taty free-kick that in one podcaster's opinion may just be the most dazzling NYCFC goal in our eight-season history. PLUS: where is the NYCFC player strategy going, and what does the mystery man standing behind the initials GP tell us about it? AND FINALLY: what's going to happen when NYCFC faces down DOOP nation in Philadelphia this weekend? Hold onto your short & curlies - you've got Blue Balls.

or: Double Recappuchino with extra CONCACAFfeineYour pigeon-print pals are back with another double-recap as NYCFC continues its dramatic CONCACAF Champions battle to the top, simultaneously with the beginning of its star-blazoned post-cup season of MLS. Jake & Trey hit the sweet & sour notes of a Vancouver match that looked an awful lot like August 2021, then pivot to a Conneticutian "home" match against Guatemalan club Comunicaciones that may have been messier but also ended much more satisfying with a 3-1 first leg lead!Then: have you ever wanted to hear global geopolitics discussed by porn-addled doomscrolling dipshits? Good news! What about horrific tragedies, at home and abroad? We've got that too! And somehow, we managed to squeeze a teeny tiny Montreal precap for this weekend in. Take out your test-approved no. 2 pencils: you've got Blue Balls.

Was there really ever any doubt? BLUE BALLS returns for a triumphant eighth season as the most reviled officially unofficial podcast in the NYCFC pantheon -- and we're thrilled to be kicking it off with you, our loyal listeners, and some BRAND NEW BRANDING. Give us some love in the reviews if you dig the new lewk!Jake & Trey break down a disappointing -- but inevitable? -- 1-0 loss away at LA Galaxy, in which NYCFC joined the illustrious ranks of Cup winners unable to secure even a point their first outing back in MLS. We break down the highs and lows, from Keaton Parks to offensive sparks and PRO-Ref sharts.Then: rumors of an NYCFC women's team abound, and the tea-spiller is none other than CFG head honcho Ferran Sorriano! We break down the future vision for the women's game, plus two new first-team signings born after Hurricane Katrina that make us feel like putting on Matlock and getting sponge-baths. And of course an uber-rushed precap of a fateful match against Vancouver. Don't touch that dial -- it's got something sticky on it, and you've got Blue Balls.

(or: Historic First Drunk Pod Of 2022)Jake & Trey are back with PART 2 of the offseason recap & predictions for things to come, and I can almost smell the burrito now as the boys get down and dirty with the OVER/UNDERS on NYCFC's eighth season upcoming. We talk months with Taty, goals with Talles, sheets with Sean John, and stadia arcadia to come.AND: Massive 6-0 victory in CONCACAF Champions. What's it mean? What's coming next? More trade agita. Lineup predictions. A new mid-season theme song. And... merch?!?! They might be worth the wait but they're not worth the weight... you've got Blue Balls.

Lord forgive us, but we're back on our BLUE BALLS. Jake and Trey hop back on the mic to recap a fun-size offseason, complete with a couple fun-size transfer rumors and a brand new defensive DP in one Thiago Martins. Plus: golden boot winner Taty Castellanos is still around! Will the center hold, and what happens when he finally catches the rocket he's been tweeting about?THEN: New fit alert! Is the new second kit an embarrassing misstep or an extremely dope game changer? And a casual recap of NYCFC's 2022 CONCACAF Champions debut, complete with two for Taty and a goofy ass red card. EMERGENCY WEATHER ALERT: You've got Blue Balls.

Welcome back, Ballers, to the Blue Balls end-of-year combo championship recap / silly season preview SUPERWEEK. Part 2 is here, and so are Jake & Trey, running through trade and acquisition rumors, expansion draft ripples, options exercised and un-, and the City Core Philosophy deep within NYCFC. Plus, everyone’s favorite tradition: SCORING OVER/UNDERS. For arguably the most surprising year in NYCFC’s history? We think we did pretty ok. Inhale hard and hold it in — you’ve got Blue Balls.Special thanks to all those who supported us this year and in the last 7, especially our generous. You’ve never once given us Blue Balls. Stay tuned — our Balls are only getting bigger next year and there will be more ways to support, play, and listen with your boys in blue. Congratulations, champions!

NYCFC are your 2021 MLS Cup Champions. Is there anything else to say? As your day-one stop for all the stupidest possible NYCFC coverage, you know we're just basking in gratitude and positivity.JUST KIDDING! So much to talk about here! The atmosphere! The match! The penalties! The afterparty! The club! The narrative! So much that we had to DOUBLE STUF YOUR SEASON WRAP-UP, because there was simply too much to talk about!!!!We'll never get over this, and we hope you won't either. Thanks for going on the journey of a lifetime with us. Now let's win another.COYBIB!