Blue Balls NYCFC

OLE OLE OLE OLE // OLE // OLE // After a BRUISING 2021 season, highs and lows, ups and downs, doubts and determinations, injuries and miracles, your NYCFC stood tall on Sunday and secured the EASTERN CONFERENCE TITLE -- someone should probably make sure that brand new silverware doesn't get any pigeon mess on it!! BEENG BONG, Blue Ball bitches! We're here to RECAP IT ALL FOR YOU -- the game-winner from double-sub supercrew Talles Magno and Gudi Thorarrinson, the quick recovery off a BALLSY shot from Chanot delivered by the tiny patriarch Maxi Moralez, even the stumbly fumbly first half that had us all smelling toast and getting numb in the left arm. Jake and Trey are here to break it down -- and what it means for Portland and Golden Boot winner Taty Castellanos' return. PLUS: Jim Curtin's tweetable and shit-eatable snipes, Narrative Narrative Narrative, the Fash question, seat total woes, and of course a preview of our rivals in the West hunting for their second-ever MLS cup. TAKE A DEEP BREATH, Y'ALL. AFTER SEVEN YEARS, WE'RE IN THE MLS FINAL -- AND YOU'VE GOT BLUE BALLS.

The forecast calls for Blues Skies as your Pigeons claim the underdog victory with only ten men against the titans of titans, the New England Revs. A hard fought match which ended in 2-2 draw and a 5-3 win in penalties started chaotic and only went from there, and your boys Jake and Trey dissect every beat of it. Where are the subs? How did our human victory cigar do? Who’s injured and who ain’t? Who failed the discipline test? And of course, how did we capture our first win in penalties in franchise history??Then: Philly on Sunday. With no MLS-Best-XI Taty Castellanos, what are NYCFC’s attacking options? What if the Sandsman has to take a breather? How will NYCFC win its first conference final? All that and more this week; try to stretch before you freak out, you’ve got Blue Balls.

It's November and MLS playoffs are in full swing -- and none other than the New York City Football Club is on their way to the Eastern Conference Semifinals after a massive 2-0 victory at home against Atlanta. Jake & Trey are here to break it all down for you, including Taty's skipper to open the gates, Rob Vartughian's secret set piece sauce, the gruesome death by suffocation of George Bello, missing (and missed) pigeons on the field, and the Deila mentality at the top of it all. Then: USMNT wins and draws, some offhand Champions chat, and other league action. And finally: can we do it again, but, uh, better? Bruce Arena's titanic New England is waiting for us on the other side of ThanksWeekend and a December game in Massachusetts is no walk in Central Park. Don't move a MUSCLE - you've got Blue Balls.

Jake & Trey are playing the role of MEDIA MOGULS this week at a live press event on a beautiful fall day to mark the 50th community pitch created by the team in the city of New York. We were back in form, baby, talking Ronny D and Jimmy S' ears off, and nabbing a few exclusive minutes with NYCFC head honcho Brad Sims to cap the day off. PLUS: No shortage of soccer talk as we break down an encouraging draw (down a man!) against Jim Curtin's formidable Philly side, discuss Keaton Parks' surprise absence from the playoffs run, and make plans to snuff out Atlanta's flame. Postseason is here, baby, and what good news - you've got Blue Balls.

Jake & Trey break down a road trip to Miami, the Battery Park of America, where your boys in blue secured a key 3 in their pursuit of the best possible playoff berth - and end speculation of their crash out once and for all. Two goals by Taty, a third by Talles, and top notch performances from SJ, Big Bird, and Spider-Man put us back on the MLS map - and put the fear of god in our enemies. We break it all down. THEN: USMNT roster inclusions and omissions! The agony and the ecstasy of Rob Vartughian! And playoff berths - what’s their deal? Plus a Philly preview to clue you in. Get a sleeper car on the Amtrak home - you’ve got Blue Balls.

Four down, one to go as your Boys in Blue head closer and closer to securing a playoff spot after scaring the bejeesus out of what remains of our fanbase - but will it be enough? We're not out of the woods yet, and as JAKE and TREY recap, a 1-0 penalty win against Chicago Fire isn't necessarily enough to inspire the casual confidence of three months ago. We talk Taty action, the Malte-Santi connection, Keaton's simple smooth acumen, and the fatigue on the field. PLUS: Carli Lloyd's last USWNT national game, banner scuffles in the supporters section, and a - MODERATELY - optimistic Inter Milan, er, Miami preview. Check the weather in Florida -- you've got Blue Balls.

Jake & Trey recap the DC game that nobody saw coming, including breakdowns of all six of your favorite goals from the weekend, unpacking the tactical changes, overlaps, Maxi moves and Sands experiments that made it possible. PLUS: What does this mean for the Deila Out clan? What about the rest of the season? Are we winning the cup after all? Or were these half-dozen cracked eggs just a flash in the pan? AND: Two double weeks in rapid succession means a quick and dirty Chicago preview for Wednesday. Don't bother cleaning up - you've got Blue Balls.

Back atcha with a minisode, Jake & Trey break down the squeaker draw against Atlanta and why a set piece goal by Gudi T is actually because of 20 minutes of ambitious play — and why maybe there’s a little, itty, bitty glimmer of hope still left in NYCFC’s campaign. Plus, Emojis: what do they mean? And DC: what can they bring? And guest spots: are they real? Today they are as WILL HAWLEY returns to the pod. Slide into those DMs - you’ve got Blue Balls.

Catastrophe in New Jersey this week as NYCFC go down one-zero to their rivals after two weeks of rest. What's the excuse? How will Ronny's Boys turn this dwindling season around? What can explain the drop-off in form? Your guess is as good as ours, but Jake and Trey break it down. THEN: a USMNT reality check, some key remarks on Tayvon Gray's first start, and handwringing over an ascendant Atlanta. Bad luck, my friend - you've got Blue Balls.

Ahoy hoy Blue Ballerinos, Jake and Trey are BACK for a due rumpus. First, recapping the Nashville match and all the ways it was actually kind of good maybe? Then: Tayvon, (more) Deila, and the putrid becomings of management and structure of the NWSL. Finally, some optimism going into the r*d bulls match??? Put your feet up and your flannel down, you've got Blue Balls.