Body Counts And Beer

Next week, we're discussing Mark's favorite film of all time: CONGO! So this week, we're reading through Mark's favorite Wikipedia page of all time: CONGO: THE BOOK!

Join us as we goof on one of the more bizarre plot descriptions the world has ever heard. We got everything in this one: Mark does a perfect Irish accent! We debate the efficacy of Doping vs. Cyborg Tech! We chart the evolution of Congo's Gray Gorillas! We bemoan the lack of Wacky Races and X-Files gorilla autopsies! For the first time in decades, someone brings up James Caan's THE PROGRAM! Plus, massive spoilers for season one of Game of Thrones!

CONTENT WARNING: We drank too much and therefore continually refer to gorillas as "monkeys." We're sorry.

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Let us know what you liked, what you hated, your favorite episode of Kitchen Nightmares, your least favorite episode of Hotel Hell, what movie to watch next or ANYTHING AT ALL!

Our long international nightmare is over! We've finally gotten around to covering the last Star Wars movie ever (FOR NOW)! This week, we're discussing 2018's meh-fest: SOLO: A STAR WARS STORY!

Listen in as we meticulously pick through the mise en scene of this prequel-ish flick, covering everything including: Ted Danson is very tall! The existential dread of droid ownership! Darth Maul: Terrible Boss! Jon tells his Peter Mayhew: A Star Wars Story! MURPH! Harsh words for Dune! And so much more and everything in between!

BONUS: The secret origin on the Rebel Alliance, as told by an incredible angry and sarcastic Jon Rooney Taylor!

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Let us know what you liked, what you hated, your favorite Diet Coke subflavor, your least favorite Michael Chabon book, what movie to watch next or ANYTHING AT ALL!

You are part of the Rebel Alliance and a subscriber. LISTEN AWAY! This week, we're opening our magic bag of movie pitches to create our inaugural STAR WARS SPINOFF SHOWCASE!

Listen in as we pitch Lucasfilm all the "great" and "bankable" stories that have been rattling around our dumb brains forever! Stories like: The Max Rebo Blues Band and Review! The secret origin of Count Dooku! Greedofellas! A vociferous defense of Cinnabon! Orcas impressions! And so much so more!

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Let us know what you liked, what you hated, your favorite Tick Tock Man, your least favorite episode of Oz, what movie to watch next or ANYTHING AT ALL!

Bah-da-BAH-DAAAAH-bah-da-daaaaa! (look through gun barrel. Pierce Brosnan shoots.) This week, we're FINALLY visiting the Island of Too Many Bonds, specifically the unincorporated village of GOLDENEYE! So equip your laser beam grappling hooks and join us for some post-Christmas espionage thrillage!

We cover just about everything in this episode, including, but not limited to: Alan Cumming, history's horniest actor! Sub-Zero vs. Scorpion! We learn the secret origin of Patrick Stewart's hair! Sean Connery stops by, and he is terrible! Our aural assault on France continues! We evaluate the ranks of the Cereal Mascot Navy! Plus, for the first time in twenty years, someone mentions Harold "Baby Jordan" Miner!

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Let us know what you liked, what you hated, your favorite Bond actor, your personal Bond Girl double entendre name, what movie to watch next or ANYTHING AT ALL!

Hop in your Aston Martin, shake a vodka martini and shoot a Blofeld with a watch laser, because this week we're discussing GOLDENEYE 007 for the N64!

Next week we finally visit the Island of Too Many Bonds, so we thought we'd take a minute and reminisce about one of the greatest video games ever made. Plus, we stumble upon some Civil War letters deleted from that Ken Burns documentary! And: turns out Mark shares an FPS strategy with Leeroy Jenkins! Also: Jon gets divorced and remarried, all in the span of 23 minutes and without his spouse's knowledge!

EDITOR'S NOTE: Our regularly scheduled full episode (2017's Guardians [the Russian Avengers knockoff with the Bear Man]) has suffered from some manner of tekno wizardry, and therefore will probably never be heard. Sorry.

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Let us know what you liked, what you hated, your favorite Voltron lion, your least favorite oatmeal flavor, what movie to watch next or ANYTHING AT ALL!

It began with an idea. An elegant solution to a centuries old problem. "What do we discuss for our minisode this week?" Mark asked. There was no response. Only hissing. And pain of a thousand pizza crusts whipped into his eye.

So, we ditched the Christmas stuff pretty early on and just goofed. We cover a bizarre Russian music video (link here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gNl7u_ckbHU) and we cover some favorite montages. But mostly, it's just goofin'. Sorry.

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Let us know what you liked, what you hated, what you think our hat sizes are based on our voices, what movie to watch next or ANYTHING AT ALL!

In our almost three years of making this podcast, never before have we come face to face with a movie so brutal, so unrelenting, so incredibly badass. This week, we're discussing 2011's martial arts masterpiece THE RAID: REDEMPTION!

Listen as we cover every base from here to Jakarta: A primer in drug dealing real estate! Mark details his regrettable Linkin Park phase! Way too much ASMR! Patrick Bromley: Terrible Retail Employee! The joys of terrible closed captioning! Harsh words for Rent (the musical and the concept of paying people money to live places)! The joys of punching Nazis! The horrors of sweet, sweet palm greasin'!

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Let us know what you liked, what you hated, your worst retail experience, your favorite Skyrim hack, what movie to watch next or ANYTHING AT ALL!

BEHOLD! The Minisode-iest of Minisodes! We couldn't come up with a proper minisode topic, so we just went with ALL the minisode topics. Welcome to MINISODE OF MINISODES!

We answer all your burning minisode questions: Favorite Rap Song! Favorite Movie Marine Creatures! Favorite Shoe! Favorite 16 Ounce Can of Rolling Rock! Favorite Movie Knife! Favorite Guyver! And MORE!

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Let us know what you liked, what you hated, your favorite Guyver, your least favorite Jones soda flavor, what movie to watch next or ANYTHING AT ALL!

We never knew we needed Jackie Chan calling a room full of goons "garbage" until we watched 1995'S RUMBLE IN THE BRONX! Now, all we want is for Jackie Chan to show up in our respective homes to call us garbage. And maybe kick some stuff too!

Tune in as we cover every base available (and few that aren't too!): Jonathan immediately forgets his new name! Deservedly harsh words for both Rudy Giuliani AND Steve Miller! Our secret Edge Lord past! HOVER COURT! The key difference between Jackie Chan and JCVD! Plus, we announce our new Gentlemen's Club: Girls! Tigers! Hovercrafts!

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Let us know what you liked, what you hated, your favorite ICP album, your least favorite Twiztid album, what movie to watch next or ANYTHING AT ALL!

*KNEE TO THE FACE* Hello, and welcome to a *KICK TO THE BACK* minisode of Body Counts and Beer! This week, we're *PUNCH TO THE KNEE* discussing our FAVORITE MARTIAL ARTS FIGHT SEQUENCES! Also, I'm in the process of being savagely beaten. *ELBOW TO THE NOSE*

Please help me and also listen to this episode, where we cover everything: the transformative power of Gerard Depardieu's blood! Vince Vaughn jackin' it! French 80's metal vans! The need to protect elephants via elbows and knees! And more honorable mentions than we could shake a stick at! To be honest, we definitely left out a lot of great fights, so we may tap this well once more in future.

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Let us know what you liked, what you hated, your favorite martial arts fight sequence, your least favorite lightly carbonated grapefruit soda, what movie to watch next or ANYTHING AT ALL!