#042 Another Man's Wife

So pick me up and pay for everything!

Sister Shea helps us read 2 Nephi 18, and tells us her incredible "getting out" story.

Along the way she's had some strange boyfriends. She sure knows how to pick 'em:

A crazy Mormon boyfriend who called Shea from jail, then forgot to call (or even text) when he was released.

Another crazy Mormon boyfriend who decided that, since he was never going to marry Shea, he wasn't paying for any dates with her either. Not even his share! Yet still continued to ask her on dates!

Her latest fella is an ex-Lutheran pastor, and recently went to bull fighting school.

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A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.

#041 Paul And Patience Go On A Date

And say hi to Moroni

Brother Paul made an amazing discovery this week - Isaiah sounds a whole lot like ENGRISH!

The hosts disagree about music, but decide to go on a silly date anyway. Photos included.

Highlights include:

God doesn't want to heal people so he encrypts his message.

Sister Patience dislikes Pearl Jam and John Lennon.

Toxic Positivity.

God messes with the shared calendar.

Paul asks Patience out on a date.

Photos

Cigarette

Brisbane at Night

If every LDS temple looked the same, we'd get tired of looking at the temples.

Insects in a Flood Light

Look carefully... There's four lights in there.

Appointment with Jesus

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#040 Isaiah's Bar and Grill

Where NOBODY knows your name

This week our hosts read 2 Nephi 15. Brother Paul discusses Mormon pop-stars, and church magazines. He also illustrates Isaiah's description of a bender with an epic tale from his own life that may have involved a smurf. Sister Patience tells the story of the weirdest call she ever had while working customer service at a call centre.

Highlights include:

The hosts try not to make sex jokes.

Grapes from the wrong side of the track.

Never resort to Isaiah. Isaiah is never the answer.

Brother Paul hears his mother use the F word for the first time.

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A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.

#039 The Roast of Brigham Young

Such an emotional guy!

On this special episode, with the help of former guests, we make fun of LDS Patriarch - Brigham Young. It might even be a little educational. Maybe.

Highlights include:

Sister Shea explains that Brother Paul runs on "Mormon Standard Time".

Sister Patience finally loses it with Brother Paul. Sister Rhonda decides to "turn this down while Mommy and Daddy fight".

Sister Shea's partner ran into a "heathen former Mormon and it wrecked him".

Meet Sister Rahela's inner troll.

Testosterone Tantees vs PMS.

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A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.

#038 Hi Amanda!

I loved it when you teased me.

Sister Patience feels emotions, and reads 2 Nephi 13-14 with Brother Paul. Which is mostly just Smitty regurgitating some more Isaiah. We promise it's funnier than she feels right now. You might even enjoy it!

Highlights include:

The Secret Life of Wheelie Bins.

The title of Brother Paul's book "Get Drunk, have Sexual Pleasure".

Human Centerpede Jesus Style

Brother Paul explains his knowledge of female anatomy. Sister Patience might be a bit confused too.

Book of Counselling with Doctor Patience and Nurse Paul.

Sister Patience carefully ommitted what she was really sad about.

If it's important to you, and you ask in a year or three,

she'll be numb enough to tell you.

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Website

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A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.

#037 Are you on Plow-Share?

Coz, Everybody Loves Rhonda!

As we continue to work through every attendee of Sister Rhonda's hen's night... meet Sister Leah!

Just like her older sister Rahela, Leah is ex-SDA (Seventh Day Adventist). But as usual, we discover the differences between Christian sects is largely academic.

Highlights include:

Nephi gets wheeled out of retirement and promptly says a typo "the words of three" - 2 Nephi 11:3.

Smitty says Christ is God, contrary to Mormon doctrine - 2 Nephi 11:7.

We discover a really disturbing verse that's impossible to joke about - 2 Nephi 12:6.

Jesus wants to cum on everyone, real soon, he's so impatient. He only cares about his own pleasure. - 2 Nephi 12:12.

God likes porn, but only when it's still images - 2 Nephi 12:16.

God wants us all to become mouth breathers - 2 Nephi 12:22.

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#036 Bad Boyfriend

Mittens goes to White Castle

We read 2 Nephi 10 and discover that God treats the Gentiles like a Bad Boyfriend. Brother Paul explains why "Mittens" thought he'd ride to White Castle on a white horse.

Highlights include:

Sister Patience accidentally synthesizing a theory mixing quantumn physics with polyamory.

The world has 6 immortal people in it (according to Smitty), and 3 according to Indiana Jones.

Dirty talk Book of Mormon Edition - Part 3.

Sister Patience gets thrown out of Chemistry class.

God restores his game.

A rando angel rocks up and says stuff in a dream.

Brother Paul makes some Good Points, and one Bad Point.

The co-hosts discover a woman they both agree about.

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A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.

#035 Reformed Egyptlish

And the lost remote in God's rolls

We get a reprieve from Isaiah today with 54 solid verses of Smitty. It's the longest chapter we've read yet.

Highlights include:

God loses the remote control within the rolls of his own fat.

Reformed Egypt-lish - When Smitty makes a language mistake.

The Joseph Smith Zombie Apocolypse

Many Mormon lads join Scouts. Brother Paul tells us how much he loathed it.

Smitey - the Slightly Agressive God - is back!

Dirty talk Book of Mormon Edition 2.

God gives the "hard word" again.

Sister Patience discovers why LDS shindigs have such unhealthy food.

Smitty chains ideas together so inelegantly that Brother Paul and Sister Patience sing "Dem Bones" twice!

Nephi tries to sell his unappealing boat tour.

God wears Earth like a condom and fucks it rotten.

Mormon Girl Power.

Only men answer to God, and they will stand erect before God in more ways than one.

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#033 The Smitty Schnitty

Isaiah needs a re-write.

Brother "Hairy" Brent is back to help us endure Joseph Smith Jr largely regurgitating Isaiah 51 (2 Nephi 8 in the Silly Book). And wow, did he help! Buckle-up ya'll!

Highlights include:

Brother Paul and Brother Hairy teach Sister Patience about "Fappy the Anti Masturbation Dolphin"; then Brother Paul talks like a dolphin!

Brent's Beats - A new reality TV show where you have to cook the perfect meal while DJ-ing the perfect track.

Brother Hairy "Brent-splains" Isaiah. Thanks. We needed it. No, really we did. Isaiah is insane.

Meet Smitey - The slightly agressive God!

Isaiah's tips for Dirty Talk (Book of Mormon Edition) - "I wanna make your waste places like Eden!"

Isaiah starts telling fairy tails. Complete with a dragon.

Sister Patience and Brother Hairy become concerned that the only kink Brother Paul knows about is BDSM. There are others! Right?

Reasons to stay home this Sunday

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A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.

#032 Tent Peg To The Head

You might need one after this!

This week is a 3 chapter binge fest (2 Nephi 5-7), that hits the key racist verses from the silly book.

Highlights include:

Terminator vs Johnny 5.

Don't glue teeth together with superglue (or Araldite)

Moroni took the archaelogical record back to heaven with him too.

Jael the tent-peg-to-the-head girl.

Nephi worked at a hardware store.

Sister Patience pastes the Zencastr link over the top of a portion of verse 23, and fucks everything up.

Apparently we have 3 sets of plates now, and no one has ever seen any of them.

The Smitty Punching Bag!

Smitty doesn't understand what "both" means.

The Isaiah Milf Fantasy!

"Wherefore, when I came, there was no man..." ~ 2 Nephi 7:2

Having a good rebuking

Waketh or wanketh?

Brother Paul sings passages from the Book of Mormon in the "sprechgesang" stylings of B52's singer Frederick William Schneider III.

Reasons to stay home this Sunday

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A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.