With each brief moment of respite from his uncontrollable bursts of poop, your dad taught you to be the greatest driver in the world. But nothing could have prepared you for having to drive in the dark, distinguish between the ground and the sky, or turn down beer offered by friendly Aussies. Can you and your assigned navigation strangers survive this leisurely joyride through the African wilderness? You're about to find out.

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You're a simple farm boy, living the basic simple farm life of fighting off marauding dinosaurs in your giant robot. One day everyone goes to sleep, and refuses to wake up until you (the farm boy) single-handedly defeat an entire nation of robot invaders. Can you pry yourself away from the City of Pleasure long enough to maybe do a fight? Grab a couple six sided dice and some fat markers, because this is gonna get serious.

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You're crawling around a dark tunnel, alone, as you do, when you bump into a vengeful philosopher god. Do you stick around to debate the nature of existence at a third grade reading level? Perhaps you would rather be seduced by a neanderthal boy? Or maybe befriend the overlords of the Matrix? If you're thinking those things shouldn't all be in the same book, oh boy are you correct.

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When the magic rat that purifies your village's water finally dies, you're torn between seeking help from a unicorn and just dying of dehydration. Will a pair of lepers lead you to the sorceress? Will an alchemist teach you the secret to crafting heroin? Will you finally, just this once, get some actual use out of a riddle? You choose. Kind of.

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You're a grizzled war hero, spymaster, ace pilot and, of course, small child. In the scarred hellscape that was once America, you'll hop in your moglo for an unauthorized solo mission to the scarred hellscape that was once California. Do you have the pee pants to ride with the big boys? Or will your wildly misshapen legs carry you to your doom?

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You're an androgynous and incompetent thief in D&D-world, and you just got Suicide Squadded into trying to steal a baby griffon. Will you stealthily infiltrate the lair of Waterdeep's most notorious crime lord? Or will you bounce uselessly from tavern to tavern until somebody stabs you?

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At your old school you were a god among men. Now your friends smelly, hairy losers in a collapsing mansion. Will you earn their respect them by genetically engineering a jelly-bat? Or by going all the way with the hottest lady bat in town? Who knows. It'll be something with bats though.

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You're the most furious child homeowner in the world. Your great-grandfather isn't getting credit for discovering the island that there's no evidence he discovered, and you're more than prepared to get murdered over this outrage. Can you contain your patronizing bemusement at other cultures long enough to become the world's greatest art thief (that is, for one month)? Time to find out.

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You're touring the Statue of Liberty with a serpentine abomination and her unknowing future victims when she asks you for help memorizing her uncle's dumb riddle. Will you go on a poetry-fueled treasure hunt with the perfect girl? Or will you go back in time to stow away with some immigrants and plant the seeds of domestic terrorism? Or will you lean the true meaning of patriotism? Spoiler: no, you will do those other things.

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You are strolling along the beach when you see a beached whale, and decide it is a purple cheerleading hippopotamus. Helpfully, you begin feeding it sticks in hopes that it will take you to space. Since you're too sickly and off-putting to bond with other children, Gorga here might be the only shot at friendship you'll ever have. Don't screw it up!