Botched Archives

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! At last we have reached the end of this chapter of our story. The group continues to make their way upwards in their attempt to confront the one behind this chaotic castle. Getting there will be no easy task as this castle seems to constantly flip expectations. Good judgement has never been these players strong suit, but maybe, just maybe they will finally figure that out. Haha, yeah, I apologize for asserting such a ridiculous notion. Once they manage to reach the top of the tower, they are confronted with the cause behind the dome covering the world. What are the final hurdles on the way to the top of the tower? Who is the dastardly villain behind this castle? What is he up to and why? Is a hot dog really considered a sandwich? Tune in and find out!

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! Poor brainless Zabub. Before the mindflayers it was just assumed that Zabub had no brains, but now it is confirmed. The group seems really broken up over his loss. If only they could find any other companion to replace him. What are the odds of that? Once the group deals with their mindflayer situation, they still have to contend with the rest of the tower. I’m sure they have very few traps or puzzles to go…right? What traps lay ahead of them? What is covered in hair, has a shiny ass, has a cocaine addiction and wants to sell you Oxyclean? Tune in and find out!

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! What do you know, Nobu must be a potato after all. Why else would his baby be a Mr. Potato Head. Granted, I’ve never had one that is alive and explodes, but hey, need to have some way to kill off guest characters. I guess that also means that Thurstone must really be a camel, because he pooped one out. Speaking of which, Thurstone should really get that pink sock of his looked at. The group still has this nasty medusa beholder thing to deal with, but assuming they make it out of there alive they will have to face their greatest nemesis once again. A DOOR! It never gets old having the party struggle hardest against the seemingly most simple of obstacles. Once they make their way further up the temple there is something lurking for them in the dark. What kind of problems will the traps and puzzles pose for the party? What is waiting for them in the dark places of the tower? What is closest to a potato, has an accent and doesn’t have a brain? Tune in and find out!

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! A room full of pipes, and now the party at least knows what all the different colors mean. What are they again? Red for fire, blue for ice, purple for poison, yellow for acid, white for hallucinations, black for paranoia and green for if you want to get preggers. Speaking of preggers, Nobu is now expecting the pitter patter of whatever mutant is popping out of his…wait. Where would babies pop out of a dude? Well, he is about to be internally goatse’d or he’s going to have the biggest reverse catheter of all time. Unless of course, someone can pull off an emergency cesarean section. Assuming they get out of this pipe room alive, the group may run into a sight to behold. Then again, they really shouldn’t behold it if they know what’s good for them. What is the mysterious creature? What do you call a baby Nobu? No one else is going to touch a green pipe, right? Tune in and find out!

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! Sick of puzzles and traps yet? Good, because there are so many left for these dinguses. Currently they have to figure out a way of a room of strange mushrooms. You might think that this would be pretty easy to experiment and figure out, but you would be wrong. The group never ceases to amaze in how to overcomplicate their lives without trying out the simplest solutions. Unfortunately for them, the mushroom room is not the last of their worries. There are hallways lined with unusual traps and a room filled with…pipes! What are all these pipes doing in this room? Why are they different colors? What could be in a Russian nesting box? What do you call an orc baby? What do purple mushrooms do? Tune in and find out!

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! One of the main enemies of these players are the use of brains. In this case the literal use, as giant floating brains are trying to kill them. Assuming they can get past them…and the room these dummies engulfed in flames, there are other dangers awaiting. The group is struggling with remaining healthy and are taking an awful lot of breaks. Wasn’t there a giant bubble slowly encircling the planet? I’m sure they will have all the time in the world and not some sort of unknown ticking clock. The castle however, is not like a normal castle. There appears to be different planes of existence, or at the very least pocket dimensions. What is the secret to killing the brain creatures? What happens in a room of giant mushrooms? Are they edible? Tune in and find out!

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! Well, Phil lost another limb. Nothing brings the DM more joy honestly and thank goodness Phil botches so much. At this point I’m guessing they wish they took the elevator with Kip and Sachy…or maybe not. Climbing higher into this castle they will find even more trials and tribulations. We finally get back to the old days of puzzle dungeoning with even traps, puzzles and finally some riddles. Unfortunately (or fortunately) for the listeners they can’t hear how long it takes these jack asses to figure these things out. What sort of puzzles await them? Will there be any creatures in this giant castle? What the hell is the Dewey Decimal system? Tune in and find out!

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! It seems Nobu wasn’t quite fast enough and his “old friends” got away. Chances are, Nobu doesn’t want anyone else to know where he is. I’m sure that will work itself out…or he will be dead before it matters. Now, however, he has to worry about the castle leering overhead. I’m pretty sure the group forgot about the energy bubble spreading over the land as they have not shown any haste in completing their task. Inside the castle they find a rather grim and bloody scene. However, they also find someone still alive, waiting to become an ally! The castle seems to be filled with traps and different path ways. Do any of these paths lead to where the group wants to go? What sort of traps or puzzles await them? Which character is deathly afraid of camels? Tune in and find out!

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! The group now has a shape shifting gnome and a mute goblin monk following them around. I’m sure for anyone else that would be weird, but it seems to be par for the course really. These compatriots also seem to know Nobu, or “Lobu” as he is currently calling himself. He must really not want to go back to farming potatoes. The castle looms in the distance and the only thing separating them is a long stretch of forest. What dangers await in these woods? Is anything guarding the tower? Will our special guest’s characters make it through the episode and still be alive? Tune in and find out!

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! Well that was a rather surprising turn of events. Well, surprising if you listen to any other group of assholes play D&D. These guys seem to screw up the entire world every time they make decisions. This time around by killing the super friendly vampires, they have summoned a giant walking castle from the ocean with a big throbbing crystal on top. Luckily, it also seems to be corrupting all the wildlife around it so that’s a plus. On the bright side, they seem to make a pair of new friends, who know a little something about one of our adventurers…Time for them to make their way back to the mainland and try to clean up another of their messes. Who are these strange new allies? What is that giant walking castle going to do? How metal can a seagull be? Tune in and find out!