SUMMARY - This episode is part 2 of a two-part series on each person's unique window of tolerance. This episode focuses on the parent's window of tolerance, an essential concept for parents of kids with neurobehavioral conditions.

TAKEAWAYS:

• It is essential for parents of complex kids with fragile nervous systems and big behaviors to understand their own window of tolerance.
• It is a common pattern for parents of kids with neurobehavioral conditions to notice their window of tolerance narrowing over time.
• When a person is exposed to chronic, unpredictable, and prolonged stress, it impacts their neurobiology, specifically their nervous system.
• The nervous system becomes more fragile over time, the window of tolerance narrows, and it is easy to be thrown into dysregulation
• The best use of a parent's energy is to support their fragile nervous system by using their own regulated presence. This requires a strong and steady nervous system.
• The path to expanding your window of tolerance is taking steps to build resilience each day.

RESOURCES:

Episode 28: When the World Feels Too Big: Your Child’s Window of Tolerance

Episode 19: Rethinking What It Means to Be Resilient

Blog: Understanding the Window of Tolerance - Pt. 2

Book Recommendation: "What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing" by Dr. Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey

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SUMMARY - In this episode, Eileen explains what it means for a child with a neurobehavioral condition to live with a narrow window of tolerance as a result of their unique neurobiology, specifically their fragile nervous system. She walks listeners through how the brain and nervous system help each of us manage life stressors, and why this is often difficult for individuals with brain-based differences.

TAKEAWAYS:

• The "window of tolerance" is a concept developed by Dr. Dan Siegel, to describe the optimal zone of “arousal” for a person to function in everyday life. 
• Each person's behaviors reflect whether or not they are inside their window of tolerance.
• Kids and teens living with a neurobehavioral condition means they may struggle with emotional regulation skills, meaning their window of tolerance for life's most minor stressors is challenged.
• When an individual struggles with these cognitive skills and lives with a fragile nervous system, as a result of their brain-based differences, they require accommodations that support these lagging skills and their nervous system.
• Cognitive fatigue is another important layer to understanding a child's window of tolerance and why it might be especially narrow.

RESOURCES:

Brain First Parenting Podcast: Ep. 21 | Why Your Child Melts Down: The Hidden Impact of Cognitive Fatigue

Blog: Understanding the Window of Tolerance - Part 1

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SUMMARY - In this episode, Eileen speaks with Dr. Emily King, a psychologist with extensive experience working in schools and supporting neurodivergent youth about how parents can support their neurodivergent learners.

TAKEAWAYS:

• Neuro-affirming environments are environments that are aligned with each person's nervous system. There are some key ways that adults/teachers can set up environments to support regulation in kids/students and "level the playing field" amongst students.
• Communication with teachers should happen early and often.
• Collaboration is most effective when the parent and teacher share what they are seeing behaviorally from the child in each of their unique settings and brainstorm accommodations based on this shared knowledge.
• Recognizing cognitive fatigue as a major factor in the child's behavior is essential to their success.
• Any asynchronicity in a child's skills is often misinterpreted as willful behavior instead of differences across skill sets.

RESOURCES:

Learn with Dr. Emily

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SUMMARY - As parents, we all have high priorities as they relate to our kids and these high priorities are directly tied to our concern and care for them, wanting them to do well and develop into independent, responsible adults. This episode helps listeners think about their own priorities they hold, as they relate to their kids, and what needs to be considered when your child lives with a neurobehavioral condition.

TAKEAWAYS:

• All parents have priorities related to their kids and these priorities are tied to the parent's deeply held beliefs and values.
• Having a high priorities as a parent are a reflection of the concern and care for their child.
• One's brain (cognitive skills) are required when working to meet the expectations or complete the task that are inherent in those high priorities held by parents.
• This is why parents of kids with brain-based differences need to routinely evaluate whether or not their high priorities are in alignment with their child's neurobiology (brain and nervous system).

RESOURCES:

Brain First Parenting Podcast Episode 21- Why Your Child Melts Down: The Hidden Impact of Cognitive Fatigue

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SUMMARY - This episode is with guest Wendy Sue Horn, a master clinician, who has been treating individuals of all ages for over 20 years, including supporting parents. Wendy Sue is also an EMDRIA-approved consultant trainer in EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), a trauma-informed psychotherapy that helps individuals heal from the symptoms and emotional distress of disturbing life experiences. Listen in as Eileen talks with Wendy Sue about what she describes as the three essential ingredients parents need in order to attune to their child.

TAKEAWAYS:

• We don't come into parenthood as blank slates and our history follows us into our own parenting and relationship with our kids. Once we understand how and why this happens, it helps us (parents) make sense of our experience with a non-shaming lens.
• Attunement is the parent's ability to "tune in" to their child's internal, emotional experience.
• The parental goal is not to prevent pain for their child because this is not possible, but instead is to provide accompaniment in their pain because this is when it is less lonely, there is less suffering, and the child's resilience can shine through.
• There are three ingredients required for parents to attune to their child: motivation, awareness, and resources.
• The parent's ability to recognizing when fear is the motivation behind their behavior is essential because fear, by nature, moves the attention away from their child's experience, leaving them unable to attune to them.
• A parent's history of attachment and adverse experiences "show up" in the relationship with their child, which can impact the internal resources a parent has access to and may require supports to build the internal resources and resilience.
• Ways that EMDR therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) can support parents who have kids with challenging behavioral symptoms.

RESOURCES:

• Wendy Sue Horn - EMDR Resource Center

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SUMMARY - It is common for kids with neurobehavioral conditions to struggle with slow processing pace. Slow processing pace is a cognitive skill that is often missed or misunderstood, seen as a behavioral issue, and therefore not accommodated. This episode helps listeners better understand and identify slow processing pace as a lagging cognitive skill, and from there, provides concrete examples of accommodations.

TAKEAWAYS:

• Slow processing pace is a cognitive skill set that everyone needs to have firmly in place to navigate their day successfully.
• Processing pace is the speed at which someone can process information, especially verbal information.
• There are behaviors that reflect slower processing pace which parents, caregivers and adults need to be aware of in order to be able to then accommodate this lagging cognitive skill vs punish the behavioral symptom.
• Accommodations take into consideration the additional time that kids with neurobehavioral conditions require to navigate their day successfully.

RESOURCES:

Recording of Free Workshop: 10-Second Child in a One-Second World: Slow Processing Pace and How to Support It

Brain First Parenting Podcast, Episode 15: Why "Simple" Conversations Are Hard For Your Child

Blog Post: 'The 10-Second Child in a One-Second World' - Slower Processing Pace and 4 Ways to Support It

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SUMMARY - This episode focuses in on five mantras that will help parents of kids with brain-based differences and challenging behaviors stay in a Brain First mindset.

TAKEAWAYS:

• One point of "growing pains" parents of kids with neurobehavioral challenges experience is how to react in productive ways, from a Brain First lens, when they are faced with their child's challenging behaviors.
• When we have mantras "in our back pocket" that resonate with us in a way that helps slow down our visceral reaction so we can decide how to respond in that moment, it helps us access our thinking brain so we can respond in ways we truly desire.
• The infographic linked below as 15 mantras for parents to "try on" to see which one resonates! Download at the link below.

RESOURCES:

Free Infographic: Helpful Mantras For Staying in a Brain First Parenting Mindset

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SUMMARY - There is a universal grief that affects parents of neurodivergent kids that often goes unrecognized, leaving parents feeling alone in a difficult emotional experience. This episode takes listeners through what this unique grief looks like and why it's so unique to parents of neurodivergent kids and how to begin to move through it so healing can begin.

TAKEAWAYS:

• Grief, while such a common experience for parents of neurodivergent kids, is often unacknowledged, which leads to additional suffering for parents. This is why it's so important to talk about it.
• Grief is defined by Dr. Brene Brown in three ways: loss, longing, and feeling lost
• Grief can show up for parents in many ways, like feelings of resentment, guilt, self-judgement or jealousy
• It is an understandable that for many parents, they try to keep grief at arms length because of the darkness it can bring.
• Disenfranchised grief is grief that is unrecognized and unacknowledged by society and is the type of grief many parents experience making it even more difficult to heal
• There are steps parents can take so that they do not get stuck in their feelings of grief, but instead can move through it and begin to heal

RESOURCES:

Blog post: Grappling with Grief

The Resilience Room Membership Community

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SUMMARY - Kids who have brains that work differently, have brains that are working hard all day long, resulting in cognitive fatigue or this empty fuel tank. Their cognitive fatigue is reflected through challenging behaviors. This episode helps listeners identify cognitive fatigue in kids with brain-based differences and what the adults supporting them can do to help their brain rest and recover, resulting in less challenging behaviors.

TAKEAWAYS:

• Every task or expectation we are faced with each day takes a bit of our "cognitive fuel" in order to make it through the day successfully.
• Individuals with brains that work differently end up on "empty" more quickly and more often, resulting in challenging behavioral symptoms.
• Brains that are working harder (which are brains that work differently) need more support throughout the day in the way of fuel (food/calories) and rest.
• There are some common scenarios that result in cognitive fatigue more frequently than others.
• There are some common accommodations that, when put in place proactively, can help preserve a child's "cognitive fuel" and prevent challenging behaviors.

RESOURCES:

FREE "Running on Empty" Infographic (for download)

Blog post: Running on Empty: Understanding your child's cognitive fuel tank

The Resilience Room Community

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SUMMARY - This podcast helps parents think through the personal and sometimes difficult question of when they should share their child's diagnosis with others.

TAKEAWAYS:

• There is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to making decisions about when to disclose to others about your child's diagnosis or brain-based difference
• While it is important to consider what the impact will be if you do decide to disclose, it is even more important to consider the possible negative impact of not disclosing.
• When people who hold the power in various environments are missing information about your child's brain-based differences and their need for accommodations, your child is at high risk for being misunderstood and punished for their disability.
• Disclosure (when and why) also applies to family members (siblings, extended family, etc.).
• Disclosure is also important to consider in relation to your child understanding themselves. If they don't have information about their brain-based differences, they are left to jump to their own conclusions which are often negative in nature, impacting self-esteem and mental health.

RESOURCES:

Blog Post - Disclosure: A Path to Understanding

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If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE!

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