SUMMARY - In this episode, Eileen explores the sibling experience in families where one child struggles with intense, challenging behaviors. Siblings are not passive observers. Their nervous systems are deeply impacted by the unpredictability, confusion, trauma, grief, and conflicting emotions that can arise in these dynamics. This conversation offers clarity around what siblings may be carrying, and sets the stage for Part 2, where we’ll discuss practical steps parents can take to support them.

TAKEAWAYS:

• The sibling experience often mirrors the parents’ experience. The way we frame and respond to the struggling child shapes how siblings make sense of it all.
• Supporting siblings requires a “both/and” approach: we can hold empathy for the child with behavioral symptoms without dismissing the sibling’s pain or experience.
• Many siblings live with a pervasive sense of confusion, especially when behavior is not addressed in the moment or feels like a double standard.
• Many siblings carry intense, conflicting emotions: love, resentment, guilt, protectiveness, and grief.
• Some siblings cope by trying not to be a burden, becoming perfectionistic, overly independent, or parentified over time.
• Living with scary or unpredictable behaviors can be traumatic, and recovery depends on protective factors that parents can strengthen.
• Clarity is the first step toward meaningful support and Part 2 will focus on practical actions parents can take.

RESOURCES:

Brain First Parenting Podcast, Episode 22: Parental Grief (Recommended to revisit through the lens of the sibling experience, as many of the same themes apply)

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SUMMARY - Many parenting struggles with neurodivergent kids don’t come down to behavior, they come from a clash between deeply held parental values and a child’s brain-based capacities. In this episode, Eileen explores what happens when beliefs about “good parenting” collide with asynchronous development, emotional regulation challenges, and inconsistent cognitive skills. You’ll learn why pushing harder often backfires and how shifting from a behavior lens to a Brain First lens allows your parental values to actually take root.

TAKEAWAYS:

• Parenting frustration often lives at the intersection of adult values and a child’s neurobiology, not a lack of effort or care.
• Chronological age does not equal ability for kids with brain-based differences; uneven skill development changes what’s reasonable to expect.
• You don’t need to abandon your parental values, you need to adjust how you teach them so they align with your child’s cognitive skills.
• You cannot consequence a skill into existence; responsibility develops through repeated teaching, regulation, and scaffolding.
• Flexibility in rules and expectations is not permissive parenting, it’s responsive parenting that reduces power struggles and supports growth.

RESOURCES:

Your Lens Matters – Free downloadable infographic

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SUMMARY - In this episode, Eileen sits down with Amy Lang, sexuality educator and expert, for a frank and open conversation about sex education for kids who are neurodivergent. Amy is the founder of Bird & Bees & Kids, and since 2006 has helped thousands of families have stronger, more open communication about sexuality and relationships.

TAKEAWAYS:

• Talking to kids about sexuality is a health and safety issue; knowledge is empowering and reduces vulnerability.
• This is an essential on-going conversation to have with your kids, especially given the access kids have to misinformation from friends and online.
• Having conversations about sexuality and changing bodies early and often helps normalize very natural part of the human experience, especially given that these changes can be extremely distressing to neurodivergent kids.
• All parents come into parenthood with deeply held beliefs and values that play into their level of comfort with sexuality and talking about this with their kids. Reflecting on this as a parent will help with confidence in moving forward with these conversations.

RESOURCES:

• Birds & Bees & Kids
• Sexuality and Safety with Tom and Ellie Book Series
• Never Have I Ever (TV series)

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You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.com

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SUMMARY - In this episode of the Brain First Parenting podcast, Eileen explores the idea - which is grounded in research - that caregiver burnout can become contagious through shared nervous system dysregulation. Drawing on a recent keynote experience with those in professional and personal caregiver roles, she describes how caregiver burnout often builds gradually, frequently goes unrecognized, and how the right kind of support can act as a buffer from the stress.

TAKEAWAYS:

• Caregiver burnout is not a personal failure. It is a nervous system response to prolonged stress and responsibility.
• Burnout can have a contagion effect, spreading socially, emotionally, and physiologically within families, communities, and care teams.
• Many caregivers are deeply burned out without realizing it, often experiencing anxiety, depression, irritability, and physical symptoms.
• Living with or caring for someone with a fragile nervous system can dysregulate the caregiver’s own nervous system over time.
• Connection and co-regulation are essential resilience-building tools that help heal and stabilize the nervous system.
• Support matters—but how and where you receive support matters just as much.
• Communities that focus only on how hard things are can increase burnout; healing support helps move caregivers toward relief, regulation, and hope.

RESOURCES:

Resilience Room Membership Community is a supportive space for caregivers focused on nervous system healing, co-regulation, and resilience building. Join the waitlist so you can be notified when we open our doors for new Members!

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If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE!

You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.com

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SUMMARY - In this episode, Eileen outlines in detail what attention and working memory skills are exactly, and seven signs that may indicate a child struggles with this cognitive skill set.

TAKEAWAYS:

• Attention and working memory refers to the ability to selectively process information and then also retain this information in an accessible state.
• There are behaviors that reflect lagging attention and working memory skills and this episode provides seven common behaviors for parents and professionals to be aware of.
• Recognizing the signs and symptoms of lagging attention and working memory skills is essential in order to provide a child/teen with the accommodations they need to be successful.

RESOURCES:

Brain First Parenting Podcast, Episode 5: Making Sense of Those Frustrating On and Off Days

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SUMMARY - In this episode, Eileen discussed a topic that is at the center of stress for many parents of kids with neurobehavioral conditions which is their extended family's inability to understand their child from a Brain First lens. Eileen offers some suggestions on ways to manage this specific, often tricky dynamic.

TAKEAWAYS:

• It is a common experience amongst parents of kids with neurobehavioral conditions to experience feelings of judgement, shame, and being misunderstood when it comes to their extended family members' inability to see their child through a Brain First lens.
• Often times, family members are missing information that is needed in order to shift their lens.
• There are resources and strategies Eileen suggests in this episode to help bridge this gap (resources are also listed below).
• There are common internal beliefs that parents hold that prevent them from asking for the accommodations their child needs. Reflecting on what "stuck points" you experience when asking family members to accommodate your child is essential so you can confidently move forward with what your child needs.

RESOURCES:

(Blog Post) Dear Family Member: A Letter I Hope You Read

(Free Downloadable Infographic) Your Lens Matters: Shifting to a Brain First Lens

Episode 6: Your Child is Not the Problem

Episode 22: The Unique Grief Affecting Parents of Neurodivergent Kids

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SUMMARY - In this episode, Eileen sits down to speak with Carrie Bonnett, Executive Function Coach, to talk about what exactly executive function skills are and how parents can identify, through their child's behavior, whether this is a skill set they struggle with and from there, how to support them in this area.

TAKEAWAYS:

• Carrie defines executive function in a very relatable way, as the brain skills that help us "get important things done".
• Difficulty with executive function skills is a brain thing, not a character flaw, and we can see this lagging skills reflected through one's behaviors.
• Why parents play a integral role in helping their child find strategies that will help them manage the executive function load they carry each day and how this partnership with their child can play out in "every day life".
• Relationship between a parent and child is the foundational piece to a child being able to feel more open to help and strategies that will support their executive function skills.
• At times this means a parent temporarily setting aside or adjusting expectations so that they can, over time, be more open to support.

RESOURCES:

Carrie Bonnett - Executive Function Coach (website)

Carrie's FREE Resource: Task Initiation Toolkit

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SUMMARY - This episode is part 2 of a two-part series on each person's unique window of tolerance. This episode focuses on the parent's window of tolerance, an essential concept for parents of kids with neurobehavioral conditions.

TAKEAWAYS:

• It is essential for parents of complex kids with fragile nervous systems and big behaviors to understand their own window of tolerance.
• It is a common pattern for parents of kids with neurobehavioral conditions to notice their window of tolerance narrowing over time.
• When a person is exposed to chronic, unpredictable, and prolonged stress, it impacts their neurobiology, specifically their nervous system.
• The nervous system becomes more fragile over time, the window of tolerance narrows, and it is easy to be thrown into dysregulation
• The best use of a parent's energy is to support their fragile nervous system by using their own regulated presence. This requires a strong and steady nervous system.
• The path to expanding your window of tolerance is taking steps to build resilience each day.

RESOURCES:

Episode 28: When the World Feels Too Big: Your Child’s Window of Tolerance

Episode 19: Rethinking What It Means to Be Resilient

Blog: Understanding the Window of Tolerance - Pt. 2

Book Recommendation: "What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing" by Dr. Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey

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SUMMARY - In this episode, Eileen explains what it means for a child with a neurobehavioral condition to live with a narrow window of tolerance as a result of their unique neurobiology, specifically their fragile nervous system. She walks listeners through how the brain and nervous system help each of us manage life stressors, and why this is often difficult for individuals with brain-based differences.

TAKEAWAYS:

• The "window of tolerance" is a concept developed by Dr. Dan Siegel, to describe the optimal zone of “arousal” for a person to function in everyday life. 
• Each person's behaviors reflect whether or not they are inside their window of tolerance.
• Kids and teens living with a neurobehavioral condition means they may struggle with emotional regulation skills, meaning their window of tolerance for life's most minor stressors is challenged.
• When an individual struggles with these cognitive skills and lives with a fragile nervous system, as a result of their brain-based differences, they require accommodations that support these lagging skills and their nervous system.
• Cognitive fatigue is another important layer to understanding a child's window of tolerance and why it might be especially narrow.

RESOURCES:

Brain First Parenting Podcast: Ep. 21 | Why Your Child Melts Down: The Hidden Impact of Cognitive Fatigue

Blog: Understanding the Window of Tolerance - Part 1

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SUMMARY - In this episode, Eileen speaks with Dr. Emily King, a psychologist with extensive experience working in schools and supporting neurodivergent youth about how parents can support their neurodivergent learners.

TAKEAWAYS:

• Neuro-affirming environments are environments that are aligned with each person's nervous system. There are some key ways that adults/teachers can set up environments to support regulation in kids/students and "level the playing field" amongst students.
• Communication with teachers should happen early and often.
• Collaboration is most effective when the parent and teacher share what they are seeing behaviorally from the child in each of their unique settings and brainstorm accommodations based on this shared knowledge.
• Recognizing cognitive fatigue as a major factor in the child's behavior is essential to their success.
• Any asynchronicity in a child's skills is often misinterpreted as willful behavior instead of differences across skill sets.

RESOURCES:

Learn with Dr. Emily

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If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE!

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