SUMMARY - This episode focuses in on five mantras that will help parents of kids with brain-based differences and challenging behaviors stay in a Brain First mindset.

TAKEAWAYS:

• One point of "growing pains" parents of kids with neurobehavioral challenges experience is how to react in productive ways, from a Brain First lens, when they are faced with their child's challenging behaviors.
• When we have mantras "in our back pocket" that resonate with us in a way that helps slow down our visceral reaction so we can decide how to respond in that moment, it helps us access our thinking brain so we can respond in ways we truly desire.
• The infographic linked below as 15 mantras for parents to "try on" to see which one resonates! Download at the link below.

RESOURCES:

Free Infographic: Helpful Mantras For Staying in a Brain First Parenting Mindset

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SUMMARY - There is a universal grief that affects parents of neurodivergent kids that often goes unrecognized, leaving parents feeling alone in a difficult emotional experience. This episode takes listeners through what this unique grief looks like and why it's so unique to parents of neurodivergent kids and how to begin to move through it so healing can begin.

TAKEAWAYS:

• Grief, while such a common experience for parents of neurodivergent kids, is often unacknowledged, which leads to additional suffering for parents. This is why it's so important to talk about it.
• Grief is defined by Dr. Brene Brown in three ways: loss, longing, and feeling lost
• Grief can show up for parents in many ways, like feelings of resentment, guilt, self-judgement or jealousy
• It is an understandable that for many parents, they try to keep grief at arms length because of the darkness it can bring.
• Disenfranchised grief is grief that is unrecognized and unacknowledged by society and is the type of grief many parents experience making it even more difficult to heal
• There are steps parents can take so that they do not get stuck in their feelings of grief, but instead can move through it and begin to heal

RESOURCES:

Blog post: Grappling with Grief

The Resilience Room Membership Community

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If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE!

You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.com

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SUMMARY - Kids who have brains that work differently, have brains that are working hard all day long, resulting in cognitive fatigue or this empty fuel tank. Their cognitive fatigue is reflected through challenging behaviors. This episode helps listeners identify cognitive fatigue in kids with brain-based differences and what the adults supporting them can do to help their brain rest and recover, resulting in less challenging behaviors.

TAKEAWAYS:

• Every task or expectation we are faced with each day takes a bit of our "cognitive fuel" in order to make it through the day successfully.
• Individuals with brains that work differently end up on "empty" more quickly and more often, resulting in challenging behavioral symptoms.
• Brains that are working harder (which are brains that work differently) need more support throughout the day in the way of fuel (food/calories) and rest.
• There are some common scenarios that result in cognitive fatigue more frequently than others.
• There are some common accommodations that, when put in place proactively, can help preserve a child's "cognitive fuel" and prevent challenging behaviors.

RESOURCES:

FREE "Running on Empty" Infographic (for download)

Blog post: Running on Empty: Understanding your child's cognitive fuel tank

The Resilience Room Community

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If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE!

You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.com

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SUMMARY - This podcast helps parents think through the personal and sometimes difficult question of when they should share their child's diagnosis with others.

TAKEAWAYS:

• There is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to making decisions about when to disclose to others about your child's diagnosis or brain-based difference
• While it is important to consider what the impact will be if you do decide to disclose, it is even more important to consider the possible negative impact of not disclosing.
• When people who hold the power in various environments are missing information about your child's brain-based differences and their need for accommodations, your child is at high risk for being misunderstood and punished for their disability.
• Disclosure (when and why) also applies to family members (siblings, extended family, etc.).
• Disclosure is also important to consider in relation to your child understanding themselves. If they don't have information about their brain-based differences, they are left to jump to their own conclusions which are often negative in nature, impacting self-esteem and mental health.

RESOURCES:

Blog Post - Disclosure: A Path to Understanding

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If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE!

You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.com

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SUMMARY - This podcast dives into what resilience is and why it's essential for parents of kids with challenging behavioral symptoms to not only understand what it is, but steps they can take to build it each day.

TAKEAWAYS:

• It is imperative as parents of complex kids with intense needs that you understand what it is and how to build it each day.
• Resilience is what allows us to move through difficult emotions like grief, sadness, and resentment.
• Resilience is something we all have access to, something we can cultivate within us each day.
• "Grit" or "soldiering on" chips away at resilience over time
• Honoring your response to the situation at hand and offering yourself self-compassion builds resilience
• Getting support, one-to-one or through community is essential for building resilience, especially when experiencing compassion fatigue and caregiver burnout.
• Ways to build resilience: find your "people" (be in community), practice self-compassion, move your body, breath work

RESOURCES:

• The Resilience Room Membership Community
• FREE (downloadable) Weekly Plan for Nervous System Care
• Reconsidering What It Means to Be Resilient (blog post)
• Kristin Neff: Self-compassion resources

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If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE!

You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.com

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SUMMARY - In this episode, Eileen addresses 5 common misconceptions parents and providers have about what it means to parent and support kids from a Brain First lens.

TAKEAWAYS:

Here are the 5 misconceptions that Eileen addresses in this episode. With each misconception, she breaks down why it is a misconception and helps listeners deepen their understanding even further about what it means to parent from a Brain First lens.

• Misconception 1: "Parenting from a Brain First lens means I am allowing or giving in to behavior that is definitely not okay."

• Misconception 2: "If I parent my child through a Brain First lens, they will never learn how to live in the 'real' world."

• Misconception 3: "If I parent from child from a Brain First lens, then I am saying I no longer have expectations for them or their behavior."

• Misconception 4: "If I do not show my child that I am in charge by addressing behavior immediately, I will lose my parental authority and my child will believe they can walk over me and do whatever they want."

• Misconception 5: "Parenting from a Brain First lens sounds like a lot of work and I am already exhausted. I can not add another thing to my plate."

RESOURCES:

Blog: Moving Forward by Circling Back

Brain First Parenting Podcast Episode 9: Let Go of the Fear That You Are Over-Accommodating

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SUMMARY - In this episode, Eileen dives into how to unlock your child's ability to learn and grow. This is a high priority for any parent, and when there is evidence that it's going as expected, there is no stress or concern. But when you have a child or teen who is not learning, growing, and maturing in the ways you expected, it can become a huge area of concern and strain. This episode breaks down how all of us learn and grow and how to then take this information and apply it to your child who lives with a brain-based difference.

TAKEAWAYS:

• The first essential question for parents to clarify for themselves is, "What do I actually want my child to learn, and what skills are required to be able to do this?"
• When we recognize the gap between a child or teen's cognitive skills and the goals set for them, then we know where we can support that child or teen to help close that gap.
• When we default to a behavioral lens and focus entirely on the behavior and what punishment it deserves, the growth, learning, and maturing cannot take place.
• A lack of accommodations to assist with the growth and learning process will signal "threat" to the nervous system, resulting in overwhelm, and this will be reflected through challenging behaviors. It will also cause the "thinking brain" to be off-line, making learning impossible.
• There are accommodations that promote growth and learning, with examples provided in this episode.

RESOURCES:

Ep 9: Let Go of the Fear That You Are Over-Accommodating

Ep 5: Making Sense of On and Off Days

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SUMMARY - In this episode, Eileen explores a very specific defensive behavioral symptom that can be highly triggering for parents and providers alike: inappropriate or excessive laughter and silliness. Listen in as she helps reframe this behavior, moving from a behavioral lens to a Brain First lens.

TAKEAWAYS:

• Excessive laughter or inappropriate laughter is a reflection of a fragile nervous system and a sign that the brain is under stress.
• In moments of stress or high emotion, kids with brain-based differences are thrown out of their window of tolerance and are unable to manage the moment at hand.
• Lagging cognitive skills add to the level of stress the brain is under, resulting in this defensive behavior. Cognitive skills like emotional regulation, sensory integration, and social skills are a few main skill sets required to respond appropriately, and are also skills that many kids with brain-based differences lag behind in.
• This challenging behavior is a reflection of the nervous system and brain trying to find relief and attempting to find balance again.
• A few ideas on what parents and providers can do in these moments when they are seeing this challenging behavior from the child or teen they are experiencing.

RESOURCES:

Think Brain First Training and Consultation Program for Professionals and Organizations

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You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.com

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SUMMARY - It is a common frustration among parents of kids with neurobehavioral differences that they feel like they cannot have even simple conversations with their children. Why is this such a common frustration and struggle? You guessed it-- it has to do with the brain, and how that brain works differently for that child or teen. In this episode, Eileen breaks down this common challenge, discusses the cognitive skills involved in having a seemingly simple conversation with another person, and how parents and other support people in a child's life can provide them with accommodations to help them be more successful in this area.

TAKEAWAYS:

• Having a back-and-forth, seemingly simple conversation involves a set a complex cognitive skills with which many kids and teens with neurobehavioral differences struggle.
• Once we peel back the layers of what's involved, from a brain perspective, to have a conversation with another person and can see clearly the complexities involved, what was previously frustrating regarding a child's behaviors now makes more sense.
• Once the behaviors make more sense, because lagging cognitive skills have been identified, then the parent or support person has a clear path toward providing effective accommodations.
• The list of cognitive skills involved is lengthy and examples are provided in this episode.
• The list of accommodations is also lengthy! Examples of accommodations are also provided in this episode.

RESOURCES:

Blog Post: The 6 Ways Your Child Might 'Talk the Talk,' but Can’t 'Walk the Walk'

Blog Post: Understanding the Window of Tolerance - Pt. 1

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SUMMARY - In this episode of the Brain First Parenting podcast, Eileen sits down with a very special guest, her husband of 20+ years, Dave Devine. Eileen & Dave have a conversation about what it's been like for Dave, in his role as a father to his now teenage daughter who lives with FASD, a serious neurobehavioral condition, to shift his lens over the years to a Brain First lens.

TAKEAWAYS:

• The experience of dads are often overlooked in the parenting spaces, leaving a gap in support which can lead to feelings of isolation and hopelessness for these fathers. Their experience is unique and deserves unique support.
• Dave shares memories of feeling inadequate and ineffective as a dad, especially early on when he began to realize his daughter's development was not "on track".
• Stepping away from a behavioral lens and shifting to a Brain First lens was possible with education and support, over time.
• The question, "What do you need from me, to be a good parent to you?" as been helpful for Dave as he works to parent two kids who have drastically different needs.
• Curiosity and openness is at the heart of finding success, joy, and delight in this parenting experience, specifically the father experience. It takes practice to cultivate this as the dad of a child with a serious neurobehavioral condition.
• The steepest part of the learning curve for Dave has been to remember that his daughter has an invisible, brain-based difference, especially when her behavioral symptoms are acute.
• Deeply-held beliefs and values will clash with your kid's behavioral symptoms. Getting clarity on where and why this is happening is important in order to parent from a Brain First lens.
• We discuss why connection and relationship has become the highest priority for Dave (in relation to his kids) vs behavioral compliance

RESOURCES:

Join the waitlist for the Focus on Father Program! 2025 cohort is opening for registration soon!

Blog Post: Dads Need Support, Too: Three Ways That Fathers Raising Neurodiverse Kids Struggle, and One Thing They Can Do

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If you appreciated this episode, and would like to receive a weekly note from Eileen about the Brain First Parenting journey every Monday, you can subscribe to her free newsletter HERE!

You can also check out all the FREE resources Eileen offers for parents, and learn more about all things Brain First at her website: eileendevine.com

And of course, find and follow Eileen on social media:

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