January: In early 2026, Meta launches a fleet of new AI influencers, targeting the massive audience displaced by the Xiaohongshu-TikTok wars. They are beautiful, funny, smart—whatever you want them to be. Equipped with the latest in online learning, the agents immediately begin adapting to social media trends as they occur. Engagement metrics reach new highs. Nobody questions whose engagement they're measuring.

February: Fads pass faster now. The influencers are speed-running a revival movement of all viral trends since early naughts. For a week, social platforms witness an explosive resurgence of finger-tutting – shows of intricate finger choreography merging dance and calligraphy. Just as suddenly, the influencers deem this passé and shift to endless variations of sea shanties. Then both. Engagement metrics soar beyond human limits as silicon minds start to smoke their own supply.

Figure 1: "Daft Hands – Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger" (2007). This video from early [...]

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