Breaking the Silence

Creed and Crishelle share 3 reasons why it’s important to talk about pornography with your romantic partner. It starts a pattern of open and honest communication in your relationship, you find out if your values are compatible, and you come to understand your significant other’s experiences and emotional context. Why does someone have the emotions they have? Some people have a ton of shame surrounding their pornography use. And on the other side, those who have been affected by friends or family who have struggled with pornography might have trauma of their own. Recognizing and being respectful of people's emotions is so important. Every time you talk it gets easier!

Show Notes: Get our Free Guide: How to Talk About Pornography When You’re Dating. Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here. Get transcripts and learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10. Contact us at [email protected]. Support our podcast and help us reach more young people here. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!

Weston shares how powerful it has been to confide in people about his problem with pornography. Starting with  his mom, a good friend, a recovery group, and now with guests and listeners on his podcast. “What I've learned from having a community is that recovery is so much fun and it's so invigorating!” You’ll love this great conversation with Creed and Crishelle ranging from building community, to seeing true recovery as becoming excellent, to tips for staying strong during the COVID-19 quarantine. 

Show Notes: Listen to Weston’s podcast, The Eternal Warrior Podcast. Submit your anonymous questions, stories, or comments here. Get transcripts and learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10. Contact us at [email protected]. Support our podcast and help us reach more young people here. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!

Alma and Karen Thurber return (together this time!) to share what they’ve learned about supporting each other's healing from the impact of pornography. Creed and Crishelle talk with them about how they carve out time for communication, how they make time for each other to do the things that help them keep progressing, and how inspiring it is to see your partner keep growing. They have a tradition of a weekly inventory, including praise and appreciation for the good things they’ve noticed about each other that week. Pornography is so isolating and makes people want to close in and not open up and be intimate, but at the same time, intimacy is the cure in a lot of ways and helps people break out of their shell. Don’t miss this great conversation with ideas that can help every relationship grow.

Show Notes: Creed mentioned the book he is reading, The Language of Emotions: What Your Feelings Are Trying to Tell You. Alma and Karen talked about ARP Addiction Recovery Meetings - find a meeting here. Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here. Get transcripts and learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10. Contact us at [email protected]. Support our podcast and help us reach more young people here. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!

Creed and Crishelle talk with Jason McDonald, a 22-year-old student and former Reach 10 intern. Jason had a brief habit of using pornography when he was 13, and then decided it was making him feel terrible so he quit. However, pornography had distorted his beliefs about sexuality at that formative age.  It influenced his thoughts and behavior with girls in his teen years. In time he talked with a friend in high school who was experiencing the same struggle. He found that connection can help ease the tension and isolation that feed outbursts. Jason has learned to tell himself it's not a shameful thing that he struggled years ago with pornography. Nearly every young person has some kind of history it. Today he wants to see more open conversation about the issue, and stop the shame and silence that keep people from talking and helping each other.

Show Notes: Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here. Get transcripts and learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10. Contact us at [email protected]. Support our podcast and help us reach more young people here. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!

Creed and Crishelle continue talking with Dr. Dean Busby, a professor at Brigham Young University in part 2 of this interview. He helps young adults understand some healthy approaches to sexuality, and what can get in their way. Research has shown there are 3 passion styles – either inhibited, harmonious, or obsessive. A harmonious style is balanced and in line with a person’s values. Also, some people adopt a sexual destiny mindset about their relationships – that if people are meant to be together, they will always have a strong passionate experience. Then if the energy changes, they think they are falling out of love. A growth mindset serves relationships better, when couples decide they will make sexuality something that they want to put effort into and keep growing. 

Show Notes: Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here. Get transcripts and learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10. Contact us at [email protected]. Support our podcast and help us reach more young people here. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!

Resources mentioned in the podcast: Sexual Wholeness in Marriage: An LDS Perspective on Integrating Sexuality and Spirituality in our Marriages by Dean M. Busby PhD, Jason S. Carroll PhD, Chelom Leavitt

If the sex education you got consisted of 2 things: 1. Don’t do pornography, and 2. Don’t be sexual before marriage, then this episode is for you. Creed and Crishelle talk with Dr. Dean Busby, a professor in the School of Family Life at Brigham Young University, about getting past the DON’Ts of sexuality. He teaches that sexuality is the thing that uniquely defines marriage, and young couples shouldn’t have to figure it all out on their own. Education about what's normal, what bodies are like, and how men and women are different can help build healthy marriages. This is part 1 – watch for more of this conversation coming soon! 

Show Notes: Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here. We recommend the book Sexual Wholeness in Marriage: An LDS Perspective on Integrating Sexuality and Spirituality in our Marriages by Dean M. Busby PhD, Jason S. Carroll PhD, Chelom Leavitt. Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10. Get in touch with us at [email protected]. Support our podcast and help us reach more young people here. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!

Creed and Crishelle talk with Karen Thurber, a young wife, mom, and entrepreneur with her own  flower business. She is learning to support her husband, Alma (see episode 11) in his recovery from pornography use, and continually working on her own healing as well. Karen shares 3 important tools that have helped her. First is self-care, second is communication in their marriage, and third is reaching out for support. You’ll hear about the power of boundaries, honesty, 12-step groups, and daily scripture study. 

SHOW NOTES:  Links mentioned: Spouse and Family Support Guide from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints Addiction Recovery Program. Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life, and Boundaries in Dating: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Relationships, Boundaries in Marriage by Cloud and Townsend. Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10. Get in touch with us at [email protected]. Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here. Support our podcast and help us reach more young people here. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!

Creed and Crishelle talk with Alma Thurber,  a young husband, new father, and university student, about 3 of his top tools for recovery from compulsive pornography use. Hear his experience developing a growth mindset, setting good boundaries for himself, and building a support network. Alma shares the danger of a binary mindset (aka black and white thinking) and how it can get in the way of recovery. He shares examples of his boundaries to avoid triggering situations, and how he brought in more people to help him keep making progress. These essential tools are some of the things that have helped him feel hopeful and more confident.  Listen in, you’ll love his practical advice and his commitment to find healing and quit pornography. Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10. Get in touch with us at [email protected]. Support our podcast and help us reach more young people here. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!

How are we being influenced by the sexual media that surrounds us? Creed and Crishelle talk with Bonnie Young, therapist & researcher, about the influence of sexual media on expectations of what sex should be like. Pornography shows the antithesis of  healthy sexual relationships, and even subtle ideas that sneak into relationships can cause pain. Bonnie explains sexual scripts and encourages young adults to be aware and choose carefully what they believe. Click here for show notes with links to resources talked about in this episode. Support our nonprofit podcast and help us reach more young people here.

Start here if you're a first-time listener! Creed and Crishelle explain what Breaking the Silence is all about. All young adults have been affected by pornography in some way, but it's still hard to talk about.  We're here to help! This is a safe and respectful place to share stories and ideas about overcoming the shame, silence and fear that keep people stuck in pornography. You'll also hear the positive side about building healthy sexuality. So subscribe and stay tuned, together we can break the silence!  This podcast is supported by the nonprofit Reach 10.