A and A’s handler are exposed, along with the secret rapist, and we’re finally done with this stupid show. The “guilty” are “punished” by the “killer” after the big “twist” reveal cooked up by these “writers.” It’s all so dumb. Anyway, our new book is out!

We’re almost done. Two to go for this trash show. The writers pretended the plot was over at the end of the last episode, so we’re treated to a lame recap where they try to lampshade their poor storytelling. A bunch of stuff happens off screen, and we’re told, not shown, a bunch of random stuff to move the plot along. The evil Sheriff is revealed to be more evil, and the secret rapist becomes rather obvious. People got paid to write this…

The Sinners concoct a dumb, pointless plan to gather up a bunch of bloody cotton balls from the school Blood Drive, so they can test them en masse to see if one of the students is the father of Imogen’s rape baby. Oh, and Crazy Joe comes back, acts super threatening, seems to clearly be A and then k-words himself, so of course he’s not A. Help.

Imogen encourages Tabby to go to the cops about her assault, but isn’t ready to go yet herself. Instead, she’s doing the old, “high school project to take care of a fake baby with a romantic interest” plot line, which is extra gross because… you know. Mouse has more drama with her creepy LARPing dude Steve, and tricks her mom into revealing one of the more boring deep dark secrets imaginable. Faran is suddenly dealing with chronic pain and tells her mom off and is even more empowered and makes out with her dancer boyfriend. Whatever. Noa gets a physical trainer that might be encouraging her to juice. Tabby cooks up a new scheme to catch her rapist, rather than talking with a counselor about it.

Imogen and Tabby bond over their shared trauma and take a trip to fake-ass Rosewood to talk to fake-ass Eddie Lamb at the fake-ass Radley Hotel. Noa, Faran, and Mouse are stuck in some theater kid after school special nonsense. But don’t worry, folks, everything is super empowering and totally on fleek. Straight bussin’ fr fr no cap.

The Sinners throw a High School Rager™ to raise money to save the local rec center—er, pay Imogen’s mortgage. Everyone talks to each other like they’re in a flame war on Tumblr. It’s Halloween. There’s lots of costumes, but no Adam Lambert or even Giant Drag making an appearance. I hate this show. Help!

This week on the pod, Imogen’s been thinking about her mom, and she’s got some unkind words for the rotting bitch. Mouse has like five lines. Faran might be the worst. Noa gets chased around and scared into selling her useless mom out. And Tabby has a super-fun sexual assault mystery plot line! We’d rather be watching the show where Caleb and Toby are driving through town on the way to infiltrate some Actual Bad Guys.

Karen is dead! Or was it secretly Kelly? Who cares? It’s not like we’d seen enough of them for it to mean anything. The “Liars” are lying about the one thing it would make sense to tell the truth about, and telling the truth about everything else. The writers don’t seem interested in developing characters or creating tension, and the direction is somehow even worse. WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THE CAMERA???

Something finally happens on the show this week, despite the whole, “We’re gonna kill Karen Beasley!” thing being a complete lie. Imogen has feeling about being Sprit Queen like her mom when she also bullied a girl like her mom (but she doesn’t know that yet). Mouse is very upset about the killing of some dirty rodent. Faran doesn’t have much to do. Tabby makes way too many horror movie references. And Noa blackmails the Sheriff so she can go to the dance. Oh, and “Karen” is “killed” by “A.”

After a long slumber, the Bros have awoken and attended the red carpet premiere of Pretty Little Liars: Original Sin, a show featuring no Pretty Little Liars, no originality, and not enough sin. We only watched this once, and this is all from memory, so if we get something wrong, blame Warner Bros for not inviting us to the after party.

Also, we’re doing a giveaway. Listen for details and a chance to win Pretty Little Liars: The Complete series, on Digital.