Brunch and Bombs

Jerry loves horror movies so much, that a whole month of them in October wasn't enough. His pick for Christmas Movie Month was A Christmas Horror Story, a 2015 Christmas horror anthology featuring four different stories, all woven together by the antics of an alcoholic radio DJ, played by William Shatner. Yeah, it's pretty amazing. We highly recommend it.

Our first Christmas movie of 2020 is one of our all-time faves! If you've somehow gone your whole life without seeing Jingle All the Way, stop what you're doing and watch it now. Seriously, just watch it and then come back to listen to this episode (it's available on Hulu and for rent on Prime). Not only is Arnold Swarzenegger a comedic lead (which is always great), but he plays an all-American dad and mattress salesman who learns the true meaning of Christmas--commercialism. On top of all that, Sinbad plays the villain of the piece--a definitely insane mail carrier who will stop at nothing, not even felonies,  to get his son the perfect Christmas gift. Watch him and Ahh-nold battle it out throughout the longest Christmas Eve ever for the last remaining few Turbo Man action figures. Seriously, do it now.

The Lawnmower man is an assortment of early 90's cliches--including cigarettes, special effects that look dated 45 minutes later, and bad hair.  We totally recommend it!  It's a fun watch.

13 Ghosts is a movie that 1) stars Matthew Lillard as a medium 2) is about a man who wants to collect spirits to open up a portal to Hell (or something idk, I definitely wasn't paying attention to that part) and 3) had some of the worst exposition we've seen. Definitely watch it. 

A formulaic and predictable aspiring singer/rags-to-riches story, Glitter shows us that not all that glitters is gold. It's bad, but pretty fun to watch. You'll even laugh at Billie's tragic alcoholic mother, Lily. 10/10 day drinking movie. So pop open a bottle (or make our featured Everclear cocktail, Lily's Blues) and brunch with us!

We watched M. Night Shyamalan's "The Happening" and, to be honest, not a lot happened. Listen to us dissect the actors' less than stellar performances and the twist that literally no one asked for. This movie sucked, but at least it was better than Cats. We only got through 22 minutes of that. 

We'll just let Rotten Tomatoes describe #BattlefieldEarth for you: "Ugly, campy & poorly acted, Battlefield Earth is a stunningly misguided, aggressively bad sci-fi folly." Check it out--or save yourself the time & let us walk you through it.

Ghost Ship is an early 2000's horror movie, so obviously it's terrible. Julianna Margulies breaks away from her long-term role in ER to star in this movie and then, a few years later, Snakes on a Plane. Thank god for her TV career, because her movie choices...not great. By the end of this movie, you'll be tired of all these motherfucking ghosts on this motherfucking ship.

So we didn't know that Jennifer's Body was actually a horror-comedy (OK , Jerry knew). Basically,  this movie was hilarious, but intentionally so, so it probably doesn't count?...But here it is, Jennifer's Body, episode #3 of Horror Movie Month. It's definitely worth a watch,  and don't forget to check out our lively discussion on it afterwards!

Jason Takes Manhattan is one of the worse Friday the 13th iterations, but also one of the more entertaining ones. That is, once Jason and his prey actually get to Manhattan. The iconic hockey masked killer still doesn't speak, but seems to be making jokes about a gritty 80's NYC, particularly when he gets into an altercation over a knocked-over boom box. It's all very fun to watch...if you can get through the boring boat ride to the city.  We suggest you get drunk to get through the first hour. Or just let us run you through it!

TL; DR: We made spooky bloody strawberry pancakes, a fruity Jack-O-Lantern cocktail, and watched a dumb but kind of great Friday the 13th movie.