Brunch and Bombs

We're ending our Disney Channel Original Movie Month: Sportz!! Edition with Johnny Tsunami, a fish-out-of-water, coming-of-age story about a kid who struggles to be himself, make friends and resolve his differences with a workaholic father who wants to crush his dreams. In other words, it's a Disney Channel Original Movie. 

So grab your Hawaiian shirt and your weird and probably offensive snowboarding hat, and get ready to enjoy some sweet swells, phat air, and casual classism as we watch the private school kids and parents constantly beat down the public school kids.

Our Disney Channel Original Movie Month: Sportz!! Edition continues with Alley Cats Strike! If you want to see the movie described as "not terrible" and "just fucking bowling," you can see it on Disney+, but we suggest you just let us walk you through it.

Four junior high kids who love bowling, retro clothes and swing music--and scoff at anything remotely popular or liked by others--are somehow supposed to be likeable. We follow these soul bowlers as they work together with popular jock Todd to help their school, West Appleton, beat their rival East Appleton to win the "Mighty Apple" by bowling their lil rockabilly hearts out. Yes, that's what really happens. But what happens next? Will the "Weird Kids" and "Golden Boy" be able to work together? Will they actually learn something from one another? Will Alex's dad's bowling alley be saved? Was this written by a ghostwriter? Did Hope really say "in heavy quotations"  a  g  a  i  n ?  I mean, is she just messing with us at this point? I honestly can't tell. 

If you want some of these questions answered, crack open a beer, grab some greasy bowling alley fries, and listen to Hope and Jerry get into Alley Cats Strike!

Episode lucky number seven covers The Luck of the Irish--the second installment in our Disney Channel Original Movies Month: Sportz!! Edition. 

This Disney Channel classic tells the story of Kyle Johnson, the luckiest boy at his junior high. He's a basketball star, gets good grades despite never studying, and has a pretty attractive stalker. But when his school hosts "Heritage Day," Kyle realizes he knows nothing about his family's heritage. The Luck of the Irish is 50% film noir, 50% Irish mythology, and definitely 100% a Disney Channel Original Movie.

(Brink! is our first selection for Disney Channel Original Movie Month: Sportz!! Edition. Subscribe to hear about your favorite sports-themed Disney Channel movies throughout the month of July!)

 Andy "Brink" Brinker loves extremely extreme inline skating, and nothing else. But when his crew's rivals--corporate sellout team, the "X-Bladz"--challenge Brink and his friends to an elaborate obstacle course race in the middle of the school day during the longest lunch period ever, things go awry, and Brink realizes that he may have found the solution to his family's money problems. Before he knows it, Brink's life is filled with lies, secrets and several prominent homoerotic moments (there were 10, I kept count). Will Brink be able to help his family out? Will his friends ever forgive him? And will sk8ter boi Val ever kiss him? Like, come on already. Piss or get off the pot. 

In episode 6, we follow seven literary...heroes...? as they travel abroad--beginning in the year 1899, and also ending in the year 1899--working together to defeat corruption. All they have to save the world is their God-given talents...and mysterious science elixirs, magic paintings, absurdly anachronistic technology, invisibility and vampirism. Oh, and Tom Sawyer brought a gun. 

So if you want to hear Summer's,  uh...attempt....at a Sean Connery impersonation, or to know who the hell Alan Quatermain even is, give episode six a listen. 

In this very special Father's Day episode, we discuss Tim Allen's career hits and misses playing the deadbeat dad, the emotional backstory of Winky the fish, and the casual racism, cultural appropriation, and homophobia that was thrown around in 90's movies. Hope made an amazing shrimp-tomato-basil quiche, Summer made a traditional Venezuelan punch, and we all made bad choices.

Cue the Deliverance banjos--some psychologically damaged country bumpkins are up for some terrorizin'. Lucky for them, five teen horror movie archetypes are headed their way. And lucky for y'all, we cut out most of Summer's musings on Paris Hilton. So get comfy in your fave Juicy Couture tracksuit, grab your Motorola RAZR, and check out the movie that's been described as "terrible", "a very formulaic teen horror movie from the early 2000's", and ..."brave"...? Or save yourself some time and let us run you through it.

This week in lieu of a regular episode, we're participating in #PodcastBlackout, a movement started by fellow Texas-based movie podcast @Cult45Podcast. We urge our listeners, especially our friends and family, to listen to this short episode. We have a crucial message to share with y'all.

We watched Flubber, Disney's 1997 remake of their own 1961 movie The Absent-Minded Professor. So come on, listen to three people in their 30's slurp up Jell-O shots and try to answer questions like "Why are scientists only using their knowledge to make breakfast?" and "Do sunglasses equal personhood?" 

In episode one, we discuss the 1992 Sylvester Stallone and Estelle Getty comedy Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot, while we brunch on Hope's delicious salmon croquettes and I review a $5 bottle of sparkling wine. We talk about gun maintenance, early 90’s fashion and why you should change your underwear every day--and we beg Hope to stop with her terrible Schwarzenegger impression, but she just won’t give up.