Building a Better Dave

Today I talk about the sport of having sex when you have children in the house.

I also relive July 1972 when the Stones came to town. I wasn't allowed out because of the hippies.

Most people talk about the oldest child having very strict parents, the youngest having it too easy (and getting spoiled) and of course the middle child getting lost in the shuffle. To me none of these apply. The child that has it worst is the child whose bedroom is next to Mom and Dad's.

Maybe I'm weird, but when I walk into a room with naked people I typically look down, say "I'm sorry" and leave immediately. I thought this was the standard response for most people. But then again, if you had something very important you might stay to make sure you made your point.

Today's show features music from Apa State Mental and the song is "Eaten By Hippes" from the Podsafe Music Network.

Today we finish up with stories from my honeymoon. This time we relive the "relaxing" trip we had riding inner tubes down the little river in Pigeon Forge TN. We had a great time. We have the scars to prove it.

We talk about scooter and his death defying dives, taking people out of the river, bees, deathly undertows, all for only $8 for the whole day.

Pancake House

Diane (my wife) and I headed off for our honeymoon. Destination Pigeon Forge Tennessee. It was about a 9 hour drive and on the way we listened to the radio, and finally popped in an audio book about making your second marriage work. It helped pass the time, and kept us alert. We got to Tennessee and when we got to Pigeon Forge it looked like a hillbilly version of the Vegas strip. Instead of spectacular hotels, you had a pancake house, and a pancake house, and a pancake house, and a pancake house, followed by, a pancake house. I'm not making this up. In a one mile stretch there were 5 pancake houses. I would also guess that on the other side of the pancake house was a "Barb B Cue" joint and on the other side of the pancake house was a fireworks place. With this in mind, if I ever meet someone with barbecue sauce on his shirt, maple syrup on his chin, and 9 fingers I'm going to guess he is from Pigeon Forge TN. On the other hand the Smokey mountains were breath taking. Seriously. Wow.

Luckily Diane said, "We better find the cabin before it gets dark" as I wanted to get something to eat. The map from the cabin people's website said, "do not use mapquest or they will send you on dirt roads." We followed the map and I felt like I was on a roller coaster. I mean I know it's a mountain, but the road went almost straight up, and had serious hair pin turns with no guard rail. If you were to slide off the road, you were going straight down. Needless to say this made Diane just a smidge nervous. It had me clutching the wheel with both hands as I would white knuckle it around a corner hoping there was more road under my tires. Our drive was an even steeper climb which was off the previous steep climb road. It also had another turn "blind" turn where you have no idea what you are turning on to. It had rained a bit before we showed up, and in some cases water would come out of the mountain and make the road wet. Kind of an "instant river" right in the road. Consequently, when I went to climb our driveway I spun my tires. Luckily, I made it up on the second attempt.

Our log cabin was gorgeous. It had a pool table, Jacuzzi, full kitchen, etc. It just oozed cozy. It also had water pressure that dripped out of the shower. Consequently, we spent a large amount of our first day relaxing in the hot tub waiting for Gomer to show up and fix the water pressure issue. Later that day we decided to go hiking and get up close and personal with Mother Nature.

After talking with someone at the visitor center, we decided to go to Laurel Lake Water Fall trail. It was fairly short, paved, and sounded lovely. Now when we thin of bears we think of Yogi, Smokey, the Snuggle bear. All of these are our friends. They are funny, cute, cuddly. However, when we got to the trail, there was a sign that read "Dangers Bears Are Active In This Area Do Not Approach Them. Attacks on Humans Have Occurred inflicting serious injuries and death. Then under that sign was another sign. "DANGER Falling deaths have occurred closely control your children high vertical drop offs ahead and at falls area." Well this adds a new slant to this lovely relaxing hike.

Then another thing dawns on us. This is the Smokey Mountains and any travel involves going up. A lot. Like turn the corner and there is another hill. And the sign was right. We had a small path about 5 feet wide (big enough for two people) and on the left we had the cliff of death and to the right we had a mountain that went straight up. Also the only straight road in Pigeon Forge is pancake alley. All other roads and paths curve and curve a lot . So we are hiking up the mountain and many times we are walking around rocks that are 8 to 10 feet tall. So you're thinking if there is a bear on the other side of this rock, um, I'm SCREWED.

The level of awareness goes up tremendously when you are thinking "ACTIVE BEAR AREA." Diane and both giggled as we admitted to looking at the path for paw prints. We made it to the falls. They were beautiful. We were amazed at the number of children who were not under control, and figured we would surely meet them at a restaurant later where they could scream bloody murder.

Later in the week we went to a little country church where they did church OLD School. I mean singing hymns with no organ out of a hymnal that I'm pretty sure Moses carried down with the 10 commandments. It was one of those fancy hymnals written on paper. But while we were there another couple who were visiting talked about how they too had gone hiking and indeed seen a bear. To this one of the town folk also told us to "Watch out for snakes - Copperheads to be specific."

To this Diane announced, "I'm done hiking."

I'll have more stories about the honeymoon. It was the best of times it was the not so best of times. I've been telling people it was memorable, and it was.

Music: (at the beginning) Bluesgrass Album band the song is "Home Sweet Home.

Today I talk about the struggles of my last semester at college. I got quite the run around, and when things were back on track I was grateful, but curious as to why I never received an apology. I also talk about the joy of paying thousands of dollars for classes that are absolutely crap. […]

Today I talk about a gift I got for Christmas. I'm going to be 45 in a few weeks, so I know I'm "Half way to dead." However, what does it say if someone gets you the clapper? I mean the commercial shows some woman who sits up in bed and claps the light off. This woman looks, well, half way to dead.

Now the interesting thing is, the clapper is a great GIFT. I mean IT ROCKS. The sad thing is I ended up using it just like the old woman on the commercial. I have it hooked up to the light right next to my bed.

Dave turns 45 in a few weeks. Check out what he wants for his birthday

Today I come to you with the demented slant on Christmas music. This was caused by hearing the same 14 songs over and over. I mean I love Andy Williams, but not for four weeks straight. It turns out that while rock music is about Sex Drugs and Rock n Roll, Christmas music is the same.

BONUS TOPIC:

I also took my fiance's 15-year-old daughter driving for the first time in an abandoned Target parking lot. It was just as exciting as an amusement park ride. She did great, and it will be fun helping her get her license.

2009 is going to be the year.

I'm going to graduate, get a job, and finally marry the nurse. This has the potential to be the best year of my life. I'm also going to get into shape. Why not join me at www.logicalloss.com

I was very surprised when I went to the mall and saw there was no line to sit with Santa. Santa looked pretty good (probably an out of work financial consultant), and I thought “Let’s get our picture taken.” It would be interesting to see how things have changed since you sat on his lap […]

Today I talk about me popping the question last week to "The Nurse" and she made me very happy by saying yes. Today I talk about the absolute guys view to engagement ring shopping. There is a strange aerobic dance that women do when they put on a ring.

She loves choices. I mean she LOOOOOVVVES choices, and I love that she loves choices. I am a very lucky man. We will be tying the knot on June 20, 2008.

Yes I got on one knee. It was nothing too fancy (I had fancier ideas, but if I didn't give her this ring soon, I was going to be in deep trouble).

see http://betterdave.com/she-said-yes/ for full notes

This show originates from www.betterdave.com

Words are fun. I want to know who gets to decide when a word is officially a word. I was at a Cleveland Indians game and the other team had a guy named Chone Figgins. (his full name is Desmond DeChone Figgins ). Why do we name the first poo of a baby meconium If it's that special why don't we put it in a jar and sell it? Look at meconium fix this broken coffee cup! Look it's strong enough to pull this 18 wheel truck! Likewise why do we need to name certain body parts. Do we really need the word Taint? apparently the Taint used be called the perineum. Was that not good enough? Shouldn't words be taken into committee to see if we really need the word? Be sure to tell your daughters to threaten a "kick to the taint" to pressing males. When they go "a what?" they can then run away.

I still hate Elvis. We all know Little Richard was the king of Rock and Roll and the Beatles and Elvis stole it all from him. I still hate Star Trek

John Lennon liked words…..and acid, but that's another podcast.

Having a bad day? Too hot for you? Go grab a box fan and a towel. I've got the cure.

Do you have a cell phone? Don't have time to exercise? Walk and Talk people! Walk and talk took me from a size 8 to a size two! Thank you walk and talk!

When I was growing up I used to take a sheet and a box fan and sleep in a blimp. Looking back this is a bad idea. Sounds like a great way to lose a finger.

Normally I don't talk about things that involve other people, but this weekend I attended a great event. I went to a family reunion with the Nurse. I had a phenomenal time.

First thing first this family takes the time once a year to get together and catch up. How cool is that? In a day when many people don't get along with their families, this one takes time to come from all over the place to get together.

The nurses Mom has an awesome laugh, and she never stopped. It was great.

I met an Uncle who is 92, and his legs didn't work very well, and he used a Walker. Was he grumpy? Not at all. He had a smile on his face the entire day. When he got up to leave (getting up was a bit of a struggle) did he complain? Not one word. He loves life. He loves his family.

I also met an Uncle who had come in from California. Here was the interesting thing about this guy. He takes family ties very seriously. It sound like he would hunt down a 2nd cousin through marriage twice removed just to say hi. He also was a musician so obviously we started geeking out on music. But the thing that really got me, is how friendly this guy was. And I'm not talking about the plastic kind you get at business parties. When I left, he shook my hand, and I got the felling that if I said "Hey I'm going to be in California for 2 days, can I crash at your crib"; after knowing me for 4 hours he'd would not only say yes, but roll out the red carpet.

I remember when I used to teach customer service classes I would explain to people to greet your customers like an old high school buddy that you hadn't seen in years, and this guy had it down, and the key point here is it was genuine.

I guess in a world of spoiled rich athletes, crooked politicians, greed, etc It's kind of hard to find someone to say "When I grow I wanna be like him," but after going to this picnic I want to be like these guys.