But First Me

But First Me

By Mary Ellen and Anirban SahaEducationSelf-Improvement
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But First Me episodes

  • Women feeling RAGE. We take a road trip with Mary Ellen to the cliff edge of repressed and stressed.

    Grab our FREE resources from this season here ⁠⁠https://www.maryellensaha.com/free⁠⁠


    Anirban confesses he didn't realize there is a gender difference with expressing feelings of anger. He changes his view as he discovers how women are often silenced in his own Indian community, including his Bengali mum. Ironically, his parenting stress is reduced as he learns his tween daughter used anger to stand up to sexual harassment at school.

    Mary Ellen recounts stories of everyday sexism at home and at work in 1990s Ireland and in London before Me Too. She shares how many women have a bad habit of not expressing their anger, which reduces their happiness, including herself. She explores why 'Mum's the word' is toxic and may lead to serious illness. She believes it did with her own mother.
    Mary Ellen coaches on what to do when we feel powerless within the patriarchal systems of our workplace and our homes. She shares her lived experience of using Quietize meditation as the antidote to her rage and her feelings of frustration about the stereotype of the feisty Irish woman. In short, it’s been a game changer for her.
    RESOURCES
    We believe in your emotional potential so we're sharing our FREE Feelings Cheat Sheet on hapits.com and on our Instagram hapits_com. We can all have better relationships and more purpose if we practice embracing ALL feelings. If we FEEL IT TO REVEAL IT, emotional flexibility can become one of our happiness habits.
    We strongly encourage you to try out the happiness habit of labeling and journaling your feelings. Please do let us know how you get on; we'd love to hear from you. Just email us at [email protected].
    You can also purchase our Hapits® Online Course, which includes our coaching cards used throughout this podcast; https://hapits.com/buy_hapits/
    BOOKS etc.
    Hysterical: Exploding the Myth of Gendered Emotions by Pragya Agarwal.
    Raising Girls in the 21st Century: Helping Our Girls to Grow Up Wise, Strong and Free by Steve Biddulph.
    Atlas of the Heart by Brène Brown
    Everyday Sexism by Laura Bates
    What About Men? by Caitlin Moran
    TV and film references:
    - Thelma and Lousie
    - Promising Young Woman
    - I May Destroy You.
    TED talks:
    Ted talk by Soraya Chemaly. The power of women’s anger
    Ted talk by Deepa Narayan. 7 beliefs that silence women and how to unlearn them
    Other mentions:
    Soma Sara founder of Everyone's Invited.
    Michael Conroy founder of Men At Work.
    Nuala MGovern presenter on BBC Women's Hour.


    37 min
  • Showing PRIDE on the street, feeling satisfaction, and is boasty as a bad habit?

    Grab our FREE resources from this season here ⁠⁠https://www.maryellensaha.com/free⁠⁠


    Anirban is feeling proud of his parenting life skills and also unpacks how Indian pride in appearance relates to immigrant assimilation in the UK. We discuss how positive emotions help us strengthen our brains' neural pathways, reducing our stress and fostering more connections to improve our relationships and creativity in the workplace.

    Mary Ellen gives her coaching guidance on how we can feel pride in small things; you don't have to be a gold medalist or CEO. She also shares her lived experience of Gay Pride, as well as its history. And she earns a Mancunian 'chufty badge'!
    RESOURCES
    We believe in your emotional potential so we're sharing our FREE Feelings Cheat Sheet on hapits.com and on our Instagram hapits_com. We can all have better relationships and more purpose if we practice embracing ALL feelings. If we FEEL IT TO REVEAL IT, emotional flexibility can become one of our happiness habits.
    We strongly encourage you to try out the happiness habit of labeling and journaling your feelings. Please do let us know how you get on; we'd love to hear from you. Just email us at [email protected].
    You can also purchase our Hapits® Online Course, which includes our coaching cards used throughout this podcast; https://hapits.com/buy_hapits/
    BOOKS etc.
    Atlas of the Heart by Brène Brown
    Listen To The Land Speak by Manchán Magan


    30 min
  • The upside of feelings of GUILT and why our bad habits with the emotion of SHAME need to change.

    Grab our FREE resources from this season here ⁠⁠https://www.maryellensaha.com/free⁠⁠


    Anirban confesses how his bad habit of perfectionism can really stress him out.

    He talks about how this impacts his relationships within his own Indian community and his parenting.
    Mary Ellen coaches us on how lack of self-awareness and too much screen time often leads to a cycle of stress with negative feelings. We tune out and turn away fron tricky feelings instead of trying to learn this key life skill.
    RESOURCES
    We believe in your emotional potential so we're sharing our FREE Feelings Cheat Sheet on hapits.com and on our Instagram hapits_com. We can all have better relationships and more purpose if we practice embracing ALL feelings. If we FEEL IT TO REVEAL IT, emotional flexibility can become one of our happiness habits.
    We strongly encourage you to try out the happiness habit of labeling and journaling your feelings. Please do let us know how you get on; we'd love to hear from you. Just email us at [email protected].
    You can also purchase our Hapits® Online Course, which includes our coaching cards used throughout this podcast; https://hapits.com/buy_hapits/
    BOOKS etc.
    Atlas of the Heart by Brène Brown
    Feelings Magnets from Manuela Bolton
    Fix The System: Not The Women by Laura Bates
    Listen To The Land Speak by Manchán Magan


    30 min
  • The upside of GUILT and why SHAME can Póg Mo Thóin*

    Anirban spills the beans on his battle with perfectionism within his Indian community. And we discuss how NOT to get lost in the pursuit of achieving the unachievable. (*Kiss My A$$ in irish)


    KEY TAKE AWAYS:

    Guilt is about what you do, it's outside you, whereby you believe your actions are wrong, and feel guilty.

    Shame is about you, it's internal, wherby you believe that you are wrong, as a person and you feel shame.

    Shame can lead to more negative outcomes because it is internalised. It's about your character. You blame yourself.

    Embrasssment is as shortlived as a blush.

    Get curious about it your feelings.

    To do this you need to be alone. Lean into the feeling.

    Feelings are messages to you. They are data.

    Everything is temporary. This too will pass. If you let it come and then go.

    Can you understand what shame or guilt is telling you?

    Do you need to take action?

    Or maybe you can notice the feeling and not act?

    Sit with the feeling to figure out which it is.

    Feel it to reveal it.


    RESOURCES WE MENTION:

    Atlas of the Heart by Brene Brown

    Feelings Magnets from Manuela Bolton

    Fix The System: Not The Women by Laura Bates.

    Listen To The Land Speak by Manchán Magan

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    29 min
  • SHE MÓR philosophy: Our roadmap for Men to Feel more, Fail more and Flourish with Female Energy.

    Since the SH1T has hit the fan for many of us in midlife, our communities,

    and our planet, we propose a solution called SHE MÓR. 


    After being on the front lines of this emotional health crisis with our

    coaching clients and personally as parents and human beings thriving in
    this crazy world, our solution is a roadmap for men to feel more, fail
    more, and flourish with female energy. Because
    the superhighway we are currently all on, whether we like it or not, is
    a male construct - fuelled by profit, productivity, presuming,
    perfectionism, and poor health.


    As Laura Bates has wrote about in her book, 'Fix the system, not the women.'

    We are living in a loneliness epidemic. According to the Marmalade

    charity, 85% of UK adults felt lonely last year. By listening to this
    podcast, you're not just making a decision to learn some life skills and
    cool stuff; you're embracing a powerful philosophy. When you choose SHE
    MÓR, you access the greatness within you that extends far beyond
    fleeting social media validation, which too often defines us. 


    As Manchan Magan said, 'The time for female energy has come... we ignore it at our peril.' 

    Mary Ellen is Irish, and so it's part of the title of this podcast, MÓR, the

    Irish word for 'great.' Some of you might be familiar with this from An
    Gorta Mor - the Great Hunger, which is the Irish name for the famines
    of 1847, 48, and 1849. But today we are talking about a different type
    of starvation - an emotional one. We are so, so hungry for connection. 


    MÓR is also Irish for BIG and with the information in this podcast, you

    will INCREASE your relationship depth by being more real, and bigger in
    the heart. It's time to embrace our female energy, our feelings. Often,
    male clients tell us they wish they could open up and express their
    feelings to family and friends, but they feel they must be the “big
    man’. It's time to let go of that macho stuff. Men need to be more
    emotionally flexible for their selves, their family, and their work. As
    the world changes at breakneck speed, we all need to be more authentic
    and balanced because if we don't, we will break. Burnout is real. Male
    suicide is real. We can prevent future breakdown if we priritize our
    emotional health each day. 


    It's time for men redress the balance, to bend, and to change. Because we

    all know that vulnerability is what leads to real intimacy, real connection, real friendships, and real relationships. And that's what we
    are all hungry and thirsty for! 


    Please join us. Together, let's learn how to cope better and feel more. It's time for all of us to embrace our inner SHE.

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    6 min
  • She Mór 2 Feel More podcast TRAILER

    All the feels are here even if you think that emotions ain’t your cuppa coffee or cupán tae (tea). Fellas good news! You can lead the emotional revolution!


    We’ve started this podcast to give ALL men and women permission to share their feelings and connect with each other honestly. Because we believe expressing emotions can become as habitual as brushing your teeth. We are what we repeatedly do. With practice, emotional flexibility can become one of your Hapits (happiness habits).


    This podcast is like an emotional encyclopaedia. Each week, we'll cover a different emotion, defining it and explaining its purpose for our emotional health. But it's not academic or inaccessible. It's firmly rooted in stories of our own mad, messy, mildly funny, mid-life experiences as immigrants, parents, founders, creatives and flawed humans. Learn and laugh with us as we increase our own emotional flexibility to help us cope better with all the mid-life SH1T that's hit the fan for us!


    To help you out, we have a put our Feelings ⁠Cheat Sheet on our website⁠⁠ & Instagram. Research shows most people can only name 3 feelings -glad, sad and mad when they feel them. So it seems we could all do with expanding our emotional IQ. Let's learn togther.


    Life’s too short to bottle it up, drink away your feelings or distract yourself with socials. Emotional flexibility is absolutely crucial for happiness for both men and women. Being vulnerable is where the magic happens for both men and women. True connections are forged in those moments of fragility and realness. You know this is true.


    She Mór is here to help MEN (and women) feel more, fail more, and flourish. Let’s change the script to change our broken systems. Together we can learn the language of emotions EVERY FRIDAY.

    Follow and join us to become the emotional rockstar you were meant to be.


    MOTHER TONGUE:

    'Tiocfaidh ár grá' as Mary Ellen says. Yes, that's as Gaeilge, Irish for "our love will come,". And with practice it will. Mary Ellen & Anirban also also share Bengali and Irish words for each emotion each week.

    There is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to expressing feelings.

    It's interesting to hear ‘feeling words’ and proverbs from other cultures, as emotions are expressed differently (or repressed) within different communities and countries.

    Most often if we repress our feelings our native tongue can trigger us to release it. The power of words!


    Mary Ellen moved to London 20 years ago from Ireland and has recently found that the more she connects with her mother tongue, Irish the better she feels, especially since both her parents have died.


    Anirban grew up bilingual in Manchester. He's on a mission not to break the bamboo ceiling but to become emotionally evolved AF!


    HAPITS:

    Together, they co-founded and created Hapits.com. See founders page for info on them both Hapits.com




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    2 min
  • How NOT to subscribe to "busy"

    In today’s podcast we discuss how taking a ‘PAUSE’ or five minutes to rest every day can have positive benefits for your mental well being. We talk about how at times we all subscribe to being busy and how in today’s culture many even aspire to it and think of it as a badge of honour. However research shows that taking a rest or a pause in our 24/7 lives has huge benefits. We also talk about the brain’s default mode network, the benefits of mind meandering or day dreaming, the difference between resting and meditation and how rest can be a bridge to a meditation practice, especially if you find it challenging to meditate.

    The book we talk about in the podcast is "The Art of Rest: How to find respite in the modern world" by Claudia Hammond.

    Email us [email protected] and visit us at https://futrnow.org/

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    15 min
  • How NOT to wake up with your phone everyday !

    When each day dawns you have the choice whether it’s gonna be a crap day or a great day. Today's podcast we discuss how to create healthy wellbeing habits including a silent five minute PAUSE and how NOT to wake up with your phone everyday. MaryEllen and Anirban share their top tips and personal experiences on detaching themselves from their mobile devices. Tune in and try out these two deceptively simple habits which can gave a big impact on your mental wellbeing. Please share any comments or feedback with us. We'd love to hear from you and how you are getting on with your new habits. 

    The book we mentioned in the podcast is "Better Than Before" by Gretchen Rubin.

    Email us [email protected] and visit us at https://futrnow.org/ 

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    20 min
  • What is PAUSE and PLAY all about ??

    Introducing MaryEllen and Anirban Saha from FUTR now as they share their ways how NOT to have a crap day by using their unique PAUSE and PLAY method!

    Mental "Well being" and all the other hashtags are all the rage thesedays, we've even spotted banks getting in on the aciton with "money wellbeing"! We feel that mental health is more important than just a hashtag. If you're wondering what our podcast is all about, have a quick listen and let us know what you think by leaving a comment or review :)

    Email us [email protected] and visit us at https://futrnow.org/

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    7 min
  • What is PAUSE and PLAY all about ?

     Introducing MaryEllen and Anirban Saha from FUTR now as share their ways how NOT to have a crap day by using their unique PAUSE and PLAY method! 

    Mental "Well being" and all the other hashtags are all the rage thesedays, we've even spotted banks getting in on the aciton with "money wellbeing"! We feel that mental health is more important than just a hashtag. If you're wondering what our podcast is all about, have a quick listen and let us know what you think by leaving a comment or review :)

    7 min

About But First Me

From the publisher's feed

Husband and wife team Anirban and Mary Ellen heartfelt chats are the positive push every mother needs to update their ME-time.