But First Me

But First Me

By Mary Ellen and Anirban SahaEducationSelf-Improvement
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But First Me episodes

  • LOSS is part of life (Autumn Equinox Edit) Just like the trees letting go of leaves we learn to grow through GRIEF

    Grab our FREE resources from this season here ⁠⁠https://www.maryellensaha.com/free⁠⁠


    MaryEllen grieves openly for her dead parents. Anirban finds purpose in his feelings of LOSS. Anirban talks about finding his purpose after learning to cope with the deaths of two friends. He explores how his Bengali culture embraces grieving and how the stress of these losses led him to follow the path of his Indian ancestors to train in Vedic meditation.

    We dissect the bad habit of pretending, whether at work or in the street, that we don't feel yearning and longing after a bereavement or a bad breakup. We talk about how Irish culture embraces the storytelling element of loss and how it has healed Mary Ellen. She shares her vulnerability, her tears and the self-growth she has experienced through journaling and mediating since both her parents have died.
    Mary Ellen coaches us on how it's a happiness habit to sit with uncomfortable feelings like grief. She explores our daily occurrences of loss and how we can reduce our stress if we permit ourselves to feel loss regularly. She highlights how loss occurs often in many ways, big and small and not just when a loved one dies. It includes divorce, job loss and redundancy. She embraces loss as normal and not something we can avoid. She guides us to see it’s human to yearn for what we don't have.
    RESOURCES
    We believe in your emotional potential so we're sharing our FREE Feelings Cheat Sheet on hapits.com and on our Instagram hapits_com. We can all have better relationships and more purpose if we practice embracing ALL feelings. If we FEEL IT TO REVEAL IT, emotional flexibility can become one of our happiness habits.
    We strongly encourage you to try out the happiness habit of labeling and journaling your feelings. Please do let us know how you get on; we'd love to hear from you. Just email us at [email protected].
    You can also purchase our Hapits® Online Course, which includes our coaching cards used throughout this podcast; https://hapits.com/buy_hapits/
    BOOK etc.
    Grieving Mindfully by Sameet Kumar.
    Atlas of the Heart by Brène Brown


    37 min
  • I do not want what I haven’t got. ENVY and our values.

    Grab our FREE resources from this season here ⁠⁠https://www.maryellensaha.com/free⁠⁠


    Like the title of the Sinead O’Connor album - how can we all practice “I do not want what I have not got”?

    This week’s podcast covers how comparison is truly the thief of joy. Anirban sharing why he feels JEALOUS. He rides the waves of online lows and screen time highs in the age of ENVY.
    Where does green with envy come from?
    How is feeling jealous different than feeling envy?
    MaryEllen feels envious Anirban’s dad’s birthday celebrations now her own has died. Showing how grief ambushes can surprise us at any time.
    We share our stories about comparison on socials in our crazy over-connected, over-sharing, 24/7 attention economy.
    We discuss how accepting these feelings can help us to grow, and take action to change, rather than lead us to feeling guilty about partaking in one of seven deadly sins!
    The antidote to envy is what?
    Of course with all the usual Bengali flavour and Irish Gaeilge wise words


    32 min
  • Our ANGER feels like 50 shades of red. What’s the use of our emotional rage or silent frustrations?

    Grab our FREE resources from this season here ⁠⁠https://www.maryellensaha.com/free⁠⁠

    We cross-examine feeling cross about not putting our own happiness first. Anirban talks about how he was taught not to make a fuss, even if he feels vexed about racial injustice. He practices quietize meditation to cope better and connect to his purpose. He shares how learning this life skill has been a lifesaver in combating his parenting stress.

    A valuable use of our screen time has been watching the excellent Pixar film Inside Out. Like their Anger character, we are often ablaze with relationship and family stress. We also share our lived experiences when others have crossed our boundaries.
    Mary Ellen questions whether hyper-aggressive male chefs Carmy & Ritchie in the TV show The Bear are a healthy representation of anger or just a bad habit. She coaches on how we can ACE our anger to combat the irritations of unequal emotional labour at work and at home and our feelings of resentment.
    RESOURCES
    We believe in your emotional potential so we're sharing our FREE Feelings Cheat Sheet on hapits.com and on our Instagram hapits_com. We can all have better relationships and more purpose if we practice embracing ALL feelings. If we FEEL IT TO REVEAL IT, emotional flexibility can become one of our happiness habits.
    We strongly encourage you to try out the happiness habit of labeling and journaling your feelings. Please do let us know how you get on; we'd love to hear from you. Just email us at [email protected].
    You can also purchase our Hapits® Online Course, which includes our coaching cards used throughout this podcast; https://hapits.com/buy_hapits/
    BOOKS etc.
    Emotional Rollercoaster by Claudia Hammond.
    Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown
    Fix The System: Not The Women by Laura Bates
    CORRECTION: Psychologist Sandi Mann found that employees reported hiding their true feelings and faking emotions in about 60% of workplace communications.


    32 min
  • Season 2 TRAILER But First Me

    OK we've think we've finally got our title sorted....!

    Find out what we're going to be diving into this season!

    Grab our FREE resources from this season here ⁠https://www.maryellensaha.com/free⁠


    2 min
  • We've changed the podcast name to More Feelings. Less Stress.

    We've changed our name so that MORE people can find us MORE easily. The truth is the Irish word mór stressed out the algorithm! The word 'as gaeilge' got considered as a special character. Our purpose is to reduce stress! And our mission is to share our coaching and mediation know-how to help as many people as possible to express feelings MORE freely and get MORE comfortable with tricky emotional triggers. So spread the word and tune in to our new series coming in the Celtic New Year. Grá Mór- BIG LOVE, Mary Ellen and Anirban x


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    1 min
  • The JOY of silence! Anirban has changed his bad habit of wifi connection into meditation.

    Grab our FREE resources from this season here ⁠⁠https://www.maryellensaha.com/free⁠⁠


    Whatever sparks joy is easy to do!

    Sitting in silence can be joyful. Can you create a Myfi zone?
    How meditation can be like running, if you enjoy the feeling of your body as it runs.
    Let go of end results and idea of meditation as a chore or another thing to do.
    Simple silence can feel so great, if we let go of destination of what we get out of it or what we achieve
    There is a lot of active doing even in popular meditation apps. Can we take the app out of happiness?
    Ancient Irish wisdom and sitting in silence - where the name Quietize Mór meditation comes from.
    Most of us are tired and busy cause we’re doing mode yet quietize can improve your sleep and is as effective as a nap.
    How do you feel after you sit in silence? Experience it and check in.
    The myth of complete silence, sitting upright and other meditation BS.
    Quietize Meditation can be done anywhere anytime, yes even on the London tube!
    Sweetness of quiet time, so delicious you’ll want to sticky sweet repeat it!
    Within busy family life do you help your significant other to carve out silent time? How can you do that?
    The Song of Amergin, from ancient Irish culture and how those soothing Irish sounds help us connect to our inner creativity.
    BOOK etc.
    Thirty Two Words For A Field by
    Manchán Magan
    Bliss More by Light Watkins


    37 min
  • Oh BLISS! Anirban journaling dad JOY. We’re eating delicious donuts and dopamine dressing.

    Grab our FREE resources from this season here ⁠⁠https://www.maryellensaha.com/free⁠⁠


    Joy Part 1: This week’s podcast covers how the feeling of joy comes in many shapes and sizes as well as many types of pizza slices!

    Bliss can come from brown bread fresh from the oven or a drum beat, guitar lick or jazz notes.
    We chat about our mother tongues and how joy is often associated with childhood pleasures and memories. 
    Parenting joy or parenting grind? How Anirban has become a more emotionally intelligent parent. 
    Present moment awareness is where joy truly lives. We access joy via our our five senses; through smells, tastes, sounds, tastes and of course sights. 
    Are you aware of your fleeting moments of bliss with others or with nature? 
    Joy allows us to connect the dots creatively and relationally. How positive emotions can lift us up, to feel SO BRILLIANT.
    Joy and the flow state are connected (see previous podcast on pride for flow state info).
    Joy also is a motivator and increases our self-confidence. Activism and protesting can be pleasureful and blissful.
    Joy can be found in minimalism and tidying and organising.
    Mary Ellen has been dopamine dressing since 1990, or even before with her mum’s clothes, which brings her daily joy.
    Try a mindful moment with your favourite CUPPA or a teddy shower with your kids! 
    Resources:
    Soul film by Pixar Disney 
    Song of The Sea (in Irish Amhrán na Mara) 2014 by Cartoon Saloon by Tomm Moore 
    Amelie 2001 French film 
    Motherland TV series written by Sharon Horgan BBC 
    Redefining Feminism - Masterclass with Gloria Steinem et al. 
    Mad Men HBO series - Don Draper lead character 
    Feeling Myself by Nicki Minaj featuring Beyoncé 
    Less is Now by The Minimalists on Netflix 
    Books:
    Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown 
    Tree Dogs, Banshee Fingers and other Irish words for Nature by Manchán Magan
    Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting by Jon Kabat Zinn 
    Emotion Coaching by John and Julie Gottman 
    Pleasure Activism by Adrienne Marie Brown 
    Spark Joy by Marie Kondo


    31 min
  • HOPE in rainy Rochdale, cruising on a supermarket skateboard and the optimism with donuts!

    Grab our FREE resources from this season here ⁠⁠https://www.maryellensaha.com/free⁠⁠


    Anirban talks about how learning to do a flick grab on his Asda skateboard built his resilience. Hope is actually developed through discomfort and adversity. Being part of the Happy Place festival in Chiswick House with Fearn Cotton has increased our personal hopefulness. Positive emotions expand our minds, in turn, increasing our sense of connectedness to our community both online and in West London. Hope is a way of thinking, anyone can learn to be optimistic. Mary Ellen simplifies the 3P’s of the pessimistic perspective using 3 delicious donut puns, so you can understand and use it, without your eyes glazing over! Her sweet puns to dispute your bad habits of thinking are:

    1. Donut be so hard on yourself
    2. Donut fear the future.
    3. Keep your eye on the donut not on the hole! 
    Hope is also a character strength. Is it in your top 10? See link below for Strengths Survey for both adults & kids, it takes 10 minutes. 
     Anirban feels hopeful that men CAN be more emotionally flexible, and that happiness and wellbeing doesn’t need to be for women only.
    Remember Brim Full of Asha, the 90’s indie hit or dancing to the Norman Cook remix? Mary learns that title has nothing to do with ashtrays or spliffs!  
    Embedded in the immigrant story is hope, Anirban recalls his parents coming to UK in 1972 from Kolkata for a better life.
    Mary Ellen wonders if optimism is in her Irish blood. Her ancestors set sail over many generations to many destinations. Most known is the exodus of one million people from Ireland during An Gorta Mór (famine).
    BOOK references:
    Atlas of the Heart by Brène Brown
    Learned Optimism by Martin Seligman
    Fall Off, Get Back On, Keep Going by Clare Balding 
    ⁠
    Films 
    Milk 2008
    The Shawshank Redemption 1994


    36 min

About But First Me

From the publisher's feed

Husband and wife team Anirban and Mary Ellen heartfelt chats are the positive push every mother needs to update their ME-time.