Camp Wild Heart

You know that feeling when you’re walking down the hall, or through a room of people and it feels like everyone is staring at you?

And you know in those moments you almost start to stare at yourself?

You become acutely aware of the way your clothes are hanging on your body, your posture, the way you’re walking, the hairstyle you chose that day–and chances are you’re not thinking about how awesome you look.

There is a name for this experience.

It’s called self-objectification and we all do it.

We’re groomed for it from birth. It is at the root of so many of our own body image problems. And we’re raising our kids to do the exact same thing.

Self-objectification is the concept of trying to look at ourselves through the eyes of others. We cannot see our own bodies walking through the world, but we definitely imagine them and when we do, we imagine them through a lens of criticism and unworthiness. There are so many reasons we do this, and NONE of them are healthy. 

Today’s guest at the campfire is Lexie Kite.

Lexie and her identical twin sister, Lindsay, are the co-directors of Beauty Redefined, a nonprofit working to help girls and women improve their body image and self-worth as they wade through harmful cultural ideals. They are the co-authors of the book More Than a Body. 

Check out the full episode to hear about:

• Defining internalized objectification and self-objectification and how it presents in cis and trans kids
• Why expanding the definition of beauty isn’t enough
• Ways to empower your kiddo to challenge body-centered talk and build body image resilience

Find out more about Lexie Kite:

• Beauty Redefined
• More Than a Body
• Instagram: @beauty_redefined
• Twitter: @TakeBackBeauty
• Facebook: @BeautyRedefined

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

• Wildheartsociety.org
• wildheartsociety.org/downloads
• Wild Heart Society on Facebook
• Wild Heart Society on Instagram

Gender affects us all and matters to us all. 

We all have a gender story. And the societal rules about gender that are wired into us deeply affect the way we treat people. Otherwise why would it matter if you can’t tell what someone’s gender is? 

Gender journeys are something that trans people think about a lot. And if you haven’t ever thought about your own, I highly encourage you to.

Today Mikki Gillette is going to share with us a bit about her gender journey.

She’s also the best person I could think of to talk to you about how to show up advocate for your kids, hopefully changing some of the messages that they’ll receive about their own gender and their worth as a transgender person in America.

Mikki Gillette is the Major Gifts Officer at Basic Rights Oregon, the state’s LGBTQ policy and advocacy organization. A transgender woman, she’s helped organize the Portland Trans March and the City of Portland’s Trans Day of Visibility event. Last year, Mikki also testified at the state legislature in support of the LGBTQ Panic Defense Ban.

Mikki is also a playwright whose works have enjoyed readings across the city. She was named a 2020 Queer Hero by GLAPN Northwest.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

• How your trans kiddo can only be the expert on how they’re feeling right now 
• Why you need to undertake your own education on trans issues, plus recommended resources
• Why your kiddo needs to know you’re on their journey with them
• How connecting with other parents and getting involved can help when you feel powerless

Find out more about Mikki Gillette and Basic Rights Oregon:

• Basic Rights Oregon
• Basic Rights Oregon: Fierce Families Network
• Facebook: @BasicRights

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

• Wildheartsociety.org
• wildheartsociety.org/downloads
• Wild Heart Society on Facebook
• Wild Heart Society on Instagram

Resources:

• Raising the Transgender Child: A Complete Guide for Parents, Families, and Caregivers, Michele Angello and Ali Bowman
• Becoming Nicole: The Inspiring Story of Transgender Actor-Activist Nicole Maines and Her Extraordinary Family, Amy Ellis Nutt
• Tomorrow Will Be Different: Love, Loss, and the Fight for Trans Equality, Sarah McBride

When we’re looking at any life transition, we’re in for a bumpy ride.

Even when that change is good, transitions are hard. We’re bound to have missteps and hard moments in the messy middles that most of us work really hard to avoid because of how uncomfortable they are.

But there are some times, like when your child comes out and wants to transition, that those moments become unavoidable.

Navigating anything that goes against social norms is never simple.

It might mean having to have hard conversations and make hard choices around extended family. It means having to fight for your child in school. It means rumbling with all kinds of emotional baggage most of us didn’t even know we were carrying.

It might even mean a change of faith.

There’s nothing simple about the massive ripple effect that your child’s gender transition has on your life.

Today we’re going to be talking to Mama Bear Kristen. Kristen is the mother of two kids, and she and her family live in a rural community where they own a farm. Kristen’s sons are both teenagers.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

• How his childhood stereotypically feminine presentation made Alex’s coming out more of a shock to Kristen
• The challenges they faced with his name and pronouns with grandparents
• How they grappled with their church’s response the Alex’s coming out and finding a new spiritual community
• How Kristen came to terms with Alex’s desire for medical transition and hormones

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

• Wildheartsociety.org
• wildheartsociety.org/downloads
• Wild Heart Society on Facebook
• Wild Heart Society on Instagram

Have you had those moments with your kid that have left you feeling totally confused about what the right next step is?

Parenting can feel stressful and downright overwhelming. Confusing, traumatizing, joyous, disappointing, and like the best thing we’ve ever done all in a matter of moments.

All those emotions have messages and they often conflict with each other.

If we don’t sort through these emotions, or parts of ourselves that are showing up in this chapter of parenthood, we are sure to misstep and blow it somehow.

This is why one of the most helpful things we can do as parents when we’re working hard to support our trans kiddos is to get clear on what it is we’re experiencing, and what we really need to do with it.

As a society, we’ve done a pretty poor job of accurately learning and teaching each other how to integrate and embody our emotions with intention and understanding.

Personally, I love emotions, and feelings and that’s because I’ve made a career out of it, and have learned so much about myself in the process. I’m made up of all kinds of different parts. I’m complex, just like you.

And just like my guest today, Delena Meyer.

Delena Meyer wears a lot of hats. She is a mom, partner, and founder of Deviant Compassion Consulting, where her team helps people bring more compassionate humanity to their work.

Today, Delena is going to talk with us about her youngest child, Oliver, and all the parts that came up or got activated as she and Oliver charted the path of transition.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

• How part of Delena attached to a trauma narrative that made it difficult to process her son’s coming out
• How therapy for both Delena and Oliver helped them both delineate whose parts were being activated
• How they both use humor to soften sharp edges and confront hard things about themselves and each other

Find out more about Delena Meyer:

• Deviant Compassion Consulting

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

• Wildheartsociety.org
• wildheartsociety.org/downloads
• Wild Heart Society on Facebook
• Wild Heart Society on Instagram

Resources:

• Triple Point
• CDC: Adverse Childhood Experiences
• No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model, Richard Schwartz
• You Are The One You've Been Waiting For, Richard Schwartz

The way we talk to kids about bodies and gender is so important.

When I was a kid, we didn’t really talk about gender in any particular way, but it was everywhere and it was clear what the roles were. We didn’t really talk about bodies either - other than what was wrong with them.

I wanted to do things differently with my kids. I wanted them to have an inclusive upbringing and understanding that their bodies were theirs and that they were wonderful, powerful, and the wisest part of them.

I wanted them to know that their gender and their biological sex were different and that there were all these invisible pressures and rules for them but that they didn’t need to follow any of them.

In early learning, whenever we want to teach kids social lessons, we turn to literature, and there was a shocking LACK of children’s literature that was inclusive and body positive. I stumbled my way through trying to explain gender and bodies to my kids because I didn’t really have a good resource to turn to when they were very young.

This is why I’m so excited to talk to Rachel Simon.

Rachel is a licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist who offers therapy, gender and sexuality education, and consulting to youth, parents, families, educational faculty, professional organizations, and health professionals.

She received both Masters degrees from Widener University and received her BA in Psychology and LGBT Studies from the University of Maryland. Rachel has provided training and consultation on gender, sex, and LGBTQ issues for groups in the US and abroad. She currently runs her private psychotherapy practice in Philadelphia, specializing in queer and transgender youth and young adults. Rachel is the author of the sexuality education book for children, The Every Body Book: The LGBTQ+ Inclusive Guide for Kids About Sex, Gender, Bodies, and Families.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

• Simple ways to answer kids’ questions about gender and transitioning
• How to introduce gender expansiveness from an early age through play and language
• Teaching kids empathy while recognizing and acknowledging differences
• Advice on boundaries, advocacy and not getting trapped by anxiety for parents and families supporting gender-expansive kids

Find out more about Rachel Simon:

• Rachel Simon Therapy
• The Every Body Book: The LGBTQ+ Inclusive Guide for Kids about Sex, Gender, Bodies, and Families, Rachel E. Simon and Noah Grigni

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

• wildheartsociety.org
• Wild Heart Society on Facebook
• Wild Heart Society on Instagram

Resources:

• Talking to Young Children
• How to Talk to Kids about Gender Identity
• Children Books About Gender Identity

There are lots of different opinions on the best way to support trans youth.

Even among the community of affirming providers, there are lots of opinions of what should or should not happen for youth.

According to standards of care written by the World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH), once a person is 18, they should have access to care through the informed consent model.

Meaning, they walk into a clinic, they say they're trans, they receive education about hormones and what they'll do to their body, they sign some forms and they're good to go.

There are many individuals who feel that this should also be the path for youth. But according to WPATH, youth are required to undergo a comprehensive mental health assessment before they can proceed with hormone replacement therapy (HRT).

Some professionals in the field, as well as within the trans community, feel like this is gatekeeping and creates unnecessary barriers to getting life-saving care.

Others feel that this is a necessary step to assure that trans youth are clear on what they're experiencing and are ready for the changes that will come with HRT.

Why? Shouldn't a person be able to say what they need and we believe them?

Today, we're going to hear from Dr. Laura Edwards-Leeper. Laura is a pioneer and had the courage to step up for trans kids years before any of the other gender clinics started doing this work. She was the founding psychologist in the first youth transgender clinic in the United States and is currently the chair of the Child and Adolescent Committee for WPATH and is heavily involved in the revision of the standards of care.

She has a private practice outside of Portland, Oregon, where she works with transgender and gender-diverse children and adolescents and adults for therapy and assessment. She also provides consultation and training to providers and clinics around the country. Internationally she's often a go-to resource for media outlets, including the New York Times, the Atlantic, the Washington Post the BBC and most recently 60 Minutes.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

• Why the standards of care for children and adolescents are different than those for adults and why that includes a comprehensive mental health assessment
• What parents can do to be part of the assessment process to maintain or strengthen their relationships with their kiddos
• Advice for how to find a clinician skilled in working with adolescents and their families for assessment and therapy
• Why an assessment is not a final yes or no, but a source of information

Find out more about Laura Edwards-Leeper, PhD:

• DrLauraEdwardsLeeper.com

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

• wildheartsociety.org
• Wild Heart Society on Facebook
• Wild Heart Society on Instagram

Additional resources:



• World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH)

Every step along the medical journey requires some level of interaction with an insurance company.

Prior to the Affordable Care Act, most, if not all, insurance companies did not cover any gender affirming care. They saw it purely as elective and not a medical necessity, but as you are experiencing firsthand, times they are a-changin’.

And with that, so has what is and is not covered under insurance benefits.

Some of the most comprehensive coverage plans I've seen will cover everything a person might need in order to feel affirmed: blockers, hormones, surgeries, voice therapy, the list goes on. Whereas other plans cover far less and/or have more hoops that they want people to jump through in order to approve an intervention.

That's why I've asked Rachel back to the podcast. Rachel is the mama bear of Archie, who is 16. We first heard from Rachel in Episode 7. Rachel is one of the fiercest parent advocates I've met doing this work. When her kid needs something, you better believe she's not going to rest until they get it.

For our conversation today, we're talking about insurance, top surgery and her experience in navigating both of those things at the same time and still managing to stay sane.

It's my hope that Rachel's story will provide you with the awareness and common humanity that it isn't just your kid. It isn't just you that has to wrestle with the bureaucracy to get what you and your family need.

Pushing back is a headache, but the payoff of seeing your child thrive, if medical intervention is something that they need, will be well worth it.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

• Why shifting her mindset from being the container for her son’s transition to being the channel for it has made it easier for Rachel to advocate for medical support
• Why Rachel advocated for top surgery as a mental health and social wellbeing issue when it came to getting insurance authorization
• How working with experienced professionals writing letters in support of services can alleviate some of the insurance hurdles
• Asking for help and seeking out resources to navigate insurance from your company and your community

Additional resources:

• WPATH Standards of Care
• Fierce Families Network
• Camp Wildheart Episode 7: Getting Our Trans Kids to Tell Us What’s Really Going On
• PFLAG

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

• wildheartsociety.org
• Wild Heart Society on Facebook
• Wild Heart Society on Instagram

Sometimes kids have a clear vision of what they want and need their body to look like in order to feel affirmed in their gender.

If a child doesn't know that doesn't make them not trans, it just means this stuff is confusing and they aren't sure what they need.

This is one of the main reasons we go slow.

It’s also one of the reasons we always want to be sure that you as a parent have a comprehensive support team to help you through the medical side of transition.

Knowing when it's time or when your kid is ready for medical transition is very difficult to do when you're trying to also manage your own feelings and whether or not you are ready for it.

Today, we're going to hear again from Laura. We first met Laura in Episode 3 and we heard about her journey with her son Lucas and how she found the courage and support to deal with her own feelings about him coming out.

Lucas has been out a while now, and Laura has come back to share with us about what it's like to navigate the medical side of transition with him.

We’ll also hear a bit about a real-life version of Camp Wildheart based in New England. Camp Aranu’tiq is a camp established specifically for trans, nonbinary and gender diverse kids. I had a chance to sit down with Nick, the camp director, and want to share our conversation about the magic of camp.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

• Laura’s journey from being scared for her son’s future to being a “mama bear” advocate and ally
• How getting her son on blockers quickly after he came out has been crucial for his confidence
• Why testosterone and top surgery have been harder for Laura to wrap her brain around
• Why support from parents and professionals who understand the experiences of trans kiddos and their parents is key

Find out more about Nick and Camp Aranu’tiq:

• Camp Aranu’tiq
• Harbor Camps

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

• wildheartsociety.org
• Wild Heart Society on Facebook
• Wild Heart Society on Instagram

Resources:



• Episode 03: I Was Not Ready For This – When Your Child Comes Out as Transgender

Hormone therapy, testosterone, estrogen. I've seen these words throw so much tension and chaos into families.

In our first medical episode, we introduced endocrinology and talked mostly about puberty, suppression medication or “the pause button.” Today, we're leveling up and talking about hormone replacement therapy or HRT.

So often, a child is begging for HRT, and the parents are giving the full-on deer in the headlights look.

Which makes sense, a lot of the time the child has been longing for hormones long before they ever came out. And teens, being so good at timing, tend to drop this request on their parents who are still wrapping their heads around what transgender even means.

What I’ve found is that because there's so much misinformation about gender and transition, that it is really easy to get lost in the BS. I've also found that most parents’ fears ease a bit after they learn more about what hormones do and don't do.

So to answer some of the most foundational questions parents regularly ask about hormone therapy, I've wrangled the help of Dr. Kara Connelly.

Dr. Connelly provides care for patients with a wide variety of endocrinology disorders. She is also the medical director for the Doernbecher Gender Clinic, which provides comprehensive medical care for transgender and gender diverse children and adolescents, under the umbrella of the Oregon Health and Science University Transgender Health Program.

She's involved in local and national research and advocacy efforts and is passionate about reducing barriers to care for gender diverse youth.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

• Why making an appointment with an endocrinologist is not a commitment to any one course of action
• The ways hormone therapies affect teenage bodies (changes are much slower than you think)
• The potential impacts of HRT on fertility, and what resources might be available to teens and families navigating those questions
• How supporting your teen in getting access to affirming care gives them a stronger foundation to move into adulthood

Find out more about Dr. Kara Connelly:

• Doernbecher Gender Clinic

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

• wildheartsociety.org
• Wild Heart Society on Facebook
• Wild Heart Society on Instagram

Resources:



• Camp Wild Heart EP 11: Navigating the Rapids of Puberty Suppression with Dr. Karin Selva

On April 6, the Arkansas state legislature overrode the governor’s veto to pass the SAFE Act—Saving Adolescents From Experimentation.

The law outlaws access to gender-affirming medical care for transgender youth by labeling perfectly safe, common, and lifesaving treatment as “experimentation.”

All of us who work to support transgender children and their parents are appalled and heartbroken.

This is not the first inhumane law to be passed severely limiting the rights of transgender people and it won’t be the last. But through years of doing this work, I’ve realized that the only thing that makes these obstacles to progress any easier to navigate is knowing that I am not alone.

So I gathered some of my fellow warriors for an emergency conversation about how we can show up for the kids, families, nurses, social workers, and doctors in Arkansas.

We also have those of you in Texas and North Carolina being threatened with similar legislation on our minds and in our hearts, too.

Listen to hear reactions and reflections from social workers Jess Guerriero and Clancy Roberts, and endocrinologists Karin Selva and Kara Connelly.

In this fight—and in this grief—they're great company.

Resources:



• ACLU - Transgender People and Health Care
• HB 1570 - SAFE Act
• Arkansas on the Ground Resources:
• ID Arkansas
• Transgender Map - Arkansas Resources
• THEM. Articles
• 45,000 Youth Could Lose Gender-Affirming Healthcare if Anti-Trans Bills Pass
• Meet the Transgender Activists Fighting Arkansas’ All-Out War on Trans People
• Camp Wild Heart Ep 11: Navigating the Rapids of Puberty Suppression with Dr. Karin Selva