Camp Wild Heart

I think we’ve all been in that place with our kids where they are clearly going through something big - something with friends, something with sex, mental health, transness, something that makes your parent heart go “Oh god - I need more information about this so I can help and protect and make sure that nothing bad happens to them.” 

So you put out the bid for connection and try to engage in the conversation and your kid gives you NOTHING. 

They stare blankly at you, they say “I don’t want to talk about it,” or “I dunno.” And you get emotionally snared and the harder you push, the less they want to talk to you.

Sound familiar? 

In this episode, I’m talking with Flyn Alexander about ways to talk with trans kids who may be hesitant or uncomfortable discussing sensitive topics, such as their transition. 

Flyn Alexander is a clinical social worker who specializes in working with transgender individuals and their families. He graduated from Michigan State with his MSW. Flyn uses he and they pronouns and is an out and proud trans man.

When Flyn approached me about working at Wild Heart Society, I was like “I really don’t have room to take on more people” but after spending 20 minutes with him I was like “I”m gonna figure out how to do this because this guy is flipping awesome.” 

His energy is contagious. He is courageous, calm, funny, joyful, introspective, and a changemaker. I’m so thrilled he is on our team, and I’m so excited to share this conversation with you. 

Check out the full episode to hear about:

• Why asking your kid a lot of questions can make them clam up so hard
• Why you have to separate the narrative of your kiddo’s life that’s in your head from the truth about themselves that they’re telling you
• Why parents should investigate their own gender journeys and how gender and other complicated conversations are handled at home
• Strategies and key reminders for approaching conversations about gender with your child

Find out more about Flyn Alexander:

• Wild Heart Society Bio

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

• Wildheartsociety.org
• wildheartsociety.org/downloads
• Wild Heart Society on Facebook
• Wild Heart Society on Instagram

When I was a kid, nobody talked to me at all about queer people, except maybe to tell me that they were sinful and going to hell. I don’t think I really even started to learn about queerness in any way other than the negative until I was in high school. And even then, it wasn’t exactly what I would call affirming. And I know my experience isn’t uncommon.

Times have really changed when it comes to the acceptance of the queer community by the dominant cishet society that we live in in the U.S. and it has opened to door to having conversations with kids about queerness and gender much earlier and in a much more positive way.

The problem is because so few of us parents had a positive introduction to this, there are lots of questions about when and how to start these conversations with our kids.

We need resources for talking to kids about queerness.

And that’s where today’s guest comes in.

Lindz Amer (they/them) is the founder and CEO of Queer Kids Creative, a digital entertainment company spreading queer joy and queer-focused intersectional, all-ages media. They wrote, produced, and co-hosted Queer Kid Stuff, an original LGBTQ+ educational web series for ages three and up, for four season and over 50 episodes. They continue to perform QKS music and stories at schools, museums, libraries, and local LGBTQ+ centers all over the country.

They also produce and host a family-friendly podcast called Activist You, where they explore social justice topics through interviews with kids and youth activists. And they just launched a new podcast called Rainbow Parenting.



Their work has been featured by Good Morning America, Kids Screen, NBC Out, Teen Vogue, Shondaland, and Parents Magazine, among others, and their TED Talk, Why Kids Need to Learn About Gender and Sexuality, has been viewed almost 3 million times.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

• How Queer Kid Stuff evolved as a way to meet kids where they already were with “queer theory meets Mr. Rogers”
• Lindz’s practical and emotional advice for helping your kiddo navigate social media
• Why Lindz is making parent and adult-focused content that helps them create affirming environments for their kids
• Why every human needs an education on gender and sexuality

Find our more about Lindz Amer:

• Queer Kid Stuff
• Activist You Podcast
• Rainbow Parenting Podcast
• Instagram: @lindzamer
• Twitter: @lindzamer
• TED Talk: Why Kids Need to Learn About Gender and Sexuality
• Preorder Rainbow Parenting: Your Guide to Raising Queer Kids and Their Allies
• Subscribe to the Queer Kid Stuff Newsletter

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

• Wildheartsociety.org
• wildheartsociety.org/downloads
• Wild Heart Society on Facebook
• Wild Heart Society on Instagram

Coming out is an age old tradition for queer kids. Some even think of it as a right of passage.

But what we don’t really consider is how emotionally taxing it is for the person doing the coming out. What we don’t realize is that by even having this cultural set up, we’re creating a world where our kids are othered. Wouldn’t it be lovely if we didn’t have to come out and we could just be ourselves without having to explain our identity to anyone?

I realize that the world is far from this utopia I imagine. But it’s not as far away as we were when I was a kid. A world where they don’t have to come out, and just get to be is coming.

But that day is not today. And as you navigate the coming out process it is sure to bring up lots of questions. So to help us in this conversation, I’ve asked my good friend and co-counselor, Jess Guerriero to join us. 

Jess Guerriero always wanted to be a Boy Scout and comes prepared as your guest counselor to journey through all of the adventures and self-discovery at Camp Wild Heart. Though afraid of the dark, they are not afraid to go to dark places with young people and their families to find some hope and reasons for staying alive. When not at Camp Wild Heart, they utilize their training in social work and their nerdy gender studies degree to help gender expansive youth and adults navigate exploring their identities and identifying ways to feel affirmed. They also bring their fierce and tender heart into parenting their five-year-old and loving on the various members of their relationship constellation. They come to Camp Wild Heart with almost 14 years of experience working with youth and families.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

• Questions for parents and kiddos to consider when deciding when, how, and to whom to come out
• How well-meaning family members can unintentionally disrupt and stunt their relationships
• The impact of your language and framing when making an announcement on behalf of your kiddo
• Why parents need to set boundaries and expectations for family members’ questions about their kiddo’s transition

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

• Wildheartsociety.org
• wildheartsociety.org/downloads
• Wild Heart Society on Facebook
• Wild Heart Society on Instagram

Parenthood is a state of nonstop learning and adapting. I love being my kids' mom more than anything. And it's a good thing I like a challenge because it is also the hardest thing I’ve ever done. 

Parenting is hard for so many reasons - even when you’ve got a neurotypical, cisgender kid with no mental health issues. Parenting a neurospicy, gender expansive kid is a whole other level of challenging.

And being a parent shines a big bright light down on all of our own stuff. The lifetime of stuff we have been pushing into the dark corners to hide from the world and ourselves. 

As parents, no matter how much we love our child, our own stuff comes up. It creeps in. It gets in the way of us being able to show up for our kids in the ways they need us to, and the ways we want to. We can be resentful of this, or we can see it for the gift of reflection that it is.

Today’s Camp Wild Heart guest is brave dad, David. David is the father of Jimmy, who is 17 at the time of this recording. David, his wife, and their whole family have been on this gender journey together now for six years, and they’ve experienced the growing pains lots of families feel when a child transitions. There is no one way to parent any child. David kindly shares with us some of the ways he, his wife, and Jimmy have written the playbook for their family, and some ways he’s had to grow as a dad in the process. 

Check out the full episode to hear about:

• How David and his wife found community and understanding with other parents of trans kiddos
• The impact of transition, from haircuts to top surgery, on Jimmy’s mental health and wellbeing
• How David and Jimmy’s relationship has evolved and deepened over the course of his gender journey

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

• Wildheartsociety.org
• wildheartsociety.org/downloads
• Wild Heart Society on Facebook
• Wild Heart Society on Instagram

Have you ever had the experience where you open your mouth to speak, and the voice that comes out of your mouth is barely recognizable?

Or have you ever heard yourself on a recording and thought, “Whoa! Is that what I sound like?!” 

These experiences aren’t exactly the same as the gender dysphoria many trans people experience in their lives, but they are as close as I can get to helping you connect to the feeling of vocal gender dysphoria.  

So what do we do about it? How do we help a girl whose voice has dropped? Or a boy who is the only one of his friends whose voice hasn’t changed at all? Vocal Coaching. 

Vocal coaching isn’t a quick fix. It takes diligence, time, practice and more practice to transition a voice. The traditional medical model of weekly visits with a Speech Language Pathologist can take up to three years to complete the transition. 

So thank goodness there is more than one model to transition a voice. Today’s campfire guest is Nicole Gress, MS, CCC-SLP.  Nicole is white and uses she/they pronouns. They are the queer, trans founder and CEO of Undead Voice. Undead Voice is an online platform empowering and educating trans, non-binary, and gender-diverse folks to create a voice that aligns with their identity. Undead Voice's mission is to increase access to trans healthcare by making voice transition resources affordable, accessible, and affirming.  

Nicole’s model for vocal transition is innovative, and creative - and does my favorite thing - creates community for those who participate.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

• Where the traditional model of voice transition falls short
• Why access, affordability, and community were Nicole’s main goals when developing Undead Voice Lab
• Why Nicole uses non-gendered language when talking about voices and voice goals
• Why they say it’s important for people to continue to be able to access their full vocal range
• How the program addresses the emotional and mental components of voice transition to help people achieve their goals

Find out more about Nicole Gress, MS, CCC-SLP:

• Undead Voice Lab
• TikTok: @undead.voice
• Instagram: @undead.voice
• Undead Voice Lab FAQs
• Undead Voice Lab Video Questionnaire

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

• Wildheartsociety.org
• wildheartsociety.org/downloads
• Wild Heart Society on Facebook
• Wild Heart Society on Instagram

It certainly isn’t the case for everyone, but for many parents, raising a transgender kiddo can feel like a pretty isolating experience.

Who do I talk to about it? Where do we find more information? What supports are even available to our family? What does any of it mean? 

Finding other families can be very difficult. And there are so many factors that make it difficult. Where you live is usually a big one. There are certain parts of the country that have more resources and support than others. But even in those communities, it can still be hard to find what you need. Another big barrier to finding support is the age of your child. 

When kids come out early (like before puberty) it often leaves parents with a “well what do we do with this? We don’t need medical interventions. I’m not even sure my kid needs therapy. I just want them to feel like they aren’t the only one.”

The truth is, most of the resources that exist in the US are resources that focus on teens and adults. Finding social support for younger kids can feel very challenging. 

That’s why sometimes, parents end up taking it into their own hands. That’s exactly what our campfire guest, Shannon Collins, did for their kiddo. 

Shannon is a white, nonbinary, queer person who uses they/them pronouns. They partnered with their local library to start an online group for young trans and gender expansive kids. And they’ve worked with a number of business owners to donate time and resources to create a breathtaking photography project called Youthphoria, that offers free photography sessions for trans, nonbinary, and gender expansive youth in the Philadelphia area.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

• Why it was important to Shannon to partner with a library on Rainbow Connections
• Steps they take to make the Rainbow Connections online community welcoming and accessible for a range of kids
• How the pandemic shifted Shannon’s journey of learning to take up space and claim labels
• How Shannon’s experience in the wedding industry influences how they talk about gender at home
• The common overlap of trans and nonbinary identities and neurodivergence

Find out more about Shannon Collins:

• Shannon Collins Photography
• Abington Free Library
• Youthphoria

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

• Wildheartsociety.org
• wildheartsociety.org/downloads
• Wild Heart Society on Facebook
• Wild Heart Society on Instagram

Resources:

• FANTI: No Cis-sies Allowed (ft. Da’Shaun Harrison)
• Loop Earplugs
• Calmer® Earplugs
• Self-Diagnosis-Friendly Resources and Communities, University of Washington
• Unmasking Autism: Discovering the New Faces of Neurodiversity, Devon Price
• From Self-Diagnosis to Self-Realization | by Devon Price | Medium

When kids come out as trans, there is often, but not always, a progression to it.

It is not at all uncommon for kids–particularly adolescents–to start with coming out as gay, and then progress into a non-binary identity, and then to a re-binary identity.  

But not everyone takes that route. And a lot of kids and adults discover the concept of non-binary or something similar and go, “Yes! This is me - finally.” 

There are so many labels in the gender universe, and because it is continuously evolving, it makes continuous learners out of all of us.

My hope is that as people hear more gender journey stories like today’s guest’s, an awareness will be built and that more and more people will feel confident going on a journey of gender exploration.

Today’s campfire conversation is with Jeffrey Marsh. Jeffrey is a viral TikTok and Instagram star, nonbinary activist, and LGBTQ keynote speaker. Jeffrey was the first nonbinary public figure to appear on national television, being interviewed on Newsmax in 2016, and Jeffrey was the first celebrity activist to use they/them pronouns. Jeffrey’s #1 bestseller, ‘How to Be You,’ was the first nonbinary memoir. And Jeffrey is the first nonbinary author to sign a book deal with any “Big 5” publisher worldwide, for Penguin Random House. Jeffrey Marsh’s TikToks and compassionate short-form videos have over one billion views. 

Check out the full episode to hear about:

• Jeffrey’s perspective on self-kindness and self-love as a lifelong relationship
• The role parents play in helping their kids with the realities of being LGBTQ+ in the world
• Why you can’t, and shouldn’t, shield your kiddos from everything
• How non-binary identity creates a dialogue

Find out more about Jeffrey Marsh:

• JeffreyMarsh.com
• Instagram: @theJeffreyMarsh
• TikTok: @theJeffreyMarsh
• How to Be You: Stop Trying to Be Someone Else and Start Living Your Life

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

• Wildheartsociety.org
• wildheartsociety.org/downloads
• Wild Heart Society on Facebook
• Wild Heart Society on Instagram

Resources:

• Guanyin - Wikipedia

Dysphoria is a word that gets thrown around a lot in the trans community.

Dysphoria is an intense discomfort, distress, or unease that typically has to do with one of three aspects of gender identity: physical, social, or mental.

Dysphoria is NOT a qualifier for being trans.There are plenty of trans people who don’t experience dysphoria.

But since it is very common, we thought it would be worth telling you about how and when it shows up, what it feels like, and how you can support your kids through it.

To help me with this conversation, I’ve brought in my good friend and colleague at Wild Heart Society, Karen Kopulos.

Karen is white and uses they/them pronouns. Their work focuses primarily on trans and queer youth and their families and they have been doing this work in various forms for more than a decade. Clients rave about Karen’s ability to meet kids and parents right where they’re at, without judgment and gently moving them forward.

Karen hails from Ohio and moved to Portland after college, where they’ve found love, happiness, and a community of support. When they aren’t working, they’re spending time with their partner, playing with their dog, or immersing themselves in nature.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

• Common environments that may trigger dysphoria
• How physical dysphoria may show up for AFAB kids as they grow
• How allowing kids to transition gives them the freedom to explore their gender expression
• Why AMAB kids may develop mental and physical dysphoria earlier and require medical interventions sooner
• Different ways to approach bottom dysphoria for both AFAB and AMAB kids

Find out more about Karen Kopulos, LMHC:

• Wildheartsociety.org

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

• Wildheartsociety.org
• wildheartsociety.org/downloads
• Wild Heart Society on Facebook
• Wild Heart Society on Instagram

Resources:

• Binders - https://www.gc2b.co/
• Binder Safety FAQ
• A Queer Owned Sex Shop with a wide range of gender expression options https://www.sheboptheshop.com/gender-expression/
• Clothes, binders, swimwear - tomboyx.com
• Clothes, swimwear - dapperboi.com
• Clothes and swimwear for trans girls - https://rubyshines.com/
• Masturbation Sleeve for trans boys, and other affirming products - https://www.ftmessentials.com/products/shotpocket
• Custom Suits for Trans Bodies - https://www.bindleandkeep.com/

Sometimes we look around, or turn on the news, and it feels like we’re just being pummeled with injustices and it can feel overwhelming.

Maybe you’ve already been fighting social biases based on race, income, or ability - and now here comes this kid that you love more than life, and they’re thrusting you into a whole new world of oppression that you probably didn’t even know existed.

I think that advocacy and inclusion work as a parent of a trans kid is almost inevitable. You’re going to find yourself in positions to educate and advocate over and over and over and over again. Some parents find this to be overwhelming, others find it empowering, and love being able to find their voice as they fight for their child’s rights. 

I don’t think any parent recognizes that this is going to be part of their parenting journey until they’re facing discrimination head on. They didn’t know that the people they might have to push back against are their friends, family members, and colleagues. And sometimes they can get resentful of how their child doesn’t have the same privileges they thought they did, and how their lack of gender privilege also spills onto them.

Today’s campfire guest is a therapist, social justice advocate, racial equity trainer, small business owner and overall badass, Martha Stebbins. Martha owns Mente Counseling and Consulting in Seattle Washington. She is bilingual/bicultural and her pronouns are she/ella.  

Martha is incredibly knowledgeable when it comes to working with little kids and trauma, and she also has a wealth of knowledge and experience in helping families of color navigate mental health and social injustice. 

Check out the full episode to hear about:

• How intersectionality interacts with our implicit calculations of danger and safety
• How intersectionality is impacted by both self-identification and external perceptions and interactions
• Why oppressive forces and intersectionality matter for everyone, even if we hold privilege
• How parents can approach their trans kiddos’ intersecting identities with openness and curiosity

Find out more about Martha Stebbins-Aguiniga:

• Mente Counseling and Consulting

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

• Wildheartsociety.org
• wildheartsociety.org/downloads
• Wild Heart Society on Facebook
• Wild Heart Society on Instagram

Resources:

• The Sum of Us: What Racism Costs Everyone and How We Can Prosper Together, Heather McGhee
• LGBTQ Students Face Unfair School Discipline, Pushing Many Out of School | GLSEN
• Study: Black Girls Are Being Pushed Out of School : Code Switch : NPR
• A Battle for the Souls of Black Girls

Showing up for our kids seems simple enough, right?

Showing up means more than just your physical presence in a room. Showing up for your child is about the quality of your presence. Showing up means connection and attention–putting your phone down while your child is on the playground, taking advantage of every second of the three minutes your child engages with you about their day. 

Showing up is about making sure our kids feel soothed, safe, seen, and secure.

And the research on child development clearly demonstrates that one of the very best predictors for how any child turns out–in terms of happiness, social and emotional development, leadership skills, meaningful relationships, even academic and career success–is whether they developed security from having at least one person who showed up for them.

Across cultures and around the globe, these studies reveal a universal finding about how we can parent well, if not flawlessly. 

Today’s campfire guest is mama bear, Michelle.

Michelle is a Latinx cisgender woman and mother of three. She and her husband, who is white, live in suburbia with their youngest child. Their oldest child is off conquering the world, and their middle child died in late 2020 by suicide. We’re going to be talking much more about how Michelle chose to show up for her kids and what that has meant for them and for her entire family. 

Content warning for discussion of suicide.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

• How Michelle showed up for her kids with listening, regularly acknowledging she didn’t have all the answers, non-judgment, and accountability
• Why you need to know when your kids are most open to conversation, whether it’s face to face, in the car, or outdoors
• Why Michelle says being able to laugh at ourselves is a key lesson to model for our kids 

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

• Wildheartsociety.org
• wildheartsociety.org/downloads
• Wild Heart Society on Facebook
• Wild Heart Society on Instagram

Resources:

• The Power of Showing Up: How Parental Presence Shapes Who Our Kids Become and How Their Brains Get Wired, Tina Payne Bryson and Daniel J. Siegel