So many of us are trying so hard to protect our kids from failure of any kind.

Getting it wrong and having regrets is scary! Of course we want to protect our kids from that. But really, when we hover over their homework or swoop in with a plan to fix it when they're struggling, we're protecting ourselves from our anxieties about being a good enough parent.

There's kind of no better time to fail than when you're a kid. The stakes are still pretty low. When kids learn how to struggle and get it wrong and fail, it strengthens their ability to move through hard things and builds resilience.

To talk more about how we can support our kids through failure, I reached out to Jessica Lahey, who wrote a book that I often refer to in my work called The Gift of Failure. Her book has really shaped the way I view failure and how I encourage others to view failure and Jessica also happens to be the parent of a trans kid, so we'll talk about that experience as well.



Check out the full episode to hear about:

• Why we need to allow kids to get frustrated with tasks
• Why adults need to model trying new things and making mistakes
• How to give kids opportunities to learn life skills, even when it would be easier for you to just do it
• How Jessica’s natural openness has been challenged around her much more private daughter’s transition
• How Jessica and her family are leaning on their supports and doing work that matters to them in the face of our current climate
• How Jessica weighs sharing her pride of her daughter with concerns for her privacy and safety

Find out more about Jessica Lahey:

• Website
• Newsletter
• The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

• Wildheartsociety.org
• wildheartsociety.org/downloads
• Wild Heart Society on Facebook
• Wild Heart Society on Instagram

Resources:

• Register for Camp
• Donate to the Queer Community Network
• Differently Wired: A Parent's Guide to Raising an Atypical Child with Confidence and Hope, Deborah Reber
• The Trevor Project
• Be My Eyes
• Stand In Pride

Recently, a friend invited me to a comedy show and as we watched the set, I was delighted to find that the performer and I had a bunch of similarities.

Camp-themed show? Check. Preacher’s kid? Check. Raising money for queer youth? Check. We even look kind of similar, if you don’t count that she’s a foot taller than I am.

I had to take a shot at the merch table. Lucky for me, along with being tremendously funny, she’s also incredibly supportive and generous and agreed to come on the show.

So today, I’m talking with the one and only Kristin Key. And while Kristin isn’t trans or nonbinary, she does share the all-too-common experience of religious trauma in the queer community and she shares how her family’s faith impacted her coming out and her relationship with them. We also chat about neurodivergent quirks, swap some of our favorite camp memories, and the wild connection between me, Kristin, and Brandi Carlisle.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

• How being turned away from church camp and her community there compounded Kristin’s traumatic coming out
• How being around visibly queer adults helped Kristin see what might be possible in her future
• Why every kid deserves to experience the magic of camp where they get to be their whole self
• What Kristin would want her younger self to know about coming out and surviving
• Kristin’s advice for parents of queer kids 

Find out more about Kristin Key:

• Website
• Instagram: @thekristinkey
• TikTok: @kristinkeycomedy
• Facebook: @kristinkeycomedy
• YouTube: @kristinkeycomedy
• Kristin Knows Blank Podcast

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

• Wildheartsociety.org
• wildheartsociety.org/downloads
• Wild Heart Society on Facebook
• Wild Heart Society on Instagram
• Mack on TikTok

Resources:

• Register for Camp
• Donate to the Queer Community Network
• Wild Heart Society Merch
• The Brain Candy Podcast

You may be aware that there is a significant overlap between neurodivergence and transness. So today, I’m talking with a guest who is both an expert in neurodivergence–and he’s autistic himself–and a parent of queer and trans children.

Sol Smith is a social media creator and author of the book The Autistic's Guide to Self-Discovery: Flourishing as a Neurodivergent Adult. Much of his work focuses on neurodivergent adults who may have received a diagnosis or self-realized later in life and helping them figure out what it means to be neurodivergent and understand why their lives may have been a lot different than what they were told they should be.

Today we’ll be chatting about the overlap of neurodivergence and transness in our kids, and also how–because neurodivergence is genetic–when I tell a parent that I think their kid might be neurodivergent, I might also be telling them, hey, you might be too. 

So if you’ve got a trans kid and you’ve ever had an inkling that maybe you don’t experience the world the way other people do, this episode might be for you.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

• How pandemic shutdowns created space for Sol and his family to make big realizations about their identities
• Why unpacking his history through an autistic lens helped make sense of his past, but not without grief
• How the social environment impacts individual expressions of autism and who gets diagnosed in childhood versus adulthood
• How strong family inheritance of autistic traits can lead to denial and second-guessing
• How neurodivergence, transness, and strength of socialization overlap
• Breaking down some key ways that autistic people differ from their neurotypical peers

Find out more about Sol Smith:

• Neurospicy Community
• Instagram: @theprofessorsol
• TikTok: @better_sol
• The Autistic's Guide to Self-Discovery: Flourishing as a Neurodivergent Adult

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

• Wildheartsociety.org
• wildheartsociety.org/downloads
• Wild Heart Society on Facebook
• Wild Heart Society on Instagram

Resources:

• Register for Camp
• Donate to the Queer Community Network

There is so much misinformation about trans people out there, and a lot of the kids and families I work with have people in their lives who simply do not understand what these kids are going through.

But I don't think anyone is a lost cause. Almost everyone is capable of learning and growing.

I reached out to today's guests because I wanted to discuss the experience of having a transgender kid while being in a conservative family. 

I met Amanda and Tom, and their daughter Ella, in 2021 when Amanda contacted me after listening to the podcast. They are upper-class, white, and live in conservative rural Oregon.

They have wholeheartedly committed to educating themselves and supporting their daughter through her transition, strengthening their family in the process. They circled the wagons and did the work so that their kid could thrive.



Content note: brief, non-detailed mention of suicidal ideation.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

• How Amanda and Tom realized they were at a point where they needed to learn and evolve to support Ella
• How Tom’s relationship with Ella got a new beginning as a result of her transition
• How Amanda and Tom drew a hard line in the sand on family acceptance
• How having a trans child has impacted their politics
• Why it’s so important to show up visibly and publicly supporting trans people

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

• Wildheartsociety.org
• wildheartsociety.org/downloads
• Wild Heart Society on Facebook
• Wild Heart Society on Instagram

Resources:

• Register for Camp
• Donate to the Queer Community Network
• Disclosure

Today, we're catching up with my friend, and friend of the podcast, Flint Del Sol.

Last time Flint was here, his life looked very different than it does today. He was mid-transition, using they/them pronouns, had just started testosterone, and was still teaching. Since then, he's come out, transitioned in public on his social media profiles, survived doxxings, and received bomb threats at the school where he taught.

It's been a lot.

He chose to leave teaching and move to the desert with his husband for a while, and they've just recently sold their belongings and moved into an airstream with a plan to travel around the country to meet other trans people and gather stories and information to capture the trans experience in the US at this especially challenging and frightening time. 

And somehow in all of that, Flint also wrote a book called Teach Like an Ally that comes out on July 29, 2025. This book was written for educators who are struggling in environments where they can't openly state their allyship, can't fly rainbow flags, or can't teach or even have queer books in their classrooms. Even if you're not a teacher, this book will help you be a better ally to the queer kids in your life.

Every time I talk to Flint, the conversation tends to go off in a million different directions, but it always ends up someplace super nerdy, and someplace deeply emotional. This one is no different. I hope you leave feeling as inspired and ready to do better work as I did.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

• How having survived blowing up his own life before has shaped Flint’s relationship to change
• How genuine curiosity and judgment get confused in ourselves and others
• Why it’s totally normal to be at reduced capacity right now, and some ideas to help sustain you
• Why even in an unfair, unjust world, it’s worth continuing to fight for justice
• How deadlines, outlines, and leaning into his unique voice got Flint to the final draft
• Why kids need access to an understanding of queer existence that is not fueled by negativity and hate
• How making art is an essential part of how Flint processes events and feelings

Find out more about Flint Del Sol:

• Instagram: @justflintisfine
• TikTok: @justflintisfine
• Teach Like an Ally: An Educator's Guide to Nurturing LGBTQ+ Students

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

• Wildheartsociety.org
• wildheartsociety.org/downloads
• Wild Heart Society on Facebook
• Wild Heart Society on Instagram

Resources:

• Register for Camp
• Donate to the Queer Community Network
• Wild Heart Society Merch
• Season 04 Ep 03: Fear vs. Curiosity: Being Alive and Trans with Flint, Just Flint Part 1
• Season 04 Ep 04: Fear vs. Curiosity: Being Alive and Trans with Flint, Just Flint Part 2
• "Untitled" (Portrait of Ross in L.A.), Félix González-Torres
• The Smithsonian's queer erasure of an AIDS artwork should alarm us all
• Good Bones, Maggie Smith

We’re back! To kick off this new season, I invited back the last person I had on the show before my break.

Mitch joins me again to share what the last couple of years have been like as his family adjusted to their move to Washington from Texas in support of their trans daughter. 

We talked about the difficult transition they experienced, having left behind a strong community ties because he feared for his daughter’s safety, and we talked about what it’s been like to be an advocate for his daughter and trans youth in both Texas and now here in Washington. We also talked about the beauty of curiosity, ways we can show up for our kids, and how he’s grown as a parent and as a person through this experience.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

• How Mitch and his family have decompressed and settled into their new lives
• Why inspiring curiosity is the first step in encouraging critical thinking
• Why we all need to learn to sit with the discomfort of boredom
• Why it’s so important for parents of trans kids to tell their stories, in small and large ways

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

• Wildheartsociety.org
• wildheartsociety.org/downloads
• Wild Heart Society on Facebook
• Wild Heart Society on Instagram

Resources:

• Register for Camp Wild Heart 2025
• Season 04 Ep 12: Joyful Resistance: One Dad's Call to Action
• Are Killer Whales Misunderstood? with Dr. Deborah Giles - Getting Curious with Jonathan Van Ness

Hello, friends. Have you missed me?

After a longer than originally intended break from this podcast, I am back and I am ready.

The world is scary right now and I want to show up here to support the Wild Heart community. I'm always thrilled to get to be a part of your journey in whatever way I have been.

We have a great season coming up for you. You're going to hear from some old and new friends of the podcast, some listeners, and lots of families. I heard you loud and clear that what is often most helpful to you all is hearing from each other, and I think that is beautiful.

We need each other more than ever. I'm so glad to be back and I'm so glad you're here.

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

• Wildheartsociety.org
• wildheartsociety.org/downloads
• Wild Heart Society on Facebook
• Wild Heart Society on Instagram

We’ve talked before about voting for your kid, and the rafts of legislation that are directed at taking away rights from trans people and trans kids. Even here in the Pacific Northwest, kids and their families are scared.

As of  recording on August 15th, 2023, there were 358 active pieces of anti-trans legislation in 49 states. That doesn't include the 80 bills that were already passed, and it doesn't include the 128 bills failed.

 This isn't going to stop anytime soon. 

Today, we’ll hear from a dad, Mitch, who moved his family from Texas to Washington to escape the oppressive legislation passed there. You’ll also hear about Mitch’s activism on behalf of his trans daughter and gay son, from school board meetings to testifying at the Texas state house, and the impact it had on him, his marriage, and his kids. And he talks about being in the messy middle of transitioning to a new home while missing their friends, colleagues, and many of the things they loved about their lives in Texas.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

• The grief of leaving behind their lives, colleagues, friends, and community and starting over
• Why Mitch chose to focus on “joyful resistance” in his approach to activism
• The sometimes surprising support and affirmation Mitch’s daughter received in her Texas school
• What Mitch learned from his students about affirming, loving, and supporting his daughter when she came out
• The impact of Mitch’s commitment to advocacy on his mental health and his relationships
• Why Mitch says it’s vital for dads of trans kids to get involved
• The final straws that made it clear the family had to leave Texas

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

• Wildheartsociety.org
• wildheartsociety.org/downloads
• Wild Heart Society on Facebook
• Wild Heart Society on Instagram

Resources:

• Season 01 Ep 05: Suicide Prevention: Facing Our Fear Of The Dark

So often when I talk to parents about their children’s decision or request to transition, parents express concern that their child will regret their decision, and that their child’s regret will come back on them as parents. 

In fact, I’ve worked with a number of parents who have said, “They can do whatever they want when they’re 18, but I’m not going to be responsible for any regrets that they have later.”

I’ve always translated this as a fear response. And I get it. There are a lot of unknowns and a lot of uncertainty, and nobody wants to screw up their kid or make their future not what they hoped it would be.

Today we're going to hear the story of a trans woman who didn't transition when they were young, even though they knew that's what they wanted and needed. She's going to share the story of the life that she has lived struggling with who she is and how to be in the world.

Her name is Randi, and she's a white, middle-aged trans woman. She's married, she has kids.

Randi asked me if she could share her story with you all because she wanted you to know the other side of the story for trans folks who can't transition, or choose to wait until they're adults to do so, and what regret means to her.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

• How Randi knew from a very young age that she was different–and that she had to hide her differences
• The experience of social and emotional isolation that resulted from not being able to be herself
• Why Randi turned to hypermasculine expression in the wake of realizing that she was trans
• How suppressing her identity impacted Randi emotionally, in her relationships, and even economically
• How Randi finally came out to her wife and her family
• How Randi’s pastor and faith community have provided support as she transitions
• Randi’s advice for parents of trans kids

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

• Wildheartsociety.org
• wildheartsociety.org/downloads
• Wild Heart Society on Facebook
• Wild Heart Society on Instagram

Resources:

• The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward, Daniel H. Pink

Transphobia is all around us, and often inside us. 

As parents, we face it in everyday conversations with colleagues, family members, and friends. Our kids face it in school from peers, teachers, and friends.

Over the years, the biggest concern I hear about raising a transgender child isn’t about the medical stuff, it’s fears about the way the world will treat that child. We know it’s not all going to be nice. We know that our kids will face bullies and bigots. 

And I've heard from some of you that you want to fight back. 

So much of the anti-bullying policy and training in our school systems teaches kids to ignore it or walk away and find an adult. And it doesn’t actually teach kids to extinguish bullying behavior or give parents tools to help.

So what do we do?

Today, I brought in an expert in communications with a specific focus on anti-bullying awareness. She’s going to share some tools that are actually effective in helping kids stop bullying and hold on to their own power through a technique of using neutral responses.

We’re going to dig into what that means, why it makes sense and is effective, and how teaching kids to keep their power can spill over positively into other parts of their lives.

Jamie Hamilton is a communications professor who knows that communication is the magic with which all relationships are created and destroyed. Jamie’s passion is to teach people how to communicate in ways that enhance the areas of their life that matter most.



With over twenty years of experience, Jamie has garnered an academic platform of excellence in higher education and is the founder of The Comm Experts, a communications consulting and coaching firm.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

• The difference between one-up, one-down, and neutral responses and how they influence power dynamics with bullies
• Why just ignoring it and walking away doesn’t work
• How responding neutrally and factually builds confidence
• Why role-playing and practicing these responses with your kids is absolutely key
• Why it’s essential that kids have affirming, trustworthy adults in their lives when they’re experiencing bullying
• How parents can use communications tools to respond to difficult comments from other adults
• Why the block button is the most effective tool for online bullying

Find out more about Jamie Hamilton:

• The Comm Experts
• TikTok: @the_communication_expert

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

• Wildheartsociety.org
• wildheartsociety.org/downloads
• Wild Heart Society on Facebook
• Wild Heart Society on Instagram
• TikTok: @realgendertherapist