Camp Wild Heart

So often when I talk to parents about their children’s decision or request to transition, parents express concern that their child will regret their decision, and that their child’s regret will come back on them as parents. 

In fact, I’ve worked with a number of parents who have said, “They can do whatever they want when they’re 18, but I’m not going to be responsible for any regrets that they have later.”

I’ve always translated this as a fear response. And I get it. There are a lot of unknowns and a lot of uncertainty, and nobody wants to screw up their kid or make their future not what they hoped it would be.

Today we're going to hear the story of a trans woman who didn't transition when they were young, even though they knew that's what they wanted and needed. She's going to share the story of the life that she has lived struggling with who she is and how to be in the world.

Her name is Randi, and she's a white, middle-aged trans woman. She's married, she has kids.

Randi asked me if she could share her story with you all because she wanted you to know the other side of the story for trans folks who can't transition, or choose to wait until they're adults to do so, and what regret means to her.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

• How Randi knew from a very young age that she was different–and that she had to hide her differences
• The experience of social and emotional isolation that resulted from not being able to be herself
• Why Randi turned to hypermasculine expression in the wake of realizing that she was trans
• How suppressing her identity impacted Randi emotionally, in her relationships, and even economically
• How Randi finally came out to her wife and her family
• How Randi’s pastor and faith community have provided support as she transitions
• Randi’s advice for parents of trans kids

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

• Wildheartsociety.org
• wildheartsociety.org/downloads
• Wild Heart Society on Facebook
• Wild Heart Society on Instagram

Resources:

• The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward, Daniel H. Pink

Transphobia is all around us, and often inside us. 

As parents, we face it in everyday conversations with colleagues, family members, and friends. Our kids face it in school from peers, teachers, and friends.

Over the years, the biggest concern I hear about raising a transgender child isn’t about the medical stuff, it’s fears about the way the world will treat that child. We know it’s not all going to be nice. We know that our kids will face bullies and bigots. 

And I've heard from some of you that you want to fight back. 

So much of the anti-bullying policy and training in our school systems teaches kids to ignore it or walk away and find an adult. And it doesn’t actually teach kids to extinguish bullying behavior or give parents tools to help.

So what do we do?

Today, I brought in an expert in communications with a specific focus on anti-bullying awareness. She’s going to share some tools that are actually effective in helping kids stop bullying and hold on to their own power through a technique of using neutral responses.

We’re going to dig into what that means, why it makes sense and is effective, and how teaching kids to keep their power can spill over positively into other parts of their lives.

Jamie Hamilton is a communications professor who knows that communication is the magic with which all relationships are created and destroyed. Jamie’s passion is to teach people how to communicate in ways that enhance the areas of their life that matter most.



With over twenty years of experience, Jamie has garnered an academic platform of excellence in higher education and is the founder of The Comm Experts, a communications consulting and coaching firm.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

• The difference between one-up, one-down, and neutral responses and how they influence power dynamics with bullies
• Why just ignoring it and walking away doesn’t work
• How responding neutrally and factually builds confidence
• Why role-playing and practicing these responses with your kids is absolutely key
• Why it’s essential that kids have affirming, trustworthy adults in their lives when they’re experiencing bullying
• How parents can use communications tools to respond to difficult comments from other adults
• Why the block button is the most effective tool for online bullying

Find out more about Jamie Hamilton:

• The Comm Experts
• TikTok: @the_communication_expert

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

• Wildheartsociety.org
• wildheartsociety.org/downloads
• Wild Heart Society on Facebook
• Wild Heart Society on Instagram
• TikTok: @realgendertherapist

Remember that time before you were a parent and you thought you at least had some clue what you were getting into and that you’d be good at it?

I know I did. I knew it wasn’t all snuggles and giggles and that it would be a lot of hard work, but caring for others is part of my wiring.

Of course, none of us are really prepared for what waits for us in parenthood. Even after you’ve had your first kid, you can get thrown for a loop on the second, third, and so on because every kid is different and you’re different too.

When we sign up to be parents, we don’t get to choose the kids we’re going to raise. We don’t know what personality traits they’re going to have or what genetic anomalies will unfold. We get hit with all kinds of unexpected adventures and challenges, and nobody handed us a manual for our kids.

Today’s episode is a parent story. We’ll hear from Mama Bear, Catherine, about how she and her family navigated her child’s coming out and transition, and how different her experience has been as a parent from one kiddo to the next.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

• The challenges of having a younger trans child who can’t fully express what they’re feeling
• Why Catherine says that aiming for gender neutral parenting may have actually caused her to miss some early signals from her child
• How parenting a trans child adds an extra layer of vulnerability to being a parent
• How raising a trans kiddo challenged Catherine’s sense of herself as an ally
• How Catherine set difficult boundaries with family members to protect her kiddo

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

• Wildheartsociety.org
• wildheartsociety.org/downloads
• Wild Heart Society on Facebook
• Wild Heart Society on Instagram

“How do we know this is about gender and not body image? Doesn’t everyone feel uncomfortable in their body at that age?”

I get these questions from parents all the time. And my answer is this: body image is about being dissatisfied with how we look along with unobtainable beauty standards. Body dysphoria is about the cues their body sends to the world about how to interact with and treat them, how that doesn’t align with how they feel, and how it can make them feel invisible.

It’s similar, but also very, very different.

Struggles with body image and with body dysphoria can lead cis and trans kids to patterns of disordered eating and disconnection from their bodies. Eating disorders are prevalent in the trans community because they are often a coping mechanism for the stress and stigma of being trans. 

Which is why I wanted to talk to today’s guests, who are experts in eating disorders and whose treatment model, centered on trusting and coming home to the body, is so different from standard treatment modalities.

Dana Sturtevant helps people let go of chronic patterns of dieting and disordered eating and move ​​into a more authentic, sustainable way to occupy and nurture their bodies. She advocates for food and body sovereignty as a nutrition therapist, educator, speaker, writer, and activist.

Hilary Kinavey works with people to reckon with the vicious cycles of disordered eating and dieting, body shame and weight bias, and the fragmentation, oppression, and trauma that often sits at the center. As a licensed professional counselor, facilitator, educator, and coach, she sees that we have been separated from our embodied knowing of our value and wholeness.

Together they founded the Center for Body Trust and co-authored the book Reclaiming Body Trust: a Path to Healing and Liberation.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

• Why parents need to do their own work around rebuilding body trust
• How to bring awareness and choice to body checking and comparison behaviors
• How our cultural beauty standards–for cis and trans people–are tied to white supremacy
• Suggestions for supporting kids and framing the conversation when they’re exposed to toxic body image messages
• Three phases of repairing body trust
• Why gender affirmation has to be the first step in building body trust

Find out more about Dana Sturtevant and Hilary Kinavey:

• Center for Body Trust
• Reclaiming Body Trust: A Path to Healing & Liberation

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

• Wildheartsociety.org
• wildheartsociety.org/downloads
• Wild Heart Society on Facebook
• Wild Heart Society on Instagram

Resources:

• Caleb Luna
• Sand Chang
• Fearing the Black Body: The Racial Origins of Fat Phobia, Sabrina Strings
• Desiree Adaway
• Ragen Chastain
• Gloria Lucas
• Maintenance Phase

Every single one of us has a body.

People are complex and our bodies are no different.

Some of us feel at home in our bodies, while others of us do not, and it’s not always because of gender.

Difficult emotions can play a significant role in this disconnect, as well as trauma and its impact on the body. And having a disability, disease, or other condition can further strain the connection with the body.

But for many trans people, their transness is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to what makes them and their bodies so different. 

Today we're diving into a crucial topic that affects the health and wellbeing of transgender individuals.

It's no secret that members of the LGBTQ+ community face unique health challenges, though there’s no definitive data or research correlating any of these issues with transness. They’re simply conditions that we commonly see in the same patients.

Which is why I wanted to talk to someone who has experience and expertise in treating patients with a lot of these co-occuring conditions that can make it harder for trans individuals to connect with their bodies.

Today we’re digging into the relationship of neurodivergence and transness and how it impacts the body and how holding a marginalized identity or identities literally shapes the body.

Dr. Sam Zoranovich is a chiropractor who specializes in providing care to the LGBTQ+ and BIPOC communities. Their own experiences with chronic pain, multiple surgeries, and feeling broken and betrayed by their body inform their practice and how they help people go from managing symptoms to thriving in their lives.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

• How the siloing of traditional medical specialists impacts diagnosis, treatment, and healing
• Why neurodivergence and how the brain processes stimulation can have such profound physical impacts
• The overlap of neurodivergence, digestive issues, hypermobility disorders, skin complaints, and more
• How neurodivergence and trauma impact the body’s fight or flight response and what happens when it gets stuck

Find out more about Dr. Sam Zoranovich:

• Zoranovich Chiropractic
• TikTok: @doctorsamz 

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

• Wildheartsociety.org
• wildheartsociety.org/downloads
• Wild Heart Society on Facebook
• Wild Heart Society on Instagram

Resources:

• TikTok: The overlap of queerness and neurodivergence
• TikTok: Dr. Sam's Reply to Mack
• Disjointed Navigating the Diagnosis and Management of Hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and Hypermobility Spectrum Disorders
• 30 Essential Ideas you should know about ADHD, Dr. Russell Barkley

Toxic masculinity is more than a buzzword.

Toxic masculinity is part of the gender training we receive starting in childhood, where we learn the rules about how to be a man or a lady. Man up. Boys don’t cry. And it hurts all of us.

Toxic masculinity is a narrow and repressive description of manhood and frankly, I’m surprised more men aren’t pissed about it.

What does that have to do with raising a transgender child?

Toxic masculinity can manifest in many ways and have a profound impact on your children. 

It can show up in the ways we talk to our kids, the expectations we place on them, and the way parents and kids perceive gender and gender identity. And it can lead to feelings of shame and internalized transphobia.

Which is why today I’m talking with Rocco Kayiatos about toxic masculinity, how it shows up and impacts our children, what we can do to reeducate ourselves and our children about what it means to be a man, and how embrace mindful masculinity.

Rocco Kayiatos is a musician, poet, actor, and activist. His work centers around gender identity, queer liberation, and social justice. Rocco’s artistry and activism have gained national attention and made him a leading voice in the transgender community. He has brought his powerful message to stages across the country and uses his platform to inspire and empower others to embrace their true selves.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

• Rocco’s evolution as a performer, publisher, and activist and why it’s so important to create inclusive spaces and model possibility
• How Rocco went about uprooting his own toxic ideas about masculinity and let go of being a “man-hating man”
• Why Rocco says the goal should be to expand our definitions of gender, identity, and expression with compassion
• How cultural assumptions about what it means to be a man can make trans men shy away from claiming their full identity as men
• How a rejection of perceived femininity can lead to expressions of toxic masculinity in trans boys
• How parents can start interrogating how toxic masculinity shows up for them and expand their ideas about gender

Find out more about Rocco Kayiatos:

• Instagram: @roccokatastrophe
• Connect with Rocco on LinkedIn

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

• Wildheartsociety.org
• wildheartsociety.org/downloads
• Wild Heart Society on Facebook
• Wild Heart Society on Instagram

Resources:

• Mindful Masculinity Workbook
• Summer 365

There are so many things about our lives that are gendered.

And some of those things are a lot more important and hold more cultural significance than we realize–that is until we have kid who comes out as trans, and then all of that privilege you had and all the mental energy you didn’t have to spend on thinking about all the ways in which the world wasn’t set up for your transgender kid is gone.  

Now, I should be clear, when I say “we”  I’m talking about cisgender, heterosexual, white people. People of color, which I am not, have a lot more awareness about the ways in which the white Western world was not built or designed for them. 

One of the most common conversations I have with white parents of trans kids, usually pretty early on and always because they bring it up, is about their awareness of exactly how much privilege they have, and also how much it sucks to lose it. 

Today we’re talking with Erica Courdae about culture, hair, privilege, gender and race. 

Erica is the host of the podcast Pause on the Play® and has built an exceptional community of listeners who are showing up and exploring ways to make their values more explicit at work and at home. She has curated connections and learning experiences that will help anyone challenge harmful norms, show up as an imperfect ally®, and live in alignment.

Check out the full episode to hear about:

• How Erica’s experience in the beauty industry informs how she helps people investigate cultural norms and show up as themselves
• How having a trans child exposes the fragility of the norms and assumptions parents hold
• Why it’s so critical for parents to do their own self-work of acceptance and questioning apart from their kids
• Why parents need to be able to admit they were wrong and apologize to their children
• Why neutrality is not an option

Find out more about Erica Courdae:

• Pause on the Play®
• The Pause on the Play® Community
• Instagram: @pauseontheplay 

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

• Wildheartsociety.org
• wildheartsociety.org/downloads
• Wild Heart Society on Facebook
• Wild Heart Society on Instagram

Get ready for part two of my conversation with Flint. If you haven’t listened to part one, hit pause and give it a listen, then come back for part two.

In this episode, we’re continuing our conversation about creating a safe and supportive space for trans kids, and the trans adults they need in their lives to show them that they will be fine, and that what they are experiencing is normal.

Flint is an English teacher in Southern California. They are white, use they/them pronouns, are vegan, married to an artist, and are nonbinary. They are the kind of person who really goes out of their way to make sure that students, colleagues, and friends are valued and appreciated.  

They play and coach roller derby, and have cultivated a large social media following on multiple platforms simply by sharing their genuine and authentic experiences as a trans teacher. 

Check out the full episode to hear about:

• How Flint found a community of trans teachers online and grappled with coming out at school post-remote schooling
• How Flint leads with questions to defuse conflict within the community, and why it’s important to know when to end the conversation
• Reflecting on Flint’s gender journey and why it’s never too late to claim your identity
• Why kids need to see a diversity of experiences of gender and sexuality
• Why you need to create an environment where it’s safe to ask questions and talk about hard things
• Why we need to untangle gender and sexuality

Find out more about Flint:

• Instagram: @justflintisfine
• TikTok: @justflintisfine
• Two Trans Teachers Podcast

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

• Wildheartsociety.org
• wildheartsociety.org/downloads
• Wild Heart Society on Facebook
• Wild Heart Society on Instagram

We have all heard and experienced how different school is now from when we were kids. It’s a whole different world. 

And while I could easily be referring to school policies and the way that kids are taught math - I’m not. I’m referring to the social universe and obstacle course that kids navigate day in and day out. 

And one of the hardest things about that change is that it doesn’t really end when the bell rings. It continues on social media and smartphones. Kids don’t really get a natural break from it. 

They need your help to find balance, but also to help them navigate a world that you didn’t ever really know.

Today we’re talking to a teacher named Flint about what kids are really facing in schools, how to support them while they’re trying to get their education, and how to communicate with teachers to help them understand the unique needs of your student.  

Flint is an English teacher in Southern California. They are white, use they/them pronouns, are vegan, married to an artist, and are nonbinary. They are the kind of person who really goes out of their way to make sure that students, colleagues, and friends are valued and appreciated.  

They play and coach roller derby, and have cultivated a large social media following on multiple platforms simply by sharing their genuine and authentic experiences as a trans teacher. 

Check out the full episode to hear about:

• Why parents need to let their kids shove them out of their boxes
• Tips for keeping your kid from shutting down in conversation
• How leading with curiosity improves your relationships and makes you a better advocate for your child
• Why parents and teachers need to do their own work to educate themselves on LGBTQIA+ issues

Find out more about Flint:

• Instagram: @justflintisfine
• TikTok: @justflintisfine
• Two Trans Teachers Podcast

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

• Wildheartsociety.org
• wildheartsociety.org/downloads
• Wild Heart Society on Facebook
• Wild Heart Society on Instagram

You never know how people are gonna react to your child's coming out and socially transitioning.

I wish there was a clear indicator that I could give you that says, these are the ones who will support you, and these are the ones who are going to get spooked and do really ugly things. If that thing exists, I haven't discovered it yet.

I've seen families who are progressive and open-minded about others get completely closed off to the idea that something like this could be happening with their child. I've also seen people who go to church every Sunday read the Bible, own a lot of guns, who absolutely get it and show up for their kids in some very beautiful ways.

Everyone responds differently.

Today's episode is a parent story.

We'll hear from Mama Bear Kate about how she and her family went about supporting her trans child, Rachel, without a map, navigating the seas of judgment as they began to socially transition.

Kate is white, middle class and married to a cisgender man. She has two children and lives in the Pacific Northwest. Kate's also a writer, and she recently shared this story in the Huffington Post.  

In this episode, Kate opens up about her experience as a parent of a transgender child. She talks about the challenges she faced in accepting her child's gender and the journey toward embracing it fully. She also shares how she educated herself on trans issues and how she navigated religious and cultural barriers, and how she showed up to support her child through the ups and downs. 

Check out the full episode to hear about:

• How a school form started the process of Rachel’s coming out as nonbinary
• How Kate and the family navigated questions about Rachel’s identity being a phase, and a rough year in first grade as he began his social transition
• How Kate and her husband intentionally worked to create a culture of openness to tough questions in their household
• How Kate’s process of educating herself about trans issues quieted the voice in her head yelling that Rachel’s desire to transition was an emergency

Find out more about Mackenzie Dunham:

• Wildheartsociety.org
• wildheartsociety.org/downloads
• Wild Heart Society on Facebook
• Wild Heart Society on Instagram

Resources:

• Our 6-Year-Old Wanted To Use 'They/Them' Pronouns. We Had No Idea What We Were In For.