Candour Communication Podcast

2:09 - how do people respond when Amanda introduces herself at a networking event.

3:52 - scared of talking about sex.

5:06 - how Amanda's journey into erotic empathy started.

6:43 - what is erotic empathy.

7:47 - we push our partner away because of the way we feel about ourselves.

8:57 - not being judgemental about your partner's sexual preferences.

11:08 - is it usually females who are more likely to find themselves unattractive?

12:52 - how to open up with your partner about your sexual preferences.

16:01 - asking your partner: what were you fantasizing about during sex?

16:16 - power dynamics are a common sexual fantasy.

16:47 - example of initiating sex with a power dynamic.

18:54 - the way people engage in partnered sex contradicts the way people masturbate.

21:57 - lessening the pressure and expectations in sex.

24:30 - how important is sex in a romantic relationship.

25:57 - your marriage isn't over just because you develop feelings for someone else.

27:06 - the pressure men feel during sex.

29:50 - a lover is not responsible for both people's pleasure.

30:35 - being good at sex is not about technique.

32:18 - religious or moral constraints on sex.

34:36 - therapy can help couples communicate their sexual needs and expectations more safely.

35:32 - how to get better at talking to your partner about sex.

38:12 - what do women want? what do men want?

40:22 - power switching and taboo fantasies are super arousing.

41:44 - is there hope if you are no longer attracted to each other?

46:42 - marriage is a promise to look after yourself for the other person.

48:21 - what if I'm not into the same things that turn on my partner?

51:48 - can sharing fantasies of sleeping with other people go too far?

53:52 - controlling your emotions so your partner can share their sexual preferences openly with you.

54:51 - sex is about communication and emotion regulation skills.

55:34 - the paradox of building confidence in your sexuality.

57:01 - how important is sexual compatibility when choosing a partner.

59:38 - why is sex important for your relationship and your health.

1:02:02 - connect with Amanda.

You can find more detailed show notes with links to references at https://candourpodcast.com/amanda-luterman/

2:40 - what attracted Ricardo to the topic of belonging.

4:06 - Diversity and inclusion should have its foundation on belonging.

5:52 - why belonging is more powerful than inclusion.

7:46 - diversity and belonging.

8:44 - what constitutes a culture?

9:20 - cognitive diversity.

9:41 - should all people to all groups?

10:41 - why a team needs a strong culture

11:45 - can't we choose to which groups we want to belong?

12:49 - to belong or not to belong.

14:01 - I did not belong at my own house party.

16:58 - we can't belong if we have different beliefs and values.

17:42 - diversity vs team fit.

19:40 - company culture statement.

23:26 - high context vs low context cultures.

27:01 - why leaders need to be more high context.

28:00 - caught in-between cultures.

33:03 - how to find a place where you belong.

36:39 - people are attracted to people like themselves.

37:19 - belonging vs fitting in.

38:41 - lack of integration has been demonised.

41:14 - being unfairly rejected by the group where you thought you belonged.

47:40 - ex-communication and cancel culture.

48:37 - root of ex-communication is that leaders value results over people.

49:06 - empathy vs sympathy vs compassion.

50:27 - how to regroup after you've been hurt.

53:35 - the link between belonging and performance.

57:30 - making people feel like they belong in order to use them.

58:18 - about the book: To belong or not to belong.

01:00:02 - connect with Ricardo.

You can find more detailed show notes with links to references at: https://candourpodcast.com/ricardo-gonzalez-e2/

3:06 - life is abundant.

6:26 - MBA consultant who turned to acting.

9:50 - pursuing the path less travelled led to more admiration than judgement.

12:07 - acting started from a young age.

13:15 - managing your energy when you need to be "on" in front of people.

15:40 - my best is different at every moment.

17:56 - it's impossible to do it all.

19:55 - what is improvisation.

22:01 - we've learnt to supress our ability to be spontaneous.

24:14 - I can say anything! vs "I can say anything?"

25:30 - improv is the art form of putting the focus on the other person.

26:16 - what improv can teach us about being better listeners.

28:30 - we communicate better when we are in the moment.

30:23 - the audience is rooting for you.

31:22 - The improv philosophy of "yes, and..."

35:35 - you can influence more by listening than by speaking.

36:10 - the ability to listen impacts every relationship.

40:16 - using "yes, and..." to improve collaboration.

44:15 - creating a safe space where people can share ideas.

46:39 - how to bring a brick, not a cathedral.

48:29 - the best worst idea.

50:04 - nothing speaks louder than who you are.

51:25 - walking ten thousand steps per day is a lie!

52:51 - teaching presence to executives.

55:48 - no one cares what your head is doing.

57:30 - being intentional about how you come across: put the audience first.

1:00:55 - the Dreyfus model of skill acquisition.

1:03:52 - getting involved in improv.

1:04:39 - the benefits of improv.

1:06:10 - connect with Lisa.

1:07:18 - live improv exercise!

1:09:45 - debrief on the improve exercise.

You can find more detailed show notes with links to references at: https://candourpodcast.com/lisa-linke/

2:18 - A sports coach who makes you push further than you thought possible. 

4:19 - pushing people to perform better without being a dictator. 

8:10 - getting better at leading yourself and others under pressure. 

13:38 - managing stress. 

15:43 - how to break free from stress. 

18:50 - stress reaction is not useful. 

20:51 - how can we change our habits and behaviours? 

23:31 - change is emotional. 

25:19 - how can we get beneath the surface to the values and identity level in a conversation? 

29:19 - who am I and what do I want? 

30:53 - be specific with your questions. 

31:16 - how to let people find their own solutions. 

33:24 - getting more clarity about what they want. 

35:07 - being honest with ourselves about what we want. 

39:16 - it's not about finding the thing we love to do, it's about the meaning we give to the things we do. 

40:40 - being honest about yourself. 

44:49 - honesty is not always simple. 

48:02 - how to deal with our shame better to avoid needing to lie. 

53:32 - how painful honesty opened up the relationship. 

54:08 - connect with Niki. 

You can find more detailed show notes with links to references at https://candourpodcast.com/niki-vinogradoff/

2:39 - first impressions about Danish culture.

6:24 - after reading hundreds of parenting books, Jessica still preferred the advice from her Danish family.

8:13 - the birth of the book.

9:49 - our default setting for parenting.

12:7 - authoritarian vs authoritative style of parenting.

15:7 - free play is better than structured activities for kids.

18:0 - we want our kids to win but happiness is not about winning.

20:30 - we are scared that our kids fall behind if they are just left to play.

23:37 - how play creates an internal locus of control.

26:4 - self-esteem is not built by giving praise.

31:25 - cultural difference in values, such as humility.

36:49 - the happiest country in the world doesn't like stories with happy endings.

40:4 - sad endings normalise all feelings and improve emotional intelligence.

41:40 - training empathy as a skill.

45:13 - cooperation is more important than competition.

46:55 - importance of reframing.

48:47 - difference in how Danish people approach divorce.

51:53 - Hygge: we-fulness.

55:57 - get in touch with Jessica.

You can find more detailed show notes with links to references at: https://candourpodcast.com/jessica-joelle-alexander/

00:01:35 – welcome Jason Rosoff from Radical Candor.  

00:02:19 – the feedback Jason got about his thinking face.  

00:05:37 – why is it important to give feedback?  

00:07:06 – challenging the importance of feedback: discussion on The Feedback Fallacy published by the Harvard Business Review.  

00:13:01 – what is Radical Candor?  

00:19:18 – feedback does not have to be calculated and does not need a model.  

00:20:55 – do people default to ruinous empathy or obnoxious aggression?  

00:23:48 – how to start implementing Radical Candor with your team?  

00:28:47 – you can't fake caring personally about people."  

00:32:35 – creating a culture where people do care about each other.  

00:35:13 – what about advice saying you shouldn't get too close to your employees?  

00:41:55 – overcoming the fear of hurting the other person by challenging directly.  

00:47:09 – most of a manager's job involves emotion.  

00:51:11 – how do deliver feedback in a way that avoids the fight or flight response.  

00:55:03 – leaders who are not good at receiving feedback.  

01:01:02 – getting indirect feedback about people not in your team.  

01:03:52 – giving feedback in an open plan office.  

01:05:57 – models to help give feedback instead of a value judgement.  

01:07:47 – get in touch with Jason. 

You can find more detailed show notes with links to references at https://candourpodcast.com/jason-rosoff/

00:01:35 – endurance sport.  

00:05:04 – Running is meditative.  

00:06:50 – the life events that motivated David to start endurance sports.  

00:08:50 – the importance of caring for yourself first instead of impressing people all the time.  

00:11:03 – adversity can make you better or it can make you bitter.  

00:13:56 – I have to vs I get to.  

00:16:55 – receiving help in difficult times.    

00:20:37 – not worrying what others think of you.  

00:24:14 – do people know how to deal with grief?  

00:26:14 – why David's sister was so important in his life.  

00:31:25 – how did the book, Cycle of Lives, come about?  

00:35:13 – Just put your feet on the ground and make your bed every day.  

00:40:07 – how to have open conversations where people were open to talk about trauma and grief.  

00:44:48 – how can we best support people through difficult times?  

00:47:15 – what to say when someone is going through a tough time?  

00:50:25 – you might be the only person who showed care.  

00:52:58 – asking open questions is more important than saying the right thing.  

00:55:35 - scared of saying the wrong thing.  

00:59:45 – we can choose our response.  

01:00:50 – we are all passer-by's in each other's lives.  

01:04:55 – get in touch with David.  

More detailed show notes with links to references can be found at:  https://candourpodcast.com/david-richman/

2:05 - book recommendations from someone who read over 200 books on business and personal development. 

4:47 -want to impact your business, family or community? Be the light. 

6:12 - reading addiction. Did reading more books help you to grow?

10:33 - why is it so hard to sustain a change in habit? 

14:39 – does willpower and discipline work to change a habit? 

18:16 – how to get beneath the surface to identify and change thought patterns. 

24:40 – we think that stress is normal and a sign of success. 

29:34  - isn't stress needed for growth? 

35:02 – overcoming fears that seem to trap us. 

42:52 – achievement vs fulfilment. 

48:27 – we need an appropriate amount of pain before we change. 

52:19 – Chris' story of burn out that caused him to change. 

59:31 – how do we have a fulfilled life? 

1:02:41 – the perfect day? 

1:06:03 – relationships can be greatest source of pain or fulfilment. 

1:10:23 – we treat other people through the lens of our own experience, often without realising. 

1:15:37 – avoiding unnecessary conflicts in relationships. 

1:19:22 – navigating conversations when emotions are high. The importance of trust and vulnerability. 

1:23:21 – when I do nothing, that's when I find my best something. 

1:25:00 – you get to choose. 

1:28:08 – get in touch with Chris.  

You can find more detailed show notes with links to references at: https://candourpodcast.com/chris-marhefka/

2:19 - what drew Dr Healy to study bullying?  

4:18 - the difference between bullying and teasing.  

6:30 - hurtful comments can be innocent or intentional.  

8:40 - teasing can actually be relationship building.  

10:32 - is bullying more prevalent now?  

11:23 - is bullying getting worse or are we more sensitive now?  

12:41 - effects of bullying.  

15:46 - the risk factors that perpetuates bullying.  

17:56 - how should we respond to bullying?  

21:47 - standing up to the bully.  

27:59 - effective strategies for responding to bullies.  

31:44 - how can parents help when their child is bullied?  

34:22 - empathy for the bully.  

42:01 - what causes people to bully?  

45:48 - what if my child is the bully?  

46:54 - saying "no" to your child.  

48:16 - how home life impacts bullying.  

49:38 - does teaching empathy improve bullying?  

54:41 - do buddy benches work?  

56:04 - how to make friends?  

58:50 - choosing the right school.  

59:57 - importance of teaching kids to be independent.  

1:01:51 - programs that address bullying.  

1:05:38 - how to intervene when you notice bullying.  

1:09:05 - connect with Dr Karyn Healy. 

You can find more detailed show notes with links to references at: https://candourpodcast.com/dr-karyn-healy/

3:20 - are you allowed to talk about stories at home?

5:50 - why is story so important to Francisco.  

8:55 - can you remember the story you told?  

10:57 - does the audience remember the story?  

12:25 - homework for life.  

13:41 - path to making storytelling a profession.  

18:35 - impact kids had on Francisco's speaking career.  

22:32 - Is content or delivery more important in a speech?  

26:48 - how did Francisco learn about storytelling?  

29:39 - the old science of storytelling: ethos, pathos and logos.  

31:24 - you cannot make decisions without emotion.  

36:08 - the new science of storytelling.  

39:40 - why can stories make us cry?  

43:46 - what is a story?  

49:43 - how to make stories easy.  

53:12 - sharing with vulnerability.  

59:41 - Get in touch with Francisco. 

You can find more detailed show notes with links to references at: https://candourpodcast.com/francisco-mahfuz/