Canned Meat Theatre

If you find yourself in the Central Florida area, don’t miss our first live show on Monday, September 30, 2024 at Bynx in Downtown Orlando, in partnership with All The Line Studio and Incubator.

You’ll be able to see our talented actors live on stage performing some of our finest sketches from past episodes plus some amazing brand new material.

It’s like radio- for your eyes.

For more information and tickets visit our website at www.cannedmeattheatre.com

or visit our partners at All the Line Studio and Incubator at www.allthelinestudio.com

Visit us at www.cannedmeattheatre.com

Support us on Patreon

Our ninth episode!
That’s almost ten.

Featuring: Crime Talk with the Holmes Bros.…Olive Garden Gangsters… The Bureaucrat… Bitch Bar… Superheroes’ Day Off…
and More!

“Crime Talk with the Holmes Brothers” written by Erik Deckers

Voices:
Mycroft Holmes: Scott Monty
Sherlock Holmes: Paul Singleton
Charles Garrett: Burt Wolder
Heather Featherlight: Toni Deckers

“Olive Garden Gangsters” written by Alex R. Wagner

Voices:
CEO (The Don): Jeffrey Herman
Minion 1: Michael Lewis
Minion 2: Doc Anthony Bravo
Minion 3: Marc Lucia

“The Bureaucrat: The Pickleball Courts” written by Wayne Cothron and Doug McDowell

Voices:
V-mail: Jennifer Kalison
Jeffrey Davis: Doc Anthony Bravo
Art Cox: Doug McDowell
Dana: Kayla Miller
David Schultz: Marc Lucia

“Bitch Bar” written by Doug McDowell

Voices:
Announcer (Male): Jeffrey Herman
Announcer (Female): Toni Deckers

“Superheroes Day Off” written by Jennifer Kalison

Voices:
Barb (Blue Suede): Sarah Zavala
Diane (Lasso Girl): Rachael Tillman
Customer 1: Doug McDowell
Customer 2: Toni Deckers
Customer 3: Michael Lewis

If you enjoyed "Crime Talk", please check out Scott, Paul and Burt on their podcasts: I Hear of Sherlock Everywhere, the first podcast for devotees of Sherlock Holmes now in its 18th season. And also Trifles, examining the cases of Sherlock Holmes, now in its 8th season. Available wherever fine podcasts are sold.

Visit us at www.cannedmeattheatre.com

Support us on Patreon

Our eighth episode! 
We’re getting the hang of this.

Featuring: The Assistant App…The Bureaucrat… Build GPT… Miss Fortune’s misfortune… Drag Drive… The Esteemed Mrs. Barker…

and More!

“Assistant App” written by Kimberly DiPersia.

Voices:
Announcer (Male): Marc Lucia
Slogan Voice (Female): Toni Deckers
Female Entrepreneur 1: Sarah Zavala
Female Entrepreneur 2: Jennifer Kalison
Male Entrepreneur: Doc Anthony Bravo
Husband: Joe Boino
Wife: Andrea Howells

“Build GPT Makes a Doghouse” written by David Hahnert

Voices:
Human: Marc Lucia
Build GPT: Toni Deckers

“The Bureaucrat: Richie Regal” written by Wayne Cothron and Doug McDowell

Voices:
V-mail: Jennifer Kalison
Art’s Mom: Rachael Tillman
Art Cox: Doug McDowell
Dana: Kayla Miller
Ritchie Regal: Michael Lewis

“Miss Fortune’s Misfortune” written by Andrea Howells

Voices:
Miss Fortune: Andrea Howells
Officer: Doug McDowell

“Drag Drive” written by Doug McDowell

Voices:
T’ang: Doug McDowell
The Doctor: Toni Deckers
Dora the Andorian: Rachael Tillman
Elon Musk: David Hahnert
Ru Paul: Brandon Hartsfield

“The Esteemed Mrs. Barker” written by Wayne Cothron

Voices:
Mailman: Doc Anthony Bravo
Beatrice: Neena Leon
Angelica Barker: Toni Deckers
Carl Barker: Marc Lucia

Music:

“The Shake” by Geovane Bruno – License: Creative Commons Zero (CC0)

Sound Effects:

CommunicatorChirp_STTOS_recreated.wav by zimbot -- https://freesound.org/s/178027/ -- License: Attribution 4.0

Visit us at www.cannedmeattheatre.com

Support us on Patreon

Our seventh episode! 
It was supposed to out in February. We got sick. It’s late. So just laugh at all the Valentine’s stuff anyway.

Featuring: After Happily Ever After… The GenX-Files with Smoulder and Sulky…The Night Podiatrist…Miss Fortune… Tom Lehrer teaches you to tango (and how!) …

and More!

This episode is dedicated to Kimberly Wolski.

“After Happily Ever After” written by Jeff Rembert.

Voices:
It’s Kim: Kimberly DiPersia
Snow White: Jennifer Kalison

“The GenX-Files with Smoulder and Sulky” written by Jennifer Kalison and Kimberly Wolski

Voices:
Smoulder: Doc Anthony Bravo
Sulky: Jennifer Kalison

“The Night Podiatrist: Podiatry is a Lonely Business, Part 2” written by Jennifer Kalison and Doug McDowell

Voices:
Dr. Sidney Greenbaum: Doug McDowell
Anita Legala-Vice: Toni Deckers


“Miss Fortune (February ‘24)” written by Andrea Howells

Voices:
Announcer: Stede Bonnett
Miss Eri: Rachael Tillman


Music:
“Ice Demon”, “Undaunted”, ”Lightless Dawn” by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License (CCBY 4.0) http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

“The Masochism Tango” by Tom Lehrer (tomlehrersongs.com)
Released to the Public Domain in 2022

Visit us at www.cannedmeattheatre.com

Support us on Patreon

We're a little behind getting February's episode out due to unforeseen circumstances 
( Miss Fortune didn't even see it).

But we'll be back soon with a brand new episode. 

In the meantime, please enjoy this preview, featuring a trip back to the 90's and that TV show we all loved (well, the nerds did, anyway).

written by Jennifer Kalison and Kimberly Wolski
dedicated to Kimberly Wolski

Voices:
Smoulder: Doc Anthony Bravo
Sulky: Jennifer Kalison
Announcer: Doug McDowell

Visit us at www.cannedmeattheatre.com

Support us on Patreon

Action! Adventure! Women in Trousers!

Join the Major, his man Rupert and the scandalous Lady Ramsbottom on their adventures aboard the time-traveling airship, HMS Impossible.

Originally featured in Episode 4, this version has been remixed and remastered for your listening pleasure.

written by Doug McDowell.

Voices:
Presenter: Stede Bonnett
Major Alcock Brown: Doug McDowell
Rupert: Doc Anthony Bravo
Lady Evelyn Ramsbottom: Kimberly DiPersia
Lord Ramsbottom: Jeff Rembert

Visit us at www.cannedmeattheatre.com

Support us on Patreon

Our sixth episode! And it’s a big one. 
Just in time for the Holidays! Makes a great gift! (not really)

Featuring: A Taylor Swift Thanksgiving… Al Standish for Not-Now!…Ken Burns Presents: The Civil War Revisited…We Got Food…Donut Friday… The Night Podiatrist… The Cryptopsychiatrist… The Bureaucrat… …Miss Fortune… Tom Lehrer celebrates Hannukah (in Santa Monica)…

and More!

“A Taylor Swift Thanksgiving,” written by Alex R. Wagner.

Voices:
Narrator: Jennifer Kalison
Sister: Rachael Tillman
Brother: Joe Boino
Dad: Alex R. Wagner
Mom: Neena Leon
Uncle Ron: Michael Lewis

“CMT Shopping Network Presents: Al Standish for Not-Now!” written by Jeff Rembert 

Voices:
Announcer: Doug McDowell
Al Standish: Jeff Rembert
Wendy Standish: Sarah Malfara
Mrs. Schultz: Neena Leon

“Ken Burns Presents: The Civil War Revisited” written by Wayne Cothron and Doug McDowell

Voices:
Ken Burns: Doug McDowell
Col. Thomas P. Jones: Jeff Rembert
Lt. Samuel R. Smith/Pvt. Benjamin “Boomer Dalton: Michael Lewis
Clara Ramsay: Kimberly DiPersia
Capt. Alexander Lippincott: Doc Anthony Bravo
Constable Patrick Murphy: Marc Lucia


“We Got Food” written by Doug McDowell

Voices:
Announcer: Marc Lucia
Employee: Neena Leon
Customer: Doc Anthony Bravo


“Donut Friday” written by Kimberly DiPersia

Voices:
Narrator: Stede Bonnett
Elsie: Rachael Tillman
John: David Hahnert
Linda: Jennifer Kalison
Ms. Waters: Kimberly DiPersia


“The Night Podiatrist: Podiatry is a Lonely Business” written by Jennifer Kalison and Doug McDowell, created by Jennifer Kalison and Doug McDowell.

Voices:
Dr. Sidney Greenbaum: Doug McDowell
Bruiser: Marc Lucia
Goon: David Hahnert


“The Cryptopsychiatrist” written by Andrea Howells

Voices:
Radio Announcer: Brian K. Scott
The Cryptopsychiatrist: Marc Lucia
Nessie: Rachael Tillman
Mothman: Doug McDowell
Bigfoot: Joe Boino
Caller: Alex R. Wagner


“The Bureaucrat: Environmentally Unfriendly” written by Andrea Howells, created by Wayne Cothron.

Voices:
Caller: Brian K. Scott
Art Cox: Doug McDowell
Dana: Kayla Miller
Sandy Shoal: Andrea Howells


“Miss Fortune (December)” written by Andrea Howells

Voices:
Announcer: Stede Bonnett
Miss Fortune: Andrea Howells

Music:
“(I’m Spending) Hannukah in Santa Monica” by Tom Lehrer (tomlehrersongs.com)
Released to the Public Domain in 2022

Visit us at www.cannedmeattheatre.com

Support us on Patreon

While you're anxiously awaiting Episode 6, here's the latest from our prolific prognosticator, Miss Fortune!

Written by Andrea Howells

Announcer: Stede Bonnett
Miss Fortune: Andrea Howells

Support us on Patreon

Visit us at www.cannedmeattheatre.com

Support us on Patreon

Our fifth episode! 
(Almost) just in time for Halloween. Boo!

Featuring: Shelf Help: Halloween Edition… Antipersonal Ads…Haiku News…The Bureaucrat… The Old Scouts…Miss Fortune… Sam Champion’s Jaguars Podcast…

and More!

“Shelf Help: Halloween Edition,” written by Jennifer Kalison.
Voices:
Shari Phelps: Jennifer Kalison

“The Old Scouts” written by Jeff Rembert and Chet Hall (aka Joseph P. Clayman)
Voices:
Bailey: Jeff Rembert
Tucker: Doug McDowell
Oswald: Marc Lucia

“Haiku News” written by Jennifer Kalison
Voices:
News Announcer: Brandon Hartsfield
Poets: Jennifer Kalison, Doc Anthony Bravo, Neena Leon

“Antipersonal Ads” written by Andrea Howells and Stede Bonnett
Voices:
Narrator: Stede Bonnett
Dracula: Brandon Hartsfield
Werewolf: Joe Boino
Frankenstein Monster/Invisible Man/
Phantom of the Opera: Marc Lucia
Medusa/Necromancer: Andrea Howells
Siren: Rachael Tillman
Centauride: Jennifer Kalison
Alien/Watson: Teisha Cain
Witch: Neena Leon

“The Bureaucrat: Mistress Nightshade” written by Wayne Cothron and Doug McDowell, created by Wayne Cothron.
Voices:
Art Cox: Doug McDowell
Dana: Kayla Miller
Beatrice Jones: Jennifer Kalison
Mayor Leo: Stede Bonnett

“Miss Fortune (October)” written by Andrea Howells
Voices:
Announcer: Stede Bonnett
Miss Fortune: Andrea Howells


“Sam Champion’s Jaguars Podcast” by Wayne Cothron and Doug McDowell, from an idea by Wayne Cothron
Voices:
Sam Champion: Alex R. Wagner
Caller 1: Michael Lewis
Caller 2: Joe Boino
Caller 3(Donna): Neena Leon
Caller 4 (Nick): Doc Anthony Bravo
Sam’s Mom: Andrea Howells
Bunny: Rachael Tillman

Sound Effects:
This episode features these sounds from freesound.org:
“Creepy Sound Effect: Paranormal 9 (Vol 002)”
(https://freesound.org/people/AlesiaDavina/sounds/691439/)
licensed under CCBY 4.0
"baseballhitandcrowdcheer" by amishrob
(https://freesound.org/people/AmishRob/sounds/214989/)
licensed under CCBY 4.0
“baseball-hitting-glove” by SocializedArtist45
(https://freesound.org/people/SocializedArtist45/sounds/266594/)
licensed under CCBY 3.0

Visit us at www.cannedmeattheatre.com

Support us on Patreon

While you're waiting for the next episode of Canned Meat Theatre, please enjoy Shari Phelps as she teaches you the benefits of open shelving. Remember, an organized space is a happier place!

And look for future members-only bonus material on our Patreon site!

Written and Performed by Jennifer Kalison

Visit us at www.cannedmeattheatre.com

Support us on Patreon