Dear Mommy, All I can think about is that a spider was actually on me. On. Me. But, I guess I should thank you for letting me talk about Shane Dawson. Thanks, Bree

Dear Bree, I hope someday soon we can listen to Glen Miller, drink Gin Rickeys, and you can forgive me for bringing up plantation houses. Thanks for bringing me a gin drink I actually like. Love, Mommy

Dear Mommy, I’m sorry I didn’t understand genealogy for a second. My mind was too busy thinking about the amazing magic trick I wanted to do. Love, Bree P.S. Did you know we’re Russian?

Dear Bree, Thank you for giving me the scoop on honey wine. I’m very pleased that we came up with the Troll’s Asshole Scale for rating bad beverages, but I’m more pleased that we didn’t need to use it this time. All my love, Mommy

Dear Mommy, I’m excited to announce our new book Bellinis and Tortellinis, in book stores everywhere Spring of 2053. Marinara sauce ’til the day I die, Bree

Dear Bree, Thank you for introducing me to the Lemon Drop Martini. And also for helping me solve all the world’s ills. You’re the best! Love, Mommy

Dear Mommy, I’m very happy with our new format. Especially if it’s going to continue to bring me drinks like the Moscow Mule. I don’t think I’ll ever be the same. Love, Bree

Dear Bree, I’m super sorry that I forgot to bring up our Indian snacks. If it helps, I ate them later and they were all delicious. Maybe I’ll make a slideshow of me eating them and show you on Daddy’s totally unnecessary projector. Love, Mommy

Dear Mommy, I can’t believe you did that to me. I can’t even talk to you right now. So I won’t. Regards, Bree

Dear Bree, I cannot stress enough how massive pelicans are. It’s like you’ve never seen the beach before… We’ll need to prep that beach body with our new diet on Avatar Nutrition. Bam! Segue Queen! Love, Mommy