Browsing Wayfair is worse than getting dragged around IKEA by the missus when you’re battling a brutal hangover. I ain’t looking through 4,642 bedside lamps, and why you charging ten grand for a flatpack wardrobe that’ll probably turn out wonkier than me after an all-dayer? Conspiracy theorists have been coming across some dodgy, overpriced listings on there and arriving at the only logical conclusion: Wayfair is a front for child trafficking. Apparently it goes all the way to the top... if the top is Tom Hanks, anyway.

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