Jughead tries to rein in the serpents, Betty tries to get the nuns to testify against Hiram, and Archie is attacked by a friggin’ bear.

Jughead and Archie make it to Toledo, Betty and Ethel try to break out of the Sisters of Quiet Mercy, and Veronica and Cheryl waterboard Penelope in maple syrup.

Veronica goes all in on her speakeasy, Archie and Jughead are on the run from the law, and we get a look inside Betty’s twisted mind.

Archie is on the run from the law, Betty does some not-so-great detective work, and Jughead is fully spiraling.

The gang tries to break Archie out of juvie, while Jughead spirals into madness. Side rants include the turmoil of twinks on Julian Fellowes’ shows and NXIVM.

We flashback to the ~late 80s/early 90s~ to see the origin of Gryphons & Gargoyles.

Archie is forced into a juvie fight club, Ethel (and Jughead?) attempt suicide, and Veronica’s (non-alcoholic) speakeasy opens!

In this chaotic episode, we are introduced to Evelyn Evernever, Dr. Curdle Jr., the Gargoyle king, and Monica Posh. It’s also the Epic High and Lows of High School Football episode.

Allison and Evan discuss the season 3 premiere: highlights include Kevin’s lack of self-esteem, a debate about Archie Andrews’ Catholicism, and the introduction of Griffins and Gargoyles™️ and the Farm™️.

For season 2’s bonus episode, Allison and Evan play fuck, marry, kill and ship or dip with riverdale characters, read some frankly traumatizing imagines, question the internet’s thirst for Sweet Pea and discuss Charles Melton’s recent accolades.