Choosing Us

New Parents, Old Wisdom

When their sons reminded them about the Christmas tree, the Drapers realized something profound: their children's priorities matter just as much as their own. With a newborn in the house and three older kids running around (plus one struggling middle-child dog), life has become beautifully chaotic. They're now completing only about seventy-five percent of their daily to-do lists, and honestly, that's okay.

Brad shares his cherished evening routine—spending quiet, non-verbal moments with his daughter before bed. This time around, unlike during his previous children's births, he's grateful to balance business responsibilities with hands-on parenting. How different would our relationships look if we prioritized these small connections?

The couple practices focus gazing, a mindfulness technique where you study something small (like a leaf) for five to ten minutes to sharpen attention and reduce stress. They've also adapted their date nights to include prison ministry work together. Through extended hugs, brief cuddles, and acknowledging each other's contributions, they're intentionally drifting closer rather than apart.
In the relentless pace of modern life, we often miss what truly matters. The Drapers remind us that tomorrow isn't guaranteed—today is unique and worth savoring.

Ready to slow down and reconnect with what matters most?


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In this episode, Brad and Michaela discuss the impact and power of having gratitude. Being the week of Thanksgiving, they felt it was imperative to discuss having love and gratitude within the home and in your relationship.

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Honestly, the most powerful thing about this episode might be what happens when two exhausted people choose to show up for each other anyway. The Drapers are navigating the final days before their baby arrives while simultaneously restarting their business after fourteen months—and they're pulling back the curtain on what intimacy actually looks like when life gets messy.

Here's what might surprise you: they're not talking about romance in the traditional sense. Instead, they break down how true intimacy encompasses emotional, spiritual, and energetic connection that extends far beyond the bedroom. (Foot rubs and extended cuddles count, apparently.) With Michaela experiencing pregnancy complications and both partners stretched thin, they discuss how small, consistent acts of service create meaningful bonds even when grand gestures aren't possible.

The episode challenges a common assumption—that intimacy naturally happens when you love someone. The Drapers argue otherwise, emphasizing that healthy relationships require intentional action, not just good intentions. They share practical advice: start each day asking how you can serve your spouse, prioritize date nights even during challenging seasons, and extend grace when postpartum affects both partners.

When did you last intentionally pursue intimacy in all its forms?

Tune in for an honest conversation about staying connected when everything else demands your attention.

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What does it really mean to love someone?

The Drapers flip the script on romance by arguing that love isn't a feeling you fall into—it's an active verb demanding consistent effort. Through a bicycle analogy, they explain how relationships need constant pedaling (continuous work and intentional energy) or they'll inevitably coast to a stop. While many couples believe they've "fallen out of love," the Drapers challenge this phrase entirely, insisting love is an internal choice rather than an external force.

After twelve years of marriage, Brad and Michaela practice what they preach. They maintain regular date nights and nightly connection time, with Brad currently providing physical support for Michaela at thirty-six weeks pregnant—from counterpressure during contractions to household duties. Interestingly, they delayed having children for five and a half years to build their foundation first. 

Their approach centers on avoiding scorekeeping and embracing the natural ebb and flow of partnership. Small acts matter: bringing a mixer upstairs, expressing gratitude, showing up as a team. (The butterflies of early dating aren't real love, they insist.) The greatest fulfillment comes from working through challenges together because struggle builds deeper connection. Even busy weeks reveal how quickly that spark fades without prioritization, without prioritization.

Important note:
This advice applies only to healthy relationships where both partners genuinely try—toxic or abusive situations require entirely different intervention.

Tune in to discover how choosing love as a verb can transform your relationship.


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What if the secret to a strong marriage isn't being inseparable, but learning when to stand on your own?

The Drapers dive deep into the delicate balance between independence and interdependence in marriage, sharing raw insights from their 11-year journey together. Starting as a 19-year-old wife who waited by the door for her husband's return, Michaela reveals how her early codependency nearly destroyed their relationship. The couple discusses the crucial difference between leaning on your partner versus dumping your entire emotional load on them.

Through honest examples—from constant work complaints to 18 months of non-stop baby talk—Brad and Michaela demonstrate how overwhelming your spouse with daily grievances can make you someone they don't want to come home to. Their breakthrough came with an unexpected ultimatum involving a cat that taught them both the importance of individual fulfillment.

The key takeaway? Healthy relationships require two strong, independent people who choose to build something together, not two halves trying to complete each other. They emphasize taking responsibility for your own healing while still offering genuine support when it truly matters.
Ready to transform your relationship dynamics? Listen to discover the "quirky" solutions that saved their marriage.

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Discover how busy parents can prioritize their relationship without leaving home in this intimate episode recorded from the Drapers' living room.

At 34 weeks pregnant with their third child, Michaela and her husband share their approach to maintaining connection during life's busiest seasons. Instead of a traditional babymoon, they opted for a local staycation while their boys stayed with grandparents - proving that meaningful moments don't require expensive trips or elaborate plans.

The couple opens up about establishing sacred family time from 6-8 PM that even their business partners respect, emphasizing that children remember presence over possessions. They challenge the common excuse of working excessive hours "for the family," arguing that families want you there, not just providing financially.

Key highlights include:

• - How to create relationship time when you can't travel
• - Setting work boundaries that actually stick
• - Why "working for the family" often misses the mark
• - Establishing sacred hours for family connection
• - Planning regular mini-getaways to maintain partnership

The Drapers stress that strong relationships require intentional effort - love doesn't fade, but the effort to nurture it often does. They share practical strategies for staying connected as partners while raising children and building careers.

Ready to learn how to prioritize what matters most? Listen to this episode for actionable insights on balancing family, work, and relationship goals.

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Ever wonder why your kids seem to ignore your threats but listen to other parents?
Brad reveals the eye-opening moment when his six-year-old's friend rolled his eyes at empty parental warnings—but immediately complied when warned that Brad actually follows through.
In this candid episode of Choosing Us, Michaela and Brad get real about the messy reality of parenting as a team. From navigating brutal pregnancy symptoms to discovering their pre-marriage parenting plans didn't survive first contact with actual children, they share hard-won wisdom about different parenting styles.

The couple reveals their "mom says goes" default system, the importance of debriefing privately after tense moments, and why they never criticize each other in front of the kids. Using collaborative "we" language and stepping in when tempers flare has become their secret weapon for maintaining unity.

Drawing from Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters, they emphasize that children's brains aren't fully developed until 25—making consistent boundaries and role modeling crucial. Brad's revelation about kids mimicking everything from tone to how he adjusts his gym shorts drives home the constant responsibility of parenting.

Ready to transform your parenting partnership? Listen to this episode for practical strategies that actually work when theory meets reality.

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What if the secret to relationship happiness isn't finding the perfect partner, but choosing gratitude for the one you have?

After a year of weekly episodes, The Drapers open up about the exhaustion of showing up consistently while delivering their most important message yet. They tackle the dangerous illusion of social media's highlight reels—those rented cars, staged luxury shots, and curated perfection that make real relationships look inadequate by comparison.

The hosts share powerful wisdom from their mentors about "blissful dissatisfaction" and "aggressive patience"—finding contentment in the present while still pursuing growth. They remind us that "the grass is greenest where you water it" and that happiness is an internal choice that must begin now, not after you find someone "better."

Through honest reflections on body changes, financial shifts, and life's inevitable seasons, they challenge the myth that leaving will solve relationship problems. Instead, they advocate for choosing attraction, cultivating gratitude, and stepping away from toxic comparisons that steal joy.
Their six-year practice of weekly date nights proves that meaningful connection trumps wealth every time.

Ready to transform your relationship perspective? Listen to discover how choosing gratitude over comparison can revolutionize your love life.


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Racing Against Thunderstorms: How Small Broken Promises Destroy Big Relationships

What if the key to unshakeable confidence isn't a new car or wardrobe, but simply keeping promises to yourself?
The Drapers dive deep into "The Four Agreements" concept of being impeccable with your word, revealing how seemingly minor broken commitments—like skipping chores or showing up late—systematically erode trust in our most important relationships.

They share powerful examples of how broken promises to children create lasting damage, emphasizing that kids learn from actions, not words. When parents consistently break commitments, they inadvertently teach that accountability is optional.

The hosts demonstrate practical solutions through their CornBelly's pumpkin patch story, showing how transparent communication and creative problem-solving allowed them to honor family commitments while managing business calls. They reveal that 93% of communication is body language and tone, making *how* we speak more crucial than *what* we say.

Most importantly, they argue that true confidence stems from internal trust—keeping promises to yourself first, then extending that reliability to others. Small consistencies build the foundation for unshakeable relationships.

Ready to transform your relationships through impeccable integrity? Listen to discover how keeping your word can revolutionize your confidence and connections.


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What happens when life throws you into survival mode just weeks before your third child arrives?

The Drapers open up about their current chaotic season with Michaela on bed rest at 30 weeks pregnant and Brad overwhelmed with juggling everything solo. While admitting they're barely completing 75% of their daily tasks, they've discovered the power of "heavenly winks" - those unexpected beautiful moments like spontaneous toddler cuddles that shine through the darkness.

This raw conversation dives deep into relationship dynamics during stressful times, emphasizing that **perfection isn't the goal - connection is.** They tackle the dangerous habit of equating task priorities with relationship priorities and share how personal insecurities can sabotage partnerships. 
The couple stresses that self-awareness must come before loving others effectively. You can't pour from an empty cup, and expecting your partner to fulfill all your emotional needs is a recipe for disappointment. Their key insight? Personal happiness is your responsibility, not your partner's burden.

Through honest discussions about communication breakdowns, work-life balance, and the necessity of uncomfortable personal growth, the Drapers remind us that challenging seasons are temporary - but the lessons learned can strengthen relationships forever.

Ready to discover how to find light in your own chaotic season? Listen to this episode for practical wisdom on thriving together when life gets messy.

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