SOLAR ECLIPES, like the upcoming one on April 8th, are a well-documented scientific phenomenon. As early as 763 BCE, anicent Assyrians were charting the process by which the path of the moon temporarily obstructs the sun, and astronomers have continued to do so for thousands of years since. Our kownledge of eclipses predates our knowledge of gravity, algebra, and toilet paper. We are well aware of their existence, and we are well aware of what causes them. Face it... deep down you KNOW the eclipse is not religious, it's not left wing conspiracy it's not even a sign that your mother was right and you should propse before she finds someone better, which you know she will because you don't deserve her. It's a scientific phenomenon. So. let's get sciency. Good time loot. Not because it's dark but because everyone is distracted. Doughnuts, smoothies, pizza, MoonPie, eyewear-brands are going all out-of-this-world withsolar eclipse-themed goodies.