I sat down with Chris Voss, former FBI hostage negotiator and CEO of the Black Swan Group, and within minutes, I realized most of us are communicating completely wrong.

We think negotiation is about being persuasive, dominant, or getting to “yes.”

Chris flipped that idea on its head.

From negotiating with terrorists to advising Fortune 500 CEOs, Chris breaks down the real psychology behind influence, why “yes” is overrated, and how something as simple as listening differently can transform your results—in business, relationships, and life.

What hit me hardest? Half your problems disappear the moment someone feels truly heard.

In this conversation, we go deep into:

- The hidden communication mistakes we all make

- Why clarity can feel like “violence” (and how to fix it)

- The power of mirroring (and how to use it without sounding fake)

- How tactical empathy leads to better deals—and more money

- What hostage negotiation teaches us about everyday life

This isn’t theory. This is real-world strategy from someone who’s operated in life-or-death situations—and now applies it to business, leadership, and human connection.

If you care about results… this episode will change how you think.

TIMESTAMPS: 

00:10 – Intro: Chris Voss (FBI negotiator & author)

01:00 – Why every negotiation impacts the future

01:05 – The pressure of life-or-death decisions

02:08 – The biggest communication mistake people make

02:30 – Precision listening: the skill most people lack

03:30 – Why people are afraid to ask for clarity

04:37 – The myth: communication ≠ understanding

05:00 – How repeating back builds trust instantly

06:07 – What mirroring actually does (FBI technique)

08:30 – Why using someone’s name can backfire

09:29 – How Chris Voss got into FBI negotiation

10:52 – Fear vs. process in high-stakes negotiation

12:00 – Post-traumatic growth vs. defeat

12:45 – Top lesson from Never Split the Difference

13:02 – Stop aiming for “yes”—aim for “that’s right”

13:39 – Perception vs. perspective in negotiation

15:15 – There’s always a better deal

16:00 – Why trust is more common than you think

19:20 – Negotiation, politics & ripple effects

22:37 – Biggest mistake CEOs make in negotiation

23:17 – Why collaboration makes more money

24:30 – Tactical empathy as a competitive advantage

29:55 – Fear of asking questions (conditioning)

30:16 – Why the education system rewards mediocrity

31:21 – The creativity we lose as we grow up

33:17 – The power of belief & mindset

34:52 – The common dnominator of great negotiation

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