CinemaJaw

Reviewed: Arco, Eternity, Conan The Barbarian (2011), Rental Family

I am 7 pounds heavier. My bank account is remarkably low after winning a death match over a TV. And I think my family might never get together again. So it’s been the typical American family’s Thanksgiving Jawheads.

And if you guys weren’t full enough already – lemme tell ya, Matt and Ryan overcooked this one. We’ve got a special Review-O-Rama with FOUR dip-dang reviews this week!

We start with the animated art-house flick Arco. A little peak into the afterlife with Eternity, a rom com staring Miles Teller and Elizabeth Olsen, comes up next. Matt caught up with the 2011 Conan The Barbarian movie (as a reference to that trivia a few weeks back) – and that’s… real life. Like I’m not kidding we went there and it’s spicy. Lastly, we take it all home with Brenden Fraser’s Rental Family… (Like, the new movie he’s in titled: Rental Family… Not his own personal family that he happens to rent. I don’t know anything about Brenden Fraser’s family and don’t want to be sued for defamation and libel).

It’s a big one guys. And Ryan’s drunk on champagne. Matt’s crying and arguing with his brother. It’s a simpler time before we knew this was exhausting. And we all love you.

Take her EZ babes,

-KP

Reviewed: Wicked: For Good

This week, we get down and funky as we let our pipes bellow. That’s right, we’re doing our top 5 musicals of the 21st century (so far). We’re doing that list in honor of Wicked: For Good, the conclusion and sequel to the hit musical from just last year. We’ve also got our standard Cynthia Erivo month festivities and we’re even doing some of that classic Stump the Kubinski we know you know and love!

This is going to be a good one folks! Enjoy.

Reviewed: The Running Man

*KP is sweaty and anxious*

**More than she usually is**

“Okay Jawheads – I’ve got little time to explain so you’re going to have to listen very closely:”

*Panicked breathing continues*

“This week on CinemaJaw… we’re going over the Top 5 ‘On-The-Run’ movies. Like… movies where the characters are escaping the law or some threat or something. 

It’s because we’re reviewing The Running Man, the new Edgar Wright movie. I know; I thought it was the dance too. BUT IT’S NOT. And now, Edgar Wright sent some goons after us and is trying to kill us. So we gotta go. Grab your air pods. Grab your Raycons. I don’t care what you grab, but we gotta go. Edgar is REALLY mad and I think he knows where we are.”

*Silence for a few moments. Only KP’s rushed, unsteady breathing can be heard.*

“Okay fine!! There’s also trivia. Matt’s playing 80s Movie Remake – Stump The Kubinski. LET’S GO!!”

*All the Jawheads in the entire world follow KP moments before Edgar Wright and Glen Powell shoot the locks off the door and barge in saying “Find them”*

Reviewed: Predator: Badlands

This week on CinemaJaw, Matt and Ryan walk away from an explosion in slow motion. Because they. Are. Badasses.

We’re reviewing Predator Badlands this week, and, lemme tell ya folks – this movie is badass. So we figured now is the best time we could decide to go over the baddest of the bad with our Top 5 BADASSES in movies – alongside our review of the one and only Predator: Badlands, of course.

And, we even have ourselves a new theme! It’s a new month, and we had to do somebody totally… badass (obviously). So we went with Cynthia Erivo: absolute legend they are.

That’s about all the exposition I could fit in with the slow motion explosion footage I grabbed of Matt and Ryan, so why don’t I quit writing and go on with the hardcore episode with the coolest of the cool.

Love you all (in an BADASS way),

-KP

Reviewed: Frankenstein, Frogs

It was the best of Episodes. It was the worst of Episodes. Dust off your library card JawHeads, because today we’re talking classic lit!

We’re doing it in honor of Guillermo Del Toro’s new Frankenstein flick. This one’s supposed to be **book-accurate** too, whatever that means!

Plus, since we’re already knee deep in books, we’re going with our top 5 classic literature adaptations. Bring out your Harper Lee, okay guys. Show me some Ray Bradbury, but don’t let him smuggle in matches again. And Oscar Wilde? Yeah – him and that painting of his are invited too. Except none of those people nor books show up in this episode because that would be spoilers.

This is a good episode guys! We also have our review of Frogs and a recap of our event with Ali’s Reptile Den at The Music Box this past week! You aren’t gonna want to miss it guys.

-KP

Reviewed: Bugonia, John Candy: I Like Me

Listen guys – we’ve been loving the millennium recap episodes we’ve been doing. The top 5 ______ of the 2000s lists. And what better time than the last week of October to do our TOP 5 EARLY CHILDHOOD DEVELOPMENT MOVIES OF TH… wait… what?? Oh god… Okay, I’ll let everybody know.

Sorry about that Jawheads. I just got word for the suits that there’s been a slight issue. We are pivoting this week and doing the top 5 HORROR movies of the 2000s in honor of something called… Hollow ween? We would like to formally apologize to all the new parents excited to hear our films about early childhood development; this is a bad episode for you as your children will get scared.

BUT – on the bright side, we do have a great guest to cover our top 5 Horror movies of the new millennium! We’re bring back Cati Glidewell aka The Blonde in Front! She’s a friend of the show and an amazing critic with a particular attraction the spookiest of spooks.

And, since we feel bad about the whole… horror movie list instead of children’s list thing: we’d like to apologize by giving you all 2 reviews this week! The first one is for the new Emma Stone flick Bugonia! It’s directed by the ICONIC Yorgos Lanthimos, and we can’t wait to share it with you. As for the second review, we’ve played our tricks, so you deserve a treat. And what’s a better treat than Candy? JOHN Candy?? We have just the review for you! John Candy: I Like Me, the documentary about the late, great John Candy.

It’s a great time to be alive Jaw Heads. Please PLEASE forgive us.

-KP

Reviewed: A House of Dynamite

BOOOOO!! Did I scare you Ghouls and Gals? I hope so, because this week we are FINALLY getting into the Halloween spirit on this dip-dang show! That’s right, it is our annual Hell’s Gate episode with the one; the ONLY John LaFlamboy. 

As always, John is far too kind to us when we come out and visit the haunt. And, I personally believe that’s because he’s absolutely menacing to us when we’re in the actual haunt. Makes the scares scarier. 

So we have John on to talk about the haunt. What’s new; what’s exciting. What the people need to know about Hell’s Gate. 

And, to spoil a tiny, itty-bitty part of Hell’s Gate, there’s a new addition in the form of a hand-built haunted mausoleum. And in honor of that new addition, we are going in on the top 3 graveyard scenes in movies. 

Plus, we even found the time to squeeze a review in this week! Ryan caught Netflix’s A House of Dynamite. And we know you’re all wondering if this Nuclear War Thriller is… Dynamite!! You’re just gonna have to listen and find out folks!

Stay spooky. Stay scary. And wear a costume will ya!

-KP

Reviewed: Tron: Ares, Roofman

This week on CinemaJaw, we’re talking ROBOTS AND SNAKES BABYYYY. 

I’m gonna keep things 100p guys, I tried framing this writeup as though I had Chat GPT do it – but I don’t know how Chat GPT writes well enough to copy it. And then I realized, what if people just believed me that I had Chat GPT do it? Then I started wondering: is me writing the Jaw Post this week really that much different from AI writing it? Am I really that different from AI? How do I know I’m **NOT** AI, and there’s some user controlling me beyond my comprehension? Why do I even want to pretend Chat GPT wrote the Jaw Post??? What even is the joke here KP???? Do I even understand humor or AM I JUST A SERIES OF LAUGH-LESS ONES AND ZEROES????????

…And… after breathing deeply in and out of a paper bag a few times, I decided the Tron: Ares episode of CinemaJaw just isn’t worth the existential crisis. It’s a movie. It’s got Jared Leto and the music was made by Nine Inch Nails. And we reviewed it y’all.

Plus, there’s that proverbial saying (I believe it’s Belgian, but correct me if I’m wrong): “Nobody can frown when there’s a frog in the room.” And lucky us, we’ve got Ali from the reptile den BACK in ACTION!!

Ali always does us right by bringing some cool animals to the studio, and while we’re promoting Frogs at the Music Box of Horrors later this month, you know Ali’s Reptile Den came through with a frog.

Robots. Frogs. A second review of Roofman. 3 top 5 Ecological Horror lists. And even a little bit of trivia – if you can believe it. This is a good one guys.  

Love you all!

-KP

Reviewed: The Lost Bus

We can always tell when KP wrote the show notes. She’s got her own writing style; her own voice. We always can tell. For example – I know you called that this was a KP-written post!

And… get used to that this episode. If you’re not a KP fan… listen, I get it. I don’t like her more than half of the time either. But this one is a big one! This one is our Top 5 Animated Films of the new millennium. And KP, as the show’s resident animator, needed a week to crack her knuckles and have somebody hold her beer. 

It’s not just cartoons and fun times though. Absolutely not. This is a serious show; we have some serious segments. Like Ryan’s review of The Lost Bus starring Matthew “Town Car” McConaughey. Nothing could be more serious you guys. NOTHING.

And, to round this absolute banger of an episode out, we close the show with some trivia, as we always do. Our very own Matt K has a pop quiz today on how well he knows… Matt. But not the K one – the McConaughey one. 

It’s a good one!! And I’m **NOT** just saying that because I get a lot of air time. 

Love you all,

-KP

Reviewed: The Smashing Machine

ARE YOU READY TO RUUUUMBLLLLLLEEEEEEE!?

…what’s that?.. No? You’re not??

Oh. Okay. Well… are you ready to jaw about the movies? Because that is something that we can do too. And, just like I transformed from being a small Japanese woman editing podcasts into a ring announcer just now, The Rock, Dwayne Johnson no less, transforms into a completely new person in his new flick The Smashing Machine.

None of us here at CinemaJaw are big MMA fans, so we didn’t know what to expect from The Rock, but with Benny Safdi directing, Matt and Ry couldn’t resist heading off to the screening, and coming right to the studio to record their reviews.

And seriously JawHeads, if you haven’t seen the trailer for The Smashing Machine, check out The Rock. He looks like a completely different person! And in honor of that, our boys are also going top 5 on Physical Transformation Performances. Think make up. Think prosthetics. Think weight loss and weight gain. All the above in ONE top five!

It’s an easy breezy one this week y’all. Love u bunches UwU

-KP