There was a low rumble, a metallic squink, and a baffling galonk. Katy reconsiders the Bic Round Stic. Derek's nails don't grow like everyone else's.

We try to remember how to podcast and more importantly, whether Katy has seen any of the Star Trek movies (she hasn't).

We perform a table read of the abandoned Seinfeld episode "The Gun/The Bet", written by Larry Charles and deemed not funny enough and too dark to continue production. How many items can we make our child fetch so she's won't hear us say "sex"?

Derek and Katy square off in the battle of the century to find out...whose cereal choices are better. DM us your vote for Katy's or Derek's lists @closetalkerspodcast on Instagram!

Susan expires. George rejoices. Jerry dates himself. Kramer says hello. Elaine is also there.

It's better than Ghandi. Somehow we get into conservative mouthpieces and "reversaries". Susan chooses the chicken.

Katy's mic malfunctions and we hardly miss her. Derek reminds us of his deranged past as a bottle depositor.

Warning: This episode is pretty gassy. Jerry Seinfeld thinks toxic masculinity is knowing how to order a drink. Derek doesn't believe blond hair and brown eyes is a thing.

Thick does not mean chunk. We keep it short and silly for this terrible episode.

The Friars Club serves turd burger. Derek has strong feelings about conductors again. Katy's mic was off and no one noticed.