CLOSER with Rachel Lim

When do children stop trusting themselves?

They start out asking why about everything. They know what they like. They challenge us. They follow their curiosity without wondering whether they’re doing it “right”. And then, somewhere along the way, many start looking outside themselves for the answers.

In the 2nd episode of Raising Conscious Humans, I sit down again with Hwee Keng Maeder, mother of three boys, including Singapore’s youngest Olympic medallist, Max Maeder, to talk about how we protect that inner compass instead of slowly overriding it. She tells me, “You can’t want to raise a curious child that doesn’t challenge you. Then it’s not a curious child.”

We talk about knowing when to step in and when not to rescue, including why she resisted bringing her youngest home from a summer camp in Greece even when he called every day asking to leave. We also talk about giving children real responsibility, letting them face consequences, and creating different “pockets” where they can build confidence and self-worth, so their whole identity doesn’t rest on our approval or how well they perform.

And I share a moment with Ollie that made me realise how easily our children’s struggles can start to feel like a reflection of us.

At the heart of it is one question:

How do we raise children who can trust themselves?

• 00:00:00 Introduction
• 00:02:00 Curious Child vs. Compliant Child
• 00:03:38 It’s Okay to Say, “Not Right Now”
• 00:04:49 Honouring the Child’s Agenda, Not Ours
• 00:08:52 How Good Intentions Can Kill Curiosity
• 00:11:47 Creating a Safe Space for Questions and Discernment
• 00:15:11 When to Sit With Discomfort Instead of Rescuing
• 00:19:11 “Is This for Them, or Is This for Me?”
• 00:23:21 When Our Child’s Struggle Feels Like Our Failure
• 00:27:45 Giving Children Space to Build Their Own Confidence
• 00:33:48 Letting Children Face Consequences
• 00:37:40 Raising Conscious Humans, Not Compliant Ones
• 00:39:01 The Mindset Shift That Changes How We Parent

Follow CLOSER on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/closerwithrach/

Follow Rachel here:  https://www.instagram.com/ms_rach/

The word narcissist gets thrown around a lot. But what does narcissism actually look like in a relationship, and what happens to us when we spend too long trying to manage someone else? In this episode of CLOSER, I sit down with clinical psychologist and bestselling author Dr. Ramani Durvasula to unpack narcissism beyond the label: the subtle signs we often miss, why narcissistic people can be so charming to the outside world, and why the people closest to them can have a completely different experience.

We talk about what it feels like to walk on eggshells, to second-guess what you say, to give endlessly but feel unsupported in return, and how, over time, you can begin silencing parts of yourself just to keep the peace. Dr. Ramani also shares why we cannot change another person's narcissism, what healthy boundaries and realistic expectations can look like, and why compassion for someone else should not require abandoning yourself. We explore healing, self-blame, healthy ego, social media, and how we can raise children with a stronger sense of who they are.

One idea from this conversation stayed with me: more than one thing can be true at the same time. You can love someone and still be hurt by them. You can see the good in them and acknowledge that their behaviour may not change. And sometimes, healing begins with seeing the relationship for what it is, rather than continuing to believe that if we just love better, give more, or say the right thing, we can make it different.

• 00:00:00 Introduction
• 00:01:26 What Is Narcissism, Really?
• 00:03:57 Narcissism Is a Spectrum
• 00:06:12 How Dr. Ramani Recognised Narcissism in Her Own Life
• 00:08:42 What a Narcissistic Relationship Actually Feels Like
• 00:12:49 Is Social Media Fueling Narcissism?
• 00:15:16 How to Raise Children With a Strong Sense of Self
• 00:19:30 Can a Narcissist Actually Change?
• 00:21:26 How to Stop Blaming Yourself and Set Boundaries
• 00:24:36 The Biggest Myths About Narcissism
• 00:26:12 Healthy Ego vs. Narcissism
• 00:27:49 When Compassion Becomes Self-Abandonment
• 00:30:10 “It’s Not You”
• 00:32:04 Be Their Parent, Not Their Peer
• 00:35:53 What Dr. Ramani Wants You to Know About Narcissism

Follow Rachel here: https://www.instagram.com/doctorramani?stkn=MWcxZXNwdng3YzZteA==

Follow Dr. Ramani Durvasula here:
https://doctor-ramani.com/

Hwee Keng said: “There is a personality in that small human being... you don’t know the settings. First, I think you need to find out the settings.”

As parents, we spend so much energy shaping who we hope our children will become, and perhaps not enough time discovering who they already are.

What struck me about Hwee Keng is how much of her parenting has been about unlearning her own expectations. She even caught herself once after feeling disappointed that Max didn’t win a competition, and realised some of that disappointment was about her own ego.

That hit me. Because maybe the work is not raising the child we imagined, but learning to really see the child in front of us.

In this episode, we talk about curiosity over performance, giving children real agency, the difference between “you’ve got this” and “we’ve got you,” responsibility, consequences, and what it means to raise children who are truly fit for life.

Follow CLOSER on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/closerwithrach/

Follow Rachel here:  https://www.instagram.com/ms_rach/

Before Shanti Pereira became Singapore's fastest woman, before she made history on some of the world's biggest stages, she was a ten-year-old girl who lost a few races in primary school and wanted to quit.

That's where we begin. Not with the medals, but with the moments most people never see. Losing both her scholarships within the same week at 22 and sharing, "It really felt like rejection." Getting injured in an Olympic year after achieving her dream of qualifying for Paris on merit, and wondering if she'd even make it to the start line. The unglamorous discipline of showing up on the days she didn't feel like it at all.

What struck me most wasn't Shanti's list of achievements.. it was the way she spoke about identity. About learning not to tie her self-worth to success or failure. About protecting her peace. And about choosing, again and again, not to give up when things get hard.

At the end of every season, whether it's been a good one or a difficult one, she asks herself: "Did I show up?" I think that's a question all of us need from time to time.

I hope you'll enjoy this conversation with Shanti Pereira.

• 00:00:00 Meet Shanti Pereira: The Woman Behind Singapore’s Fastest Sprint
• 00:01:20 Growing Up in the Shadow of Track and Field
• 00:03:46 The Childhood Lesson That Changed Everything
• 00:05:27 Grounded Advice For Her Younger Self
• 00:06:54 Facing Rejection: Losing Two Scholarships in a Single Week
• 00:09:14 Defying Failure and Choosing Resilience
• 00:12:40 Managing Olympic Dreams Amidst Physical Injuries
• 00:18:09 Staying Grounded: Body Care, Aging, and Reconnecting With Her "Why"
• 00:20:23 Choosing Stillness Over Chaos at the Starting Line
• 00:25:12 Tuning Out Public Pressure to Protect Your Joy
• 00:27:56 How to Reset Your Mindset After a Bad Race
• 00:30:48 The Powerful Advice That Stayed With Her
• 00:31:33 Finding Her Identity Beyond Winning and Losing
• 00:34:23 The Unseen Work and Human Side of Elite Performance
• 00:36:17 Choosing Consistency and Building Unshakable Habits
• 00:37:36 Shanti Pereira’s Definition of a Champion
• 00:39:19 Inspiring the Next Generation of Athletes
• 00:40:13 Sacrificing Her 20s: Choosing a Different Path Without Regret
• 00:41:23 Entering a Milestone Decade and Looking Toward Her Next Era
• 00:43:35 Shanti Pereira’s Recovery Rituals and Wellness Staples
• 00:45:18 The Message She Hopes to Leave Behind
• 00:46:05 Staying True to Herself Beyond the Spotlight
• 00:46:41 Final Reflections

Follow Rachel here: https://www.instagram.com/ms_rach/

Follow Shanti Pereira here: https://www.instagram.com/vshantipereira/

Most people know Ing as the founder of INGU - the skincare brand that sold out 30,000 units in three minutes with zero advertising. The trusted voice who built a community of millions by doing the one thing his industry often punishes: telling the truth.

But this conversation isn't really about skincare.. it's about what happens after you build something people believe in. The weight of carrying other people's trust. The loneliness of being misunderstood. The panic attacks that made him think he was dying. The goodbye video he filmed, edited, and still hasn't had the courage to post.

For the first time, Ing shares what was happening behind the scenes during one of the biggest seasons of his life, and how it changed the way he thinks about ambition, happiness and success itself. We also talk about the person who answered the phone from a surgery room when Ing thought he was going to die on the floor of a café, and why that relationship ultimately reshaped his definition of what really matters.

I left this conversation seeing success a little differently. I hope you do too.

Follow Rachel here:  https://www.instagram.com/ms_rach/

Follow Ing here: https://www.instagram.com/ingck/

Follow Ingu Skin here: https://www.instagram.com/inguskin/

You don't need a crisis to enter a new chapter. Sometimes life is moving along just fine. And yet, you find yourself carrying questions you can't quite shake.

This conversation feels especially meaningful to me. Three years ago, Bill Burnett helped shape one of the biggest chapters of my life. Today, I'm returning to his work because the questions I'm asking have changed, and I need that space again.

Together, we explore why so many of us feel there's "something more," why life was never meant to be a straight line, and how creating the time, space, and structure to think differently can help us navigate what's next with greater clarity, intention, and possibility.

If this conversation resonates with you, Bill and I will be hosting a special CLOSER experience in Singapore on 25th July. We'd love for you to join us as we explore what your next chapter could become.

Sing up for CLOSER x Bill Burnett here: https://tinyurl.com/5n7dkdrb

Follow Rachel here: https://www.instagram.com/ms_rach/

Visit Bill Burnett’s website here: https://designingyour.life/

Read ‘Designing Your Life’ here: https://designingyour.life/books-designing-life-original-book/

Most of us have been taught that the pressure Singaporean parents feel is a mindset problem. That we just need to relax. Stop being so kiasu. The data tells a completely different story.

Associate Professor Teo You Yenn spent three years interviewing 92 Singaporean parents across every class background for her new book Unease; and what she found will reframe how you see your own life. Not just parenting. The whole thing.

She makes the case that the exhaustion, the anxiety, the feeling that you're doing everything right and still something is off.. none of it is personal. It's structural. And until we understand that distinction, nothing changes.

We talked about:

• Why "kiasu" is not a cultural trait; and what it actually is
• What it means that most parents describe their child as a problem to solve
• Why Singapore's falling birth rate isn't a fertility problem - it's a conditions-for-family-life problem
• The three quiet costs to our society that nobody is talking about
• What the opposite of unease actually is (it's not ease)

What stayed with me long after we stopped recording: the way we're living is shaping who we're becoming. As individuals, as parents, as a society. And we haven't stopped to ask if this is who we want to be.

• 00:00:00 Introduction
• 00:01:36 Meet You Yenn: Exposing the Contradiction of Singaporean Success
• 00:04:02 Defining “Unease”: The Quiet Struggle of Helplessness in Singapore
• 00:05:45 Why “Kiasu Mentality” is Too Simple an Excuse
• 00:07:33 How the System Conditions Singaporeans to Run the Race
• 00:10:48 The Painful Cost of Losing Agency
• 00:12:00 Returning to the Original Dream of Prosperity in Singapore
• 00:14:30 Seeing Our Children Through the Lens of Problems
• 00:16:49 Reevaluating Our Values Across Class Lines
• 00:20:48 The Unequal Weight of Motherhood
• 00:23:42 What Does a “Pro-Family” Society Look Like?
• 00:25:43 Singapore’s Low TFR: A Fertility Problem or a Family Life Problem?
• 00:28:01 Singapore’s Obsession with Finding “Top Talents”
• 00:32:29 Shifting the Narrow Definition of “Family” in Singapore
• 00:34:17 Writing for a Historian 50 Years from Now
• 00:36:10 Finding Hope in a Shared Public Resonance
• 00:39:15 Final Reflections

Follow Rachel here: https://www.instagram.com/ms_rach/

Follow You Yenn’s updates here: https://www.instagram.com/ethosbooks/

Purchase ‘Unease: Life in Singapore Families’ here: https://www.ethosbooks.com.sg/products/unease-life-in-singapore-families

Write in to the team at [email protected]

Singapore's total fertility rate has hit a historic low. But this conversation was never really about birth rates.

It was about what modern life actually feels like for many Singaporeans today. The pressure. The exhaustion. The invisible weight of always having to keep up. And the quiet calculation so many people are running; about whether building a family here is something they can imagine, afford, or want.

Minister Indranee Rajah leads Singapore's Marriage and Parenthood Reset. She is also single. And she has no children of her own.

In this conversation, we go beyond policy. We talk about:

• The invisible mental load women carry that no support system fully removes
• ⁠The pressure parents feel before a child is even born - and why it starts earlier than most people realise
• ⁠The women who have built lives they genuinely love - and aren't sure they want to give that up
• What the public reaction to the word "detour" was really saying
• What it means to lead this conversation as a single woman without children
• The family she lost - and why their absence shaped her understanding of family itself
• Whether modern Singaporean life still feels emotionally sustainable enough to build a family within

• 00:00:00 Minister Indranee Rajah: The Minister Tasked With Singapore’s Future
• 00:02:50 Growing Up Between Two Cultures & Faiths
• 00:05:59 Her Mother's Greatest Gift
• 00:06:57 How Her Legal Mindset Shapes Singapore’s Toughest Conversation
• 00:10:21 Why Singaporeans Are Rejecting the Life Script — Not Family
• 00:14:36 The Overachievement Culture That Made Good Enough Feel Like Failure
• 00:17:14 The Growing Pressure of Raising Kids in Singapore
• 00:21:08 The Invisible Mental Load Women Carry
• 00:22:31 The Woman Who Hid Her Fertility Treatment From Her Boss
• 00:23:37 Addressing Singaporean Work Culture & Fertility Stigma
• 00:29:56 Why Singaporeans Are Choosing Their Quality of Life Over Parenthood
• 00:32:07 The “Detour” Comment That Sparked Debate
• 00:35:37 Leading Singapore’s Parenthood Conversation as a Single Woman
• 00:38:10 Why Baby Bonuses Don’t Apply to Unwed Mothers
• 00:41:43 Why She's Doing This — Even When Everyone Says It's Impossible
• 00:44:47 What Makes Her Believe Singapore Can Change

Follow Rachel here:  https://www.instagram.com/ms_rach/

Follow Minister Indranee here: https://www.instagram.com/indraneerajah/

Download the FSS fertility workplace support guide here: https://fertilitysupport.sg/wp-content/uploads/2025/07/FSS-workplace-support-guide.pdf

Write in to the team at [email protected]. 

Most of us only start thinking about fertility when something suddenly feels urgent; a doctor’s appointment, a breakup, a birthday, or the quiet realisation that time may not feel as endless as we once thought. In this episode, I sit down with Margaret Wang, CEO of GenPrime and Rhea Fertility, for a deeply honest conversation about fertility, womanhood, pressure, timing, and learning to listen to our bodies before life forces us to.

Together, we talk about:

• why fertility shouldn’t just be a “women’s issue”
• the invisible emotional load many women quietly carry
• ⁠egg freezing, aging, and the pressure surrounding motherhood and timelines
• the questions many of us don’t even know to ask about our own bodies
• and why so many women still feel alone in this conversation

Margaret also opens up personally about navigating egg freezing, heartbreak, societal expectations, and the tension between building a career, building a company, and hoping to one day build a family. Whether fertility feels far away, deeply present, or painfully emotional for you right now, this conversation is an invitation to get curious, ask earlier questions, and feel a little less alone.

• 00:00:00 Introduction
• 00:01:09 Get to Know Margaret Wang: The Woman Reshaping Fertility Care Across Asia
• 00:04:18 A Holistic Approach to Redefining Fertility Stigma
• 00:06:12 Egg Freezing: Progress, Freedom and the Gaps We Don’t Talk About
• 00:08:52 Why Fertility Conversations Still Feel Taboo
• 00:13:22 Nobody Taught Us How Fertility Actually Works
• 00:15:51 How to Ask the Right Questions About Fertility
• 00:19:01 Numerical Age vs Biological Age: Is It Too Late?
• 00:21:08 Debunking Fertility Myths and Misconceptions
• 00:23:20 The Personal Cost of Working in Fertility Care
• 00:25:53 Margaret Wang’s Message to the World
• 00:27:07 Final Reflections

Follow Rachel here:  https://www.instagram.com/ms_rach/

Connect with Margaret here: https://sg.linkedin.com/in/margaretmwang

Find out more about Rhea Fertility here: https://www.rheafertility.com/

Write in to the team at [email protected].

Nathania Ong is the first Singaporean to lead both Les Misérables and Hamilton on London’s West End.

But before any of that, she was 18, alone in a foreign city, rejected by every drama school she applied to in a single week.

This is a story about the years nobody sees.. the flight home after every door closes, and the quiet season where you have to decide: Do I keep going, or do I let this go?

In this conversation, Nathania opens up about:

• the rejections that almost broke her
• the stage fright she developed after going viral
• ⁠the best friend who talked her back from the edge
• and the philosophy that has carried her through every closed door since

“Sometimes it’s not no. Sometimes it’s not yet. And what is for you will not pass you by.”

• 00:00:00 Introduction
• 00:01:29 Meet Nathania Ong: From Singapore to the West End
• 00:02:35 Growing Up in a House Full of Voices
• 00:07:11 The First Win That Changed Everything
• 00:10:00 Losing Singing — and Finding Herself Again
• 00:13:57 Five Rejections in One Week
• 00:18:00 “I Almost Gave Up”
• 00:19:47 The Second Chance She Almost Didn’t Take
• 00:25:55 Her Greatest Triumph Wasn’t Success
• 00:28:10 What Keeps You Going When Nothing Does
• 00:29:18 Why Rejection Feels So Personal
• 00:32:22 Becoming Éponine — And Redefining the Role
• 00:37:00 When Success Brings Fear
• 00:38:28 Stage Fright, Anxiety, and Finding Ground Again
• 00:41:04 Pre-Show Rituals & Becoming the Character
• 00:42:04 Creating Something Honest for Herself
• 00:43:33 What She’d Tell Her Younger Self
• 00:45:11 Advice for Anyone Chasing a Dream
• 00:45:38 Final Reflections

Follow Rachel here:  https://www.instagram.com/ms_rach/

Follow Nathania Ong here: https://www.instagram.com/nattyong/

Write in to the team at [email protected].