Clouds, Rain, Aya

[Warning: Sensitive Content] Hmm...The clouds are crying today, and so is Aya. In this episode, she faces an abrupt trauma. Abrupt meaning very sudden or unexpected; and Trauma meaning an emotional response to a distressing event where you experience an extreme series of fear, shock, and panic. This incident not only worsened Aya's anxiety but her mood shifted from one to another in a rapid state and opened a deep wound from her childhood. The episode talks ONLY about her experiences and not about what to do when trauma happens, because even she, does not know what to do after experiencing it yet again. Her segments were divided into two: 2 hours after trauma and 9 days after trauma. Watch how Aya deals with her post-traumatic stress and midnight panic attacks just as she tried to conquer her own silent battle in the midst of her finals week. 

Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya finally finds the time to record an episode in a brief moment inside her home—which has long been a part of why she's podcasting at her bathroom all alone. Let's be honest, a home doesn't necessarily means cozy environment immediately. Sometimes, it's one of the main causes why you grew up in a certain box/space or how you grew up perceiving life. It's even harder when you know you can't do anything about it especially you've been living at this 'home' for the past 18 years. Watch how Aya relates the idea of her own environment to her academes, her plans as an adult, and most importantly, her, suffocating from a place called home...

[Listen at your own risk...] Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya shares a glimpse of what it looks like when an extreme overthinker experiences anxiety attack every once in a while. This episode consists of three compilations of her anxiety attacks, on three different months, named after three kinds of thoughts—intrusive, latent, and un(necessary) thoughts. Anxiety attacks, also known as panic attacks are episodes of intense panic, fear, or anxiety. They usually occur unexpectedly for no apparent reason, but they can also be linked to specific triggers. During an anxiety attack, people may experience overwhelming panic, fear, loss of control, chest pain, trouble breathing and other signs of worry. Anxiety can occur during everyday life, it could be fleeting or it could persist and build. Watch how Aya shows a surface level of anxiety attacks and how it affects her on a day-to-day basis. 

Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya summons her very first guest (finally! wooo). Teri, a crackhead friend that often shares the same wavelength as her, also known as Jannah the deluh suhl bish that Aya met on discord—early 2021. Now without any hesitation, she initiates a common ground topic for both of them which is: freeloading. This term is widely used for people who takes advantage of other people's generosity without giving anything in return. Hence, in an academical context they are called the 'dumbells'. All they do is move their responsibilities to another person's life and so in return, the victims of the freeloaders are burdened...enough spoiling, let's just learn from our guest, shall we? 

Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya ends 2021 with a phrase: Bye, Felicia. It is a slang way of dismissing someone. Sometimes it is to express disregard or indifference to someone, as if to say, “That’s it. I’m done putting up with you. I’m so over this. Goodbye.” 2021 was not the best year, it wasn't thoroughly the ideal year to promote her growth as an individual. In fact, neither of the past two years made her feel like there was enough room for change along with the pandemic that took a toll on everyone's mental health. However, this doesn't mean that she will be stagnant during these pandemic years, the hunger for self love and mental stability is what keeps her motivated and will still be 'til 2022 comes. Let's just hope that next year, she will be more open and kind to herself. Watch how Aya, at last, leaves the past behind—not totally forgetting about it, but to acknowledge it now and to not let her past decisions affect her upcoming ones, especially this next year. 

Happy New Year! 

Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya approaches her past stories to gradually close it behind and leave it on her past. Often times closures aren't acknowledged and some, aren't necessary at all. But why do we, humans feel the need to close something when we know it's bound to be left unresolved not unless you sew it up on your own? Why is it that we think of closures as the answer to alleviate our pain and confusion from the past? Watch how Aya discusses the remnants of the old days that weren't closed enough because she wasn't sure; and as to why she feels it's something that ties her from moving forward. 

Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya went on a mini-hiatus (that didn't really affect anyone—not even her own podcast.) HOWEVER, that doesn't mean she continued to aim for hard work all throughout her rest days. In fact, she came to a halt after realizing a couple of overwhelming things on her surrounding that may or may not have influenced her way of thinking. 

The use of a semicolon ";" symbolizes a choice to keep going rather than end—consequently, continue and/or start anew without forgetting the past behind. Watch how Aya slowly unlearns one miniscule part of her mindset that she knows sooner or later she has to get rid of, but can't completely do it. It's a matter of choosing between letting other people decide when she needs to pause, or to let herself guide her own time. 

Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya sneaks up another episode for the last day of November to talk about an emotion called sadness. Have you been feeling sad lately? Have you been asking yourself why is it that you feel that way? If you don't have the clear answers for those questions, tune in and watch how Aya deals with this emotion as if it is a part of her life that she desperately want to not feel—but also often times, she needs to bear with. 

Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya unwillingly flips another page from the end of Chapter 17 towards the start of Chapter 18. Yes.. that's right, she will be starting from page 1 again as she uncovers a chapter that symbolizes the start of her adulthood. This episode serves as the annual tradition wherein she'll be listening to this for every year added to her age. Watch how Aya expresses her worries and thoughts about her BIRTHDAY.