The sanctity of the Gravy Station is besmirched as another fight breaks out at a Toby Carvery. The Aussies are recommending drinking fuck all because they are lightweights and there is foghorn of everything now. 

The votes are in, have been counted and verified and Foghorn is now the new leader of our new foghorn based society. Praise be to our new foghorn overlords, let their horns be heard for miles around.

What the hell has Tommy Lee got to do with fat tourists riding donkeys in Greece? Seriously though...

Man pulls hideous tape worm from anus with hideous finger nails in an all round clear sign of the end times. Boris ups his game in bizarre publicity stunts and bodybuilder has Munchausen's by proxy over a sex doll.

A wild show today! One of my favourites for a while. We run down last nights DNBA Awards and I blow the whistle on a BBC Solent DJ that has crossed the line.

Big Elion gets the win over Pedo Guy but fails to receive the apology he feels he deserves. Tinder is bunk according to some scientists who asked about 5 Norwegians if they ever get laid. 

I regale the people of Costa with the story of how I invented music. People are rightly outraged with the absolute state of the M&S Percy Pig advent calendar.

A duck born to sling duck has suffered a fate worse than death. Bert's Home Store allow little Jimmy to pass under less than optimal circumstances. Theme Weatherspoons would be a great computer game!

Today we look at one of the most important questions facing society. Would you rather be a cuck, an incel or part of an ugly trouple?

Your mum has been hacking NASA to try and find out who killed Kennedy. She thinks she's Q-Anon, maybe she is! Old folk in Florida are getting it done in the street, and why shouldn't they?