Coming Out Gold

I almost called this episode "the podcast that almost wasn't".  I really hadn’t planned on having an episode this week because, well, #life.  But the day before episode 11 was scheduled to go live, inspiration struck and I recorded this episode.  It is another in the Real Talk with Coach Tammy and in it, I pull back the veil to give you some insight into me and my latest ride on the struggle bus.  I also share my plans for 2022 and how I am tracking my tasks.  It is shorter than normal and hopefully is a quick and enjoyable listen.  I will be back next week talking about some tactical ways to find success in 2022.  I hope you come back then.  

In the meantime, please follow me on social media and reach out if you are interested in having me coach you one-on-one.  If you want to join my PROMOS course, shoot me a DM and we will work it out!

Until next week, remember, I am in it WITH you, always,

Coach Tammy

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If I could teach you a system that would help you unearth your true identity, walk in the fullness of who you were created to be by dreaming big dreams, and help you create a game plan for moving in the direction of your dreams, would you be willing to spend an hour a week with me working on this?

We can’t continue getting to the end of a calendar year feeling like we failed to meet the expectations we had set for ourselves. I know that far too many of my coaching clients have struggled with feeling as if there aren’t enough hours in the day to get it all done much less get it done well. This is no way to live! Who wants to feel like they are failing when they are putting the bulk of the hours in the day giving attention to a laundry list of things??

After walking through so many fires and helping other women do the same, I knew I had to create something focused on resolving the same three challenges I kept hearing: lack of energy, lack of time, and lack of resources. Those who have beta tested this system say it provides a new way to navigate life. Women are coming out the other side more confident and purpose-filled with an arsenal of tools to build a path forward so that when the ending credits roll on their lives, they are on their feet celebrating at the top of their lungs.

I have seen first-hand the transformative growth this system can bring by helping you design a life overflowing with the clarity and energy needed to chase down your dreams! When implemented, this will become a rhythm by which your days flow. You will design a custom daily practice to create momentum to move you towards your ideal life. And that is what every woman deserves.

My PROMOS system has two distinct parts: goal setting and task management AND time and energy management. In part one, you will define your life buckets, dream some big dreams, and then reverse engineer them, so you have a path to get from where you are now to where you want to be. In part two, you will create your ideal schedule, outline projects and prioritize project tasks, plus create daily rhythms.

I can’t promise you that if you go through and implement my system you will wake up with a bank account like Warren Buffet, fit into your high school jeans hidden in the back of your closet, or that all of your worries will melt away. But I can say if you implement this program, you will spend your days taking inspired action and seeing your life transform as a result. You will design new rhythms for managing your energy, time, and resources to build momentum that pushes you towards your dreams. And you will be able to prioritize your schedule around what matters most to you because the reality is, if you don’t prioritize your time and manage your energy, someone else will.

Submit your Coming Out Gold stories to [email protected]

Head here to find the blog version of the episode and the link to the course details.

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Today we are tackling a lie that has been unknowingly controlling many women, and this is the belief that we need permission to transform our lives.

Many women I have worked with have struggled to believe they can set aside the time and energy needed to pour into their dreams. As women, we're trained that focusing on our needs is selfish, and I am here to throw a flag on that. Taking care of ourselves makes us better prepared to care for those we love, our work, and all other aspects of our lives. For several years I believed I lacked the margin to spend energy, time, or resources chasing my dreams. Whenever I made a move to do so, the guilt monster would come roaring in, and I would back away. But after doing my work, I realized I MUST take ownership over how my story unfolds even as I navigate circumstances beyond my control. And this means I have to stop apologizing for taking up space in this world. Does this feel familiar to you?

I think it is time we all started giving ourselves permission to change...to become the women we want to be so we can show up in the world in a way that aligns with our values and what matters most to us.

Did you know that permission slips were designed for minors or people unable to make competent decisions legally? They weren't designed to be needed by grown women.

Think about it: Who are you asking to sign your permission slip so you can do what it is you want to do?  And why on earth do they hold authority over you in that way?  I am serious. This is a question you need to be asking yourself every single time you hesitate to do something you want to do. And because this is rooted in needing approval from someone, I would challenge you to remember that no one else has to understand the vision you have for your life. Only you know what is best for you.  And no matter how important the other person is to you, they can’t understand everything you do because they aren't inside your head.

Instead of thinking of permission slips traditionally, I want to offer a new lens for the idea of you needing permission. What if, moving forward, the concept of permission meant unapologetic action? If we implement what we have learned here, we know that awareness plus alignment leads to integrity. If we define and live by a set of active core values, they are the guiding force behind making aligned decisions to ensure we live in integrity. See, our journey is so much bigger than us, and we are all meant to leave this world a better place than we found it. But that begins by us making choices aligned with what we value. If we are moving through life using these steps to filter our decisions, then there is no room for us to need permission from someone else. We can simply take confident, unapologetic action in the direction of our dreams because we know that they are right for us. And isn’t that a much better way to live?

In this episode, we are going to take three steps to create freedom so we can transform our lives. Listen to hear me explain these and then be sure to head to the blog version for a recap along with a free download to help you take strategic steps to do this in your life today.

Head here to find the blog version of the episode containing the free download.

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Have you ever been in a car where the wheels are out of alignment? Sure, you can hop in the car and drive to wherever you need to go, but it is going to pull left or right and is sure to give you a bumpier ride than normal! Over time it can create some serious problems. It is the same way with us. When we are out of alignment, we can get up and go about our lives, but we feel pulled in different directions. Some of us may know where it is we want to go but because of being yanked around getting there is certainly not a straight or smooth path. 

As we start coming awake in our own stories and become aware of the places where those shoulds don’t match who we are, we can get to work on giving our lives an alignment.

Y’all know how I love to ask Google to define things so we are always working from the same understanding. When I did some digging on the word alignment I found this:

The noun alignment refers to the correct positioning of something. If you check the alignment of your feet when running, you're checking to make sure they're not pointing to either side, but going straight ahead. Alignment has to do with adjusting something so it's in the right place. Another said that alignment is when our thoughts, life choices, and direction all honor our core values. Alignment is when we listen to our intuition and move through the world embodying our true selves. A super simple definition I found was that alignment is function and action with ease. For those who are Jesus girls, you may define it as when our spirits, souls, and bodies work together in peace and harmony. 

As for integrity, the amazing Brene Brown gets my vote on the best definition as she says in her book Rising Strong that "Integrity is choosing courage over comfort; choosing what is right over what is fun, fast, or easy; and choosing to practice our values rather than simply professing them.”

For me, I say integrity is when your energy, time, and resources are in alignment with your active core values and the woman you are becoming. Integrity makes us trustworthy because our words line up with our actions. Now, let’s get to the nuts and bolts of how to find the alignment we need so we become women of integrity. I have made it easy with these three simple steps:

You don’t have to be a woman ruled by expectations and responsibilities to the point that who you are and what you want gets lost. Grab the free download in the show notes below. Do this work and you will be a woman who gets to live a life that matches the desires of your heart so that all you do daily moves you step by little step closer to your dreams. Now THAT is what I call living!

Head here to find the blog version of the episode containing the free download for defining your purpose and passion.

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Facebook: @Coming-Out-Gold-Podcast 

November is over and December has raced upon us with maddening speed.  For many people out there this means there is suddenly an elephant in the room.  We can ignore as many do, or we can call the thing a thing.  Any guesses to what this elephant might be?

The Holidays.

The holidays can be so hard.  It gets dark in the middle of the afternoon leaving some struggling with SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder).  Everywhere you look people are gathered, families are circled around the table, and romantic dates galore as engagements are at their highest each year. Ads run non-stop telling us what we need to be happy this Christmas.  They fill our minds with expectations, and the more-more-more mantra is incessant.  Credit cards get swiped, and debt piles even higher sucking any bit of joy from the gift-giving process even though you may be working 80+ hours to afford life.  Mailboxes can flood with photoshopped families while you look down and see you are in the same sweatpants as yesterday.  The calendar gets overrun with obligations, and the holiday go-go-go has left you crying no-no-no!

For those of us who don't have lives where the holiday looks the way the world says it should look, a weight and sadness can fall heavy on our shoulders.  The holiday happily ever after can feel like happily never after.  This is the dark side of the holidays no one likes to talk about.  It is the elephant in the room.  In my life, I have come to understand that what stays hidden makes us sick, but shining a light on things brings healing.  I am hoping that together we can shine some light into the lives of others this holiday season.  

Can we all admit that the holidays can be hard?  They can be mess and stressful and disappointing.  They can be trauma triggers.  And also they can be beautiful and magical and precious and holy.  Both can be true.  Neither is right or wrong.  They simply are.

I love the holidays and start binge-watching Christmas movies on Hallmark the last week of October, and I am not ashamed to admit it!  I love the traditions and twinkling lights, yards full of decor, the smell of real trees and freshly baked treats, festive sweaters and peppermint mochas.  It is my FAVORITE time of year and, without question, Christmas is my favorite holiday.

And it is also a time of year when I struggle because my life doesn't have all the things I wish it did.  This makes it hard sometimes.

The truth is many people in this world aren't surrounded by family, don't have 23408 invites to holiday gatherings, and don't have the financial means for buying all the media tells us we need to have a happy holiday.  It is so hard, and a season that should be overflowing with peace, love and joy can feel more like pain, loneliness, and lack.  (SIDE NOTE: If you need professional help to navigate this time of year, give yourself the gift of a good therapist.  Therapy is a blessing, and I believe this world would be better if more people had it!)

In today's episode, we will tackle this topic head on.  I want to make sure that those of us on the fringes or in a rough season and those with a Martha Stewart meets Norman Rockwell holiday which leaves you stressed out have some tools in your toolbox to navigate this season well. I will give you a strategic plan for surviving the holiday with your peace intact.  And we will learn to chase down joy!  Take a listen and let me know your thoughts! 

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http://rscoachandstrategist.com/how-to-build-awareness-in-your-life/Have you ever had one of those moments where you arrive at a location yet you have no memory of actually making the drive? You know, an auto-pilot kind of experience? You remember getting ready and starting your car, but you cannot recall the actual drive. Maybe you were in your head thinking about a million different things or you were running through dialogue for an upcoming conversation you have to have. But may I suggest there could be another possibility? Could it be that you are sleepwalking through your life? Hear me out on this one.

Over the years, I have worked with far too many women who admitted to feeling asleep in their own stories. They are so focused on handling their countless responsibilities while their dreams sit on the shelf. Many even put self-care on the back burner while they juggle all they have going on. I was one of these women and lived the first 40 years of my life trying to be “good enough” to earn the love of those in my life. At best, I was a facade running from one thing to the next to make sure everyone else was okay. Having clawed and scraped my way out of that pit, I can offer some tips to help make your journey back to yourself and your dreams be a much straighter path. As usual, this will require some sweat equity and work, but it will be a million times worth it.

Awareness creates space for us to see things. Life on auto-pilot makes it easy to coast through our days, handling whatever task or emergency in front of us. We give focus to the urgent while the important gets pushed aside. We simply don’t make time to stop and look at each choice and activity or examine every thought or feeling. In addition, most people are terrible judges of what they are capable of. We only see as far as the end of our nose and don’t step back to check out the bigger picture.

And to help you do this you need SAS - Self Awareness System. This is a process by which we can rationally evaluate feelings and moments and hinges on simply observing without judgment with a goal of understanding. Here is how this works:

Whenever you have had an experience that leaves you feeling some feels, allow yourself to sit with it. Feel whatever you feel. Acknowledge it. Dig under it by asking yourself questions that help you get to the root. Thank it for the lesson it taught you. And then bless it and release it. And then take the awareness you now have to help you in future situations.

Now, to help you get your SAS on, I created a free pdf to help guide you through the process. Keep it on your desktop or your phone so when you need to pull out some SAS, you will have a guide to walk you through. The link is below.

Without awareness, you cannot walk in alignment with your core values. If you can’t walk in alignment, you will never be fully in integrity with yourself or the world. We will talk more about those in an upcoming post and on my Coming Out Gold Podcast so be sure to check back for those.

Head here to find the blog version of the episode containing the free download for defining your purpose and passion.

Follow us on:

Instagram: @Coming-Out-Gold-Podcast or @RS_Coach_and_Strategist

Facebook: @Coming-Out-Gold-Podcast  or @RS Coach and Strategist

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Today I am dropping a special episode of the podcast for you.  It's what I am calling a Real Talk episode because it is a casual sit-down with me sharing from my heart.  I wanted to drop it to say THANK YOU for all your support of my Coming Out Gold Podcast, plus chat about some other bits.  Basically I pull back the veil to give you a glimpse behind the scenes.  

I hope you will take a listen over Thanksgiving week here in America.  Whether you are consuming all the turkey you can hold or go for Waffle House (which is how we roll) or you are neck-deep in Black Friday shopping, I hope you will take a short break to check it out.  

This podcast only exists because of those of you tuning in, so again I will say THANK YOU!!!!

You are amazing!

I adore you!

And I know you have amazing things ahead for you, Lovie!

If you find this helpful or fun, please share and tag me!  And if you have a sec, please head over to iTunes and leave me a reviewIf you are looking for a coach, reach out below!  I would love to see if we are a perfect fit!

Follow along on:

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Facebook: @Coming-Out-Gold-Podcast  or @RS_Coach_and_Strategist

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Today let’s spend some time focusing on passion and purpose, how they differ, what they are, and how to figure out our own. PASSION It's about emotions and often centers on what makes us feel good, i.e., the whole 'do what you love' mindset. It is inward-facing and rooted in what matters to you personally. Google defines passion as a strong and barely controllable emotion. I imagine it as this inferno that burns hot. The problem with fires is typically they burn themselves out. Passion, as with an actual fire, has to be constantly fed and stoked. But let’s be honest, sustaining that level of energy, attention, and effort in real life becomes exhausting over time. It's a challenge to build a lifetime on something that requires us to continue creating enough fuel to sustain the emotional payoff. We need passion in our lives, but we can’t build our life on passion alone. We need more, and that is where purpose comes in. PURPOSE Purpose is the why behind what we do. It is our motivation, the reason we'll stay in the fight when things get hard. Purpose is outward-facing and primarily has its roots planted in a much bigger picture. It is more about doing for others. Google defines purpose as the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists. Whereas passion can be all over the place, wild, and exciting, purpose is much more focused and intentional. Now that we know what differentiates the two, let's start asking ourselves some questions and listening to the words we speak.  If you hear yourself saying something like “I wish there was…” or “someone needs to…”, perhaps those are places of purpose for you. Think back to when you were a child. What were some dreams you had? Often that childlike innocence held tons of purpose before the world messed it up by telling you what you should do. For me, the most important question to ask yourself is about the end of your days here. If you were standing in the back observing your funeral service, what would you hope people would say about you? When you think about your eulogy, the words spoken are about the person you became throughout your life and how you made people feel. So ask yourself, who do you want to become? In her book, The Wait of Success, author Valerie J. Lewis Coleman writes, “Passion without purpose leads to frustration. Purpose without passion leads to procrastination. Passion WITH purpose leads to success.” And I know we have all experienced these scenarios where one or the other was lacking, leaving us frustrated or avoiding the task like the plague! So, what next?  First, I want to reiterate the importance of searching within yourself for these. Don’t get dictated by the list of “should" you were handed. If you are going to design a life based on your dreams, know you will not find your passion and purpose outside yourself. To get you started, here are the steps to take this week: Download the free pdf. Answer the questions. Take small steps toward practicing your purpose and passion. You deserve to live a life you flat adore. Living it on purpose with passion ensures you will. And remember, others are watching, and together we rise stronger, so let’s do this work for ourselves and those watching. Head here to find the blog version of the episode containing the free download for defining your purpose and passion. Follow us on: Instagram: @Coming-Out-Gold-Podcast Facebook: @Coming-Out-Gold-Podcast  Podcast edited by: That Podcast Lady Royalty-free music from Pixaby.com

http://rscoachandstrategist.com/how-to-create-active-core-values/Imagine with me you are watching a scene from a movie. There is a bride who is standing in the middle of a bridal salon. Racks of dresses line the walls around her as far as the eye can see. The sales lady is holding up all kinds of gowns for the bride’s opinion. The mother-of-the-bride is pulling every dress she can find that matches the ideal she has for her daughter’s big day. The bridesmaids are pulling gowns for the bride they would want to wear. It is a chaotic scene of satin and lace and voices clamoring for her attention. The noise intensifies. The bride’s face changes. You can see the panic, confusion, and overwhelm kick in. The sound in her ears changes to that of a swarm of bees. Instantly she covers her ears and runs out of the store screaming. Can you imagine that? Her vision got hijacked, her voice lost. When I started coaching, I focused on helping women find their true identity and determine their unique purpose. Because of this focus, we spent a lot of time digging out from under the piles of “should”. You know, the long list of expectations loved ones, society, and the media hand women. Once we removed those, they started to see a path forward built on what mattered to them. In that clearing, I could walk them through the exercise of choosing active core values. Just so we are all on the same page, let me define the term "core values" as I use them: Core values are the fundamental belief of a person or organization. They are guiding principles used to make choices in life and business. I consider them a filter for all decision-making. They help clarify who we are. And when you know who you are, knowing what to do is much simpler. In today's world, the images often presented don’t always depict reality. The lawn might be perfectly manicured, and the house might be in the right neighborhood, but this in no way guarantees the people behind the front door are happy with who they are and what they are doing. Many are on a hamster wheel of hustle to keep the lights on and the filtered personas in place. I know this is generalizing a bit, but from the number of women I have spoken with, this identity struggle typically creates overwhelm in their lives. If 2020 revealed anything, it revealed the weight women carry when running their business, household, and family lives. So how do we change this? I believe we can do this by living in alignment with active core values.  Many of my clients have seen amazing transformations after creating and living by active core values. Because I am so passionate about others experiencing this, I have made a free mini-course for you. Seriously, there are no strings attached. This is just me providing you with a tool to start living life on your terms. Use the link below. When you click on it you will be asked to give your email address for me to send you the pdf course. Then you can follow these easy steps: 1. Print it off or you can grab a piece of scrap paper and save some trees. 2. Follow the directions on page 2. 3. Start practicing and reciting them several times a day. Repeating these until they are automatic will ensure you become the woman you want to be so you can live the life you want to live. Define your values, and you will see areas of your life come into focus in ways you never imagined, so get ready for it! Head here to the blog version of the episode for the free download of my mini-course for defining your active core values. Follow us on: Instagram: @Coming-Out-Gold-Podcast Facebook: @Coming-Out-Gold-Podcast  Podcast edited by: That Podcast Lady Royalty-free music from Pixaby.com

http://rscoachandstrategist.com/what-is-community-and-how-do-you-build-it/Welcome back to the Coming Out Gold Podcast.  Let’s start with a quick review of the action we took last week. I asked you to be aware of the choices you were making to see if they were because you genuinely wanted to do them or if they were rooted in that nasty "s" word should.  I hope you found a plethora of tasks aligned with who you are becoming and what you want out of life.  I also hope you spotted places where you were doing things because someone told you they "should" be done. Now you can begin the process of digging up all the “should" planted in your life from the expectations of others and cultural norms and start choosing tasks that YOU want to do. Today we are going to chat about community. My podcast and coaching program are for women who have walked through fire and are ready to come out gold. In my opinion, that happens best in community...you know, the whole “it takes a village” thing, so today we're going to dive into all things community. I looked up the definition of community and found this: Community is a feeling of fellowship with others, as a result of sharing common attitudes, interests, and goals. We need to understand healthy community does not require sameness. It involves choosing to see commonalities more than we focus on differences. So how are we going to do this? I’m so glad you asked… Richard Rohr said, “unity is diversity maintained and protected by love.” So we start by setting a table where all are welcome, and then we promise to protect it fiercely. We lead with love and pour out grace. We meet people where they are and help one another get to a better place. We call out beauty in our sister and celebrate her wins. And let's decide in advance to assume the best of people because the truth is most people are doing the best they can. As for our community here, let's welcome all who wish to enter with open hearts and open minds. Let's build something new where we champion, cheer for and challenge other women with respect and honor. We have all walked through different fires in our lives and, as a result, have countless lessons we can share to bring healing and insight to others. We can do so with an integrity that helps us rise from the ashes and live wildly wonderful stories. Join me in this by connecting on Instagram and Facebook.  There we will have conversations about a wide variety of topics designed to make us better. We are sure to have fun as well and get into some mischief, too, because life is too short to be dull, right?!?! To thank you for being here today, I created a pdf of my favorite quote of all time and one I base much of my life on from the incredible Audrey Hepburn. I hope it will serve as a reminder of what we can build together. You can download it at the link below. And for your action step this week, take time to define what a healthy community looks like for you.  Then you will know what you need to bring to the table when building it. Head here to the blog version of the episode to download my favorite quote. Follow us on: Instagram: @Coming-Out-Gold-Podcast Facebook: @Coming-Out-Gold-Podcast  Podcast edited by: That Podcast Lady Royalty-free music from Pixaby.com